"Schultz! Schultz!"
"Where is the fire?" Schultz came waddling over to the fence, where Carter was jumping up and down to attract his (and everyone's attention).
"No fire. But look, Schultz! One of the balloons got stuck in that tree there. Can I go and get it?"
"Nein! Nein! Und noch einmal nein - das macht drei! You cannot go out of the camp - not even to retrieve a misplaced balloon!"
Carter pulled his puppy face. "But Schultz, that might be the results of the Best Story of the Year! Surely you can't deny us to find out what was the Best Story of the Year? Hey, perhaps it's even a story about you!"
"Nein, das ist verboten! Das ist... what did you say? A story about me? I could win an award?! Oh, but that we will have to find out. Mittendorfer: go and climb that tree and get that balloon!"
"Jawohl, Sergeant." And Mittendorfer hurried away, placed his rifle at the foot of the tree and awkwardly climbed up under the watchful eye of a growing crowd of prisoners and guards. They saw him fumble a bit with the balloon, but then he happily waved to them, and climbed and then jumped down.
"Here you are, Sergeant."
"What is this?"
"The balloon. You asked for the balloon, right?"
"But... where is the card?"
"The card? Yes, there was a card attached to it. But you didn't ask for a card - you asked for the balloon. Didn't you ask for the balloon, Sergeant?"
"You Dummkopf! Get back up there and fetch that card! It's the card we're interested in - not the balloon!"
Now it was Mittendorfer's turn to pull a puppy face. "Jawohl, Sergeant. Verzeihung, Sergeant."
And a few minutes later, a chastised Mittendorfer handed the big Sergeant the card. It was torn a bit, but the text was still clearly legible. Actually, there was quite a lot of text on it...
OUR COLONEL HOGAN IS THE BEST OF THE BEST
PBA WINNERS IN THE QUOTES CATEGORY
.
GOLD
"Don't let them take me, Guv! Tell them I escaped! Tell them I'm deathly ill! Tell them I got shot!
Tell them I got shot while escaping while I was deathly ill!"
Said by: Newkirk
Story: Divided Loyalties
Author: Crystal Rose of Pollux
.
SILVER
"Bad luck is a bit of an understatement! I was stuck in there for hours. With Hochstetter. And Klink!"
"Mon Colonel, you deserve a medal."
"I deserve hazard pay."
Said by: Hogan and LeBeau
Story: The Elevator
Author: Fortune Maiden
.
BRONZE
"Gentlemen, the rules of music – indeed, the laws of physics – dictate
that in any given musical key there can only be a finite number of dissonant notes.
Could you possibly try not to hit every single one?"
Said by: Doyle
Story: Divertissement
Author: dust on the wind
