There is so much lemon honey tea in me right now, I think it's replacing my blood. Worth it, though– it helped me manage to get this chapter done!
Bella:
Well, as unwilling as I had been to believe it, Alice had been right. The next gas station had come and gone without incident, without me even having to curl into a ball and think happy thoughts. In my worry, I had mentioned to her that I was thirstier than usual and suggested we stop to hunt before we stopped for gas a second time, but Alice didn't like the idea.
"There are too many variables if we run off into the woods," she'd explained. "Optimism aside, things can still go really wrong really quickly without the proper precautions, especially when hunting with a newborn."
"That's okay," I'd reassured her. "I'm sure I can wait 'til we get to Alaska."
"Are you sure?" she'd asked, her brow furrowed with indecision and worry. "Because we can hunt if you need to, we would just need to call the family and regroup first."
I'd rejected that idea vehemently. No way was I going to drag everyone off the road just so I could get a drink. I was fine, and I could easily deal with the thirsty twitches I got so long as I was in the little car with nothing to do.
Over the rest of the nearly two-day long drive, every time we had to stop my thirst was paradoxically easier and more difficult to deal with. I was able to keep a handle on my thoughts better each time, and I could beat back the daydreams of hunting one of these humans we encountered, but I also felt myself getting more antsy, more anxious. My foot was tapping and I couldn't stop playing with my fingers, and though when Alice asked, I'd attributed the nervous habits to boredom in the confined car, I knew they were because my thirst was only getting worse. I was about ready to put my ego aside and ask Alice to round up the family so I could hunt something when she announced that we were almost at the last gas station.
So instead, I held my breath and closed my eyes and to distract myself from the two heartbeats inside– one the employee's and one a trucker's who was muttering to himself about beef jerky– I thought about how very soon I would be in a safe home with my family and their old friends. I thought about how I would see Edward again, and was surprised at myself to realize how much I missed him. It hadn't even been two days since I last saw him, and I rationalized that it only felt like longer because I hadn't really spent very much time with him since last weekend. I counted the days back in my head and realized it was Friday already. I immediately decided that the first thing I would do in Denali would be to get Edward to take me hunting, so I could kill two birds with one stone– rid myself of the burning feeling that was raking my throat and the missing-Edward feeling that was squeezing my chest.
I wondered if someone else would have to come with us, just to make sure we stayed in appropriate terrain, but I imagined Edward could get whatever information he needed out of the Denali vampires' heads if he wanted to. If he wanted to be alone with me as much as I wanted to be alone with him.
I bit back a groan so I wouldn't have to explain the noise to the ever-curious Alice. Why was I so desperate to run off with Edward? Why did I miss him so much more than anyone else? If I was in love with him, why couldn't I just feel love instead of all these roundabout emotions? I didn't want to play twenty questions with my subconscious anymore. I wanted to know what all these feelings meant. If I missed him this much and I wanted to see him this badly, did that mean I loved him or just that he was my best friend? And if I did love him, shouldn't I be able to tell by now? Weren't there supposed to be birds chirping and angels singing every time I saw him? When I'd looked at him recently, all I'd felt was confused.
I took a deep breath. I knew what was going on– my thirst was making me unnecessarily anxious over things again. I'd been through all of this just a few days ago before this incredibly long road trip. I didn't have to decide anything. I could wait and listen and spent as much or as little time with Edward as I wanted to until I understood. I could just be his friend until I wasn't confused every time I saw him. I had time. I had eternity. I just needed to calm down and stop fretting.
Breaking me from my reverie, Alice joined me in the car.
"Edward will be more that willing to take you hunting," she told me as she started the engine. "And he knows the surrounding area very well," she added with a wink, apparently aware that I wanted us to be alone, though I didn't know how her visions covered that. I was glad being a vampire kept me from being able to blush, because I imagined I'd be scarlet at the implication if I could have been.
We had barely another two hours of driving before we made it to the house in Denali, and I was bouncing in my seat between nervous energy and excitement to be out of the tiny car and able to move. Alice told me that everyone except Emmett and Jasper in the Jeep had beat us, and that I would have no problem leaving immediately to hunt, putting off introductions until later.
I felt like I was seeing the future as clearly as Alice did as my thoughts surged ahead. I would get out of the car, find Edward, take his hand, and then run off to find something warm and full of blood. Then I would tell him I was sorry for how I'd been treating him, and promise not to ignore him any longer. The car pulled up to the house, and I was ready to rip the door off just to be able to stand again after sitting for so long, but just as we stopped and Alice turned off the engine, my hand stalled on the car door.
Carlisle and Esme were pleasantly engaged with two older, brown-haired vampires, Rose was laughing about something with two pretty, pale blonde girls around our age, and Edward was being led into the house by a striking young strawberry blonde. That was what had stopped me: the girl. She was every inch as beautiful and flawless as he was, and her arm was looped through his intimately. He turned to glance at our car from the house's threshold. Our eyes met through the car's windshield, and he lifted his free hand in a half-hearted wave to me. I was too frozen to respond, my brain still struggling to churn through what I was seeing. As I struggled internally, the beautiful girl raised herself gracefully to her tiptoes and whispered something in Edward's ear, he responded to her suggestion– whatever it was– with a smile, and cast a last glance to me before she pulled him into the house with an angelic giggle.
My vision was red and everything was fire. I hated her. I hadn't even met her yet, and I hated her so badly I could taste acid and venom in my mouth just thinking about her.
"Bella?" a voice asked, dragging my attention away from the front door that stood still ajar. It was Alice, standing outside the passenger window. She had a confused, concerned look on her face, and I wondered if my emotions were as clear as they usually were, or if she was reacting to some change in the future. I got out of the car just in time for Carlisle to join us.
"How was your drive?" he asked.
Not having any patience to deal with small talk right now, I answered too quickly and honestly, "I need to go hunting."
Carlisle, catching the severity of my tone, nodded and agreed, "We can leave right now."
I nodded back. "Lead the way."
How mad would Edward be if he found out what he just missed out on, right?!
Just gonna say this now, I've seen a bunch of fics in the past where Tanya is some crazy, man hungry, home wrecking, psycho bitch person, but from what I could tell in the books, she seemed like a nice girl with an unreciprocated crush, and in Midnight Sun, Edward even admits he likes Tanya as a person, he just doesn't want her in the ways she wants him. So I'm just gonna run with the idea that Edward and Tanya are friends, and that she isn't horrible. (But she totally is trying to get in his pants. Seriously though, who can blame her?)
