Hey everyone quick note at the end of the chapter like usually but please read! thanks, its a little important

Chapter 49

The anniversary of Johnny and Dally's deaths didn't sneak up on me this time, I knew it was coming. I was ready, well not really. I hate calling it that, "anniversary". Makes it sound it it's something good. Like Laura and Darry's wedding anniversary, that was nice. Cause that brought up a bunch of nice memories, this just brought up the terrible grief I felt three years ago when I lost two of my best buddies. Doomsday is a better name for it.

The day before Darry called the school to tell them I wouldn't be in the next day. Matty too. She begged Darry too, sides he was worried she might ditch school again.

I was too scared to go to sleep that night, cause I knew I was gonna have nightmares. I even tried forcing myself to stay awake. I wish I had Soda there to talk to and hug me, but he was in San Diego, with his fiancée, probably sharing a bed with her now. I couldn't help but feel a hint of jealousy for a moment. I kinda felt replaced by this Emily girl. Soda always seemed to confide in me when he lived with us. He even told me his plans on marrying Sandy. But then this new girl came along and he didn't even tell me about her. Sure I didn't tell him about me and Matty right away, but he didn't find out by me running away with her.

I don't know how, but I was soon able to fall asleep. That's when the nightmares started. The were the worse yet. Worse then the ones last year, including the one where I was reading to Johnny and the book caught on fire. At one point Matty came into to wake me up cause I was screaming so loud. I was so startled I accidentally hit her. She fell to the ground. After I woke up a little more and came to my senses I rushed over to her.

"Matty, Matty babe I'm sorry. I-I didn't mean to, it's the nightmares. Really. I'm sorry honey."

"It's ok I understand." She reassured me. Darry and Laura then came rushing in. "What happened?" Darry asked. "I hit Matty by accident. I didn't mean to I was dreaming, I promise." I would never mean to hurt Matty on purpose, seeing her rub her face and knowing I caused it stabbed me in the chest.

"You ok, Matty?" Laura asked. "Yeah I'm fine, it's nothing bad." She told them. "Ponyboy, you sure you're fine?" Darry asked me. I didn't answer right away. "I think I am now." I finally said.

"Can I sleep in here with Ponyboy? He shouldn't be alone. His dreams weren't this bad when Soda was here. I'll sleep on the floor if I have to." Matty said to Laura and Darry. They thought about it for a minute. "Well considering the circumstances, for tonight." Laura said. They stayed with us for a few more minutes to see if I was calm then they left. Matty got some blankets and a pillow from her room and set them on the floor.

Neither one of us could sleep though. But we didn't talk to one another either. I finally asked her to come up onto the bed with me and she slowly did. She put her arm around me like Soda would. "Do you wanna talk about your dreams? Maybe it'll help you feel better?" She whispered. So I did, but then I started crying.

"I hate this, Matty. I hate going through this every year. And it's just getting worse. I hurt you this time. What if soon enough, I hurt myself?" I confessed to her. She hugged me tighter and hugged me. She then said into my ear,

"I know you're scared Ponyboy. I know what you're going through. Death does things to people. You just need to calm down right now. Tomorrow I'm gonna try and help you."

"How?' I asked.

"You'll see. Just relax and try to get some sleep. And don't think about having nightmares. That'll just make you have worse ones." She said to me. And then she left it at that. I tried falling asleep, it was hard. She soon did though. I could feel her heavily breathing next to me. I soon wrapped one of my arms around her and she sighed calmly. That somehow helped me fall asleep.

I knew I had bad dreams after that, but I don't remember them. I just knew I did because my sheets and pillow were wet from me sweating, and I had dried up tears on my face. Sometimes I cry in my sleep when I have nightmares. When I woke up I could tell it was mid-morning by the brightness of the sun, even though I had my eyes closed. Darry and Laura were off at work.

I stretched my arm out to feel for Matty, but she wasn't there. I opened my eyes and sure enough, her spot were empty. Did she go off to school anyway. Oh please don't…

"Matty?" I called her. She then walked in. she was already ready for the day. She dressed more casual then usual since we'd probably be just hanging around the house, but she had shoes on. "What's wrong, have another bad dream?" She asked. Right now, I felt like Matty was more of my mother than my girlfriend.

"No, I just wanted to make sure you were here." I answered sitting up. "I'm here, I'm not gonna leave you.' She said, then came over and sat down next to me. "Did I scream?" I asked her. "No, but you muttered things I couldn't understand and cried. I tried hugging you and waking you up, but it didn't work. I was scared."

"I'm sorry I scared you." I apologized to her. "It's fine, sides I was scared than worried." I sighed, then rested my head against her shoulder. "Do you want any breakfast?" She asked me. "I'm not really hungry." I answered.

"You have to eat. How about I just make a little bit of oatmeal?" She offered. "Fine," I said then she got up. I followed her cause I didn't feel like being alone, but I sat on the couch while she made the oatmeal in the kitchen. I turned on the TV and Mickey was on, but I didn't cheer up like I usually do. Me and Matty sat on the couch and watched it while we ate breakfast, but I still felt kinda numb. I didn't even really eat or taste the oatmeal. It didn't have much of a taste, Matty put some sugar in it though. But I just opened my mouth and let it fall down my throat.

When we finished, Matty put the bowls in the sink. "You should probably take a shower and get ready." She said to me when she came back. "Why, I ain't going anywhere." I said.

"Yeah you are."

"Where?"

"You'll find out, just clean yourself up." I didn't ask any more questions, I just got up and went into the bathroom. I took my time in the shower, I was still a little groggy since I didn't get much sleep. I didn't put too much grease in my hair, and just put on the first things my hand touched in my dresser. When I was done Matty was waiting by the front door. "C'mon." She said.

We walked down the street holding hands, Matty was kinda leading me the whole time. Not many people were outside, at times it was only us. We walked for awhile to a side of town I don't normally go to. We finally got near the cemetery. I stopped in my tracks.

"Oh no, no Matty, not here. Anywhere but here." I said to her. "C'mon Ponyboy," She said pulling my arm. "No, I haven't been here since the funeral. I can't, I can't be here."

"Listen to me Ponyboy, I know it hard to be here. But, one time when I was younger I went to my mother's grave and just…talked to it. As if I was talking to her. I talked to her about everything. What was on my mind, my problems, how much I miss her. It really helped. After that, things got easier.

"I hate seeing you this way, it kills me inside just as much as it kills you. I didn't tell you this, but I get bad dreams when you do too. There always about you hurting yourself somehow or worse. All I wanna do is help you. Just please do this for me, even if it doesn't work it'll make me feel better."

I thought about it for a second, and sighed. "alright." I said. We then went inside the cemetery and looked around for Johnny and Dally's grave. They were next to each other. They had their full names, birthdays and date of deaths. There weren't any inscriptions though, that bothered me. I got stiff when I saw them. I didn't know what to do now. "Go ahead," Matty said to me.

"What should I say?" I asked. "Anything you want to." I then slowly inched closer to their graves. I figured I would talk to Johnny first.

"He-hey Johnny. It's me, Ponyboy. I know it's been awhile since I've come here, but, I just didn't know if I could before."-I paused for a minute- "Um, I'm not alone, I have someone here to." I looked over at Matty. She stepped over next to me, I put my arm around her. "Johnny…this is Matty." I introduced her.

"Hi, Johnny, nice to meet you finally," She said. She then stepped back.

"She's um, she's my girlfriend. My first one too, and I love her. I love her more then anything. I've have my first kiss with her, first slow dance, she was with me the first time I drove a car; we haven't have our first time yet, but we will soon." I then stopped to think. "You know she's, she's helped me through a lot. Some of it has to do with you and Dally, but also with other things like my parents."

"Johnny, I really miss ya buddy. You were my best friend, and always will be. I wish I could've helped you when we were in that fire. And sometimes…sometimes I wish it was me. But then, I remember you're letter. I know you said you didn't have much to live for, but you also said sixteen years isn't long enough. And it isn't, you lived a short life, but it won't be forgotten.

"And lastly, I'm trying to stay gold like you told me to. Sometimes it's hard, but Matty here helps me sometimes." I finally stopped again. "Bye Johnny, I'll come back again soon I promise. But I'm gonna stop by again soon I promise. I'm gonna go talk to Dally now." I told Johnny then moved on over to Dally's grave. I had a little tear in my eye, but I knew I could do this.

" Dally's it's Ponyboy. I know you probably think I'm stupid for doing this, but I just wanna talk to you. First of all, I've had to toughen up since the last time I saw you. I've have to deal with Socs not only me, but people I care about. Like my girlfriend over there, her name's Matty. She once got hit by some Socs with their car, on purpose and I felt helpless. I knew I couldn't protect her at that moment but I wanted nothing more. I just, feel real protective of her, and the thought of losing her is unbearable. I guess that's how you felt with Johnny. But even with the toughing up I'm still the same person, don't worry."

"Dally, I know you won't believe, but I miss ya. Really I do. There were times when I couldn't stand you, but we were friends. Sides you helped with a lot. You didn't have to go and kill yourself, but I guess everything happens for a reason. Anyways, wherever you are I hope you're with Johnny, and I hope you're finally at peace. Bye."

I walked over to Matty, and she hugged me for a long time. "How do you feel now?" She asked me. "Better, a lot better." I answered honestly. "good." She said. I then kissed her for awhile, then pulled her close to me.

"I love you, so much." I whispered in her ear.

"I love you too." She whispered in mine. I then thought of something. "Matty…"

"What Ponyboy?"

"Can we go find my parent's grave? I want them to meet you." Matty smiled a little bit. "Sure Pony,"

Hey, it's the note I said would be here :). Ok so I know I've been saying lately that there aren't many chapters left, so I'm just gonna come out and say it, this is the second to last chapter. There will be a pretty long Chapter 50 and then probably and eplouge and then you would get to the point in the book where there's no pages left. It's bitter-sweet for me. This is my first fanfic, and I really enjoyed writing it. But there's more stories I wanna write. Second, I'm surprise by all the awesome feedback you guys give me, I didn't think of myself as that good a of a writer. But the reviews have been slow lately. So since there isn't much time left...please review! I'm thinking of writing a squeal, so if you guys request one I will. Kay, I better go now, I've talked long enough, Stay Gold!

~ClarkKentsgirl96