There are no words to how grateful I am with all of you. Thank you for reading! I also want to thank Joana for the cover for this story. You should all check her art at artbyjoana. tumblr .com, she's pretty amazing guys.
"There is nothing absolute. Everything changes,
everything moves, everything revolves -
everything flies and goes away."
-Frida Kahlo (The Diary of Frida Kahlo: An Intimate Self-Portrait)
"Henry," She said trying to contain her tears.
"Ma? Ma, what's wrong? Is mom coming HOME?"
"I don't know Henry, she just read the diary, and things got out of hand, so I came out for some fresh air."
"You yelled at her, didn't you?"
"Sort of kid. Look, don't get your hopes up. I don't think she's coming home yet."
Home. A simple word. One place. The only place where she finally felt loved. The place were she could finally see her kid grow up. The place where she had met Regina. The place where Regina was trying so hard to run away from, yet she craved Regina's presence so bad in Storybrooke. She still couldn't understand how she had gone from hating her to needing her.
"I know Ma. Just come home soon, please."
"I will. And Henry?"
"Yes?" He said with a low voice.
"I love you." And with that she hung up.
The night was perfect for a long walk, so she walked to the shore. The dark sky was illuminated by little white dots that were the stars. The stars and the moon were her only audience, the only thing that would witness what she was about to do. She allowed her tears fall down her pale cheeks. Tears she had been bottling up for the last months. And that she so hardly had held in. She swore she wouldn't cry again. No for Regina, yet here she was. A mess.
Emma couldn't understand why, why in the world Regina keep denying her come back to Storybrooke. At first she thought it was because Regina had found someone in Kennebunkport, that maybe Regina had fallen in love and that perhaps she was happy. But Regina self had made it clear that she nor in love or happy. In fact Regina had admitted to be unhappy, and lonely, but that there was no way she was GOING BACK. She was afraid that if she went back she would seem has the evil queen rather than Regina. That she would be blame for what she had done and that this time she didn't have the enough strength to fit everyone back. To this Emma only answered with the true.
Emma had made it super clear to Regina that no one saw her as the evil queen anymore, in fact everyone saw her as a hero for saving Emma from the Queens of Darkness when Emma needed her the most. Emma would forever be grateful with Regina. She had saved her from her worst, from the darkness growing within herself. The priced Regina had payed for it was by far the worst one. She had quitted to Henry. She had left all she knew as home and had started over. Emma understood that maybe Regina would never come back. But she also knew that there was a possibility she would. And that was enough for Emma to get a hold onto it. Her last breath of hope.
After Emma had stormed out of the house so abruptly, Regina sat down. She caressed the diary she held so dearly. It hadn't caught up to her what she was actually doing. But when she looked down, she remembered. She remembered all the things the blonde had written down. The nights she proclaimed to hate her, the majority of nights that Emma went without sleeping, the times Emma wrote about Henry, everything. The feeling was overwhelming. Her intentions were not to hurt them, but to keep them safe from her, because what she had done was unforgivable.
She had taken the life of yet another group of people. Yes, she had done it to save Emma, to save Emma's heart from going dark, but nonetheless she had taken the life of three women. Those three women at some point in her life were who she dared to call friends. She had no regrets though. She would do it again if she had to. For some odd reason, Regina had grown to appreciate and value Emma Swan. Maybe it was because she was Henry's biological mother and they shared him. Maybe it was the many nights they shared drinks, or maybe it was because deep inside of her, she knew she loved her. But of COURSE she wouldn't allow herself to believe that completely. Yet, she was in agony at this moment. Just the thought of Emma being mad destroyed her. But could she ever go back to Storybrooke? Could she ever face Henry? No, she couldn't. Not after she had left so abruptly, not saying anything or leaving an explanation for him. Her actions were unforgivable. She had gone through this, time after time. For the last three months, every time Emma asked the question, "Are you coming?" She always had the same answer. "No."
Regina was tired. So very tired. She was tired of having to fight, of always having her walls up, of pretending to be someone just to be accepted. Just before she had left Storybrooke, people were starting to accept her, not seeing her as the Evil Queen anymore, but as Regina. Would people still treat her like that? Or would they treat her as the Evil Queen again? Probably as the Evil Queen, she was back at her old habits. Regina let a small mocking laugh come out as the memory rushed to her mind again "Old habits, die hard". Regina took a deep breath, and left the diary on the closest table, unfinished. She took her jacket and made her way out of her penthouse. She needed to find Emma and talk with her.
By the time Regina finally found her, she walked up to Emma, she found her sitting on a bench, lost in the view of the ocean. It brought her memories of the past. When they had once shared a view into the ocean sitting in benches.
"Emma can we talk?" Regina said as she took a seat on the opposite side of Emma. She immediately saw how the blonde was cleaning her face. Tears. Emma had been crying before she got there. Emma cleared out her throat and sat up straight, still not making eye contact with Regina and remaining silence for a little longer.
"What do you want Regina?" she said softly. She didn't intend for it to come out as rude, but it did.
"Look, I know what you are trying to do. You came here to bring me back to Storybrooke, but I don't want to return. I'm tired of pretending I don't hear people talking behind my back, the way they stare, the way everyone studies each and every move I take. I just can't take it anymore. I am truly sorry I left so abruptly and didn't say goodbye to Henry, but I wanted to go. What I did is unforgivable. I saved you. And I would do it all over again if I had the chance, but I would also leave again."
"Do you have any idea how this has affected Henry? He's always asking about you, Regina. There's not a day that went by that he didn't ask where you were."
"He is a strong boy, Emma. Besides, he has you. He doesn't need me." she tensed, the atmosphere felt tick and it made it hard to breath, hard to think.
"And that's where you are wrong." Emma said finally facing Regina.
"I could be, yes." she looks down to her hands.
"How did you do it?"
"Do what, darling?" Regina manages to look back at Emma. To those emerald eyes that could speak for themsevels. Eyes in which she wish she could fall sleep looking at. The eyes that hold the truth of Emma's feeling, yet it kept them secure for the outside world.
"Stay strong. Sleep through the night."
"You mean after I became the evil queen?"
"Yes." Emma said with a low voice.
"I didn't. For years and years, I didn't get to rest at night. It wasn't until the sun was about to rise that I would allow my eyes to close. The people, the murders, the towns. Everything would haunt me at night. I could feel my own heart growing darker and darker by the minute, but there was nothing I could have done to stop it. So eventually you learn to not fight your demons, but surrender to them." That had taken Regina a great amount of effort to say out loud. She hated to look and be vulnerable in front of other people. But she knew she could always be open with Emma, as she trusted the woman. She wasn't sure why or how that had happened, she was just glad it had.
"So am I supposed to do the same?"
"I would think so. Look Emma, dealing with darkness? The darkness within your heart is not a walk through the park. You'll learn to embrace it, to respect it, but you'll also learn that there are boundaries you should never cross, for the sake of Henry and yourself." Regina had to get up. She couldn't stay still while having this conversation. Emma remained sitting.
"What if I can't? What if I give up, Regina? What about Henry then?"
"Miss Swan, don't be so naive. I know you are stronger than you think you are. Don't let fear overpower you. Now let's go back to the apartment. It's starting to get too chilly out here" as she gave a clasp on Emma's shoulder.
"Regina wait," Emma said as she also got up from her spot. Before she spoke again, she studied the brunettes face, searching for some reassurance in her eyes, but she didn't find any. "Would you come back to Storybrooke with me and Henry?"
"No."
I'm sure by now you notice our Regina, is not the Regina we all know, well not completely anyways, I think I'm going to star posting one chapter per week. Don't hate me lol
