And now, after about a month, chapter 48!
She won't care. She won't care. She won't care. That's all I have to keep on telling myself. She won't care. She won't. She won't.
Deep, shuddering breaths rippled up Sunflight's chest as he tried to figure out what he was going to say. His nest had gradually grown increasingly uncomfortable, and eventually, after waking up about five times that night, he had given up all hope of actually sleeping and had just stared with eyes open at the wall, breathing quick and harsh.
Brightfur had gotten up early, as soon as the sun had risen, so she must have been awake too. But she wasn't the cat that had been fighting Squirreltail – he knew that. She had been in the den all along.
So who had it been?
No time to worry about that now. What he had to focus on was telling Drizzlestorm. Breaking the news that he had longed to admit for so long, but had only opened his eyes too last night. A deep breath went in and then out. Slowly Sunflight pushed himself to his paws and shakily headed out of the den door, trying to avoid stepping on any unfortunate warrior.
Outside, in the clearing, he could hear cheers and chants from the kits, and Brightfur's calm voice speaking to them. "…I want to teach you a game I used to play when I was a kit. With your mother, Sunnykit."
Sunnykit wasn't in the den. Good. That would make everything so much easier.
Sunflight padded past them, feeling like his paws weighed a million mice, trudging as if he was stuck in a deep bank of snow. That was when the voice spoke – so clear and full of innocence.
"Oh, hi, Daddy!"
The tom froze in place and slowly turned to see the bright eyes of his daughter twinkling up at him like twin stars of cuteness. She tilted her head ever so slightly, joy brimming in her gaze. Sunflight couldn't help but feel swelled with pride as he called out, "Hi, Sunnykit." This was his daughter – his adorable little daughter who would grow up as a wonderful warrior of...
Of what Clan?
The thought was shaken out of his head as Sunnykit began to bounce around him, giggling. "Daddy, Daddy! Do you want to play with us? Please do!"
"Please do!" Aspenkit and Willowkit cheered, bouncing up and down a little as they did so. "Please!"
Sunflight felt his ears flatten against his skull; one paw lifted almost protectively against his chest as he looked away nervously, trying to smile. "Sorry, kits, but I have to go talk with Sunnykit's mom for a little bit," he apologized softly and quickly.
A chorus of 'awws' followed, making the tom wince, but when he saw Brightfur's expression he was instantly relieved. She nodded at him slightly with acceptance in her green eyes as he turned and padded through the flames into the nursery.
Drizzlestorm was lying on her side, batting at a strand of moss that had come loose from her nest. When he entered, she looked up, as if surprised, but then smiled. "Ah, it's you."
"'Course it's me," he agreed with a nervous laugh included, causing his mate to look at him suspiciously.
"What's going on?" she asked flatly.
Sunflight cursed himself. Either she knew him too well, or he was giving too much away in his apparent body language. "Well…" With a deep sigh he padded over to her nest and sat next to her, in an empty nest meant for other, currently nonexistent, queens. She twisted her head around to look at him as he spoke. "…we need to talk."
"Alright," Drizzlestorm said, nodding at him. "So talk."
All he had to do was force the words out of his mouth and it would be done. So why couldn't he force himself to accomplish such a simple task? Make words come out of his mouth. Make them come out.
Make…them…come…out…
Sunflight winced and looked away. "I…I can't do it," he sputtered.
Drizzlestorm sat up with a bit of effort, panting, but staring at him with green eyes shocked nonetheless. "You can't do what?" she asked incredulously.
"Tell you."
"Tell me what?" She was clearly getting irritated now, and Sunflight hated to hear and see her like this, but he knew she wouldn't like what he had to tell her. When she heard, she wouldn't have such a peaceful expression on her black and white furred face.
He took in a deep breath, savoring the oddly sweet taste of the burnt, crisp air. "…I need to go back to MoonClan."
Drizzlestorm didn't react for a few heartbeats, and for a moment Sunflight thought she hadn't heard him properly. But then she shot straight out of her nest, not even bothering to wince thought it must have caused her immense pain to move so quickly. "What did you just say?" she whimpered, eyes flaring with hurt.
Sunflight jerked back in surprise. "I…I…"
"Who told you to leave? Was it Darkstar? No, it was Squirreltail, wasn't it?" Drizzlestorm let out a soft wail, then winced, lying back down in her nest. "I knew he was intimidating you, but…" She stared at him with horror in her green eyes. "You're going to leave?"
"You don't understand," he whispered. "It wasn't them. It was my own decision."
"Yeah, right," Drizzlestorm scoffed quietly, almost like she was too upset to speak up.
Sunflight felt his heart wrench. "Drizzy, it was the only way," he breathed, almost so softly he was afraid she wouldn't be able to hear him, but he could tell by the slightly irritated flick of her left ear that she had. "I don't feel like I have a rightful place in FlameClan. A lot of cats hate me, and would do a lot to see me gone. I just don't feel like I can stay here any longer."
She stared at him for a moment more, bit her lip, and let out a silent, frustrated yowl. Sunflight winced, leaning forward to see if he could help her, but she turned away, eyes overflowing with emotion. "You can't leave," she whispered. "What about Sunnykit? Sunflight…what about me?"
She was right.
Drizzlestorm was absolutely right, and Sunflight hated to admit it but he knew it was true. What about his mate and kits? If they wanted to stay in FlameClan, would he really just abandon them? The easiest choice would just be to…
"Come with me," he said aloud, surprising both him and Drizzlestorm.
"What?" she yelped, completely caught off-guard.
"I said you should…"
"I heard what you said…but really? You want me to just leave my family and my home?" Drizzlestorm bit her lip and shook her head. "I'm sorry, Sunflight. I don't think I can do that."
Sunflight's ears lowered. In the end, he was going to leave, and he knew that. But to trudge back into the MoonClan camp and lose his mate and little daughter…was that really worth it? He opened his mouth as if to say something, but then shut it again. He had no idea what he should say, after all.
Luckily, Drizzlestorm spoke next. "…but I'd be willing to give it a shot."
Wait, what?
Did he hear her wrong? Sunflight stared at his mate to see that her fur was smooth and her breaths were even and she was staring at him straight on. "R-Really?"
"Yeah. FlameClan isn't what it used to be anymore." Drizzlestorm sighed and rested her head on her paws. "Not with Squirreltail acting this way. Maybe the MoonClan cats could learn to appreciate us. I really hope they would."
"I'm sure they would," Sunflight purred, fond memories of his days as an apprentice suddenly springing back into his mind. Pinecloud and Waterfrost and Foxstar…Snowfeather, and all the rest of them…
"When were you thinking of leaving?" Drizzlestorm asked, breaking the thoughts on contact.
"Oh! Uh…today, actually."
"Today, huh? Good choice." His mate sighed and shook her head. "Squirreltail is getting more rowdy…he and my mother were up at night screeching. It's a wonder Sunnykit was able to sleep through it at all," she remarked, looking outside to see the kits and Brightfur playing around.
Her mother? Was Gingermoon the one that had been yelling last night? Sunflight meant to ask, but instead purred as Drizzlestorm got to her paws shakily and entwined her tail in his. Padding outside to the clearing, Sunflight supported her, letting her press her weight against him. The first thing they saw when they exited the den was Sunnykit, bouncing around like a little ray of sunshine with her friends.
Drizzlestorm took in a deep breath, and Sunflight could tell she was fighting back emotion. He rested his head on her shoulder to comfort her, tell her that it would all be okay, and she smiled at him before calling out. "Sunnykit?"
The she-kit stopped, turned, and blinked up at her parents curiously.
"We're going for a walk."
Was this Drizzlestorm alright? We had to discuss her dialogue before we posted it, and if I was wrong about my changes, please tell!
