It was a weekend to challenge all weekends. But all to soon my internal clock was going off telling me that once again it was Monday, time to get back to reality. I listened to his soft snores as I brushed my teeth, I watched his facial features shift as he dreamed, I even sniffed him when I was grabbing my sock. Oh man I got it bad.

Bad or not though I was smiling when he kissed me and told me he was going to shower at his place. Filling up my travel mug I see how late it is getting, and gather the rest of my school stuff. I'll just have to say good bye at his place. As I approach I can hear he is on the phone, I guess I will settle for a wave. Just as I am to the door frame I tuck back a minute.

"I'll finish what I committed to but that's the best I can offer, what no not yet, yeah well my heart is just not in it, I can't." there was a long pause. my heart I am sure will be shatter, just as soon as it starts beating again. "No I'll do it myself, thanks for the offer Rach but I'm a big boy." there is a chuckle.

I don't want to hear anymore, I go on auto pilot, letting myself into my car. Just minutes ago we were both so happy, now... "Fuck!" I yell out and punch the steering wheel.

How could I be stupid enough to think he would stay? I should have known that even getting to know each other, seeing how good we could be he would still feel that pull to move on.

Funny thing is, I'm not even mad at him. I mad at myself for being mad at him for leaving. I knew he was only here for a set time, I knew that if we slept together again there was no going back to faceless friends. After that first day of him talking to me I knew.

The only thing I could think to do it cut it off cold turkey. I have time, I have a sub list. I can't watch him walk away.

I think I need to be by myself.

I had a sub by noon, was packed and on the road by one. I thought about nothing, I just drove. I listened to the radio and let the miles pass. It was a two hour drive to my dad'd fishing cabin, and I knew I would break down once there. So of course, the trip speeds by.

I barely get the keys in the door before I feel the shaking begin. I ghost my way in, dropping my bag, slamming the door shut and falling on the bed.

I think I rose somewhere around three days later it may have been four.