"There you are"
Nikki jumped slightly when she heard Jennifer's voice and unnecessarily tightened her coat around her body as she turned and forced a smile onto her face. She had hoped she would be able to reach her room before anyone caught her but she was unsuccessful.
"Hi"
"Do you want any extra dinner? I just made some pasta bolognaise and there's loads left over" Jennifer smiled but Nikki shook her head.
"No thanks, I'm going to have a bath and go to bed"
"Are you okay?" Jennifer frowned "Harry was worried about you earlier"
"I just had to get some air and think about" she glanced down the corridor and then back at Jennifer, smiling slightly despite what she felt inside "What I told you earlier"
"Ah" Jennifer smiled and took a few steps closer, wrapping her arms around the younger woman and missing the way Nikki flinched before she hugged Jennifer back, burying her face in her shoulder and biting back her tears at the secure feeling she felt. "It'll all be okay, I promise"
"Yeah I know" Nikki whispered before moving away and wiping her eyes free from tears, chuckling tearfully as Jennifer smiled slightly at her "I..yeah it'll be fine" she looked down at the ground, a sudden feeling of nausea rising in her as she moved and a sharp pain shot from her abdomen "I'll see you later, I'm going for that bath now" she licked her lips as she looked up at Jennifer "Where's Harry?"
"Kitchen with Anthony and Emily, do you want me to tell him you're back"
"No" Nikki replied quickly and shook her head, Jennifer frowning at her "I mean, yes" she nodded "But tell him I'm having a long relaxing bath and I'll see you all later"
"Okay" Jennifer nodded before turning in the direction of the kitchen "Have a nice bath"
"I will"
Nikki then turned and walked towards her and Harry's room, quickly making her way into the room and biting back the pained noises when every move caused sharp pains to shoot up from her abdomen. She closed the door behind her and leant up against it, letting out a loud sob as tears fell down her cheeks, her small body shaking with each cry as she undid her coat and threw it onto the closest chair, undoing her hair from the messy pony tail she had put it up in after Mumford had left her and stumbled towards the bathroom. She opened the door and dived for the toilet, only just lifting the lid before she leant over and vomited up what she had eaten for dinner a few hours before. Tears fell down her face as she collapsed next to the toilet and wiped her mouth on the back of her hand, looking down at her jeans and feeling sick again when she saw some blood seeping through. Taking a deep breath she moved slowly and reached into the bath, putting the plug in before turning the taps on, making sure that the hot one was more on than the cold one.
She then sat back down against the side of the bath and ran one hand through her hair, the sound of the running water slightly comforting as she focused on it and not on the persistent sharp pain in her abdomen. Silent tears ran down her face which she continued to furiously wipe away before she turned and gripped the side of the bath, pulling herself to her feet slowly and then flushing the toilet. Nikki picked up her toothbrush and as the bath ran she proceeded to clean her teeth to get rid of the taste of bile from her mouth.
When the bath had run Nikki pulled off her t-shirt and bra, throwing them to the floor and then carefully undoing her jeans and pushing them and her underwear down her legs, a sob escaping her mouth as she saw the blood on them. She kicked them off and then sat down on the edge of the bath, slowly turning and lowering herself into the near boiling water, feeling her skin burn as she sat down in the water, a quiet cry of pain escaping her as she sat down fully, seeing some blood in the water before it dispersed, her skin instantly going red from the heat of the water, her skin instantly sweaty. Bringing her leg up to her chest she ignored the pain in her abdomen and wrapped her arms around her legs, burying her face in her knees as she began to sob loudly, her small body shaking in the boiling water.
Ten minutes after getting in the bath Nikki had proceeded to scrub herself as hard as she could with the sponge, her skin turning redder than the almost boiling water had already made it but the heat had also numbed the physical pain so she couldn't feel the sharp pain any more. It had been easier getting out of the bath than getting in but the heat and the trauma had made her feel even more sick than she had felt before and as she wrapped the towel around her body she flipped the toilet lid up just in case she had to use it in a hurry. Nikki then frowned and opened the towel again, looking at her body in the mirror and chuckling bitterly, shaking her head when she saw that there wasn't a mark on her from what had happened to her. He hadn't left a mark to show what he had done to her. A sob tore from her throat and she wrapped the towel around herself again, running one hand over her sweaty face from the bath and then glancing down at her clothes on the floor, her stomach turning when she saw the blood on her underwear and jeans. Turning away from them again she walked from the bathroom and then over to the chest of drawers, pulling out a new pair of knickers and then making her way back into the bathroom, her eyes flicking over the box of tampons on the shelf and inwardly wincing. She then picked up the packet of sanitary towels that she used sometimes instead. If Harry asked then she would say she was on her period but then a stab of fear shot through her when she realised that he knew the dates of her period anyway, something that she usually loved because it meant he became more attentive and was gentle with her, looking after her for the days she was on. This time however it just terrified her.
"Hey darling ssh" Nikki soothed, reaching into Gabriel's cot and gasping as pain shot from her injured body. She leant on the cot slightly until the pain passed and then took a deep breath, picking up her crying son and cradling him to her body, stroking his blonde hair gently as he sobbed. "Mummy's here" she sobbed against him as she kissed the top of his head and then buried her face on the same spot "Mummy's here..for you..my darling. I'll always be here..for you and..Donny"
"Hi" Harry smiled at his fiancé as she walked into the living room where everyone was gathered "We thought you'd drowned" he joked and Nikki forced herself to chuckle, she felt so dirty and seeing Harry as he normally was made her want to break down and cry.
But she knew she couldn't tell anyone, they would think her weak and dirty and Harry wouldn't love her anymore because another man had had her behind his back. Mumford's words echoed in her mind as she thought this and she bit her lip, tightening her dressing gown around herself as she fought not to cry.
"Nikki?"
"Sorry?" Nikki forced a smile on her face as she tuned back into what was going on, Harry looking at her in concern. "I'm just tired that's all"
"Why don't you go to bed" Harry suggested as he stood up and wrapped his arms around Nikki, feeling his lover flinch slightly and frowning at her but then seeing her smiling up at him and nodding.
"Okay"
"I love you" Harry told her, pressing a kiss to her lips which Nikki responded to quickly before drawing back and avoiding his eyes.
"I love you" she murmured before turning to everyone else "Night"
There was a chorus of 'night' and 'goodnight' from her friends and she nodded at them, smiling slightly before leaning up and pressing another kiss to Harry's lips.
"I do really love you"
"I know and I really love you" Harry chuckled and Nikki couldn't help the genuine smile that crossed her face when she heard that "I'll see you later or in the morning, I'll try and be quiet when I go to bed"
"Okay"
Nikki curled herself up in bed after having taken some painkillers, they hadn't kicked in yet and the sharp pain was back, making her feel queasy as it made her think about what had happened. She should have listened to Emily when her friend had told her to be wary of Mumford and she knew it was her own fault that he had done what he did to her. She could still feel him on and in her and she had to clamp her eyes shut and force down the feeling of nausea to stop herself from running to the bathroom. She felt so dirty even after her boiling bath and all the scrubbing she had done until her skin had been red raw.
An hour later and she was still wide awake listening to the rhythmic breathing of her two children down the baby monitor on the table next to her side of the bed, the noises comforting her and giving her something else to think about and focus her mind on. The physical pain had faded when the painkillers had kicked in but every now and again if she moved she could feel a dull ache start again before she settled down again. Her mind then wandered to Harry and guilt ran through her, she had been with another man behind his back, it was consensual but it had still happened, he would think her disgusting if he ever found out so she vowed he never would.
