AWoC Ch48

A/n: Hello, my lovely patient readers!

I'm so sorry I've not been able to update. RL, vacation and horrid writer's block has kept me away. BUT, I think we're finally past all that nonsense.

I know that most of you have very mixed emotions on Edward and CP being separated, but, I hope that you'll keep an open mind and heart as we start this journey.

This was how it all unfolded, I had to be true to what I know, based on personal experience where some of this comes from.

Much love to A Jasper For Me for her beta'ing and for my pre-readers, Eternally Edward's girl, Pates Greeneyes and Rvrsong. I love you all.

This chapter is a series of letters starting about a week into their separations… you'll begin to see some things you might not have seen before. Hang in there.

April 20

Caterpillar,

They still won't fucking tell me where the hell you are, but I'm not giving up hope.

I've been going to therapy for my leg every day, some days I have to go twice a day. But, I'm able to walk on crutches now. I'll be back to myself in no time, then I'm leaving here and coming to find you.

Fuck, I miss you. I miss my meadow, correction, 'our meadow' ... and I seriously need some alcohol.

These pricks have me on new meds and it's seriously fucking with me.

Are you safe? Do you miss me? I hope so because the thought of you not remembering me has me in fucking knots, CP. It would piss me off if you decided to just ditch me after all this shit we've been through.

I mean, you said 'I see you' in your note ... why the hell would you do that and then just run away from me?

I miss your hot little body lying under mine. So fucking much it hurts when I think about it too much. And in here, I have too damn much time to think about shit.

They make me see a shrink. What a joke, right? I'm fucked up, hereditary and shit, surely these 'educated professionals' read my medical chart, right?

Where are you? Fuck, it pisses me off that no one will tell me. Not even Emmett, that asshole.

I knew all that shit my dad and my brother talked about in the hospital was too good to be true. They didn't mean any of it.

Did you mean it? When you promised me you wouldn't leave me? CP, did you mean it?

Fuck, I really miss you. You are so fucking beautiful.

Damn it, I have to go. It's time for some group bullshit.

I hope to get this to you soon so I can find out where you are.

Yours, Edward Cullen

~~~ AWoC ~~~

April 25

My dearest Edward,

So my dad told me today that you are in Boston and he gave me your address to send this letter to.

I'm in Texas and honestly, now that I am, I'm kind of glad to be here.

I know you don't want to hear that, well, maybe you do, if you are glad to be where you are. Are you happy there?

I don't know if I'd call myself happy to be here, but I understand now a little better why I needed to be here. Our dads were right Edward, we both needed help.

I really miss you, probably more than I should. But, I'm sure you need to hear I miss you and I think of you all the time. I haven't really told the other girls about you because I don't want to have to share you with anyone, if that makes sense.

My counselor, Judy, she's really helping me see a lot things. I told her about wanting to be a teacher. She didn't laugh, she actually said I would make a great teacher.

Have you ever thought about being a doctor like you wanted to be when you were a little boy?

Did I mention I miss you? Those nights we spent just talking on the phone or in my backyard or even in 'our meadow' ... those are some of my favorite memories of us together.

But, the night I think about most was the night we spent in Portland.

I have to confess something to you and I hope it doesn't make you ignore me ...

Edward, that night in Portland was the best night of my life.

Okay, now that I feel stupid for writing about that, I am going to end this letter for now.

I hope you write me back soon.

Yours forever,

Bella aka Caterpillar

PS I still want to know why you call me that;)

~~~ AWoC ~~~

April 29

CATERPILLAR,

I GOT YOUR FUCKING LETTER TODAY!

I've been going out of my fucking mind worrying about you.

I miss you so fucking much. And baby, that was the best night of my life too.

There isn't a day or a minute of any hour, really that I don't wish we were together in our meadow drinking some vodka and getting high. Talking about bullshit and just sitting together ... kissing, holding hands ... making out.

Fuck, I need to see your face. I need to hold you again ... rub my cock all over you again. Make you mine again.

Are you still mine? You sounded different, maybe a little more grown up in your letter ... are you growing up and leaving me? Are you going to leave me behind if I don't want to be a doctor?

Why did you ask me that? I spent a whole day thinking about that shit ... I can't be a doctor, CP. I'm a junkie, a fuck-up, an addict according to these pricks here.

I got off those damn crutches, thanks for asking. But they are making me wear this ridiculous brace on my leg. That fucking asshole Biers, he jacked me up. I wish I had been the one to kill him.

Did he touch you, baby? CP, what did he do to you? Did you tell him you were mine?

Fuck.

I need you, baby. Please call me soon. They said I could have phone privileges next week, will you call me? I need to hear your voice at least.

Fuck, it's time for a smoke break, so I gotta go.

Hopefully still yours, Edward Cullen

~~~ AWoC ~~~

May 5

My crazy, addict, beautiful, Edward,

What meds do they have you on? Do they not realize you are bipolar?

I do miss you. I will call you but I don't get to use the phone for another week, so I can't call you until then.

Edward, I will tell you a secret ... if YOU want to become a doctor, NO ONE but YOU can stop that from happening. You are smart, kind and would be a great doctor, in my opinion.

I can't wait to hear your voice.

I do miss your face and our time together. But, I think my days of getting drunk and high are over, to be honest. I'm learning a lot of good stuff here. I hope maybe someday I can share it with you and we can talk about being sober together.

There are things I want to share with you but I don't want to talk about them in a letter or over the phone, okay? Part of that has to do with what happened with Riley.

Maybe I can come see you when I get out of here and we can talk about it then, okay? Can you wait? I need you to wait.

I really do miss you and I think about you all the time. I told one of the girls about you. I wish I had a picture of you to show her. I saw a picture in some gossip magazine of that actor in the vampire movies ... you kind of look like him. Well, I told my friend that and now she wants to see what you look like.

Gosh, Edward, I really do miss you. You are my best friend and I hope you are doing well.

I need to wrap this up, I have to go to a group meeting.

Can't wait to talk to you in a week.

Still all yours, forever, I promised, remember?
Bella aka Caterpillar aka CP

A/N: So…things, they are a changin'….hope you're still on board 'cause a lot more is still to come.

Recs:

Dragonfly by Rvrsong - a new story only 2 chapters in and fabulous. Older Bella, Younger Edward – he's a Massage Therapist, she's a lonely recluse, almost…sparks are starting to fly. And, there's a great cat named Chewbacca;) You'll enjoy it, I promise. Give it a go and tell her I sent you.

If you are into reading original fic, I found this series on my nook called "Marked Men" by Jay Crownover. The first book is called "Rule" and it's fabulous! I just started book two called "Jet". I love it so far, too.

I'm on a writing rampage tonight so that (fingers crossed) we can get back to 2 updates a week very soon.

Until next week, peace and love, my friends,

Kyla