Yeah, it's been a long time... again. Hope you're still all there, waiting for an update... and I hope you can't wait to review ;)
So, have fun!
53 Celebrate Summer
Raven was looking forward to the summer holidays like a school girl, which was somewhat funny because she had long left school and hadn't much appreciated that time of the year anyway, when she was still a student at Hogwarts- well, except for the first year, perhaps. In later years, however, summer holidays had always meant a time of separation, of not being able to be with Severus and missing him. But this year, it would be different. This year, summer was time for reunion. After all these months of misery and longing, Severus would finally be back in her life.
There was so much she had to tell him! Nothing new about Auror training, of course, since she still hadn't bothered to file in another useless application that would only end in another polite rejection, and she was tired of running the same stupid procedure every year.
Instead, she had focussed her energy on all the projects that were more important to her, like spying or visiting the course in autopsy at the Faculty of Medicine in London. Or trying to improve her Patronus.
After finally realizing that she was far from conjuring up a dangerous monster, the Patronus Charm had become much easier to cast and also to handle; she had even learned to master its size and was now able to cast a fully-fledged corporal Patronus that was smaller than its real life counterpart and therefore more... manageable. A handy little Tyrannosaurus Rex that dutifully distributed silly messages between Regulus and herself.
She hadn't yet dared to send it to Severus, though. They were still in the trial period, not knowing if the Patronus was clever enough to only appear at opportune moments, meaning when Severus was neither meeting the Dark Lord nor Dumbledore. Somehow, Raven doubted its cleverness- or was it decency?- since Dumbledore's phoenix had often interrupted at the most inopportune moments. But probably that was simply in the headmaster's nature, deeming himself and his affairs top priority, and not caring about invading the privacy of others.
On the other hand, Dumbledore was no fool either. Although he may risk Severus' life- as he did every time he sent him on spying business- he was hardly willing to risk the Greater Good, and therefore his Patronus might have known (at least) when it was safe enough to deliver a message. Nevertheless, Raven and Regulus had decided to wait for the result of their trial period. Safety ranked first. And so, Severus did still not know about their success in destroying another Horcrux. He would have to wait until the summer holidays. After all, the communication ban had been his idea and now he had to live with the news embargo.
Unconsciously, Raven was perhaps a tad annoyed- at him, or at herself, or whatever. She should have been happy about having finally succeeded in casting a fully fledged, corporal Patronus and being able to handle it better with each day, but somehow it bugged her tremendously how very fucking easy managing that damned Patronus Charm had been to Regulus. Apparently, the whelp had merely needed the know-how and the right incantation and BAM! there was his pretty little silvery fox. Were his happy memories happier than hers? Or more prominent? Or was he simply more confident, more sure of himself than she was? The steadfast self-esteem that was so typical for the Blacks, which often obtruded the idea of arrogance on others, and when it came to Sirius it was definitely true. But Regulus was not like his older brother, although he, too, could radiate the air of haughtiness. Sometimes.
He had changed a lot, though. They were really good friends, now, and Raven should really not envy him because- at the moment- his relationship with Edie seemed to be on the upgrade (which showed in his Patronus, since his silvery vixen reminded her of a silvery cartoon-like version of Edie). However, Regulus hadn't yet mentioned that they were an item, and neither had Edie- but it was plain to see that something must have happened between the two of them. Edie didn't badmouth him as hard as she used to do, and the glances she was giving him in secrecy were a reliable indicator that she didn't even consider him her favourite class enemy anymore.
Of course, Raven was happy for her, for him, for both of them. If only that wouldn't show her quite blatant how very vague her own relationship with Severus was. In good moments, her optimism won over and she was still hopeful, but in bad moments that came with dark and lonely nights, she often wondered if hope was really in order or just an illusion, and did it make sense to keep clinging to an illusion when all the most happy memories she could think of weren't related to the love of her life but to a deceased rock star?
Nevertheless, she was anticipating Severus' return. Actually, she anticipated it so much that she went to Kings Cross Station on June 30th, waiting for the the Hogwarts Express to pull in while platform 9 3/4 was getting crowded with parents, all waiting for their kids.
Of course, she was wearing a glamour, knowing all too well that he wanted to avoid being connected with her. He preferred to keep her a secret and stated it was for her own safety, but sometimes she wished he would give a damn on safety and simply stand by her.
Well, that was another illusion, unlikely to happen...
Finally, the Hogwarts Express arrived. It pulled into the station like a relict from the past, emitting puffy of steam and smoke as it did so, and it looked really antiquated in comparison to all the shiny and modern trains.
Flocks of children of all ages emerged. All of a sudden, the air was filled with the sounds of happiness and laughter as families reunited. They hugged and kissed, trunks were loaded on trolleys, and soon the happy families walked away with no need to linger, while Raven was still standing there behind a pillar on platform 9 3/4, wearing her glamour. But no one cared, and no one noticed her. The Hogwarts Express emptied, but no Severus got out and it became obvious that Raven had waited in vain.
Probably, she should have known that he wouldn't be on the train. Actually, she'd
almost expected him to not be, since he knew other means of transport than travelling with a bunch of children he- to put it mildly- found annoying if not downright irritating.
Raven didn't worry. Instead, she hurried home, hoping he was already there.
Again, she got disappointed. Severus hadn't yet returned home and he didn't do so for the rest of the day. Of course there was no note, or message, or anything like that. Just the emptiness of her apartment.
She tried not to worry, knowing that there might be many things that could have kept him at Hogwarts, and most of the reasons were probably down to Dumbledore. Or there was a batch of potion he still had to finish (she was certain that despite of his crammed workload he hadn't given up brewing in private, improving potions or creating new ones)
There were certainly many simple reason for his absence- most of them annoying- and therefore no use to speculate on the worst case scenario, meaning that one of his prodigious masters had finally managed to get him killed. But she would have known that. Although her Patronus was definitely not connected to her happy memories of him, she simply knew that nothing grave had happened to Severus.
And so she kept on waiting for him while running her daily errands. Unfortunately, it didn't improve her mood since the longing was too strong and she was growing impatient. There were moments she wished she could send her not-downsized Patronus yelling at him where the hell he was. The very idea made her smile.
-o-
Severus finally came home almost two days later than expected. It was late at night and if he'd thought he could simply sneak in silently, he'd clearly underestimated Raven. He should have known that his plan would fail, but, to his excuse, it should be pointed out that he was unfamiliar with being missed by a loving witch. And yet, he was not surprised when he saw the warm glow of light coming from the kitchen. The sound of music made his lips twitch to an almost smile.
So this was what coming home felt like. It differed from just simply returning to a place he lived, and it also differed from coming home after a long shift in the labs of St Mungo's; most of all it differed from returning to the dungeons which he'd inhabited for more than half a year.
This place was never cold, never silent. It was warm and welcoming, filled with music. Alright, it weren't the sweet melodies of paradise... but it was home. It felt like home.
Although it had been his intention not to wake Raven, it soon became obvious that of course she was still awake, waiting for him. He should have known that. Actually, that was exactly what he'd always longed for- coming home and having been missed, feeling welcome. But he was still living in denial, not admitting (not even to himself) how much he'd missed her and how lonely he'd been without her. Because it wasn't wise to have these feelings; because it was not the right time for romance, and much too dangerous anyway.
His heart, however, (treacherous as is was), didn't give a damn about reason when it almost skipped a beat at the sight of Raven coming from the kitchen, her hair an unruly mess of still berry-wine shades. He'd never thought he'd grow accustomed to it but now he even appreciated the unusual colour. Severus dropped his trunk, which he had reduced to a more handy size.
"Sev!" She cried out as she flung herself onto him to give him a hug and a kiss, smiling happily. "You're back! Finally!" Then she held him at arm-length, apparently to study his face, and when she realized that he seemed to be well, her smile turned into a frown and her eyes darkened with what appeared to be anger as she accused him of being an uncaring idiot.
Severus arched an inquisitive brow at her, not quite knowing what was angering her. Useless to say that he found out soon enough; it was for keeping her waiting and worrying.
It was almost too much drama for him. It had been a long, tedious day filled with irksome obligations, all he wanted was to go to bed and sleep
"I thought we'd agreed-" he began, but she cut him short at once.
"Agreed? I beg your pardon, love, it's more like you decided for us, leaving me no room for objection. It was just another one of your many lonely decisions."
"I am aware that not all of the decisions I made were wise, thank you very much for reminding me of all my horrible mistakes, but at least I didn't endanger you or someone else with this one. Therefore, not staying in contact with you was definitely sensible," Severus hissed in a waspish tone that would have given his students the creeps but failed to impress Raven.
"Well, then it was also very sensible of us to not inform you that we managed to destroy another Horcrux, wasn't it?"
"Considering that you came to borrow my dagger, I actually expected you to succeed in stabbing that darn thing. If you hadn't, and the Dark Lord had gotten wind of your failure, I'd be long dead or worse by now."
"Great!" Raven snapped, wondering if that was all the praise she was going to get. Mind, she wasn't fishing for compliments but she had decidedly expected a more enthusiastic reaction.
"Raven," Severus said in a more peaceable tone, "I appreciate your effort; I really do. And perhaps it would have made my day, hearing of your success- nonetheless, it was a sensible decision to not contact me about it since all means of magical communication are being monitored."
"Well, not really all of them."
Again, Severus arched a brow at her, so Raven continued.
"Well, how does Dumbledore contact you?"
His eyes seemed to flash up in silent understanding, making the deep dark blackness of them appear somewhat warmer and more penetrable. Of course he knew what she was talking about- Dumbledore's Patronus. The annoying beast that so often came to pester him at the most inopportune moments.
"I see that rings a bell... but before you mention that it's advanced magic and only meant for those magnanimous, courageous Gryffindorks who constantly want to save the world, let me tell you that it works for Slytherins, too. Reg and I spent the past few weeks trying to master it, and we were quite successful."
If didn't make him smile as it should have, but she couldn't possibly know what was bugging him now. Actually, he didn't know it either because it would have meant accepting (or even admitting) the inevitable fact that he was slightly jealous. True, he cared for her. After all, they were friends. Best friends. But who was he trying to fool now? What he felt for her was more than just friendship, and so he envied Regulus, the pretty posh boy, for all the time he'd spent with Raven while he was far away at Hogwarts... and Regulus was decidedly the more attractive one of them. The Black boy had everything that he, Severus, had not. Good looks, wealth... a future less uncertain than his very own.
Nevertheless, Raven still seemed to care for him, or she wouldn't have been so upset about his delayed return- but no, he shouldn't been having these thoughts. It wasn't the opportune moment to start... or to continue... anything like that. .
"I can teach you," he heard her say; her words seem to come from very far away and he forced himself to focus on the here and now while cursing himself for daydreaming, angry about being silly and sloppy. What was she talking about? Ah right, the Patronus Charm...
-o-
"… not very hard, actually, once you know how it works," Raven kept talking on, having no clue about Severus' inner turmoil since his mien was inscrutable, not giving anything away, and she was too excited, too happy about his return, to even think of Legilimency now- let alone that it wasn't very polite (and even less romantic) to welcome the one you love with a mind rape, no matter how gentle you did it. And so she tried to bridge the gap of awkwardness that accompanied his return with silly chatter about the Patronus Charm and how her monstrous T. Rex Patronus had chased Reg's silvery fox through her kitchen...
Kitchen! All of a sudden sherecalledthe food she had prepared for him and that (thanks to magic) was still waiting in the kitchen. Merlin, she was such a lousy host! She just... well, she had so longed for his return, had so wanted it to be perfect- but somehow she'd managed to fuck it up. Their reunion had not gone as joyfully as expected.
Raven fell silent. It was obvious that Severus wasn't really interested in all the funny stories about Patronuses; he wanted to know how to cast one. For a moment she even thought he'd ask her to teach him right now, and of course that was more due to his thirst for knowledge than for his need to being able to communicate with her.
She heaved a sigh that cut in on that train of thought of his and informed him that there was dinner waiting in the kitchen.
-o-
His face fell ever so slightly, but Severus was keen for it to go unnoticed since he didn't want to disappoint Raven more than he'd done already. He knew she had expected more- much more than he could give. This was not the right time to rekindle whatever had been between them before he'd gone to Hogwarts. He was tired. Those last two days with headmaster Dumbledore had been exceedingly tedious, and he only longed to go to bed. But he simply couldn't say he wasn't hungry when his treacherous stomach betrayed him with a loud and greedy rumble.
So he gave in. Besides, it really smelled too alluring.
Home wasn't only the sound of music, the bubbling light of lava lamps- it was also the delicious scent of garlic and spices wafting through the kitchen, often mingled with the warm aroma of incense. He'd longed for that almost every time he'd had dinner in the Great Hall of Hogwarts, being put on display at the High Table.
Raven poured a glass of wine for him. It was cheap and red and wonderful, tasting of sun-spoiled vineyards in Mediterranean countries that (though he'd never visited) came alive in his glass until he could almost envision the dried red soil, the green of the leaves, the purple ripeness of the grapes...
Also, the wine made him relax. For a while, he forgot the pressure lasting on his shoulders, weighing him down, and he could simply be the young wizard that he was.
In the morning, however, Severus regretted his obvious weakness and he was angry at himself for being so fucking inconsequent. Hadn't he told himself over and over again that it was decidedly unwise to start anything with Raven? So why was her warm, naked body in his arms now?
Mind, he didn't regret last night per se, and a part of him had longed for that exactly- yet, it hadn't been wise to goad her with ideas of a happy ending that most certainly wouldn't come true. It was too absurd. There was absolutely no sensible reason to sustain an impossible situation.
He couldn't even explain his irrational behaviour. Perhaps, it was too easy to blame it on the wine, since Severus had gotten used to its dazzling effects by now, so that couldn't be the only reason. And who had started it anyway?
The food had been perfect. Simple but perfect. Also, it had been nice to dine in a more agreeable company than at Hogwarts. Raven had done most of the talking, babbling on and on about the newest acts in Muggle music and some other things she thought might be interesting for him to know... he had listened, mesmerized by her sparkling blue eyes and the way she ran her fingers through her red-berry-wine coloured hair... and he hadn't objected when she had invited him to her room in order to listen to some records that- according to her words- he just had to listen to. Right now. Severus had given in, enjoying the normality of the moment... until, at some point, they had suddenly started snogging, and from snogging it had only been a stone's throw to ending up in bed with her...
Was he really that weak? Fuck! Why was it so very fucking hard to resist?
He should have known better. There was no room for any romantic relationship with whomever in his life. Raven knew that, too! And yet, she always managed to make him compliable, yielding to her touch, for her kiss... make him believe in the impossible that was just an illusion. He couldn't give her what she deserved and he didn't deserve all that she promised him. Not here, not now, and probably not ever. Not while he was still striving for redemption, for failing Lily. He had betrayed her, and he still had to pay the price for it.
Fuck!
If only... oh, if only it wouldn't feel so fucking good to hold the warm and naked body of a loving witch in his arms! Severus stole a surreptitious glance at Raven, and was surprised how much his heart ached for her, but he kept telling himself that clinging on to illusions was not a wise solution for someone in his position. Being too deeply involved with her would only endanger her, and he didn't want that to happen at all.
She opened her eyes, blinked, and smiled at him. Although he didn't really want to spoil that moment, he nevertheless opted for rationality by telling her that last night shouldn't have happened and she knew the reasons why.
Of course, his statement made her face fall and he hated himself for hurting her because it also pained him, irrationally, but someone had to be sensible now.
To his surprise, she didn't protest, didn't try to confront him with her emotions against his reason, and yes, he'd expected some drama or even tears because that would have affected him more than words although he hated to admit it.
Instead, she simply rose from the bed and, getting to her feet, wrapped her naked form in a black morning gown, before she walked towards the kitchen, asking pointedly, "Coffee?"
Severus silenced a frustrated growl and cursed himself for having fucked it up again, not quite understanding his own reaction.
-o-
"Alright," Raven said, sounding perfectly sensible when Severus finally joined her in the kitchen. She placed a cup of coffee in front of him but had apparently not bothered to prepare any breakfast. "Let's focus on more relevant matters- I already informed Regulus about your return and he'll be with us in a few minutes, so we can start practising the Patronus Charm."
"Great!" Severus replied as he sipped his coffee, wishing things would be different. Although he was always keen on learning something new, he didn't quite like the way this morning had developed- She was a tad too cool for his liking. On the other hand, he appreciated her professional approach... It was reasonable and he could deal so much better with reason than with emotions.
But what did they need the whelp for? He would have preferred to practice with Raven. Alone.
-o-
The instruction sounded simple, almost ridiculously simple, and Severus considered himself quite a capable wizard- he had mastered much more advanced curses and spells than that, he had even created some rather effective spells. It couldn't be that hard to think of a happy memory and speak the incantation.
Alas, it didn't work. He failed to conjure up a corporal Patronus. His wand emitted an impressive flash of light that shone bright but refused to take on any concrete shape.
"Not bad," Regulus said, "at least you can shoo away a flock of Dementors with that. But we need the corporal thing to communicate. May I suggest you try another memory?"
When had the whelp become such an insufferable smart-ass? Severus thought grumpily. Of course, the posh boy had no problems to come up with a happy memory, given that he'd grown up in the comfort of wealth and not in a dunghill like Spinner's End. At the moment, he didn't want to take into consideration that he might be doing him wrong since wealth was no warrantor for happiness; he was too annoyed with the easiness Regulus' fox Patronus was frolicking through the kitchen, accompanied by Raven's tamed (meaning minimised) Tyrannosaurus Rex Patronus. A pretty little T. Rex. It suited her- Severus knew what the music of that Muggle band meant to her, and yet he wondered why the memory of Marc Bolan seemed to be her happiest... it was stupid, totally absurd to wish that he could have triggered her Patronus... and it wouldn't be fair, anyway...
"You know," she said as if she knew what he was mulling over but without using Legilimency on him, "perhaps it's not the one you love, or you think you love, that gives you the happiest memory."
Severus averted his gaze to avoid her noticing he was blushing like a stupid, daft boy while at the same time he realized she might have said something... relevant. Perhaps she was right and the solution to mastering the Patronus Charm was not Lily... perhaps not even Raven... but something more... more himself...
-o-
"Yes! You did it!" Raven cheered enthusiastically when the diffuse light at the end of Severus' wand took on a more concrete form.
"Very good!" Regulus clapped his hands, also cheering for his friend.
Meanwhile, Severus glared at his Patronus. It was without doubt a bat.
A bat! He groaned silently, still hearing the taunts of his students, whispering he looked like an overgrown bat in his billowing robes- some even claimed he was a vampire. Well, he'd never minded those rumours for they'd surely gained him some respect, no matter how dubious... but a bat Patronus? Although he wasn't vain he'd hoped for something more... impressive... (while on the other hand not quite as impressive as a bloody dinosaur)
But you couldn't chose your Patronus, as well as you couldn't chose your Animagus form, and it made no sense to bother about the outcome when there was nothing he could do about it anyway. He'd mastered the Patronus Charm, and that was all that mattered. Now heonly had to bring it to perfection as it was his standard.
-o-
For a short while, Severus actually enjoyed his summer holidays. No one bothered him; Dumbledore left him alone and the Dark Lord didn't request his service either. He had plenty of time to practise the Patronus Charm until he could conjure it up even faster than Raven or Regulus, and they also had a daily training bout in practical Defence against the Dark Arts. If there was time left, he liked to busy himself with experimental potions, but most of the time his friends had other plans for him.
First, he thought them absurd- had they forgotten about the war in their world or why did they have to drag him to Muggle night clubs and concerts? It was mightily counterproductive to what they should do, like fighting the Dark Lord. But then he realized that distraction was a good thing, and he liked the new music his friends introduced him to because it was just as gloomy as their future; people were dressing in black as if going to their own funeral. Sometimes he wondered if those Muggles guessed what was going on in the wizarding world, a world they didn't even know or knew that it existed... on the other hand, those weren't normal Muggles. And in the end, these nights out seemed to give him more strength than Dumbledore's sermons.
Alas, good times never lasted long, at least not in Severus' life. He knew that all too well, and therefore it came as no surprise to him that his almost perfect summer holidays ended in a blast.
It was the first week of August 1981 when Severus woke to the sound of Dumbledore's urgent voice, asking him to show up in his office at Hogwarts immediately.
Grumpily, Severus glared at the bright Phoenix Patronus and cursed it silently. It had been a long night, and he was still sleepy, but the urgency in Dumbledore's voice left him no choice but to get up and Apparate to Hogwarts.
"What's up?" Raven murmured in her sleep as she dozily reached out for him.
He rolled his eyes at his own inconsequence. Yes, he had told himself over and over again that it wasn't wise to keep up whatever relationship with Raven, but the past few weeks had been so peacefully and pleasant, everything had been so very relaxed and agreeable- they hadn't even talked about sharing one bed; it had simply become a habit. And he wasn't even in the mood to damn it now. Of course it had to end, and probably it would end today when he'd met Dumbledore.
For the moment, however, he simply opted for breathing a kiss on her forehead, saying, "I'll let you know," before he left the apartment and Apparated to Hogwarts.
-o-
"I have very bad news for you, Severus," Dumbledore said outright when the younger wizard appeared in his office, and he didn't even try to beat around the bush,"your mother died last night."
Severus stared at the Headmaster but didn't feel anything, so he remained silent.
"Did you understand, boy? Your mother died in Azkaban last night."
"Yes," Severus whispered, having understood pretty well. It just didn't touch him as much as it should have. After all, mother had been sentenced to fifteen years in Azkaban for attempting to kill his Muggle father, which was a serious crime, and perhaps father would be dead by now if he hadn't interfered...
"You are aware of what that means, Severus?"
What did the old man expect? Did he expect him to cry like a child for having lost his mummy? He had no memory of a loving mother, all he could remember were endless battles between his parents, mostly due to mother's idea of blood supremacy- but that was not what Dumbledore was hinting at, and it took Severus a moment to realize what it was instead.
Of course! Mother was a pure-blood witch and she died in Azkaban for attempting to murder her Muggle husband, which was not a crime in the eyes of Lord Voldemort and his followers. According to their ideology, Eileen was right. She should have been able to murder a Muggle and get away with it. That she got sent to Azkaban was an error of justice- in their eyes- and who was to blame for it? The filthy Muggle. His father.
"I see you're beginning to understand, my dear boy." Dumbledore was watching him with twinkling eyes that were a perfect disguise for a sharp mind trying to figure him out, a sharp mind that still didn't trust him completely and was waiting for a reaction, any reaction.
But Severus didn't give him that pleasure. His mien remained perfectly inscrutable, and by the way, he didn't trust the old man either. Dumbledore was playing his own game- for the Order, for the Greater Good (whatever that meant.) Of course he wanted to hear that Severus would do anything to save his Muggle father because it was the right, the decent thing, but on the other hand he was definitely not willing to give up his spy, which would inevitability happen should Severus chose to protect Tobias Snape against Voldemort.
What a bloody dilemma! He knew already that it wouldn't take long until the Dark Lord would order his presence and then he'd likely get the permission to kill his father. He could already feel his bracelet itching... it was, like Raven called it, an ugly thing made of leather and cold metal, its ornament showing the same snake and skull as in the Dark Mark, only it wasn't inked to his skin. He couldn't take it off, either, but that was a minor constraint to being marred for life, and he was grateful for the Dark Lord's concession.
When Lord V called him, it would burn- it was a cold heat, one that agonized the brain and left you in pain until you obeyed to His call. At the moment, however, it was still cold.
Severus rose from his chair and thanked Dumbledore politely for the information. The old wizard arched a brow at him.
"What are you going to do now, Severus? You know what's at risk, don't you? Nevertheless, I expect you to do the right thing, my dear boy."
Whatever that is... He bowed, mumbled, "Of course," and left the Headmaster's office with all the whispering portraits of all the former headmasters, and only one of them winked at him.
-o-
The air outside the castle was warm, but not as hot and sticky as in London. While he hurried across the grounds towards the Apparation place, he was mulling over the situation.
His mother was dead- so be it. He still felt no pain about it, only a faint remorse for the woman who'd given birth to him only to throw him in a battle of shouting and abuse with his Muggle father. She had poisoned his relationship with his father, and it didn't matter now whether he liked or disliked Tobias Snape, he simply couldn't blame him alone for his miserable childhood. He was not a bad man per se; in fact, he had proven to be a loving companion to Anna Bertolli.
The Dark Lord would kill Anna, too. Without even blinking an eye- but no, He would make him murder them and mask it as a show of loyalty...
He felt sick. Was there anything he could do except waiting for the Dark Lord's instructions, which would come inevitably?
His heart was beating faster; he could almost feel the heat radiating from his damnable bracelet, although it was still cold. But for how long? How much time did he have left to save his father and Anna Bertolli without the Dark Lord finding out about it?
Severus decided to send his Patronus to Raven, glad for having learned that spell He gave her a short explanation of the circumstances, knowing she was quick on the uptake, so perhaps she would come up with a plan.
Only a little later, her little T. Rex Patronus appeared in front of his eyes; it looked like silvery dust against the dark outline of the Forbidden Forest and was probably an even stranger sight than its inhabitants. The corners of his mouth twitched a little when the little beastie spoke in Raven's voice, 'Don't worry, love, I know what to do.'
Now, he couldn't hide a tiny smile; she really was quick on the uptake! A feeling of warmth was spreading through his bones and a very warm feeling was spreading through his body, making him wish he'd be a better man... someone this wonderful witch deserved. But instead, he kept hurting her over and over again because he couldn't be with her. The problem was, he couldn't be without her, either, as the last weeks had proven...
The warm feeling increased until it hit its peak not in his loins but in his left wrist where the bloody bracelet was; the damned thing seemed to cut into his skin with burning pain. The Dark Lord was calling his loyal servant.
-o-
"Pronto!" Anna Bertolli called when someone knocked her door with an urgency she considered as impolite given that it everybody in the quarter knew her shop was closed for the weekend. She didn't even have to wonder long for who possessed the nerve to knock in such a way because the door opened without her doing, and Raven Lestrange entered.
It's been a while since she'd last met Raven, Severus' girlfriend, and she had to blink twice to recognize her due to her strangely coloured hair, which looked quite like the punks in the streets.
"Cara mia! What's going on?"
Meanwhile, Tobias was at her side, wrapping a protective arm around her shoulder while he stared, just as puzzled as she was, at the guy accompanying Raven. He was tall and handsome but dressed in black with messy hair like a punk.
"What-" Tobias Snape demanded but was immediately cut short by Raven.
"Sorry, we've got no time for long explanations. You've got to hurry. Pack a few things, you're leaving for Italy."
"Italia?" Anna gasped. It had been a long time, a very long time since she'd last visited her home country, and of course she'd always dreamed to show Tobias the beauties of Tuscany and especially the small town where she had grown up, Porcari near Lucca. But though her grocery made her living, there was hardly any money left to afford such a trip. "But how? Why?"
"Don't worry, everything is arranged already," the guy said with a smile, then he introduced himself. "Hi I'm Reg. I'm a friend of your son."
"Are you also a-"
Raven interrupted Tobias before he could say freak or something similar stupid. "Mr Snape, Eileen died last night."
"Oh," the older man acknowledged, appearing slightly ashamed because he had not thought of his wife in a long time. He hadn't even considered a divorce since he didn't know how to get divorced from a witch. "I'm sorry to hear that," he said nevertheless, and somehow, it sounded honest. Tobias had never wanted it to end that way.
"However, that means you're in danger."
Tobias flashed Raven a confused glance. "Why? I don't understand. Didn't those wizard police officers take care of her? How can she harm me now she's dead? And where's Severus?"
"Well, you might already know that there are extremists in our society, wizards and witches that share a radical ideology concerning Muggles. They are sort of a terrorist organisation- like the IRA- and their influence is very strong nowadays. Their leader is a mighty wizard who will consider it a crime that a pure-blood witch like Eileen died in Azkaban only because she tried to kill you, a Muggle. It is likely that he wants to seek revenge, meaning he wants your death-"
"But then we have to inform the police!" Tobias burst out, only to realize the flaw in his plan immediately. He couldn't call the local police and say, 'please help me officers, there is a magical terrorist organisation trying to murder me.' "Well, what about your wizarding police then? Those guys that came and took Eileen away?"
"Sorry, I fear they're too occupied otherwise. Now hurry packing. Your flight is already booked and you don't wanna miss it."
"Where is Severus? Is he alright?"
"Yes, he is but you'll endanger him if you linger. The Dark Lord might feel inclined and choose him to be your assassin... ah, it's a long story..."
Tobias paled, gasping, while Anna stifled a cry, one hand covering her mouth.
"Sev is, um... undercover in that terrorist organisation," Regulus explained, and the way he did it earned him a grateful smile from Raven who was great when it came to plotting (her plan was really good) but apparently she had no knack in dealing with terrified Muggles. "But don't worry. He'll be fine as long as you keep to Raven's instructions. We'll get you out of this country safe, and once you're safe, Severus will be, too. So hurry up, now. If you're still there when he arrives he will undoubtedly blow his cover and risk his life for yours."
"Oh my God!" Tobias whispered, visibly shocked, but Regulus' explanation got him moving. At once, he started throwing some random clothing into an old suitcase. "What has he gotten into? I always thought he's more like a scientist, working in a lab or so. Why is he undercover in that terrorist organisation now? Why is he risking his life?"
Raven didn't know what to say since she didn't have the heart to tell him that part of Severus' involvement in Lord V's fraternity was due to is miserable childhood, the constant fights between his parents, because it was obvious that Tobias Snape really worried about his son.
Again, it was Regulus who came up with an explanation that sounded not only plausible but was also comforting. "Sir, our world is at war, and in times of war, people have to stand up and choose a side. But sometimes it's not overly effective to simply choose white over black when desperate times call for desperate measures, and every single one is asked to act according to the best of their abilities."
"Young man, I know you're trying to tell me that my son is very brave. I know that already." Tobias Snape was just about to put a photo album into his suitcase but then he paused, picked it up again and took out a single picture. It showed him and a very young Severus laughing into the camera, a Manchester City fan scarf wrapped around their necks. He handed it to Raven. "Here, give that to my boy, please. Perhaps he will remember that day. He may not know that I'm... um, quite fond of him- for sure I wasn't the perfect dad- but then again it wasn't always easy."
"He knows," Raven nodded as she stored the picture, and she didn't even blame Tobias Snape for all that went to terribly wrong between him and Severus. It would have been so easy- but in the end, he was just a simple man who made a big mistake by marrying Eileen Prince, a pure-blood witch still sticking on to old prejudices she had imbibed from her infancy. And now her death left such a fucking mess!
-o-
In the end, all went well. Raven and Regulus took Tobias Snape and Anna Bertolli to Heathrow airport just in time for them to board a plane to Rome, Italy (admittedly, that was quite a distance from Porcari in Tuscany, but still the best and fastest way to get them out of England safe and sound.) They used an illegal, unregistered Portkey that couldn't be tracked, and at Heathrow, Edie was already waiting for them with forged passports for Mr. and Mrs. Moretti, another measure to ensure their safety. Besides, Tobias Snape had never been abroad therefore he didn't have a passport anyway.
They watched the plane take off, feeling relieved that Severus' father and Anna would be safe in Italy. That part had gone well, now they were hoping for Severus to do a thorough job, too. Mind, they didn't doubt his aptitude but it was a dangerous affair nonetheless since he had to affirm his loyalty to Lord V who was known to be a merciless judge. And there was still one thing left they had to do, a thing they didn't like to do. But it was necessary for the desired outcome of their plan.
-o-
"Severus!" The Dark Lord almost smiled at the return of his loyal follower. "Do you have good news for me?"
"My mother's premature death is avenged." Severus reported.
"Splendid!" Voldemort clapped his hands before he insisted, "Show me your wand."
Wearing an inscrutable mien, Severus obeyed and handed his wand over; he knew there was no use in uttering a protest. The Dark Lord didn't tolerate disobedience, the result would be fatal.
Without his wand, he was feeling totally helpless and vulnerable. If he was scared, it didn't show, but his heart was definitely beating a tad faster when Lord Voldemort inspected his wand and hissed, 'Prior Incantato'.
Cold sweat was running down his spine. What was the last spell he had cast? Had he sent his Patronus to Raven after shooting the Killing Curse? No, he hadn't. Using the Killing Curse- twice- had drained so much of his energy that he hadn't been able to even think of conjuring a Patronus. Instead, he had Apparated to the Dark Lord's hideout straight.
Voldemort licked his lips when the wand emitted a ghost image of the Avada Kedavra; he seemed to be enjoying the ghostly green light.
"Well," he said as he tossed the wand in front of Severus' feet, "that was an acceptable reaction. A quick and clean death. But why did you burn the house down?"
As Severus picked up his wand he thought of all the reasons he couldn't tell the Dark Lord. For an instant we wasn't paying attention, which was a mistake because otherwise he would have noticed Voldemort aiming his wand at him and he would have been prepared- on the other hand, you can never be prepared for the excruciating pain of the Cruciatus Curse. Wincing, he curled up on the floor.
Fortunately, the Dark Lord soon lost interest in torturing him. Nevertheless it took Severus a while to gather his limbs and his mind, and he recalled the Dark Lord's question that was still waiting for an answer. The Dark Lord always expected answers.
"My Lord... I wanted to do it thoroughly..." he panted.
"Yes," Voldemort sounded slightly impatient, "I know you want to please, Severus. Therefore I'm asking you why you burned the house down after killing those Muggles. Why did you not burn them on the stake of their house? Why did you not make them suffer?" He aimed his wand at Severus again, whispering 'Crucio' and again Severus buckled and bent down in pain, but it wasn't as intolerable as before since the Dark Lord seemed to be bored of torturing his servant. "Ah, you may leave now. Go and celebrate your success before the old codger calls you to inform you that you are an orphan now. You may shed a few tears about your loss in his presence- Dumbledore just loves tragedy and sorrow. Impress him so he won't suspect you. I still need you in his good books for a while."
Dumbledore! Severus rolled his eyes as he bowed to the Dark Lord. He'd almost forgotten about him, but Voldemort was right, the Headmaster would undoubtedly call him before the night was over. The fire must have alerted the Muggle authorities: the fire brigade, the police... and later, even the Aurors.
But that was the plan. They all had to believe that Tobias Snape died in the fire, together with Anna Bertolli. Only if they were officially pronounced dead, they were safe.
-o-
"Severus! Please come in," Dumbledore chimed in a jovial tone, "You know why I asked for this unexpected meeting, don't you?"
Severus nodded, but this meeting didn't come as a surprise to him. He had expected- and dreaded- it. He was just so fucking tired, mentally and physically exhausted. Would this night never end?
He waited for the old man to speak, waited for the accusations that would undoubtedly come. Dumbledore was always good at making him feel guilty. Well, sometimes he actually was. He was guilty at telling Voldemort of the prophecy, guilty at endangering Lily's life. But he wasn't guilty now, even if Dumbledore tried to give him the feeling.
"I have been told your father is dead."
"Is he?"
"You killed him!"
"Did I?"
"Severus, you killed your father in cold blood. The Aurors investigating the crime scene said the Killing Curse was used on Tobias Snape and a certain Miss Anna Bertolli, after that the house was set ablaze."
"Indeed?"
"Severus! Please don't insult my intelligence. We both know you were not under the influence of the Imperius Curse when you visited your father, so don't try to fool me. I am aware of the fact that you were never very fond of your Muggle father, and yes, I didn't want you to blow your cover. But you killed two human beings. That is an unforgivable crime, even for a spy. There must have been other ways to prove your loyalty to Voldemort.
"I gave you a chance, Severus; I believed in you. I really thought you had changed and regretted your mistakes. Tell me, Severus, what shall I do now?"
Severus met Dumbledore's twinkling blue eyes with stoical silence.
"I really should call the Aurors," Dumbledore said. "I should have long called them but I wanted to give you a chance to explain yourself."
Really? Severus thought. If the Headmaster were so very keen on convicting me of murder for the sake of justice, the Aurors would have been waiting for me. So wasn't it rather that he was still looking for a way to keep his useful spy?
"I'm waiting, Severus. What do you have to say to it?"
"Well," Severus began, arching a brow at Dumbledore, "you said the Aurors investigated the crime scene, which is not true. At least they didn't do this with the required accuracy. They should have been more thorough instead of simply jumping to a conclusion."
"They found two burnt bodies, obviously victims of the Killing Curse they could still sense. These are facts, Severus, not jumping to a conclusion."
"I beg your pardon, sir, but you're wrong. "Severus said pointedly, feeling quite smug for being such an attentive listener, therefore remembering what Raven had told him about the autopsy classes she had visited at the Muggle Faculty of Medicine in London. Now, that knowledge came in handy. "Your alleged facts aren't more than random guesses, lacking any evidentiary value. Apparently the Aurors are sorely in need of decent forensics, otherwise they would have noticed that I killed the bodies after they died a natural death and before they became charcoal. If I may hazard a guess, they didn't even examine if the dental notation of the bodies coincides with the assumed victims, nor was the time of death properly determined."
Had he gone too far? For the first time since he knew Dumbledore, the Headmaster seemed to be in lack of words, but it was obvious to see he was thinking hard, mulling things over like a chess player pondering his next move- only that his pawns were real people. He was one of them. But probably it was exactly that what made Severus a little reckless.
"You know what I'm wondering about, Albus?" Dumbledore had always insisted that Severus called him by his given name when he'd started teaching at Hogwarts- because everyone else of the staff did- but until today, Severus had never done it. It had meant to be an offer of familiarity, for the sake of fellowship (he'd never felt)... using it now, in this situation, came close to disrespect. "Why do you care about my father anyway? Or let me rephrase it- why do you care now? You, with all of your power, could have protected him. But you chose not to. Instead, your main priority was to test my loyalty or my ability to walk a tightrope between two masters with contrary desires. Isn't it funny that I still seem to have will of my own? A moral compass?"
"Ah, Severus, you got me all wrong, my dear boy," Dumbledore said, smiling at Severus with unnervingly twinkling blue eyes. "Of course, I do care about your father's well-being, and if you truly didn't kill him, I will talk to him and see to it that he is kept safe."
"He's safe already."
"Is he? Wonderful. Where is he?"
"I don't know." Severus flashed Dumbledore a very wry smile. And if I knew, I wouldn't tell you.. It was none of Dumbledore's concern. Although he didn't love his father (another thing that was none of Dumbledore's concern)he liked him enough to not make him just another pawn in the Headmaster''s game, and besides, he really didn't know where Tobias Snape was right now.
Thanks as always to my wonderful beta, hypnotic ink.
