brokenbride - Well, Max can be really "funny" when he's pissed off ;-) Thank you so much for the feedback!
dootadoot - Ha, yeah I know what you mean. And yes, this whole thing is making one wonder how much more Liz can put up with before she cracks. Thank you so much for the feedback!
FORTY-FOUR
I'll pick you up tonight.
I'll let you know when I'm outside.
- Max
So, he had finally gotten hold of my number. Or maybe he'd had it this whole time. And now, with his text, I finally had his number. It was really a wonder that we had gone this long without exchanging numbers. But maybe that was just part of Max's 'cover' or whatever. He wasn't really supposed to know me all that well, so why would he have my number in his phone?
I stared at the message, nervousness striking through me like hot lightning. He was serious. He had been serious.
He intended to have sex with me. Tonight.
Of course, I had to break down the message and analyze the meaning of every word, every letter. But there wasn't much to analyze. His text message was straight to the point and very factual.
I had gotten used to Max's ever-changing moods, so our heated exchange earlier didn't really surprise me. But still, I was worried that he was still angry. My worst fear was that he was going along with this just to spite me; shut me up or something. Or that he was just saying what he thought I wanted to hear in the heat of the moment. That he wasn't agreeing to do this because he wanted to, but out of some type of obligation.
Dark doubt was clawing at my heart and the further the day proceeded, the worse I felt. My insides were curled up so tightly that I felt like throwing up. My lack of appetite these last couple of weeks was making my body almost succumb under the extra strain of my emotions.
I had trouble concentrating and giving concrete answers when Maria drilled me for information after lunch. Ihad, after all, announced that I was in love with Sean and she wanted an explanation. She also wanted to explain that Sean hadn't tried to help me in that boys' locker room, but had tried to force me into doing things I hadn't necessarily consented to.
My answers were vague, mumbled behind the shadow of a hand pressed to my head, feigning a headache to get her to back off. I didn't have to fake the nausea or the fatigue, though. They were very much real.
By the end of the day, a large majority of my nails were bitten down to the quick, my jaw was aching from me subconsciously clenching it, and I felt like I had entered menopause as my body flushed while my mind wandered to Max's body - a naked body - only to a second later chill as my insecurities took over and nausea became prevalent again.
Who made an appointment to have sex anyway?
I had never understood those people who would voluntarily decide to lose their virginity on prom night. A fixed date. Several weeks - months even - knowing what was going to happen on that exact night.
Turning sex into a date on the calendar was a stupid idea. Stupid stupid. So much time to worry and fret, get nervous, insecure, feeling awkward, embarrassed mortified and scared.
Mostly scared.
I was experiencing all the natural human fears a girl might have about losing her virginity. Would it hurt? Was I ready to show myself naked and let him touch me, perhaps in ways I hadn't even touched myself? Would I be enough? Would he be disappointed? How would (could) I satisfy him?
But I was also plagued by unnatural human fears. Because I was about to have sex with an alien. Would we be compatible (well, it had worked for Max's parents, so…)? Could I catch something from him? Could he catch something from me? Would anything weird happen during the act? Powers going haywire?
Maria interrupted my semi-nervous mental breakdown by coming up behind me as I was walking out of the school building and hooking our arms together.
"Can we hang tonight?" she asked, winded.
I swallowed. No, Ria. I'm busy. I'm losing my virginity tonight.
"Sorry," I whispered, the ground feeling wobbly underneath my feet. "I've got plans."
"Oh," Maria mumbled and her eyes were searching my face. I wondered if she thought I had plans with Sean, but instead she asked me (rather hopefully), "With your dad?"
I hesitated, before nodding. "Yeah."
"Good," Maria said, not disguising her relief very well while tightening her hold on my arm. "You two need some quality time."
I nodded, my agreement faint. "Yeah."
"Are you okay?" Maria asked then and I refrained from rolling my eyes. Damn. Why did I even try to hide my emotional status from my best friend?
"Because you've been acting really strange since you pulled Max out of the cafeteria," Maria continued and frowned, a remnant of her anger from the run-in with Sean earlier briefly shading her face. "And I'm sorry, but I'm not letting you off the hook about Sean. You really need to explain to me what's been happening. I'm getting the feeling that he has some kind of hold on you. Does he know something? Something he's using to blackmail you with?" She frowned at her own monologue, not noticing my nervous swallow. "But what would that be? It's not like you lead a secret life or anything…"
She paused and I felt her eyes burrowing through the side of my face at my continued silence. "You're really pale, Lizzie." She hesitated, and I could almost feel her bury her anger and her demand for answers about the Sean situation, before she added tentatively, "What happened between you and Max?"
I was relieved that she seemed to have dropped the Sean topic, even though the topic of Max wasn't really a safer option.
"What did you talk about?" Maria asked.
Another piece of my heart was breaking off as I watched the lies in my life stack up in front of me. "Sean. Isabel told me that Max doesn't like Sean and it really upset me." I glanced at Maria's open face, swallowing back the bitter taste in my mouth. I knew my friend well enough to see that she wanted to comment on that - most likely to agree with Max - but for some reason she held her tongue.
I seized the opportunity presented and I rushed on. "He has no right to have an opinion about Sean, you know. He barely knows me. I had to talk to him about it; set him straight."
There was an apparent struggle of wills on Maria's face when I peered at her. What was she thinking?
I imagined her asking more about Max and our talk. I anticipated her picking apart what I had just said and demanding that I explain it.
Instead, "I don't think I've ever seen you so mad," Maria mused contemplatively.
I covered my surprise with a shrug. "Max crossed a line."
Maria narrowed her eyes. "But Max has helped you out. A lot. At that party, when he took us home. He even carried you to the car." She paused for a second, before, "Alex told me that you had told him that Max has helped you when you've been mourning your mom."
I turned my eyes to the ground and mumbled past my nausea, "I was hoping that we could be friends, I guess. He has been there for me, but I'm not looking for anything else but a friend in him."
"And he wants more?"
My heart clenched painfully at the tentative hope in Maria's voice.
I'm actually agreeing with your insinuations, Maria. I don't want Sean. I want Max.
But I had to keep up the pretense, in case this whole thing with Max didn't plan out, and I was forced back to sharing my future with Sean.
It was already looking suspicious with me loving Sean one second, then vehemently disliking him the next before going back to being in love with him. I couldn't very well jump straight into saying that I was actually deeply (and irrevocably) in love with Max Evans.
"Yeah," I whispered instead.
We had reached my parked car and I fished the car key up from the side pocket to the backpack, while Maria asked, confused, "Why Sean? What's so great about him?"
A nervous flutter accentuated the chronic nervousness of the day and I focused on putting the key in the lock to avoid looking at Maria. "He's just…great."
Lame, Parker. Lame.
"Great, huh?" Maria asked, irritation lacing her voice.
I got the door open and turned to Maria. "I'll talk to you later, okay? We'll get together and do something."
She took my brush-off in stride and nodded emphatically. "Yes. Our girlfriend quality time has been seriously compromised lately."
"Yeah," I whispered while overcome with a sudden deep sadness, and surprised myself by reaching forward and pulling my best friend into a tight hug.
Fighting tears, I mumbled into her cinnamon-smelling hair. "Love you, babe."
The shock was clear in her voice as she got a reply out, "Love you too, chica."
It felt like I was being wrenched apart. The need to speak to her, to let her know about aliens, about the true nature of my mom's death, about Mr. Evans, Isabel and Michael, was crushing me.
I needed to talk to my friend about everything that had happened lately. I needed to talk to a girl about everything only a girl could understand.
Mostly I needed to talk to her about love. About Max.
If possible, I would have killed to have her with me this afternoon, supporting me in my panic about having sex for the first time. She could have helped me pick out the clothes, helped me with make-up, hypothesized what it would feel like, and talk me out of my nervousness until we would be squealing happily about the fact that I was about to have sex with Max Evans.
Instead, I released my hold on her, quickly brushed a traitorous tear off my cheek, before jumping into the car.
Maria was looking at me oddly as she said, slightly dazed, "See ya."
"Yeah," I replied quickly and closed the car door.
The towel was wrapped tightly around my trembling body. My legs and armpits had been cleanly shaved, and I had spent a fair amount of time frustratedly trying to figure out if I should shave my nether parts in some way or not.
Who knew this stuff?
Now I was in front of the full-sized mirror, my long hair wet and smelling strongly of the strawberry shampoo I loved. I found my reflection biting her lip and stopped, leaning closer to the mirror to scrutinize my face. I critically assessed the shape of my eyebrows, the faint scar tissue between my eyebrows from a biking incident when I was little, the soft bend to the bridge of my nose and the pinkness of my lips. There was a visible flush on my cheeks and my chocolate-colored eyes were bright and shiny.
What did Max see when he looked at me? Did he find me pretty?
I looked over at the chest of drawers where I kept my make-up. Should I put some on or not? Would it look like I tried too much if I did? Would he be disappointed that I hadn't tried hard enough if I didn't?
God.
I understood then why I had never bothered to date.
Too much effort. Too many insecurities and self-doubt.
Making sure that my bedroom door was closed, I let the towel drop, looking at my naked shape disparagingly. My shoulders were slender, sprinkled with the tiny freckles and the occasional dark mole. I bit my lip thoughtfully as I looked at my small breasts. Guys wanted big, right? Would he be disappointed?
I forced myself to move on before I became completely afflicted, passing by my small waist and my flat stomach (where my wound had healed quite nicely), across the gentle flare of my hips, to briefly pause at the patch of hair between my legs, before I traced down my slender but short legs.
On instinct, I put my arms over my chest, feeling vulnerable and exposed standing like this. Even if I was the only one looking.
Well, soon it would be one more.
I sighed, feeling more down than before and retrieved the towel from the floor to wrap it around me.
Max hadn't provided me with a pick-up time. So I was stressing out that I would be dressed and ready for too long (making me start to sweat in my clean clothes or something) or not dressed at all.
Once again, I looked in the direction of where I kept my make-up, and consequently jumped as the distinct 'pling' from my phone announced the arrival of a new text message. Turning around, I grabbed the cell phone from its position on top of the bed covers and my heart immediately went into overdrive, my semi-clad body flushing uncomfortably, as I saw the name of the sender.
It was oddly intimate to read his words wearing only a towel.
Sean's sitting in his car outside the front of your apartment.
You had a date tonight, right? It's been taken care of.
I'll pick you up around the back. Use the fire stairs.
Be careful. Please.
- Max
My pulse roared in my ears as I was instantly much more stressed than before. He was already here!
Shit!
And I hadn't even decided what to wear yet.
My stress over getting ready distracted me from feeling any worry about the fact that Sean was outside my apartment and stopped me from mulling over what Max had meant when he said that he had 'taken care of' my other plans - with Sean - for the evening.
Instead I sent Max a message containing a short 'Give me five minutes' before diving into the drawer of underwear, trying to find something that could be displayed to a man's eyes without making him lose interest.
At the bottom of the drawer, I had shoved a pair of never-been-used lacy white underwear, given to me by Maria about one year prior. She had done so with the intent of making me reclaim control of my love life, hinting that I should have them ready 'When the time comes.'
I had been a bit embarrassed at the time, scoffing at the gift and being all cocky about me not wearing that kind of underwear. I was all about comfort, wearing mostly cotton, and I had informed Maria that I would never put something else on just to please a guy.
I grimaced and pulled the underwear out, let the towel drop to the floor, and pulled the fine and thin material to my hips.
Now, look at me. Falling for the general norm of what guys wanted. Maria would have a field day.
I even owned a lacy bra, from when I had attended one of my mom's friend's recent weddings and I had to wear a cream-colored dress. My bras were generally plain cotton or comfortable sport bras, not the delicate piece of fabric I was currently positioning around my breasts.
Spotting my reflection in the mirror, I paused, almost thinking I looked kinda…beautiful.
In a girly, innocent kind of way. I almost rolled my eyes at myself.
I inhaled deeply, gathering my strength, and turned to the wardrobe to pick out a pair of jeans and a light blue sweater. Simple. And it didn't look like I'd tried too hard.
I retrieved my cell phone from the bed, put it in my handbag, and was almost out the door when I caught my reflection in the mirror again and noticed that my hair was still wet.
I rolled my eyes at myself and sighed loudly. I quickly plugged the hairdryer in and four minutes later, my hair was dry and I was late. Just before leaving the room I gave in and turned back around, pulled out my mascara and applied a thin layer to the upper lashes.
Grabbing a thin jacket, I hurried past my dad, telling him to "Don't wait up."
"Where're you going, honey?" my dad asked, picking this time to become conscious of his surroundings.
"I'm meeting a friend. I might spend the night."
That wasn't really a lie.
My dad frowned, "It's a school night."
"We have an exam coming up," I said quickly.
I wondered if he would let me leave, considering the danger I had been in not too long ago which had landed me in the hospital.
But after a brief silent argument with himself, he nodded his consent. "Okay. Do you have your phone?"
"Yes," I smiled. "Don't worry. I'll be safe."
Max will protect me. He has secret alien superpowers.
The thought warmed me from head to toe and the smile on my face was genuine as my dad's eyes turned softer. "Okay, honey."
"Love you," I said and opened the front door.
"Love you," he countered just before I shut the door behind me.
At the end of the hallway outside of our apartment door was the exit to the fire escape. It was easier than I thought to get out there. I had never climbed a fire escape before. I saw Max's car in the shadows behind the apartment complex and my nerves hit me full force.
It was like I had never met him before. Like this was our first meeting. I was feeling awfully awkward and wanted desperately to be somewhere else at the same time as I felt like I was exactly where I wanted to be.
He stepped out of the car as I reached the bottom of the stairs and leaned back against the side of the vehicle, crossing his ankles lightly as he stretched out his legs in front of him. He was dressed all in black. Black jeans hugged his lower body, a black T-shirt hinted to the tonicity of his upper body underneath and a black leather jacket added danger and mystery. His eyes burned brightly through the darkness of the night as he watched me approach.
All of the sudden, I was shy. He was exuding sexuality, his gaze almost painfully intense, as he raked his eyes slowly down my body. I felt like I could explode. Right there, right then.
But my body could do nothing else but cover me up in goosebumps.
"Hey," I said quietly.
He slowly pushed away from the car, took a step forward, gently took my cold hand and squeezed it in his warm one, before tugging on it so that I tumbled towards him. I regained my balance shy of crashing into him and a small smile adored his lips before he leaned in and softly kissed me.
My knees trembled. His hold on my hand tightened at the subtle sway of my body and he slowly pulled back, looking at me darkly as he whispered in greeting, "Hey."
Pausing for a second just to look at me (I wondered if he could hear my heart thumping out of my chest), he next took a step back and quickly scanned our surroundings as seriousness and concentration momentarily clouded his enchanting face.
"We should go. We wouldn't want Sean to see us."
I nodded and licked my lips, tightening the grip of my other hand on my jacket to stop myself from plunging it underneath his T-shirt and run my hand up his front.
My face heated as he looked back at me, suddenly embarrassed that he might have heard my thoughts.
I quickly realized that our connection was still 'paused'. Which caused a flutter of disappointment to run through me. It was probably for the best, though. If I had been able to feel not just my own, but his feelings as well in that moment, I probably would turn into a wet puddle on the ground.
He used his free hand to place burning fingers underneath my chin, looking at me worriedly, "You okay?"
My mouth was dry and my body shook with every emotion imaginable as I nodded mutely.
He gave me a soft smile, mumbling, "Okay," before leading me by our connected hands to his car, opening the door to the passenger side and guiding me inside.
In the seconds I had by myself while he closed the door and walked around the back to get to his door, I curled up my fists tightly against my thighs and focused on breathing.
This was really happening. This was really happening.
