You've shunned the new day, won't let it in
Here's where we begin
I'll come running for you
Your whole world's turned upside down
But my love, it will keep you
On solid ground
Here's Where We Begin – Joshua Radin


Stefan, for once, was not the first one awake. He slept peacefully huddled against Damon's side with an arm still spread out across Damon's chest.

Damon lay there as long as he could, far past the time they usually woke up. The weight on his chest lined up with every place Stefan's body rested on his. It was a new day with a whirlwind of differences and barely a chance to catch a breath. He pulled Stefan tighter in his arms. All the fears he tried to calm came boiling back to the surface.

It couldn't be this easy. Nothing in his entire godforsaken afterlife had ever worked out the way he wanted it, and this, the thing he wanted more than anything, there was no fucking way—

"Shut uuup."

Startled, Damon looked down at Stefan who was peeking at him through one sleepy eye.

"I didn't say anything." Damon mumbled, letting go enough for them to face each other.

"You're thinking so loud I can't sleep." Stefan stretched, only starting to open his eyes, adjusting himself as subtly as possible.

Not subtle enough.

Damon pushed the blanket off Stefan's hip and stared at Stefan's dick beneath his tight boxers as it started twitching to life. To Stefan's credit, he tried to cover himself for the five seconds he thought it was worth it before giving up.

"Is that because of me?" Damon looked incredulously at him. He reached forward, fingers skirting the cloth-covered shaft and instead moving up Stefan's abdomen.

Looking a little too proud of himself, Stefan smiled softly. "Yeah. This time."

"Stefan." Damon tried to pull away, but he hadn't had enough. His hand, his mouth, his stomach, there were only parts of him that had experienced Stefan's pleasure. He wanted more. He slid closer, brushing his thumb over Stefan's tip that already started to form a tiny wet spot. Stefan arched into his touch, eyes falling closed as he licked his lips. Damon quickly moved his hand somewhere safer before he let himself get carried away. There were things he had to deal with. "I'm trying not to freak out here."

Stefan's eyes opened and he groaned, falling back onto the mattress. "Again?"

Damon scratched a hand through his hair, slipping from Stefan's side, but Stefan put a hand on his shoulder to keep him still.

"What's wrong?"

"It's too important. I just, if this is real, and I'm really awake, I'm gonna fuck everything up again. You were never supposed to want me back..." Damon pulled himself up to a sitting position. He couldn't handle Stefan's composure. His little brother didn't understand how much this all meant to him. He put his hand along Stefan's cheek, pleading. "I've ruined everything I've ever touched, and you matter too much to me to become one of those things."

Stefan nestled into his hand. "Are you kidding me? Do you know how long I've carried this around with me? Your touch is what I've chased after from day one. If I was ruined at all, I was ruined from the start."

"I don't want to ruin you. I don't want to force you into this." Damon moved his hand, running it up and down Stefan's arm.

"Please tell me how you're the most incomprehensibly cocky bastard ninety-nine percent of the time, but you touch my fucking hard-on and suddenly have doubts about how much I want you." Stefan asked softly, hand resting over Damon's.

Damon lost his breath a little. The trickling hope inside him was so unfamiliar he felt sick. "I was going to turn it all off." He finally rasped out.

Stefan sighed and pulled the blanket over his legs to cover himself a little. Damon figured that was a decent enough barrier and followed. If they were going to sit next to each other with all that skin on display, there would be no way he could have this conversation. Stefan looked patiently at him, allowing him to explain himself.

"I came home and she was in your bed. I know. I know I fucked up with that girl, but you still love Elena. And I can't," The space between them felt like miles and he couldn't breathe in the empty space. Damon groaned and pulled Stefan's leg over his thigh, still under the blankets. He really wished he had a drink. "You still need her."

"The fuck I do." Stefan looked at him so intently Damon felt a shift in the air around them.

He wanted to smile. His brother's attempt to be assertive, to believe what he was saying was adorable. Damon really just wanted to kiss him again. But Stefan was wrong. He wiped a hand over his face.

"I can't take that away from you when she's so much better for you than I am. You deserve someone good like her. She's better, she—"

"You don't get it at all, do you?" Stefan interrupted. "Look, I'm sorry she was still here. But I said my goodbyes. You're the one that insisted she couldn't last." He pushed up on one knee, letting the blankets fall away again as he tightened his legs around Damon's hips. "Elena isn't an option anymore."

Damon sighed with his hands clutching Stefan's thighs. "Am I what's left when there are no other options?"


Stefan wanted to laugh, but he saw the serious pain in Damon's eyes and dropped his sense of incredulity. How did Damon still not know? Did he really not believe the claims he made in his sleep? Stefan settled back on his heels, still sitting on his brother's lap, but keeping a little distance between the important bits. They had agreed the night before that some sort of barrier was important if either of them were to get any actual sleep. The twin layers of tight underwear between them didn't make much of a difference. The heat of his brother's body still radiated over him. He spread his hands out flat on Damon's stomach.

There were other questions. This was as a good a time as any to diffuse his own burning concern. "That depends, I guess. Is it me, because you think no one else would want you? Or is it me, because somewhere inside, you've always known that everything I am is yours?"

Damon languished for a moment; the furious doubt cracking open and his eyes glistened. He propped himself up on his hands and leaned his forehead against Stefan's chest. Stefan scratched his fingers lightly against Damon's scalp, waiting for him to answer.

After a moment, Damon muttered against Stefan's skin, so softly he almost missed it. "A wise vampire once said, 'Real love isn't brains, it's blood. It's blood screaming at you to work its will.' And my god, how it screams, Stefan."

"Yeah." Stefan nodded, a small frown forming that his brother couldn't see. He nudged Damon's attention back up. "You've been a slave to that in ways I never was. Did you know before, why you hated everyone that loved me?"

"No." Damon kept his eyes on Stefan's, raw with honesty and sorrow.

Stefan sighed and brushed his hands down Damon's arms. As Damon grabbed onto his hands, threading their fingers together, a surge of warmth rushed through him. "It's not like I've forgotten that you took everyone away… but I don't care."

"Yes you do." Damon shot back, unrelenting. "You wouldn't be Stefan if that were true."

The corner of Stefan's mouth twitched. He missed his friend a lot, even their nephew occasionally, but they had never been around the way Damon had. He never missed them when they were alive as much as he missed Damon when they were apart. "I'm not some goddamn saint."

"Yes you are." Damon insisted. "You're the best man I know."

"You have no idea, do you? How easily I would have walked away from everybody for you." Their knuckles had turned white with how hard they were holding onto each other. Damon was the only one who knew all of Stefan's darkness. Maybe the only one who loved that part as much as the rest of him. The monster was the one thing they shared.

"Do you hate me for making you alone?" Damon swallowed roughly, looking up at him.

There were times, of course, that Stefan felt that exactly. But hindsight helped Stefan see the real problem. He never knew Damon acted out of jealousy for what anyone else had. He never thought it was because Damon wanted him. Clearly, Damon didn't know that either. They were so good at getting everything wrong. But letting the bad spots go, letting them have this was a choice, and not a difficult one to make. Stefan could never hate Damon the way he wanted to at the beginning. The anger that continued to surface was always because Stefan loved Damon more than he was supposed to.

"I'm not alone." Stefan gave the only valid answer he had. "Neither are you."

"What are we then?" Damon sighed.

Stefan couldn't help but laugh then. "Are we really having the Define the Relationship conversation already?"

With a puzzled look on his stupid beautiful face, Damon shook his head. "The what conversation?"

Right. Damon was the one-night stand, eat-bang-erase, open-relationship, friends-with-benefits type. Not the get-locked-down, eternal-monogamy type.

Well, fuck that.

In a flash, Stefan pushed Damon back against the pillows with a grip on his shoulders. Damon's eyes widened, but he didn't make another move.

"Look, if we're going to change the basis of our entire relationship, we need a clean start. No girlfriends, no sexfriends, at least, not yet." He brushed his thumb over Damon's chin, settling his hand on Damon's jaw. "There's no more Elena. Ever, okay?"

"If you did that for me... " Damon trailed off, his eyes searching Stefan's.

"No. Not for you. I did it for me." He needed be free to do whatever we wanted, so this thing between them didn't have to tear anyone to pieces anymore. Stefan exhaled quietly in frustration. Stefan was completely Damon's. And Damon needed to understand that before he could ever be Stefan's in return. "I'm yours, Damon. I want to be with you."

"But I make you hate who are." Damon whispered. Worry etched deep in his face, hands scrabbling to grab onto Stefan's waist, over the curve of his ass.

With a sigh, Stefan sat straighter, adjusting his knees so his thighs lined up below the backs of Damon's arms. "No. I never should have said that. Look, I never needed any assistance in my self-loathing. It was easier to blame you. Or her. But I can't hate myself for feeling this way about you." Stefan smirked at Damon's incredulous expression. "Yes, okay, you're still an asshole."

Concerned, Damon baited him, "But?"

Stefan shook his head. "And. I love you."

Damon looked unconvinced. Stefan knew the feeling.

"Would it make you feel better if I said I know all about you being self-serving and self-sabotaging, but I remember that you are actually capable of being a good man?" Stefan paused a moment, and the corner of his lip twitched, "And I love you." Stefan leaned down, trailing his lips up Damon's neck. "And if we fail spectacularly at this, and you hate me again one day, I know you'll use this against me." He looked into his brother's eyes. "And I love you."

Tugging on Stefan's hips, bringing them back down to Damon's lap, he looked up at Stefan. "You make me want to be different. Better. So I don't cause you any more pain. I want you to be happy because of me."

Listening patiently, expecting there to be more, Stefan narrowed his eyes. "You think that makes you different than you were before?"

"When I promised you misery…" Damon trailed off, pain of the memory flickering in his eyes.

"You were angry. Hurt. You lied." Stefan leaned down again. He wanted to do something about all the tension building inside him. But Damon was right. They needed to get this all out before they could go back to doing something about the painful throb of his dick trapped against their stomachs. "And we both fucked up a thousand times. But we've never given up on each other for a reason. Apparently, for this reason." Unable to resist, he pressed their lips together softly.

As soon as Stefan pulled away, Damon curled his hands over Stefan's sides. His breathing caught as he shifted under Stefan's legs. His eyes were wild, a million thoughts racing across his face as he sat up. He kept his hands on Stefan's thighs, making him shiver.

"Is it real?" Damon asked quietly.

"Yeah." Stefan smiled. "As real as two vampires can be anyway." He moved off of Damon's legs and sat beside him. "How can I prove it to you?"

Damon stared thoughtfully at Stefan's neck, rubbing the pads of his fingers along the ridges and tendons along his clavicle. He looked up into Stefan's alert eyes. "The diner? We should go get some pancakes."

Stefan's throat clenched. They weren't done talking about this. Damon needed to understand that Stefan saw past the barriers his brother put between himself and anyone's expectations of him. That he'd always remembered his best friend was in there somewhere.

He was softer already, his body responding to the promise of 'later.' Not that he was looking forward to waiting any longer. "Don't you think there are more important things going on right now than breakfast?"

Damon's face fell. "Why?" He rolled to his side, propping his head up on his hand. "You going back to class today? Normal life or whatever bullshit?" With a small sigh, he dropped his arm and fell onto his back.

For all of Damon's experience of keeping a calm and unaffected demeanor, Stefan was finally close enough to see the spark of pain. The pinch of his brother's lips, the soft clearing of his throat, the way Damon refused to look at him. Stefan rolled his eyes. He hadn't even remembered it was Monday.

The sheet flew up, billowing over them. Damon tilted his head as Stefan smirked down at him. "No." Stefan combed his fingers through Damon's hair, grateful for the way his brother calmed under his hand. That Damon was just as hungry for his touch as Stefan was for Damon's. "Turns out I wasn't cut out for normal, or high school."

"There are better things." Damon said quietly, pressing his lips to Stefan's wrist. "Being a drop out isn't so bad." He stroked a finger down Stefan's chest. "There are other things I can teach you."

A tired distant alarm clanged in Stefan's head, but he was too caught up in his brother's soft eyes to care.