A/N: Hey guys! Sorry I haven't posted lately! I've been sorta busy! If you're still reading this, thanks, I suck! Okay tell me what you think, happy reading!
Paul's P.O.V.
He laid on the bed and stared at the ceiling. Monday came, his day to pick up Lillian—11 o'clock as promised. He'd be there for sure, he wasn't about to screw this up. He was a wreck, he hadn't slept or eaten properly in days. He got to Rachael's on time and rang the gate like a stranger, when opened he pulled in and got out of the car into the frigid December air. It was the 9th of the month. This time it was Theodore Belter who met him at the door,
"Hey, Paulie." The old man said. He noted the absence of activity behind the gentleman,
"Hello." The old man looked strained in his eyes; in the midst of a horrid custody agreement,
"Lily!" Theodore called, he heard a thump from upstairs whilst Theodore explained, "Rach went t' the doctor with William. Poor kids has had a fever nonstop." Paul nodded, "Took Holly along with her." Paul frowned he didn't get a chance to get a glimpse of either of them. With that Theodore called again, "Come on, sweetheart, your daddy is here." He called again. There wasn't an answer, Theodore sighed nodding his head,
"Come on in, I'll get her." Paul consented walking into the house, he watched Theodore climb upstairs. He looked around for a moment, toys were strewn on the floor in a homey, playful manner—his house was nowhere near as comforting. That was when a shrieking Lily came downstairs, being held by the old gentleman.
"I want Willy!" She shrieked, Paul grimaced and Theodore tried to console her,
"Baby doll, you'll see him sooner than you know." She shook her head in sheer panic,
"No, no, no!" Theodore looked strained,
"Do you want your mom?" Lily quickly shook her head, "Do you want your dad?" Once again she shook her head, "Babe, you're going to your dad's house, okay?" She wasn't even listening anymore, she was closing her eyes and crying so hard Paul was nearly sure she'd be sick. At last the older gentleman handed her off to him, and gave him the overnight bag as well, "I'd get out of here quick, if she sees the other kids it's going to get worse." Paul nodded and shook the gentleman's hand and tried to make his way out,
"I want Will!" She sobbed again, He sighed, he wanted everyone. When at last they were out at the car he buckled her in, she was still a wreck he was nearing it himself. He felt like shouting at her to stop crying—but he couldn't, it wasn't her fault. "No!" She cried again kicking her little legs out. He couldn't even look in the rearview mirror anymore, he was sure he'd die.
When at last they pulled up to his house, there were gatebirds; he ignored them thoroughly pulling through. He got as close to the house as he could so outsiders couldn't see into his life. He got out of the car taking a breath and opened the back to get Lillian out. She was shrieking bloody murder now, he unbuckled her;
"Come on, love." He tried, every time he tried to reach out for her she scooted away. He stood there for what felt like forever before he grabbed her and just took her inside. She tried wiggling away but he held her tight.
"Down." He sobbed trying to wiggle away, he ignored it and held on tight locking the car and getting the front door shut. He finally had to put her down; for she was wiggling and trying to twist away from him, he might've dropped her. She hightailed it the hell away from him running upstairs with Martha bounding after her. He rubbed his forehead. This sucked.
He heard one of the doors upstairs slam and he took off his coat, putting down her bag and listening—she was still crying, wailing more like it. He stood there for a while feeling numb in a strange, morbid way it felt better to have an upset child in the house than none at all. After a while he climbed the stairs noting that the guest bedrooms door was shut, that was where she was. He knocked on the door,
"Love?" She cried still giving no answer to his call. He nudged the door a bit with his knee feeling a slight pull towards the bottom, she was sitting against the door. He knocked again, "Come on out, darling." But the sadness had no end. He took a seat himself in front of the door, having only a wooden door separating them.
She went on for a good half an hour and when at last there was only sniffles and sobs he knocked a bit. Not harshly, just a nudge. There wasn't an answer. He waited a bit and tried again, without a resounding call.
He waited longer and was nearing ready to go get something to open the lock, but suddenly there was a tiny knock back. He waited a moment, and knocked twice. She took a minute and knocked back. Paul smiled slightly at this, knocking a few more times, to which she answered. When at last he stopped, she did as well.
"Hey?" He whispered, a while past before came a mumbled but whispered,
"What?" He smiled slightly,
"Is Martha in there?" He could hear her putting her head to the door to listen,
"Yeah." He chuckled slightly putting his head against the door as well,
"Do you want t' come out?" The little girl was leaning against the door now,
"No." He frowned slightly at the whispered answer,
"Why not?" He tried, there was a short breath and a hint of sadness,
"Because then I have t' go back to mummy's." He frowned feeling the heat of her words, he shook his head,
"You don't have t' go back to mummy's until tomorrow night." He whispered. There was a short sigh. There wasn't a chance she was coming out without force,
"So you're not coming out then?" He queried,
"I dunno." He thought for a moment,
"Wait here, I'll be back." He got up and went downstairs to grab some paper and crayons.
He took a seatback in front of the door once again, and took a piece of paper drawing a quick flower on it and sliding it under the door with a crayon. There was a slight shift from her end as she took it, he could see her little hands. She pulled back and he could hear the crayon going. After a while came back the piece of paper with a sun over the flower he'd just drawn. He smiled at it and pulled it back under.
Paul went to town drawing himself on the paper, with a purple shirt and black pants and pushed it under once more. This time was waiting for it and took it back. It was a quick few minutes until it came back, this time there was a dog next to himself, he chuckled at the depiction—Martha was merely a scribble of black and grey with a red tongue in her eyes. He drew the little girl as well, next to himself mind you. He gave her a purple dress and shoved it back under.
They went at it for a while until the paper was saturated in scribbles surrounding the little girl and himself.
There wasn't any room left to draw; by now the ice had melted slightly between them. They were both laying on their stomachs with the door separating the area. She had a tiny hand under the two inch gap from the door to the wooden floor, on his side. He tentatively reached out for it. She didn't pull back at all. She merely let him put his hand atop hers. At last they'd both grown tired of the paper, he knocked again.
Finally she pulled her hand away and stood up, he backed away getting to his knees and waited. She opened the door slightly peeking out; those big brown eyes were still watery and her cheeks were tear stained. Paul held out arms for her and she quickly ran into him as he held on tight. This was where she belonged. He stroked her hair,
"Hi, baby." She mumbled something short of a hello, and played with his ear. Paul smiled and scooped her up hugging on tight still. "Did you have fun at mummy's?" She started crying at that and he could've shot himself in the forehead, he hadn't meant to remind her. He held on tight rocking slowly and shushing, she merely was wiped out; completely done with this situation. He bounced around still shushing and stroking the hair away from her eyes—he felt like a complete arse, he was the reason she was so upset. "Come 'ead, love. No more tears." He tried to explain, "I didn't mean t' hurt you little darling." He apologized quietly. She wasn't listening anymore and merely said,
"Put me down." He shook his head same as always;
"No more locking doors, baby." She wailed even louder and he flinched, she certainly had a set of lungs on her same as he and Rachael did.
"I want—DOWN!" She shrieked, he flinched once again. She was twisting away so fiercely he had to. At the she ripped away and ran downstairs. He leaned back against the wall watching her sprint down the stairs. He felt like crying himself; but refused to let any of the kids see him cry. So cooled off for a moment walking to the bedroom to throw on pajamas and get ready for bed. When he was ready he took a breath and made his way downstairs.
He heard the little girl crying whilst mumbling something. He eavesdropped in to find she was laying atop of the dog crying and talking to her. The two were in the far sitting room which wasn't really used all that much.
"And I miss my Holly too." She said to the dog patting her head whilst tears were running down her face. The dog was lapping up the tears sensing the urgency of the horrid situation. "But my mummy takes care of my William because he is sick." She explained to the dog, "And my mummy 'nd my daddy don't see each other anymore. My auntie Mo says it's because sometimes things aren't good." Paul bit his thumb and willed himself not to tear up, "And I don't want to be at my mummy's house. Or here. So maybe you 'nd me should go away together." Paul slumped down against the wall to listen in on her conversation. "And now when we look outside me and Willy see those ladies that shout and those boys with the cameras." Paul put his head down knowing she didn't understand the press one bit. "And they yell at mummy a lot too. She says it's okay though. They yell at my auntie Mo too. And my uncle Ritchie, even my uncle John and uncle Georgie." She went on, "So maybe that's different." She was still crying whilst he listened to her trying to figure things out for herself, "I don't like it very much." She was quiet for a while before she went on, "I get scared when my daddy's not there. Will does too, but Holly's still a baby so she doesn't not understand. But you probably don't get scared 'cuz you're a puppy, right?" The dog was still calm whilst the little girl laid on top of her and she continued crying holding her face against the dog's fur.
At last he couldn't take it anymore, he stood up pulling himself up and got into the room trying to pick up the little girl,
"NO!" She said, getting ready to bolt once again, he frowned kneeling down,
"Lillian—" She cut him off at that,
"You're not my daddy!" And with that she ran away out of the room. He put his aching head in his hands, he got back up and found her trying to open the front door; but she was far too short, and the knob was about a foot above her head. He watched for a moment knowing her escape was futile for the deadbolt was locked and the bloody army couldn't break down that large, solid wood door. She stopped trying to reach for the handle and tried pushing the door instead, she was miniscule in comparison; being only 30 pounds, very petite indeed.
She went on trying to kick the door, and slapping her hands against it crying even harder. He just watched the scene fall to bits,
"I WANT MY WILLIAM!" She shrieked taking a foot to the door, "AND MY HOLLY!" And she kept at slapping the door in her whirlwind. That was when she turned to him screaming all bloody give up, "WHY CAN'T THEY COME WITH ME?" She didn't give him a chance to respond, she went at him hitting his knees with all her might; it didn't hurt him in the least bit—it felt like little pats but she was trying to cause him the same pain as he was causing her, "I HATE THIS!" She screeched, "I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU OR MUMMY ANYMORE." And with that she tried to kick his feet; which still didn't hurt—it felt like a nudge. "YOU'RE NOT MY DADDY!" She repeated trying to hit his knees again. "I WISHED I NEVER EVER MEETED YOU, EVER! I WISH MY MUMMY AND ME STAYED AT THE PLACE WITH PHILLIP! AND I WISH THAT YOU AND MUMMY WOULD GO AWAY!"
"Lillian—" He warned, but she kept going,
"I WANT UNCLE MIKE—HE DOESN'T LEAVE. OR GRANDPA—" At once his temper boiled,
"Lillian, I didn't leave!" She was still shrieking all hell,
"YOU DID! YOU LEFTED LOT'S OF TIMES!" She kept at it, "AND NOW YOU LEFT MY WILLIAM AND MY HOLLY BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT HERE WITH ME!" He couldn't control himself,
"I didn't leave, they're at your mum's house, no one left!" She stamped her foot looking up at him with hatred,
"YOU DID. YOU LEFTED, AND YOU AND MUMMY ARGUE—AND NO ONE IS HAPPY ANYMORE." He couldn't fight that, but he couldn't believe the rise the five year old was getting out of him,
"IT'S NOT MY FAULT!" This little bird certainly had a set of pipes on her—she was almost shouting as loudly as he was,
"YES IT IS! BEFORE WE KNOWED YOU NO ONE YELLED 'N NO ONE CRIED LOTS! YOU'RE THE REASON WHY I CAN'T BE WITH MY HOLLY AND MY WILLIAM. IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!" And with that she went off in a storm upstairs, leaving him a final time.
"LILLIAN MARY McCARTNEY—" He shouted at the girl stomping her hardest upstairs, "YOU GET BACK HERE, LITTLE LADY. YOU DO NOT SPEAK TO ME—" She gave him the middle finger.
"That's not my name. It's Belter." She stomped the rest of the way up.
His mouth dropped open. He couldn't believe what the five year old had unleashed upon him—she'd definitely picked that up from either him or Rachael—they tried their hardest not to do inappropriate things around the kids but neither of them were perfect.
Lillian had gone from being upset that he and Rachael weren't together, to wishing them away. He couldn't believe it for a moment; she unwished the entire situation. Hell as bad as it was he couldn't imagine Lillian not being around, ever. He didn't regret the baby one bit.
He waited nearly an hour to regain feeling when he trekked upstairs. All the doors were open and he found a curled up baby on the guest bed. He quietly leaned over kissing her forehead, she woke up suddenly and turned around harshly saying,
"I'm sleeping." He just watched the little thing; so full of hate and despair because of his actions. He sighed,
"I love you, Lillian." She just pointed to the door. He got up completely defeated and went off to his own room.
He passed out thoroughly exhausted. Bit then he felt a nudge, another, and another. He woke up slightly opening one eye, he found a tiny little wide eyed girl with incredibly long lashes looking slightly up at him whilst she was hugging onto her stuffed sheepdog. He sighed ready for her to call him out with hate again, but the sweet thing did no such thing.
"Hi." He said quietly, she looked down a bit at her toes. "Are you lonely tonight?" She nodded and reached up arms slightly, he complied quickly picking her up—he definitely knew the feeling, he hated sleeping alone. She settled in quickly leaning into his shoulder and getting comfortable, that was when she mumbled a short,
"Sorry, daddy." He shook his head,
"It's alright, love." And with that she was attached to him again. He rocked for a bit longer she was still looking up at him with baby eyes; he felt awful—why did he have to have such a horrid relationship with her mummy?
"How come my Holly 'nd my William can't come with me here?" He gulped back a short breath finally having to explain it,
"Because sometimes…" He stopped at that; he didn't want to say that William and Holly weren't biologically his, he wanted the girl to love her brother and sister the same as she always had. "Because sometimes mummy and daddy argue." He admitted. She looked up at him whilst he held her,
"Auntie Mo says it's because sometimes things aren't good." He nodded agreeing to the statement, Maureen had summed it up perfectly. But then she asked, "Why can't things be good then? And then you could come to live with all of us forever." He was heartbroken at the question. Hell, he didn't know.
"I…" He sighed, "I don't know." She looked up at him like he should've known the answer. He wished badly that he did. He wished that he could give her what she wanted. He couldn't. Her lip quivered slightly; "Oh come 'ead love, no need for crying." He tried, she did though. She shook quietly whilst tears ran down her cheeks, he brought her back to his shoulder rocking her same as he did Holly,
"I want to live here with you, daddy." She mumbled. He nodded slowly. She was clinging onto him afraid to let go, he rubbed her back slightly—how in the world had this happened so quickly? But then he said,
"But you still have to live with your mummy." She shook her head and said,
"No more." He sighed trying to explain it to her,
"Sweetheart, you have t' spend half the time with mummy, and half th' time with me." He attempted, she shook her head,
"No. 'Cuz I don't want t' leave my Holly or my William again." She was still sobbing, he got up to walk around with her shushing and bouncing slightly—what in the world had he just told him? She wanted to stay here full time because she couldn't handle having to leave her siblings. He couldn't do this anymore. After a bit she was too tired to carry on with it so she passed out.
He did as well.
