spoilers for A Christmas Carol and Emily.

"Hello? Merry Christmas!"

Scully followed her mom into her brother's house, with Bill and Ashley trailing just behind her. Her sister in law Tara was there to greet them.

"Hello!"

"Oh my god", exclaimed Maggie, taking in Tara's abdomen, which looked fit to burst. She and Bill were expecting their first child any day now, and from the look of her, she could have been carrying at least a few more babies in there. "Look at you".

As Maggie stepped forward to hug her daughter in law, Scully looked down at her daughter who stood by her side. "You ok sweetie?" Ashley said nothing, instead nodding, but before Scully could question her further, Tara had approached her and held out her arms. "Hey sweetie. Look how much you've grown".

"Hi Aunt Tara", Ashley said solemnly.

"You're huge", interrupted Scully, wrapping her arms around her sister in law. Something was up with Ashley, and she'd find out what it was soon enough.

"Oh I know", laughed Tara. "Welcome, welcome. Oh hi sweetie". She paused to greet Bill.

"Let's get you three settled. Sorry about the digs, Mom. I know you hoped like hell you didn't have to spend another night in base housing".

"Are you kidding? This is wonderful".

"This is the exact same layout as our old house", explained Scully as she followed Ashley into the living room.

"That's the navy for you", Bill replied.

"Yeah, Bill tells me mom, that you'll be staying in your old room. And the nursery is going to be in Dana and Melissa's room".

"That's right".

Scully tried not to flinch at the mention of her sister's name. Her death was still so new, so raw, and she missed her so much, especially at Christmas. Melissa loved the Holidays, always getting into the spirit of things, and her absence was felt even more at this time of the year.

As Bill and Tara headed upstairs with the suitcases, Scully looked over at her mom, noticing she was quiet. "Mom, you ok?"

"Oh year. I was just thinking about your dad…and Melissa. And how much I miss them". She then wandered out of the living room and up the stairs, leaving Scully and Ashley alone.

"Ok little lady", said Scully, letting out a deep breath. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong".

"Ashley, honey, I know you. Something's bothering you".

"I miss Mulder", the little girl said sadly.

"Baby, you saw Mulder just this morning when he dropped us at the airport. You'll see him in a few days".

"Can I call him?"

"Not now, we've only just arrived. Besides, Mulder's busy with his mom this week".

"No he's not. He's home alone, like he always is".

Sometimes her daughter was too intuitive. "I'm sure Mulder has plans this Christmas, so let's just give him some space, ok? Don't bother him today. Besides, you have plenty of things to be doing this week, and it's only a few days until Santa comes".

"Santa doesn't exist". Ashley was sulking now, her bottom lip stuck out in a full blown pout. Sometimes Scully could have sworn her daughter was still experiencing her terrible twos, despite now being nine. "Erin told me. And I saw you put my presents in your suitcase last night. So can I ring Mulder now?"

"No you cannot". Scully was stopped in her tracks by the sound of the phone ringing, and was grateful for the interruption. "Now please go help your Grandma unpack, and I'll get the phone".

Ashley stormed off, stomping up the stairs, while Scully sighed heavily, wondering if the two of them could get through the Holidays without killing one another. After calling Bill's name, she picked up the phone, realizing he was probably busy showing Maggie around. "Scully residence".

"Dana?"

Scully blinked, wondering whether she was imagining things. The woman on the end of the phone sounded just like Melissa. But it couldn't be. She was tired, she told herself. She was imagining it. "Yes, sorry, who is this?"

"Dana, she needs your help. She needs you Dana. Go to her".

Again, a voice similar to Melissa's spoke out. "Who…who is this?" And how did she know her name? Scully wondered. Before she could ask, the caller had hung up; the dial tone ringing out. Scully quickly dialled out, determined to get to the bottom of things – who the caller was, and who needed her help. So with the help of the San Diego branch of the Bureau, Scully traced the call.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ashley glanced over at the little girl sitting next to her, narrowing her eyes as her mom reached out and pointed at whatever it was Emily was coloring. Ashley was past caring. She was bored and wanted to go back to her Uncle Bill's house, even if it meant listening to him tell her grandma that she and her mom should move back to San Diego, and Aunt Tara talking about how her baby was going to be a kickboxer when he grew up. Ideally Ashley wanted to go back to Washington and see Mulder – she missed him. It was the first Christmas in a long time that she hadn't seen him, and though her mom had allowed her to call him on Christmas Day, she wasn't allowed to talk for very long, well aware she was running up her uncle's phone bill. She knew Uncle Bill hated Mulder for some reason, and the last thing she wanted to do was listen to him explain how he was bad for her and her mom, that they needed to get away from him.

She supposed it was her own fault that she ended up having to spend the day with Emily and share her coloring books. Earlier that morning over breakfast, Ashley had watched as her mom got ready to go out – again – without her. She'd hardly seen her mom over the holidays; Ashley had been left with her grandma, uncle and aunt while her mom had important work to do. She didn't know what was so important that caused her mom to spend so much time away from her family, but she knew it was connected to a little girl named Emily. So, Ashley had asked to accompany her mom that morning – she wanted to meet Emily, she'd said, although secretly she didn't care about her; all she wanted to do was spend some quality time with her mom. World War 3 had threatened to break out when her mom had originally said no, but finally she'd relented and agreed that Ashley could meet Emily. During the journey, her mom had explained that Emily was a special girl who'd recently lost her mom and dad. Ashley immediately felt sorry for the other little girl – she'd only lost her dad, and sometimes that still hurt a lot. She didn't even want to consider the thought of ever losing her mom again – it had been bad enough when she'd been sick with cancer earlier that year. So Ashley followed her mom into the children's center, to Emily's room, and watched as a little girl she'd never met before ran forward and wrapped her arms around her mom's legs. Feeling uneasy, Ashley narrowed her eyes as her mom hugged Emily back. She never did that to any of Ashley's friends, not even Megan, and Megan and Ashley had been best friends forever. What was so special about Emily?

"Ashley sweetie", her mom said, turning round to smile at her. "Come and say hello to Emily".

Ashley did as her mom said, stepping forward to get a better look at the little girl. They had similar eyes, Ashley realized, and the same colored hair, though, she noticed with some satisfaction, that hers was styled better than Emily's. Almost immediately she regretted thinking that – Emily had just lost her mom and dad, it wasn't her fault that her bangs were too thick. "Hello Emily", she said politely. "I'm Ashley". She noticed that Emily was wearing a cross similar to the one her mom had given her for Christmas just the previous day. Had her mom bought one for Emily too? Why did Emily get a necklace when Ashley was her mom's daughter? It didn't make sense.

She frowned as Emily didn't respond, instead stepping in closer to her mom, who laughed. "It's ok sweetie. Ashley is my little girl".

*Sweetie* That was her name, Ashley thought, sulking.

"Emily's a little shy Ashley. Why don't you show her what we've brought for her?"

"Ok", Ashley sighed, reaching into the bag she was holding and retrieving a coloring book. Her coloring book. Her mom had asked if she'd mind Emily having it, and of course Ashley couldn't argue. 'Emily's parents were dead', she kept repeating to herself. "This is for you". She dug out some crayons too. "These are mine, but I said you could share them as long as you give them back".

"Or Emily can keep them if she wants. You have plenty of crayons at home". Ashley reluctantly handed over the gift set to Emily, who'd stepped forward to take them, though she didn't say thank you. Ashley was about to lecture her on the importance of manners when her mom interrupted. "Shall we do some coloring?"

Wordlessly, Emily nodded, while Ashley sighed heavily. She should have stayed with grandma.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ashley stared hard at her picture, trying to determine what color to make Mulder's shirt. The last time she'd seen him, when he'd dropped her and her mom off at the airport, he'd been wearing red, so she went in search of the red crayon only to find that Emily had beaten her to it. Emily had everything, Ashley thought bitterly. Her mom's attention this Christmas, her coloring books and now the red crayon. Why did she need a red crayon anyway? Ashley wondered. All she was doing was coloring a big fat blob, although from the way her mom was encouraging Emily, you'd have thought it was a masterpiece. Before Ashley could say anything though, the door opened and in walked – "Mulder!" All thoughts of crayons went out of the window the moment Ashley set eyes on him, and she stood up and ran straight into his outstretched arms. "What are you doing here?" He certainly wasn't who Ashley was expecting to see, but she certainly wasn't complaining. Her Christmas wish had come true, even if it was a day late.

"I thought I'd surprise you". Ashley didn't see the look that passed between Mulder and her mom – she was too busy clinging onto him for dear life, unwilling to let go. When he pulled back, he said something that Ashley really wasn't expecting. "Ash, your mom and I just need a few minutes to talk alone, ok? Why don't you go sit back down next to Emily". Even Mulder knew who Emily was, Ashley thought to herself, though she didn't know why.

"You can help Emily with her picture", her mom agreed, appearing at Ashley's side and running a hand through her hair.

She didn't want to help stupid Emily with her stupid picture, but rather than argue, Ashley made her way back over to the other little girl dejectedly. Emily made no effort to speak. She was so rude, Ashley thought. She didn't get why her mom liked her so much, or why they had to spend the day visiting her. "What are you drawing?" she asked, feigning interest just in case Mulder and her mom were listening.

"My mom", Emily replied quietly, and for a moment Ashley felt bad. That was until she saw Mulder and her mom look over at Emily, and instantly she knew that she was the only reason Mulder had flown over to San Diego. She leant forward to look at the picture. It looked nothing like any mom she'd ever met. "It looks more like a potato", she said spitefully.

Emily didn't answer, swallowing hard. Ashley was sorry for her loss, but she wanted to go home. She'd hardly seen her mom that Christmas because of her, and the likelihood was that Mulder would spend him time with the little girl too. Ashley didn't matter anymore.

Minutes later, Mulder and her mom walked back over to where Ashley and Emily were sat.

"Emily, I'd like you to meet a friend of ours. His name is Mulder. Remember, I told you about him?"

Ashley looked up in time to see Mulder wave at Emily, but the other little girl barely registered his presence before going back to her coloring.

"She's a little shy", said her mom, but it didn't deter Mulder.

"What are you coloring?"

"A potato", answered Emily, while Ashley scowled. "She's lying!" she wanted to exclaim, but she knew her mom would disapprove of her calling Emily a liar.

"Have you ever seen Mr Potato Head?" asked Mulder. "He looks like this". He scrunched his face up into his best Mr Potato Head impression – the one he'd reserved for Ashley, and crossed his eyes, eliciting a laugh from Emily, while Ashley felt tears spring to her eyes. She was the one who'd told Emily her drawing looked like a potato, but Emily was the one who had Mulder's full attention. She'd already stolen her mom from her, and now the same was happening with Mulder. It wasn't fair, Ashley told herself for what felt like the hundredth time that day. Emily didn't belong there with them. The sooner she found a new family, the better.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

As far as Holidays went, Mulder thought to himself, this had to be down there amongst the worst. There were a lot less tears than the Christmas after Samantha disappeared, granted, although there was just as much pain going on around him. What was supposed to be a quiet Christmas for Scully and Ashley with their family was turning out to be a nightmare, following the appearance of Emily, Scully's youngest daughter. Only she wasn't really Scully's child – she was an experiment, a creation during the months that Scully had been missing; a reminder that his partner was no longer able to have children. What with her arrival coming so soon after Scully's abduction, Mulder could have sworn that someone was trying to break his partner. It wasn't helped by Scully's discovery that her ova had been harvested, along with her application to adopt Emily being denied. She'd known for a while now that she couldn't have children, but Mulder hadn't told her about how her ova had been harvested. He couldn't, not at the time, when she was fighting cancer and worrying that she was going to die. And then, when she discovered she was in remission, there was just no opportunity to tell her – at least that's what Mulder told himself. He just felt bad that Scully had to learn it whilst sat in front of a judge during an adoption battle. And now Emily was dying – she was laid out in a hospital bed barely clinging to life, while Scully spent the little girl's last hours by her bedside. Mulder had popped back to Bill Scully's house to update Maggie on the situation. Tara had gone into labor that morning, and was then at the hospital with Bill, leaving her mother-in-law to take care of Ashley. As Mulder prepared to go back to the hospital and check in with Scully, Ashley decided that she'd had enough of being left out.

"Can I come with you Mulder?"

He looked uncomfortable at her suggestion. The hospital wasn't a good place for a nine-year-old, especially when Emily was clinging onto life by a thread. "I'm just going to the hospital Ash, you might prefer to stay with your grandma".

"Is mom at the hospital?" He nodded. "Can I come with you?"

"I don't know if you'll be allowed in to see Emily", Maggie interrupted. "She's very sick and only a few people are allowed in".

Shrugging, Ashley replied. "I want to go with Mulder. Please", she added.

"Well I don't mind if your family doesn't mind, but like your grandma said, don't be disappointed if you're not allowed in to Emily's room". He doubted she would be. He'd merely pop in to touch base with Scully, he thought, and then he'd get Ashley out of there.

"I just want to see my mom".

Mulder looked at the little girl searchingly, before nodding. "Ok then". It was clear to him that Ashley was jealous of Emily; after all Emily had only been in their lives for a matter of days and Scully had spent a lot of time with her. Rightly so, Mulder thought, considering that the little girl was dying, and Scully wanted to spend as much time with her youngest daughter as she possibly could. But still, Ashley felt pushed aside, which was only natural.

"Only if you're sure Fox?" Maggie asked.

"Of course, I'm happy to take her".

"Make sure you behave yourself Ashley", her grandmother warned.

"She'll be fine. Do you wanna go get your coat and we'll head off?" No sooner had he spoke, Ashley ran out of the room to get ready.

"It's a strange time for her, commented Maggie to her daughter's colleague. "For everyone".

"I'm sure", Mulder replied. "She'll be fine though, and Scully too".

Maggie nodded in agreement. "They have you Fox, of course they'll be fine".

Before he could read anything more into her words, Ashley bounced back into the room, no doubt more enthusiastic at the thought of seeing her mom. "Right trouble", he said, taking his keys out of his pocket. "Let's go".

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ashley's enthusiasm quickly wore off the moment they entered the hospital and approached Emily's room. She looked through the glass, chewing her lip nervously as she watched her mom gently brush a hand through Emily's hair. It must have been tough for her to see Scully with another child, Mulder thought. Ashley wasn't used to sharing. "Can I go in and see her?" Ashley asked.

"Not right now sweetie".

"Will mom come outside and see us?"

"Hopefully in a bit".

"Can't you call her now?"

"Ash…" Taking hold of her hand, Mulder led her to a nearby chair and sat her down, crouching down in front of her. "Emily's very sick right now, and she needs somebody with her".

"But why can't someone else be there?"

"You know her mom and dad died". At this, Ashley quietened, her cheeks reddening. "You know how upset you were when your dad died?" She nodded. "Well Emily feels the same, and she needs someone with her because she's so ill".

"Is she going to die?"

He knew there was no sense in pretending. "I think she is".

"So she needs my mom?"

"She does. You can spare your mom for a little bit can't you?"

Though she nodded, something was clearly worrying her. "What if she gets better? Will she come home with us?"

"I don't know. We'll have to see what happens. But for now your mom just has to concentrate on Emily. That doesn't mean she doesn't love you or that she thinks more of Emily than she does you ok?"

"Ok".

"And meanwhile you have me here with you to help. You think we can get through this together?"

Ashley's lips turned up into a smile. "I think we can".

"Good". Squeezing her hand, Mulder got to his feet. "We'll get through this Ash, I promise". At least, he wanted to believe they would.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sadly it wasn't meant to be, and later that night, when Mulder took Ashley away from the hospital and out to dinner, Emily passed away. Scully called him just as Ashley was tucking into her chicken nuggets, and so he'd volunteered to pass on the information to her daughter, to save Scully from having to break the news. Ashley took the announcement well, though Mulder was aware she'd been kept in the dark about the situation – though she knew Emily, she had no idea that she was her sister, and Scully wanted it to stay that way. He was also aware that Ashley had been jealous of Emily and the amount of time her mom had spent with her, so she was bound to get confused. By the time he took Ashley back to her Uncle Bill's, Scully had returned and was maintaining a brave face, unwilling to let her guard down. But Mulder knew she was hurting in more ways than one – not only mourning her lost daughter, but her lost ova too. It would take a long time for her to get over this latest blow. But she carried on, taking an interest in Matthew, Bill and Tara's newborn son, and arranging Emily's funeral. The service itself was short but simple; a sad affair even if the majority of attendees hadn't met young Emily. Mulder sat in the front pew alongside Scully and her other daughter, and held on to Ashley during the service. She was quiet, reflective, though she didn't cry – not that Mulder had expected her to. She'd barely known Emily, and she was trying to be strong for her mom, who was in turn trying to be strong for her. Scully herself was stone-faced while the vicar spoke of the tragic loss of life, and Mulder knew she was angry at whoever had created the little girl purely to let her die. When the main service was over and Scully's family left her, Ashley insisted on staying with her mom and Mulder, unwilling to be away from them for any time. Mulder watched as his partner approached Emily's coffin, and suddenly he just had a feeling about what she was going to do. He turned Ashley round to face him, so her back was to her mom, and he crouched down in front of her. "You ok?"

She nodded solemnly. "Can we go now?"

"In a few minutes, your mom is just saying goodbye to Emily".

"But Emily's dead", she protested, and Mulder's eyes narrowed.

"Yes she is, but your mom still wants to say goodbye".

"She's my mom", stressed Ashley. "Not Emily's".

"Ashley", Mulder warned, his patience wearing thin. If only she knew. "Your mom thought a lot of Emily and she's upset that she passed away. Just give her a few minutes to say goodbye".

"Well I'm glad she's dead", she replied defiantly, folding her arms in front of her. "I want my mom back".

"Listen", Mulder hissed, trying so hard not to raise his voice in the church, when all he wanted to do was shake some sense into her. "Your attitude is not welcome today, ok? Your mom has been through a horrible time lately, and the last thing she wants is you acting like a spoilt brat, especially today of all days. Now you might not have been a fan of Emily but your mom was, and she's upset that she's died. So I suggest you keep your unhelpful comments to yourself. Your mom doesn't need this, not today".

Bewildered, Ashley's eyes filled with tears as she listened to Mulder's warning. He'd never raised his voice at her – never – and so she wasn't used to him being angry at her. Mulder tried not to feel bad as he saw her struggling with her tears. She'd been acting up ever since she'd left for San Diego, according to her mom, and her tantrum was the last thing Scully needed to deal with on the day she mourned her youngest daughter. Ashley wasn't used to sharing her mom, so it was only natural for her to have felt some jealousy towards Emily. But to say she was glad she was dead was taking things too far. Scully didn't need to hear this.

"Now let's forget this and get on with the day, and be supportive of your mom". Mulder got to his feet just as Scully approached them, and he could read in her eyes just what she'd found when she'd looked inside the coffin.

"Ok, I'm ready".

"Are you sure?"

She swallowed hard. "I've done what I needed to do". Mulder didn't ask her to elaborate, but he noticed with a pang of sadness that she was wearing her cross once again; the same cross she'd given Emily. And, as Ashley was wearing her own necklace, Mulder realized that Scully had to have found it in the coffin. It was a reminder of her now deceased daughter, a reminder of all that she had lost in her life since she'd joined the X Files.

"Ok then, let's go".

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The day passed quietly, with the Scully family returning to Bill and Tara's after the service. Maggie invited Mulder along, and though he wanted to decline the invitation, he knew Scully needed him and so politely accepted. Bill was on his best behavior, having no doubt been warned by his family to play nice, while Ashley was unusually quiet. While Scully presumed she was upset at having to attend another funeral at such a young age, Mulder knew she was still sulking after his earlier lecture. Yet she still wouldn't let him out of her eyesight, as though she thought he was going to leave her. Scully tried to act normal, taking an interest in Matthew, joining in with family conversation, but Mulder knew it was tough for her to keep it together, to be happy for her brother when her own world had been torn apart.

It was barely past eight that evening when Scully saw her daughter, already dressed in her pjs, fail to suppress a yawn. "Ok young lady, I think it's time you went to bed. You had an early start this morning".

Ashley's eyes widened. "I'm not tired. I don't want to go to bed".

"Tough luck kiddo. Go brush your teeth and then I'll come and say goodnight".

"What about Mulder?"

All eyes in the room turned to the man in question. "I have to head off soon".

"No! Don't leave Mulder".

"Ash..." Though he smiled reassuringly, he was concerned at how worried she seemed at him leaving. "It's getting late, I have to go".

"Don't leave me Mulder". The little girl promptly burst into tears, shocking all of the adults in the room. As Mulder stood, she got up and jumped up into his arms.

"Hey, hey, what's this about?" Shifting her on his hip, Mulder rubbed her back in a bid to soothe her. "It's ok".

"Don't go Mulder, please don't go". Her sobs disturbed a sleeping Matthew, who woke up and immediately started to fuss. Not wanting to disturb him further and incur the wrath of Bill, Mulder carried her out into the hallway, with a concerned Scully not far behind.

"It's ok, you're ok", he murmured soothingly, but still Ashley sobbed, clinging onto him like a lifesaver.

"Please don't go".

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?" Scully came up alongside Mulder and ran her hand through her daughter's hair. "Tell me what's wrong".

"I…I don't want Mulder to…I don't want him to leave me".

"It's bedtime Ash, I have to go".

"But you won't come back".

Scully gestured to the stairs, and after nodding, Mulder carried Ashley up towards the bedroom she was sharing with Scully. When she wouldn't release her grip on him, he sat down on the bed, shifting her so she sat on his lap. Scully took a seat next to them, her own eyes filled with tears. "Who said I won't come back? I'll see you tomorrow".

"I'm sorry Mulder, I'm sorry I was bad, please don't leave me". So it was about that afternoon, he realized.

"It's ok, don't worry about that now, I'd already forgotten it". Scully looked as though she was about to interrupt to ask what had happened, but Mulder shook his head, signalling that he'd tell her later. "We're ok, we'll see each other tomorrow, and in the meantime you're going to go to sleep and dream good dreams, ok?"

"Can you stay?" Ashley asked, her tears finally beginning to subside.

"Not tonight sweetie". He knew he wouldn't be welcome, not in Bill's house. It wasn't the answer Ashley wanted to hear.

"Please?"

"There's no room Ash".

"You can sleep in the bed with mom like you do at home".

Mulder was very grateful Bill wasn't in earshot – the last thing he wanted was a bullet through his other shoulder. "Not tonight".

"Sleep on the sofa? Please, please?" She was getting agitated again, getting ready to cry. "I'm sure Uncle Bill won't mind if you wanted to sleep on the sofa. Please Mulder?"

He looked between his partner and her daughter. As if reading his mind, Scully stood up. "I'll check with him".

As she left the room, Mulder pressed his lips to Ashley's tear tracked cheeks. "We're ok aren't we?"

"I'm sorry I was mean about Emily".

"Apology accepted. I'm sorry I shouted at you earlier. But it doesn't mean that I'm going to leave you".

"My dad did", she sniffed against him.

Suddenly her earlier hysterics made sense. "Oh Ash. Your dad didn't leave because of you. He loved you. I'm certainly not going anywhere, ok?"

"But I was naughty".

"Well…yes you were, but you've apologized for it, and like I said, we're ok. I'm not going anywhere. I'm here for you and your mom for as long as you need me".

"Forever?" She sounded so hopeful.

"If you need me forever, I'll be here". And he meant it too.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Mulder stretched out on the couch, his feet dangling over the edge. He was too damn tall for this thing, it was no wonder Bill had agreed to him staying over – Mulder would have put money on Bill hoping he had a bad night's sleep. Not that he thought he'd sleep anyway, too much had happened over the past few days for him to just switch off. He wondered whether Scully was asleep upstairs; whether she had accepted her mom's suggestion and taken some sleeping pills, or if she was tossing and turning like him. He half debated whether to switch on the television to take his mind off of little dead girls that looked like Ashley, but the last thing he wanted to do was disturb any of the family. Moments later, he heard the creak of a floorboard at the top of the stairs and braced himself for company. He wasn't entirely sure if it would be Scully having trouble sleeping, or maybe Ashley just convincing herself that he hadn't left. Or it could have even been Bill, he thought, coming to remind him just how much pain he'd put his sister through. It turned out he was right with his first guess. Scully.

"Mulder?"

He barely heard her whisper as she reached the bottom of the stairs. "Are you awake?"

"Hey Scully". He sat up, making room for her on the sofa, and watched as she passed by him to take a seat next to him. He reached out to switch on a lamp but Scully stopped him. "Can we leave it off?"

"Sure".

"I like the dark". Suddenly Mulder's mind was cast back to a conversation he'd had with Melissa when Scully lay in hospital fighting for her life following her abduction. She'd said he was in a dark place at the time, and the same could be said for Scully now. She was hurting, anyone could see that, and Emily was just the latest in a long line of blows for her. This one cut deep.

"Couldn't sleep?"

"Too many thoughts running through my head".

"That's understandable. How's Ashley?"

"Out like a light".

"I'm sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to shout at her".

He felt the sofa shift beneath him as Scully tucked one leg beneath her, making herself more comfortable. "What did she do?" she asked, before answering her own question. "It was about Emily, wasn't it?"

"Yes".

"I know she felt somewhat excluded over the past few days. She's used to having me to herself, and I did spend a lot of time with Emily. I guess she doesn't need to worry any more".

"Scully –"

"I didn't mean that. I mean…I thought it would be easier if I didn't tell her who Emily really was. I could barely comprehend it myself, let alone a nine year old. I thought if I was allowed to adopt Emily, then Ashley would learn to accept her as her sister but…" She swallowed hard, and Mulder realized his partner was fighting back tears. "…that didn't happen".

"No", he answered sadly.

"God", his partner scoffed, leaning forward to rest her head in her hands. "I'm not fit to be a mom".

Mulder shifted closer towards her, but made no move to touch her, not wanting her to pull away from him. "Scully, that's not true".

"Isn't it? They wouldn't let me adopt Emily, Mulder. What does that say about my parenting? About how I look after Ashley?"

"You are a great mom Scully, and you know it. Ashley is lucky to have you".

"She said that my work wasn't conducive to having a child, that I wasn't in a position to adopt, that basically I'm a fool to live the life I do with a child".

Mulder knew she was talking about work. "She told you that?"

"That's how she made me feel. Everything I do, I do for Ashley. I just want to give her the best life that I can".

"I know you do, and that's what makes you a great mom. For what it's worth Scully, Emily was lucky enough to have had you in her life for those few days".

His words were greeted with silence, and for a moment Mulder feared he'd made her cry. "Scully?"

"Maybe I don't think of Ashley enough. I mean I'm away sometimes without any notice, and I ship her off to Emma's or my mom's without a thought. There's no way I could have done that with Emily too. And then there's all the worry and pain I've put Ashley through too".

"Scully". Feeling his partner begin to shake next to him, Mulder spread out the duvet so it was covering the two of them. "You are a good mom. Ashley is a great kid and that's because of you. You've helped her to overcome all of the bad things she's gone through, and you adore her. You were there for Emily when she needed you, and you loved her from the moment you met her. If that's not being a good mom, then I don't know what is. I'm just sorry Emily wasn't meant to be".

She came willingly into his arms. "Me too".

He felt so helpless. "What can I do?"

"Can you get me out of here?"

"Now?"

"No". She shook her head against him. "Tomorrow. I…I need some space".

"I can do that".

"And can I stay down here with you tonight?"

"Of course". He didn't want to know what Bill would do if he caught the two of them sleeping on the couch together, but he didn't care. Scully was one of the most important people in his life, and he'd do anything she asked. Anything.

xxxxxxx

They left Bill's early the following morning. Maggie didn't seem surprised that her daughter wanted to leave, while Bill didn't look too happy, though for once he kept quiet. After promising her mom that she'd pick her up from the airport (Maggie was flying back a few days later), Scully kissed her family goodbye and led Ashley out to join Mulder in the car. Ashley seemed excited about their little road trip, though Mulder sensed she was relieved that he'd kept his promise and stayed. She'd been through so much upheaval in her life that it was no wonder she was anxious about people leaving her. He drove them up to LA ready for their flight, having delayed his own until that evening, and after stopping off for breakfast, he then took them to the nearest beach at Scully's request. They walked along the sand quietly, Ashley hanging back next to Mulder, as though sensing her mom needed some space. They both watched as Scully approached the waves, deep in reflection as the waves drifted over her bare feet, her pumps dangling from her right hand. For a moment Mulder feared that his partner was going to run into the sea and let it consume her but thankfully she stood still, just thinking, thinking of the people she'd lost, of the battle she'd fought.

"Is mom sad because of Emily?"

Mulder looked down at the little girl standing beside him. She'd been quiet that morning, still tiptoeing around the adults, but at least she was willing to let Mulder out of the room without dissolving into tears. She looked so young, so innocent. "Yeah, she is". Nodding to herself, Ashley walked over towards her mom and wrapped her arms around her middle. Mulder watched as Scully pulled Ashley in towards her and hugged her tightly, tears spilling down her cheeks. She looked over at Mulder and it was then that he realized she needed him too. Closing the gap between them, he held enveloped the two of them into a hug, feeling Scully's tears soak his sweater as she cried against him.

"I'm sorry I was mean to Emily, mom", said Ashley.

Scully pulled back to look at her, unwilling to release her daughter to wipe her eyes. "What do you mean?"

"I said bad things about her yesterday. But I didn't mean them, I didn't mean to make you upset. I didn't know she was my sister".

"What?" Mulder asked, just as Scully spoke.

"Who told you that?"

"I heard Grandma talking to Aunt Tara this morning. She said that she was your daughter, which means she was my sister". The youngster's bottom lip trembled. "I didn't know".

"Emily was…she was your half-sister", Scully replied carefully, not quite sure how to explain the situation. "And I'm sorry we didn't get to know her better".

"But she was sick?" Ashley asked.

"She was very sick, and the doctors couldn't make her any better, so she died".

"You'll be ok mom", she said suddenly.

"I know, we'll get through this. We always do", Scully replied, no doubt wondering what else was going to be thrown her way.

"And we have Mulder, he said he's here for us forever".

Scully huffed against him, squeezing him tighter. "That's good to know". The three of them stood in their embrace for some time, ignoring the chilling winds and the cold water that was soaking through Mulder's sneakers. Finally, Scully pulled back and smiled at him, letting him know just how grateful she was that he was there for them. "Let's go home".