Chapter 51: Stumbling Toward Ecstasy


You don't get a lot of sleep, that night. You spend most of your time fixing things in your mind, like the way Kate moans when you press down right there, the way her eyelashes flutter when you push her over the edge, the way she tastes. You make memories, the way her skin feels under your fingertips, pressed against yours, where your touch makes her gasp and where it makes her giggle, the way she smiles when you cup her face in your hands and nuzzle your way up from her neck to rub your nose against hers before you kiss her again, and again.

But more than that, you treasure the way her hair falls in a curtain over your face, the certainty of her touch once she's watched you long enough to figure out what does it for you, the way she fits against you without cloth in the way, head heavier on your chest in sleep.

When you do get to sleep, it feels like you've just closed your eyes when an alarm goes off and there's a naked body reaching over yours to slap clumsily at a clock. Kate hovers over you for a few seconds, the look on her face inscrutable.

You lean in for a kiss but she pulls away and slips out of the bed.

Your heart sinks, even as you admire the sight of Kate walking naked across the room. She turns and catches your expression and rushes to sit beside you.

"I told Leon I'd be in today," she explains, leaning in to kiss you. "It'll take awhile to get there on the bike."

"Oh," is all you can think of to say. She strokes the side of your face and leans in to kiss you again.

"We might be living here, in our house, but you, you're my home." She says, and you can believe her. She's never really had a home, or somewhere she felt safe, and you're so glad you're that place for her. She stands and you watch her get dressed.

"You don't feel… odd, going to a place of worship after what we did?" you ask, because you're pretty sure you'd catch fire today if you tried to cross the threshold of a church.

"Got something to be thankful for, I want to go give thanks." She says, trying to pull her brush through her hair. It catches on every pass so you sit up and motion her over. She sits beside you and you brush out all the tangles you'd spent so long making last night. She smiles as thanks when you're done before putting her face on. You stretch, luxuriating in the feel of your skin against the sheets your Kate made herself.

Then your haul your relaxed body out of the bed and start getting dressed too. Kate notices you pulling on a dress instead of pants and smiles.

"Coming to church instead of working on the house?" She asks.

"Might be I got something to give thanks for too," you say seriously.

She tries not to rush you but your limbs are heavy and loose. Ten minutes later you're riding your bicycles, albeit clumsily to church.


Author's note: Felt better so I went to see fake snow in the city and some idiot smashed my car window and took my wallet so now the door won't shut and I need a new window and replacement cards all they got was $3 and a broken ipod I woulda given it to them WTF I am kinda over everything.

Best summed up by this exchange in 'The Children's Hour' by Lillian Helman.

["God will punish you."

"He's doing alright."]

Title from the Sarah McLachlan song 'Fumbling Towards Ecstasy'.