A/N: Just a little something that has been kicking around my head lately. NOT a part of the arc I am writing with LJ. Just a regular, ole Bit.
Diner
By Melissa
"I'm not going to stop torturing myself till I figure out the cause of my pain."
---
I don't like going to those little Mom and Pop diners that litter the country side. I used to, a very long time ago. Hell, a diner is where my mom and dad met, and began a romance that I only pray that one day I can come close to experiencing.
And I was on my way. Of course, I didn't know it then. The wonderful thing about hindsight is that it is remarkably perfect. You can see exactly where you went wrong; wishing to the Powers That Be that you could just go back and do one thing different. Say one thing different. Smack my past self silly and yell, 'What the hell are you doing?'
I stir a luke warm mug of hot cocoa. The vinyl squeaks slightly as I shift my weight. I really want to throw the ceramic cup against the nearest wall, but that would be very unbecoming of a young lady.
I sigh heavily. The memories assault me, except the extensive wounds are invisible to the naked eye.
A diner is where I broke her heart.
---
"Hey Miley!" She jumps in the booth I am occupying then leaning across the table to give me a soft peck on my lips.
I muster up a half smile. Inside I just want to beam at her. Like always.
"Hey Lils."
"I'm starving!" She picked up a menu and begins to glance at it.
"I don't know why you're even looking. You always get the same thing."
She peeks at me over the top, laughter in her eyes.
I fiddle with my glass of water nervously.
"So what's up?" she asks. "You said you needed to talk to me."
I think what is so hard about this is that she has no idea it's coming.
"I…" I cough slightly to clear the tightness in my throat. "I don't think we should see each other any more."
Several moments pass before the menu falls forward. She had released her grip in shock.
"W…What?"
"I can't do this anymore. I thought I could handle it, but I can't."
Her blue eyes are swimming with tears now. "You…you're going to let them win?" A voice usually so filled with strength is now nothing but a shadow.
I couldn't handle the stares, the whispering, the outright name calling. I tried to grow a thick skin and ignore them, but it wasn't so easy. The final straw had been last week when someone had seen us holding hands and shouted a slur, before throwing a bottle at us. I still have the stitches near my hair line where it broke and sliced my skin.
"Lilly…I love you…"
She held up her hand to silence me, not wanting to hear it. "If you love me, why are you doing this??"
"To protect you."
"Bull."
My eyebrows go up in surprise. She takes my hand which has grown cold from holding the water glass. Her skin is so warm.
"Miley. Don't you see you are giving them exactly what they want? Stop caring what they think!"
"I can't!"
She let go of my hand and the coldness returned ten fold. "You're going to sit there and tell me you'd rather be alone than with someone that you love, because of the whispering? The taunts? I thought we were stronger than that."
It wasn't going to change my mind. "I'm sorry."
We sat in silence for a few moments, with me refusing to look her in the eyes. I am such a damn coward.
The seat squeaked as she got up, and out of my life.
---
That was the last time I saw her, a whole other lifetime ago.
I have only myself to blame.
I thought being back home in Tennessee would help me forget my foolishness. But all I do here is remember.
Everything costs something. The only questions are the price and how you have to pay for it.
Well, I am paying the unimaginably high price now.
The motherly looking waitress sets a large plate of homemade macaroni and cheese in front of me. I don't remember ordering it, I am not hungry.
"You okay, hun?"
I look up at her. She smiles at me, sympathetically.
Then I realize I asked for Lilly's favorite.
