A/N: In honour of Douglas Adams, you're going to get some answers in this chapter.
x - X - x
Chapter 42 – Eye of the storm
There was a long pause and then Katherine ran her hand through her hair and looked uncomfortably at Moody.
"What?" asked Toby, frowning at them. "What do you know?"
Katherine was silent, arms wrapped around her chest, face closed, so Toby turned to Moody, eyes searching his face.
"You're hiding something. You said you didn't know anything about that night – you said you didn't know who attacked them. Is that true?" he demanded, brown eyes earnest. Moody looked at Katherine, but getting no reaction, turned back to Toby.
"I never knew for sure," he said quietly. "And you'll just have to believe me when I say there are reasons I didn't tell the Ministry everything that happened-"
"That happened?" Toby was shocked now. "You know what hap-"
"Not at the house, no," broke in Moody. "I wasn't there – I was at home. I never knew who murdered your Aunt's family; the first time I knew that anything was amiss was when someone knocked on my door at eight in the evening and I opened the it and there you were. So you see, I told the truth – you were left on my doorstep; I just never told anyone that someone was holding you at the time."
"Someone..." Toby repeated faintly, then he looked sharply at Katherine who gazed back blandly. "You." Katherine smiled bitterly, a trace of sadness in her eyes.
"Sorry."
"But-" began Toby, his scowl fading to a look of bewilderment. "Why? And why didn't you tell anyone?" he added, looking accusingly at Moody.
"As I said, I had my reasons," answered Moody gruffly, and Harry saw him shoot a quick glance at Katherine who looked away.
"But she was at the house," said Toby, angry now. "The Ministry could have hauled her in and-"
"No they couldn't." Toby stopped short at the interruption and Katherine smiled sourly. "I was a minor and they didn't have any proof I'd done anything wrong. Besides, Alastor did tell someone – he told Dumbledore." She gazed mildly at Moody, who was frowning. "You must have done, because he called me up to his office the next day and gave me one of those 'it's not too late' speeches. I just stared blankly at him till he let me go, if I remember correctly. Never did understand why he didn't just give up."
"He thought you could change," answered Moody. "You could have met him halfway."
"After what he did? No chance."
"He was only doing what he thought was best and you know that," growled Moody, as Harry stared at Katherine in bewilderment.
"And who gave him the right to decide what was best for me?" retorted Katherine, angry now. "He was the one who decided to keep quiet so I don't see why he had any right to interfere when everything went wrong."
"He was trying to help, Riddle."
"He was poking his nose around where it wasn't wanted," spat back Katherine, scowling.
"He was a good man," rumbled Moody, countenance just as dark as hers.
"I never said he wasn't," replied Katherine, blue eyes flashing. "But that doesn't mean I have to be nice about him."
"You didn't like Dumbledore?" asked Harry, staring at her uncertainly. She glanced at him and rolled her eyes.
"Oh come on, I've killed how many people and you're holding that against me?"
Harry just looked at her, realising for the first time exactly how little he knew about her; he knew she was useful to have around in a crisis, that Remus loved her like a sister and that she was extraordinarily clever, but he didn't know anything about her as a person. He'd put his life in her hands so many times already and yet he didn't think he could trust her at all. Unsummoned, Remus' words came back to him, sitting at a rough wooden table, about to look into Katherine's makeshift pensieve.
"Trust you? With my life, yes. With this, not exactly, no."
Was this the same thing? He could trust Katherine to protect him because she needed him alive and he could hope she told him what he needed to know, but any more than that was out of his control.
"Why did you never say anything?" he asked, glaring at her. Katherine raised an eyebrow appraisingly.
"You never asked and it wasn't important."
"Wasn't important?!"
"No. He's dead, Potter. Why on earth should I bring it up?"
"He's only dead because Snape murdered him," shouted Harry, fists clenched. "I suppose you're best pals, aren't you? You just sit there discussing how the world's a better place without him." Katherine looked at him and Harry glowered back, too angry to be scared by the fury burning behind those sapphire eyes.
"Severus didn't murder Dumbledore."
Harry almost gaped at her.
"I saw him do it, Katherine."
"I didn't say he didn't kill him, I said it wasn't murder," said Katherine, voice remaining calm despite the hostility in her gaze. "They're not the same thing."
"Where's the difference?" asked Harry scornfully.
"It's not murder if they ask you to do it."
There was silence as three pairs of eyes stared at her, utterly stunned, then Moody said very quietly:
"What?"
"He asked him," said Katherine softly, gaze never moving from Harry's.
"No," said Harry, shaking his head. "You're lying. He wouldn't do that – he wouldn't get himself killed, he wouldn't."
"No? Tell me Harry, if he was still alive, what would you be doing right now?"
"What's that got to do with anything?" asked Harry, staring at her.
"Everything. As long as he was alive, you were always going to be relying on him – he die, had to leave you on your own because it was the only way you were ever going to learn to look after yourself. Why d'you think he told you everything he knew before he died? You didn't think that was chance, did you?"
"He wouldn't," said Harry again, though there was a trace of doubt in his voice.
"He did," said Katherine shortly. "Denial won't change that."
"No, you're just making this up to spite him," said Harry angrily. "You hated him and you're just trying to-"
"To what? What possible reason could I have for lying?" asked Katherine archly. "It makes no difference to me what you think of him, but I won't have you blaming Severus for something he never wanted to do." Harry was about to shout something back at her when he realised exactly what it was she was saying and his eyes widened in horror.
"You've been talking to him, haven't you? You've been consorting with Snape this whole time."
"What I do in my own time is my business, Potter," replied Katherine, blue eyes hard, and Harry took this as an affirmative. "If you don't believe me about Dumbledore, that's your problem, but it's the truth." Harry just looked at her in disgust and shook his head.
"Katherine, what have you been up to?" asked Moody softly in the quiet that followed. "How is it that you two are so well acquainted?"
"That would be none of your business, Alastor," answered Katherine, smoothly, fixing him with a sweet smile and blazing eyes.
"Potter?" Moody tried, but Harry just shook his head, too angry to speak. Katherine glanced at him and then turned on her heel and walked away through the rows of gravestones. Moody watched her for a moment, then turned to Harry. "Come on, I'll take you back to the Burrow. Molly'll be tearing the place down trying to find you."
Harry half thought about objecting, about running after Katherine and demanding to know why she'd said those things but he suddenly felt tied and empty and found it was easier to just let Moody guide him out of the cemetery and back home.
Toby Holder watched them leave then looked back at the figure lounging against a tree on the other side of the graveyard, her black hair fluttering in the wind. He should go back to the Ministry, should just leave and go back to his job, but he couldn't. He had to know what had happened that night, had to know why she'd saved him. If he walked away now, he'd always regret it.
She didn't even look up as he approached, just stood there, gazing at the black marble headstone before her. He glanced at it and read the epitaph, embossed in glimmering silver letters:
Regulus Black
Beloved friend and brother
Gone but not forgotten
"Friend of yours?" he asked, with more courage than he felt.
"Yeah," she murmured, sighing deeply. Then: "Moody's got his reasons, you know."
"So he said." She looked at him, blue eyes clearer than they'd ever been in his dreams and raised an eyebrow slightly.
"I was sixteen."
"What?"
"When I found you – I was sixteen; he was trying to protect me - him and Dumbledore both." She sighed again, leaning heavily against the tree. "Only I didn't want their help. I thought I was grown up enough to manage on my own and I suppose I did, for the most part."
"But?" asked Toby, pulling his cloak a little tighter against the cold.
"How much do you know about me? I mean, you work at the Ministry and you obviously realised I was a Death Eater but then you suddenly decided you knew me, so what do you know?"
"You're Katherine Riddle," said Toby carefully. "You're forty years old and have escaped from just about every trap the Ministry's ever set for you, except for the ambush at Morgoth End. Your adoptive muggle parents were murdered when you were seventeen and after Hogwarts you worked at the Ministry as an Unspeakable for five years. No one knows when you joined, but you're a Death Eater and you were caught when you were twenty two and sent to Azkaban for a list of crimes so long we've got an entire cabinet devoted to you. Rumour has it that you're the stuff of legends among Death Eaters."
Katherine smiled, blue eyes dancing with amusement.
"For entirely the wrong reasons, I assure you."
"Why do you call Moody by his first name?" asked Toby, gazing at her with interest. He still wasn't sure what he thought of her, though he wasn't inclined to trust her an inch.
"We've known each other a long time," she answered. "Since I was...seven? Yes, I think that's right. I called him a transvestite and we've been enemies ever since." She laughed at his expression and grinned. "You think I'm joking, don't you?"
"I don't know what to think. What happened that night?" Katherine was silent for a moment, considering her answer, then she shrugged.
"I was part of a party of four sent to kill the family. Your Uncle had been speaking out against the Dark Lord and he wanted him silenced, only if you want to get your message across, it isn't enough to just kill them – you have to destroy them and to do that you murder those they love." She paused for a second and he frowned slightly, remembering that her own parents had been killed a year after she'd saved him; he wondered what she'd done.
"Anyway," she continued briskly. "We got to the house and Trix was doing her bit and then I used Legilimency on your Aunt – trying it out, because I'd only just learnt it – and all she was thinking about was you – praying that you'd keep quiet and we wouldn't bother to look upstairs. Well the others weren't paying much attention to me, I was the youngest out of the four of us and they all knew I was mental so it wasn't hard to slip out when they were discussing what to do. I found you asleep in a cot upstairs."
She looked at him, sapphire eyes sharp and bright. "You know, I nearly just killed you; the state I was in I probably wouldn't even have cared. You were just a baby – what did your life matter and why on earth should I risk mine to save you? And then you woke up and looked at me and smiled and I just couldn't do it. I'd been blocking everything out for months by that time, pretending I didn't care about anything, learning to tune out my emotions but you can't fight your nature like that without serious repercussions and I was driving myself crazy trying to cope.
"I'd been terrified for so long I'd forgotten what it was like to be safe and happy and then there's this tiny baby beaming up at me like I'm the best thing it's ever seen and all those walls I'd built up to try and protect myself with just fell apart; I wanted out. I always knew what I was doing was wrong – that was why I was so messed up and looking down at you in that cot, I just decided enough was enough so I picked you up and went downstairs and left. The others were in the lounge with the family and they hadn't missed me, so I just walked out the door and kept going."
"And ended up at Moody's house?" asked Toby, watching her closely as the breeze rustled though the leaves of the trees around them.
"I didn't know what I was doing – I can't remember most of that year I was so out of it all the time, but I knew where his house was and it was the only place I could go. I didn't want to take you to Dumbledore and I couldn't take you to the Ministry – there'd be too many questions, so I went to Alastor. When he answered the door I just held you out and he took you and then I turned and walked away, went back to school and waited for the others to come back."
"Others?"
"Other – only Wilkes was still at school then."
"Leon Wilkes? He was there?"
"Yes, and Bellatrix Lestrange," agreed Katherine soberly, blue eyes gazing coolly at him.
"That's three – who's the fourth?" asked Toby, gazing resolutely back.
"A man called Jason Brookes; he's been dead for over two decades."
Toby nodded; he'd heard of him – he'd died making an assassination attempt on Millicent Bagnold who'd been Minister of Magic at the time.
"He fell down a life shaft, didn't he?" Toby asked and Katherine arched an eyebrow.
"You've done your research."
"That attack destroyed my family," answered Toby, looking steadily at her. "The Aunt was my mother's sister and Mum fell apart when was killed. Dad says that if I hadn't been saved, she might have died of grief. Dad had to stop work to look after her and me, and now Mum's in Saint Mungo's and Dad's too old to get another job. I joined the Ministry to help fight Death Eaters, only Dad didn't want me to be an Auror in case I got killed and he was left alone, so I became an administrator. I work in the Minster's private office and I really should be calling the Aurors in on you right now. You're the epitome of everything I'm supposed to hate."
"And yet you're not," noted Katherine, tilting her head and looking curiously at him. "For which I suppose I should be grateful."
"You saved my life."
"You saved my sanity; I'd say that makes us even."
Toby frowned at her, wondering why he still couldn't decide what to make of her. She freely admitted that she was a Death Eater and that she'd nearly killed him without a second thought and yet...and yet she'd told him that. She was honest and fair and that didn't fit at all.
"Did you get into trouble?"
"What?"
"When Wilkes came back. You said you just walked out and left them – did you get into trouble?" asked Toby, thinking, after all she'd said, that he should really be more afraid of her, even if she didn't have her wand.
"Not really; I'd wandered off before when I was supposed to be on a mission, so he was used to it - don't give me that look, I'm being serious. I told you, I was crazy, I didn't know where I was half the time. When Leon came back he asked me where I'd gone and I just glared at him and he went away. I think he'd learnt not to annoy me by then." She smiled, shrugging a little at his expression.
"Did Moody know you were a Death Eater before you turned up with me?"
"No – I think he suspected something – Dumbledore did at least and he was bound to have told him, but neither of them knew for sure."
"So you blew your cover in giving me in?" asked Toby, eyes studying her closely.
"It's not that big a deal," said Katherine easily, stretching in the sunlight. "I wasn't entirely grounded in reality at the time."
"And yet he protected you?"
"He was on good terms with my parents and like I said, he probably thought I could be reached. Well I could, only not by him or Dumbledore. I sorted myself out after that night and got back to a reasonable level of sanity. I stopped trying to block things out, accepted what had happened and moved on."
She smiled, but briefly and he knew he wasn't going to get anymore out of her. She'd probably only told him this much because she thought she owed him an explanation, and perhaps she just wanted to get it off her chest, but that was it. He didn't have any greater claim to know more about her and he found with an unsettled feeling that he was disappointed; he wanted to know more, wanted to find out what she like.
"Can I ask you something?" she said suddenly and he looked at her, surprised.
"What?"
"Why, when you seem to know so much about me and who I was, did you not say immediately that I'd killed your Aunt?"
He looked at her curious expression and, feeling slightly embarrassed, said: "I'd only ever seen black and white photos of you, and then you looked at me, and...it was your eyes; I've never seen any others like them and I knew I remembered them from somewhere. I couldn't think of anywhere else I could have known them from."
"Fair enough," said Katherine, smiling faintly. "And now what are you going to do Toby Holder?"
"Do?"
"Well how do you know someone hasn't seen you with me? If you go back to the Ministry, you might be accused of consorting with Death Eaters, and even if that doesn't happen, how do you know I won't come after you?" she asked, and Toby couldn't tell whether or not she was joking.
"I can look after myself at work," he answered carefully. "And you won't come after me."
"Why not? I said we were even; I don't owe you anything." Toby looked at her, at those shrewd blue eyes and decided to take a chance.
"You do owe me," he said evenly. "You value your sanity more than my life, so the odds are still tipped in my favour. I saved your life – you just let me live. They're not the same thing."
Katherine gazed coolly at him for a moment, then laughed, sapphire eyes glinting with amusement. "And how do you suppose we remedy this imbalance? According to you, I am still in your debt."
"Just carry on as we did before," said Toby simply. "You let me live. Deal?"
Katherine looked at him, still seeming highly amused, then held out her hand for him to shake.
"Deal."
They shook hands and then Toby nodded to her and apparated back to the Ministry, hoping there wouldn't be too many awkward questions awaiting him. Katherine stood under the tree for a little while longer, smiling faintly to herself.
At length, Archimedes glided down from the branch he'd been sitting on to keep watch and squawked a greeting. She grinned and stroked his head gently.
"He's got some cheek, I'll give him that," she murmured. Archimedes made an affirmative sound and she sighed heavily, thinking back to what she'd said to Harry. That stuff about Dumbledore probably hadn't been the best thing to say; quite possibly it ranked up there on the list of the top ten absolute worst things to say, but there was no helping that now.
He was always going to hate Severus and she didn't blame him for that, but she'd had to at least try and make him see sense. Severus hadn't wanted Dumbledore dead, he owed him everything he had, but he'd asked and Severus couldn't have refused. Just like she couldn't have refused Regulus. They'd both done what they had to because there was no one else who could have done it. She knew full well that if it had been anyone else with Regulus when Bellatrix arrived that day he wouldn't have asked them; the others wouldn't have understood, would have looked for another way out when there wasn't one.
She looked resignedly at the black marble headstone that marked his grave and wished things could have been different. But they weren't and you had to play with the cards fate dealt you; she only hoped she lived long enough to keep Severus safe. If he ever met up with Harry again, one of them was going to get hurt, and if Harry killed Severus...
She shook her head, shivering in the brisk wind. She knew he could do it, despite what Severus thought; if Potter was given the opportunity, he would avenge Dumbledore. She couldn't let that happen; if Potter murdered Severus, she'd kill him, Prophecy be damned.
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Before anyone asks why Lucius Malfoy doesn't appear to have been at Toby's Aunt's house, I would like to point out that Katherine, for all her claims to the contrary, does not always tell the truth. She is lying; I leave it up to you to muse on why.
