Chapter 43

Although Emma had led everyone away from the beach, Killian soon took charge. He seemed to have a destination in mind and, with Neal taking up space at Emma's other side, the two ex-inhabitants guided the others deeper into the wilderness.

"Do you even know where we're going?" Regina grumbled. Emma glanced over her shoulder to see the other woman fighting to brush thick leaves and heavy branches aside. "Or are we hoping that if we walk for long enough, we'll just happen across Henry?"

"Wandering aimlessly in Neverland isn't something I would recommend." Killian told her. "I'm taking us-"

"To the ridge, right?" Neal interrupted, nodding his head when Killian agreed. "Up there we should get a good view of the place and figure out where we can go next."

"Exactly."

Regina let out a short, bitter laugh. "So what does that mean? That neither of you know where Pan is?"

"Pan doesn't hang around." Neal told her. "Just because I know where Pan was the last time I was here doesn't mean his camp's stayed there for the last thirty-five years."

The mayor scowled, her frown deepening when she had push yet another huge fern aside. "And I suppose there no chance he'll be hiding out somewhere with fewer weeds."

Emma hadn't found the greenery too difficult to ignore, but after seeing Regina irritatedly shoving them aside, she realised that the only reason they hadn't overwhelmed her the same way was due to the two men either side of her. Killian was actively pushing branches out of her way, and Neal was standing in just the right place so that he stopped the plants on the other side from reaching her.

Regina kept mumbling for a few minutes, Emma turning around when her annoyed murmurs came to an abrupt halt. David had drawn ahead of Regina, using his sword to cut the plants down before they could get in her or Mary-Margaret's way, which had apparently surprised her into silence.

The quiet continued as they trekked uphill, and although Emma assumed Killian and Neal knew where they were, she couldn't understand how. To her, everything looked the same.

"So you're sure we'll be able to see Pan's hideout from up there?" Emma asked. "It's high enough?"

"We should be able to see everything." Killian assured her. "Last I was here, Smee and I camped at the ridge and I mapped out the entire island. Unfortunately, I let Smee keep hold the map and it was soon misplaced."

"Smee?" She shook her head in disbelief. Most of the time, she found it easy to forget Killian was just as much of a storybook character as the others, as he seemed realer than they did, but then he would say something like that and she'd remember. "Did he say 'Aye, aye, Captain?' or did Disney get that wrong?"

"Ah, yes, you haven't met him." Killian muttered, a short chuckle falling from his lips. "I'll introduce you when we return to Storybrooke."

"He's in Storybrooke?" Emma asked in surprised. Killian had barely mentioned his old shipmate, so she'd assumed he wasn't part of the curse. "You never mentioned him."

"Well, I wasn't partial to his cursed self so it's been awhile since we spoke." He admitted. "And after that, I didn't have the time to go searching for old friends."

Emma had to wonder what kind of man Smee had become under the curse, as Killian had never seemed too picky about who he'd get a drink with. After all, when she'd first arrived in Storybrooke, Killian regularly spent his evenings with Sidney Glass, and Emma couldn't imagine Smee being much worse than that man had been.

That was another name she hadn't heard much recently, and wondering exactly what had happened to the ex-reporter was a good distraction as they continued up towards the ridge, at least until Regina started complaining again.

"You realise that we'd be much quicker if you let me use my magic?" Regina said loudly, and Emma muffled a laugh when Killian rolled his eyes. "One click of my fingers and we could be up on that ridge, instead of wandering around."

"Neverland's too dangerous for that." Killian insisted. "You have no idea what you might land us in."

"He's right." Neal agreed, glancing over his shoulder at Regina. "You'd be kicking yourself if you poofed yourself somewhere and ended up in the Mermaid Lagoon."

Emma turned to face her, Killian pausing at her side even as Neal kept walking deeper into the island. "Look, Regina, if Killian says hiking's the best way, then it's the best way." She told her. "While we're here, we listen to him and Neal. They know this place. We don't."

She returned Killian's gracious smile, and for a few minutes, she stayed at his side as they followed Neal. It was only when she felt Mary-Margaret's hand on her arm that she fell back, allowing Regina and David to overtake her.

"Mary-Margaret?" She asked, slowing so that she was keeping the same pace as Mary-Margaret. "Are you okay?"

"Of course." Mary-Margaret insisted. "I just thought you might want a drink. We've not taken a break since we left the Jolly Roger. This place is hot, you need to stay hydrated."

Emma raised an eyebrow at her unnecessary concern, but took a few gulps from the offered water bottle. She was reluctant to admit it, but once she'd drank, she realised how thirsty she'd been. She hadn't let herself stop to even think about how parched she was.

"Thanks." She muttered. "I guess I needed that more than I thought."

The two women walked alongside one another, and although neither of them said anything, Emma kept glancing over at Mary-Margaret and she just knew that she wanted desperately to say something. And if Mary-Margaret had something she wanted to say, she wouldn't be able to keep quiet for much longer.

"You know, 'Mary-Margaret' is a bit formal." Mary-Margaret said hesitantly, a sheepish smile crossing her face when Emma drew to a sudden halt and turned to stare at her. "You could call me 'mom' if you want. You've done it before."

Emma gaped at her. Mary-Margaret had to know it hadn't meant anything except that their world might have been about to end, that the week since she, David and Killian returned from the Enchanted Forest hadn't been long enough for Emma to call her anything other than her name.

"That was back when…"

"We were about to die." Mary-Margaret finished quietly, her smile fading into a solemn line. "I get it."

She hurried away before Emma could attempt to comfort her, although it wasn't as though she had thought of anything to say.

Emma reached the others quickly, as they had stopped several yards ahead of them to discuss which way to go. She caught up just as David decided on a direction, Killian grabbing his arm and tugging him away from the thorned bush he was trying to go past.

"Not that way, mate." Killian warned, holding him still. "You want to stay as far away from that plant as you can."

"It's just thorns." David said, scowling at the black spines on the bush. "What's the problem?"

"It's Dreamshade." Killian told him. "One prick of that and you won't be around much longer."

David glanced warily at the plant he'd been so eager to walk past, and then he followed Neal as he hacked at the plants opposite the Dreamshade. Killian held the broken leaves aside for Regina and Mary-Margaret, but he let them drop when Emma reached him.

"Is everything alright?" He asked. "Mary-Margaret seemed rather upset when she rejoined us, and I know things had been difficult since-"

"She wanted to offer me a drink." Emma answered. "To mother me."

"Things haven't improved then?"

"Not really." Emma admitted quietly, glancing at the bushes her mother had just walked through in case she was still close enough to hear the conversation. "She wanted to go back to the Enchanted Forest. I didn't."

"But as far as she knew, you couldn't."

"Yeah, well, that didn't matter after what happened to August." Emma explained. "No matter what I said about how things were better in Storybrooke, she was just too stubborn to listen."

"She's not the only one who's stubborn." Killian said with a small smirk.

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"Just that I doubt you were any more eager to listen to her points." Killian stated, taking her hand in his when she huffed and rolled her eyes, his thumb brushing gently across the back of her hand. "I may prefer whatever realm you happen to be in, but the Enchanted Forest isn't as terrible as you seem to believe."

Despite the conversation, she couldn't help the smile that teased the edge of her lips. "It's hard to listen when she act like she knows best. She's my mom, but it's not… We're the same age."

Killian's mouth thinned and then, when he didn't seem to know what to say, he tugged her close and pressed a soft kiss to her temple.

She closed her eyes for only a second, let herself sink into him, and then pulled away. "We should go."

"Not yet." Killian murmured. "As concerned as I am, I had another reason for keeping you back. I wanted to give you this."

She watched, a frown on her face, as he reached down and drew one of the two swords he had hanging from his belt, holding the hilt out towards her. "What's this?"

"It's a cutlass." He told her. When she didn't take it, he shook his head exasperatedly. "You don't have your gun and you don't want to be in Neverland unarmed."

"I don't know how to use it." Emma said carefully, reaching out and wrapping her fingers around the hilt, measuring the weight of it in her hands. "Swords aren't exactly my thing."

"When we have time, I'll teach you."

"Yeah, yeah, I know that move." She teased, feeling better when Killian chuckled. "You know you don't need an excuse to wrap your arms around me, right?"

Clearly, he wanted to show her just how well he knew that, because he stepped close and slid his arms around her, his eyes warm as he gazed down at her. "Well, if you'd rather someone else, I'm sure your father would be equally keen to show you, although I doubt his lessons will be as… fun. Until then, I'm sure you'll be more than capable enough to keep the Lost Boys away."

She kissed him then, a brief press of her lips to his, and then he drew back, offering his arm to her. She took it, her hand in the cradle of his elbow, and they finally followed after the others and climbed the several metres to the ridge.

David looked over his shoulder at them when he heard them coming, gesturing out towards the vast jungle they could see below the edge of the cliff. "It's not exactly a great view." He pointed out. "Unless Pan's camp is above the treetops, I don't think we're going to find him from up here."

"This nature hike was all for nothing." Regina said bitterly. "We've wasted our time. If you'd just let me use my magic, we'd have known that hours ago."

"Maybe we can't see Pan, but we're in a good place to start combing the jungle."

"Not exactly." Killian admitted through a grimace. "The Dark Jungle is the last place we want to set foot in."

"Especially if we don't know where we're going." Neal continued. "And right now, we don't."


Despite Emma and Regina's reservations, the group had come to the decision that the best thing to do was make camp. Killian and Neal had made it clear that Neverland would be less dangerous if they were well-rested. Regina didn't seem happy about it, but Emma trusted Killian wanted Henry safe almost as much as she did, same for Neal, and if he believed making camp was the best use of their time, she was going to listen.

It hadn't taken long to find a large enough clearing. Once there, Regina handed out the blankets she'd been carrying in her backpack, and David unpacked several packets of noodles from his. Emma held her blanket in her hands, watching as Mary-Margaret spread out both her and David's near the edge of the clearing.

Neal got a fire starting within seconds, and soon, they were all sat around the fire and using plastic forks to eat instant noodles.

"Shouldn't we be rationing this?" David asked through a mouthful of food. "If we all have a packet each, we're going to run out in a couple of days."

"Don't worry about it." Neal told him. "I lived on this island for almost two hundred years. I know how to survive here. We don't want to carry any more than we have to, so we eat the noodles now and when they're gone, I can get what we need."

"Aye." Killian agreed. "I may not have lived on the island while I was here, but I didn't arrive in Neverland with centuries worth of supplies on my ship. We're not going to starve."

When the meal was finished and the trash stuffed back into David's backpack, they settled down for the night. Mary-Margaret and David snuggled up together on the blankets that Mary-Margaret had already set up. Regina set up her own blanket as far from the couple as she could, and then she rolled onto her side, facing out of the clearing.

And then it was only Emma, Killian and Neal wandering around the small glade. The two men quickly laid out their blankets, flanking either side of the fire and making it so that the four beds circled the clearing. Emma clasped her blanket in her hands, suddenly hesitant.

It shouldn't take so much thought to decide where to lay her blanket, but Emma was certain that even if Neal wasn't there, she'd be just as unsure. Before Killian, she'd rarely slept a whole night with anyone, not since Neal, and as much as she loved him, she wasn't sure if she was ready to be cuddled up with him in front of everyone, the way her parents were.

But she'd had the worst day and she could feel just how long it had been since she'd had a good night sleep.

She spared only a quick glance towards Neal and then she joined Killian on his blanket. He was turned away from her, but he glanced over his shoulder at her as she wrapped her arms around him and snuggled close, burying her face between his shoulder blades and taking in a deep breath.

His fingers laced with hers, their hands resting against his chest, and it seemed like it only took a few minutes for Killian to fall asleep.

Unlike Killian, Emma found it impossible to relax. Without anyone talking or setting up the camp, she was unable to ignore the sounds of the island. When they'd been trekking, it had been too quiet for her to identify what the noises were, but now she could tell exactly what it was.

Somewhere, children were crying.

She wondered who it was, and when she realised the sobbing didn't seem to be stopping, she tried to figure out why they were crying, and why the sounds didn't seem to be bothering any of the others around the campfire.

For a while, she tried to ignore it, clinging just a bit more tightly to Killian, but when that didn't work, she carefully prized her hand out from under his and rolled onto her back, staring up at the canopy of leaves above her and wishing the crying would just stop.

What if one of the children was Henry? What if he thought he was alone and abandoned and that no one was coming him?

She sat up with a huff, desperately trying to convince herself that it couldn't be Henry. He wouldn't have lost hope so fast. He'd believe in her, in all of them, and he'd know they would save him. He had to.

Killian rolled onto his side, towards her, and she looked down at him, allowing a small smile to dance across her lips. With Killian and Neal at her side, she was certain they would succeed. They both knew the island too well for Pan to have too much of an advantage.

For a few moments, she watched him. With his ribs and leg healed, he seemed comfortable, but Emma couldn't look away from the faint red lines that still marred his face, the last few visual signs of what had happened. He was still handsome, she doubted there was anything that could change that, but she didn't like the reminder. She swallowed nervously and then reached out, her finger gently tracing the old scratches as her magic wiped them away.

She was glad no one else was awake, because using her magic to heal him was something she wanted to keep private. She couldn't do it without focusing on how much she loved him, and those feelings weren't something she was ready to share with anyone.

Emma kept grazing her fingers gently across his cheek, ready to pull them back if it looked like he would wake up. Being in contact with him, even just her fingertips, made the crying quieter.

"He's, uh… You're really together." Emma drew her hand back sharply, turning to see Neal watching her from the other side of the campfire. "I guess it's different to know about it and to… well, see it."

"I guess it is." Emma agreed warily, wondering how long he'd been watching her. She didn't really have anything else to say after that, so she just looked at him, biting her lip anxiously when he didn't seem to want to look away.

"You're not… I guess I didn't think about what you might be like together." He said eventually. "I don't know what I…, well, I kind of tried not to think about you two at all but you're… He makes you happy, doesn't he? You know, between him and Tamara, he wouldn't have been the one I'd bet on helping out. Shows what I know, right?"

Emma stared at him, surprised, and after a few seconds without a response, Neal sighed, grimaced and still didn't look away.

She frowned at him, expecting him to keep talking, but when he didn't, she lay back down and stared back up at the black above her. The crying seemed louder now that she had nothing to focus on, now that she knew Neal was awake and watching and she couldn't cuddle up to Killian.

"Can't sleep?" She asked quietly, when the crying was too much.

"I'd forgotten about the crying." Neal muttered. "Or maybe it's just louder."

"You can hear them too?"

"Yeah." Neal told her. "Don't worry. You're not crazy."

"Who is it?"

"It's the Lost Boys." Neal said. "Pan takes boys that feel unloved or abandoned and for most of them, that doesn't change after they get here."

"How can they all sleep through it?" She wondered, staring at her parents as they slept easily. "Can't they hear it?"

"Maybe it's quieter if you've never been lost."

"But Killian-"

"He hears it." Neal interrupted. "He was the one who told me what it was. His father abandoned him too. I guess after two hundred years, you learn to sleep through it." Emma raised a questioning eyebrow, because that reason didn't work when Neal was wide awake. "I spent most of my time here in a cave. The crying was quieter there. I'd forgotten how loud it could be."

But as loud as the crying was, once Neal stopped talking and closed his eyes, he seemed to fall asleep within an hour.

Emma still couldn't sleep. Neal's explanation had only given her more questions. Maybe the others could hear it but it just didn't bother them as much. They hadn't spent nights feeling lonely and unwanted, they didn't hear the crying and remember the nights they'd spent huddled under duvets and sobbing into their pillow, wishing that one day they wouldn't be alone anymore.

She refused to lie there and wait for the noise to stop, and maybe it was a stupid idea, but she stood up, picked up the cutlass Killian had given her and started to wander away from the camp, towards the sound.

"So you do hear it?" She hadn't expected to hear anyone speak to her, and Emma spun round to face them. It was a teenager talking, his arms crossed and a smirk on his lips. "I was starting to think I'd misjudged you. You're Emma, right?"

"Who are you?" She asked warily, even though she was pretty certain she already knew who he was, her grip tightening around the helm of the cutlass.

"Oh, did I forget to introduce myself?" He replied, trying to sound innocent but only managing to be annoying. "I'm Peter. Peter Pan."

His confirmation was all she needed to hear before she charged at him, pinning him against a tree and holding the sword to his throat. His smirk only widened, an unsettling gleam of excitement in his eyes.

"Where's Henry?" She snarled. "Tell me!"

"You've got fire." He muttered appreciatively, his gaze darting over her face as he strained forward, trying to move closer to her without the blade cutting him. "I like fire."

She ignored the glee in his expression. "Where is he?"

"Oh, he's still alive, if that's what you're worried about."

"Why the hell did you take him?"

Pan shrugged. "He's a very special boy, Emma."

"I know." Emma snapped. "That doesn't answer my question. What do you want with him?"

He glanced down at the sword and then back at her, one eyebrow raised. Emma grimaced and reluctantly let Pan go, keeping her sword still pointed towards him. Pan folded his arms, leaning back against the tree and looking her up and down.

"Do you know why I'm here, Emma?" He asked. "I wanted to see who I was up against. I wanted to see 'The Saviour'. I have to say, I am not disappointed."

"And I guess the next thing you're going to say is how I'm never going to see Henry again?" Emma suggested, rolling her eyes. "I've heard this speech before. I'm pretty sure it was in several movies. Don't bother."

"No. I'm going to help you find him." Pan told her. "I'll give you a map. A map that will lead you straight to your son."

He reached into his shirt and pulled out a folded sheet of paper, holding it out towards her. Emma stared at it. "Seeing as you're the person who has my son, I feel like you could be a bit more helpful if me finding him is really what you want. What is this really? A trap?"

"I may not be the most… well-behaved boy on the island, but I always keep my promises." He stated. "The path to finding Henry is on this parchment."

Emma bit her lip, trying to figure out what his game was. She didn't want to take the parchment if that was what Pan wanted her to do, but at the same time, they had no idea where Henry might be and she was reluctant to turn down anything that might help.

And whatever the map told them, they'd know to be cautious.

With that in mind, she lowered her sword and stepped closer so that she could snatch the map out of his hands. "Why are you giving it to me?"

"See, it's not about finding Henry. It's about how you find him." Pan explained. "And, Emma, you're the only one who can."

She unfolded the map, scowling at the creased, blank, sheet of parchment. "This isn't a map." She muttered angrily. "This is nothing."

"Right now." Pan agreed. "But it doesn't have to be. You'll be able to read that map, Emma, but only when you stop denying who you really are."

"Who I really am?"

When she looked up from the map, Pan was gone.


Emma hadn't exactly been quiet as she stomped back towards camp, but it didn't matter. She could hear the others arguing before she even reached the clearing, but the moment she arrived there, they fell quiet.

"Oh, Emma! We were all so worried." Mary-Margaret cried, dashing towards her and engulfing her in a hug. Emma ignored Regina's quiet scoff and gently extricated herself from her mother's grip. "Is everything alright? Where did you go?"

"I needed a walk." She answered shortly, the parchment Pan had given her suddenly feeling heavy in her hands. Over Mary-Margaret's shoulder, Killian was watching her with concern. "I couldn't sleep."

"We thought the Lost Boys had taken you." Mary-Margaret explained. "We didn't know to do when Hook woke us and told us you were missing. We didn't think you'd had just gone for a walk. Not here."

"I told you." Neal interrupted Mary-Margaret before she could get any more upset. "I said you'd probably just needed some time or wanted to try and stop the crying. That was it, right?"

"What crying?"

Emma sighed loudly, finally just nudging Mary-Margaret aside and crossing the short distance to the others. "Yeah, I just… I had to do something that wasn't just lying down and listening. It probably wasn't the best idea."

"It doesn't matter." Killian stated, and Emma nearly smiled at the stern look he sent Mary-Margaret. "As long as you're alright, and you're here, it doesn't matter why you decided to take a stroll. You are alright, aren't you?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." She answered, biting her lip when she saw Killian's dubious expression. "I met Pan."

"What?"

"He gave me this." Emma told them, holding the parchment out for them to see. Killian took it from her and unfolded it, a scowl creasing his eyebrows when he saw it was blank. David peered over his shoulder, glancing from the parchment to Killina in confusion. "He said it would lead me to Henry."

"When?" Killian asked. "When did he say that? Did you just see him?"

"A few minutes ago." She said. "I didn't go too far from camp. I don't know where he went. He was there and then he was just gone."

"Over there?" David checked, and when Emma nodded, he drew his sword and strode into the wilderness, Mary-Margaret at his side.

"So this is meant to be a map?" Killian wondered, handing the parchment to Neal when the other men held his hand out in a silent request. "He so likes his games."

"Games?" Regina repeated. "What game? There's nothing there."

"No, if he said there's something there, then there is." Neal stated, passing the so-called map back to Emma. "He's annoying like that."

"Yes, Pan tends to be irritatingly honest." Killian agreed. "But he wouldn't have done this without a reason. Whatever reveals that map, he either believes is impossible or is something that won't be pleasant." He paused, concern clear on his face when he looked up at Emma. "What do you have to do?"

"He said something about being able to read this thing once I stop denying who I am really am." Emma told them, scowling at the blank parchment crumpled in her hand. "Whatever the hell that means."

"Mind games, then." Neal stated. "Dick."

Regina rolled her eyes. "How do we know Pan won't use it to lead us into a trap?"

"Because he doesn't need to." Killian told her. "This whole island's his bloody trap."

Emma grimaced at the frustration colouring his voice, but before he could elaborate, David and Mary-Margaret noisily returned from their search. "Nothing." David said, as though their loud reappearance didn't make that clear enough. "There's no sign of him anywhere."

"Any luck with the map?" Mary-Margaret asked, nudging Neal aside when she hurried over to stand by Emma. "Do we know where to go?"

"Don't hold your breath." Regina whispered bitterly, her eyes widening with faux-innocence when Emma glared at her. "Oh, come on. Don't you see what he's doing? Every second we spend talking about this is another second we're not looking for my son."

"You have a better idea?" Emma demanded. "I'm sure we'd all love to hear it."

"Magic." Regina told her sharply. "If there's a lock on there, I'll find a way around it."

"Pan said it had to be me." Emma told her. "Besides, I thought you needed time for your magic to recover. Wasn't that what you told Killian?"

"I'm willing to use what magic I have in order to reach Henry. I'm sorry if I think finding my son is more important than fixing one pirate's bum knee."

Emma gaped at the other woman, wanting to protest that she was certain they'd find Henry much quicker with an uninjured Killian than they would have otherwise. Before she could, Killian spoke up. "I'd listen to Emma, dear." Regina grumbled something under her breath, something about how Killian would always support Emma no matter what she said. "Breaking Pan's rules would be unwise."

"I agree." David chimed in. "We're not sure what Pan wants, and until we do, we should play his game. If it's making you impatient, you could always do what you usually do and kill whoever's making you wait. None of us would complain if you took your anger out on Pan."

Regina's lip curled, her fists clenched at her sides. Mary-Margaret clearly realised that David might have gone a bit too far, especially with how on edge the mayor already was, and she carefully stepped in front of her husband. "Regina, it's just that your magic is never gentle. If you use it on the map, we don't know what might happen."

"Well, it's a risk I'm willing to take." Regina snarled.

"Well, I'm not." Emma snapped, her grip on the map tightening just in case Regina tried to snatch it from her. "If I'm the one who's supposed to figure out this thing, I need to do what Pan said."

Regina sighed loudly, but Emma refused to react. Instead, she wandered over to a fallen log at the side of the clearing and sat down on it, spreading the parchment across her lap and staring down at it. She wouldn't have known what to say anyway, but it didn't help to have everyone watching her expectantly.

After what felt like several minutes, she sighed heavily. "I don't know where to start." She admitted quietly. "I don't know what he wants."

"That doesn't mean you should give up." Mary-Margaret insisted, joining her on the log. "If Pan's playing a game, that means you can win. Come on, Emma. Who are you?"

She stared at her mother for several moments and then Emma grimaced, turning determinedly back to the parchment. "My name is Emma Swan."

"Unfortunately, love, I'd wager the solution to Pan's riddle is a bit more complicated than that." Killian said sympathetically, and after she sent him a pleading look, he sat down on her other side, making it so that she was sandwiched between him and Mary-Margaret. "Pan won't want it to be that easy."

"Don't hold anything back." Mary-Margaret encouraged. "I'm sure you can do this."

Emma glanced between everyone, nervous, and then she felt Killian's hand over hers. The touch was warm and comforting, and she closed her eyes for only a second, and the moment she opened them again, she started talking.

"I'm Henry's mother." She stated hesitantly. "I used to live in Boston, and I was a bail bonds person. I'm now the Sheriff of Storybrooke."

She glanced up at the others, hoping to see reassuring nods and smiles, but they all just seemed to be waiting for her to say more. At her silence, Regina rolled her eyes and she heard Mary-Margaret sigh quietly.

"Don't you think that maybe you're leaving some things out?"

"I…" She bit her lip, glancing over at Killian. He smiled reassuringly, squeezing her hand briefly. "I'm with Captain Hook. I'm, well, I'm the daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming, which apparently makes me the product of true love. I was born in the Enchanted Forest and I was sent through a portal in a tree so that I could break a curse."

"And you were able to break the curse because you're the…" David prompted.

"Come on." Mary-Margaret pressed. "You don't need to be embarrassed to say it."

Emma rolled her eyes but begrudgingly acquiesced. "And I guess I'm the saviour."

She didn't know what the others expected, but Emma wasn't surprised when nothing changed. Regina scoffed, but Mary-Margaret let out a disappointed sigh and wrapped her arms around Emma's shoulders. "I don't get it." She muttered. "You said you're the saviour. You've never admitted it before. Why didn't it work?"

"Maybe because I'm not the saviour?" Emma suggested. "It's like Rumplestiltskin said. Yeah, I was the only one who could break the curse but I've done that and now that's it. I'm not the saviour anymore."

"Of course you are." Mary-Margaret insisted. "Look, honey, we'll figure it out."

"No, you won't." Regina snapped, stepping forward and snatching the map away from Emma. "But I will. I'm starting to think that there isn't a map on here but that doesn't mean it can't lead us to Henry."

"But we said that-"

"I don't care." She interrupted. "This parchment belonged to Pan. If we use the locator spell, it will lead us right to him. We won't need a map."

Emma watched as Regina waved her hand over the blank parchment. It hovered an inch above her palm for only a moment and then it started to float away from the group, as though a wind was sweeping it away from them.

"So it appears we will be venturing into the Dark Jungle after all." Killian admitted, annoyed, after Regina had already stomped off after the map. "I feel like I should have seen this coming."

"You mean, the last place we should ever set foot?" Emma confirmed, grimacing when Killian nodded at her. "Great."

"We should grab our things and get moving." Neal ordered, already shoving blankets back into one of the backpacks. "It's unlikely the Lost Boys don't know where we are, but if they don't, we want to keep it that way."

Both David and Mary-Margaret quickly helped Neal pack everything away, but before Emma could help them, she felt Killian's hand on her arm and he was drawing her away from the others.

"Killian, what are you-"

"They can manage." He murmured. "Even if they leave before us, we'll be able to catch up. I just wanted to talk to you."

"About what?"

Killian sighed, his expression softening as he gently tugged her slightly closer. "I know I asked before, but now that the others aren't listening, I was hoping you'd be a bit more honest with me. Are you alright?"

"I'm fine." She stated unconvincingly. Killian raised an eyebrow. "I'm just tired, but it's not as if that's something new. I promise that Pan didn't do anything but irritate me."

He stared at her for a few seconds, and then he shook his head. "You're not alright, are you, Swan?" He said sympathetically. "I know Pan can be…"

"A pain in the ass?"

"I think that's putting it mildly."

"I'm sorry I worried you." She muttered. "It was just when I was trying to sleep, it felt like… I don't like this place. It brings a lot of things back that I've spent a long time trying not to think about."

"And I'm sure Pan's challenge hasn't helped with that." Killian acknowledged. "Look, Swan, whoever Pan thinks you are, whoever he wants you to think you are, he doesn't know you the way I do. He doesn't know you."

His words were comforting. Killian had seemed certain that Pan was telling the truth about the hidden map, but maybe Emma wasn't failing to reveal it because she didn't know herself. If Pan didn't know her, then maybe he was wrong about who she really was.

She smiled, stepping close to him and resting her hand against his heart. His eyebrows creased together, glancing down at her hand in confusion. "What?"

"Thank you." She told him, returning his tender smile. "Just… thank you."

Killian ducked his head, chuckling quietly, and Emma found it adorable how embarrassed her words seemed to have made him. "Come on, love." He said quietly, brushing what she'd said aside. "We don't want to let the piece of paper get too far ahead."

"Two more seconds?"

He smirked, and then he swooped down on her, his hand on her cheek and his lips hard against hers. She rocked backwards, knocked slightly off-balance by the urgency of his kiss, clutching at his jacket collar to keep herself steady.

The kiss didn't last long, but even after their lips parted, they stayed close together. "You'll save Henry, Emma." He breathed. "And you'll show Pan that you're so much more than whatever it is he thinks will hurt so much."

She didn't know what to say to that, not when his belief in her was almost tangible, so she brushed her lips against his cheek and released his collar.

"Come on then, Captain." She murmured. "Let's move."


Emma was starting to think the Dark Jungle was never ending. Admittedly, the constant night made it difficult to figure out how much time had passed, but from the way her feet were aching, she felt like they had been walking for hours.

Neal was in the lead, dodging under branches and jumping over roots as they moved deeper into the jungle. Killian followed closely behind him, holding the branches aside and offering his hand to help people over the roots.

Regina ignored his offer of assistance, but Mary-Margaret gave him a surprised, grateful smile and let him support her as she clambered over the root. David took Killian's hand too, grinning over his shoulder at Emma.

"Why, thank you, good sir." David joked.

Killian swept into a low bow, a smirk on his face. David chuckled, walking away when Killian turned his attention back to Emma. He was still bowed as he held his hand out to her, and when Emma slipped her hand into his, he pressed a kiss to the back of it.

And maybe they were walking deeper and deeper into somewhere dangerous, and maybe Killian was being ridiculous, but she had to smile.

The others had come to a halt a few feet ahead. "Why have we stopped?" Emma asked. "Are we here?"

"We've stopped because the map's stopped." Neal told her. "Just down there."

He pointed at a large clearing just in front of them, the parchment floating in the centre of it. Emma frowned, looking curiously at Regina. "There's no one there. Isn't it supposed to, you know, find Pan?"

"Maybe your spell was wrong, Regina." Mary-Margaret suggested cautiously, but Regina just sneered and started walking into the centre of the clearing. Emma was the first to follow, the others traipsing after her.

She was about to pocket the map, but before she could fold it back up, she noticed someone, standing on the small swell of land at the other side of the clearing. She knew that coat and that scarf, and at that realisation, her heart pounded furiously.

They'd done it. They'd found him.

She rushed forward, calling out his name and waiting for him to turn and run to her, but just as he started to spin round, she felt someone seize her elbow and tug her backwards. "What?"

"I don't think that's Henry." It was Neal. Emma gaped at him, wanting to look back around and prove him wrong. "It can't be this easy. Not with Pan."

"Baelfire. You ruined my entrance." The drawling voice was all the confirmation Emma needed, and she glanced back over her shoulder to see that it was Pan, other Lost Boys emerging from behind the trees surrounding them. "Oh, hello, Emma."

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the others surrounding her, their weapons at the ready. She knew she should be doing the same, instead of holding her own cutlass loosely at her side, but she was too distracting by all the questions Pan had given her.

Why was he wearing her son's clothes? How had he gotten them from Henry?

"Where the hell is Henry?" she snarled. "What have you done to him?"

"You ignored the rules. That's not fair."" Pan continued, striding along the top of the ridge and overlooking her question. Instead, he sent a sly glance past her, to Killian. "Bad form. I expected more from you, Captain."

"Aye, and you'll get it." Killian growled, and when Emma looked over at him, he had his hook at the ready.

"Give Henry to me." Emma ordered.

"Sorry." Pan said insincerely. "Can't. Don't you know, Emma? Cheaters never win."

He jerked his head in their direction, and the boys around them started shouting and whooping. An arrow shot past her, missing only because Killian tugged her out of the way, his hook almost painful around her wrist.

"Watch out for their arrows." He ordered, a slight tremor in his voice. "They're laced with dreamshade."

Emma didn't have time to respond because, after one more nod from Pan, the Lost Boys charged. She could see David knocking the arrows aside, Mary-Margaret sending arrows of her own back towards the children.

Killian stepped in front of Emma when a Lost Boy got close, raising his sword just as the Lost Boy swung a club towards them. She'd never seen him fight before, and for a second, she felt almost entranced as he met each swing before it could get close, disarming the Lost Boy with a few clever twists of his sword.

She had to look away, clumsily raising her own cutlass to stop the attack of another Lost Boy. She wasn't used to this sort of combat, and it was difficult to push the boy back. Back in Boston, sword fights weren't exactly common, but Emma had always managed to use what she had available. Perhaps it wasn't as graceful as Killian, but she managed to keep the boy at a distance, lashing towards him with the blunt edge of the cutlass.

She couldn't hurt him, not when he was barely a teenager, but she had no option but to keep fighting. She tried to force him back, to get at least one Lost Boy away from the rest of the battle, but he seemed to determined to do otherwise.

The ground was uneven and when Emma took another step forward, her foot caught on a root and she tumbled forward, knocking the boy down with her. As they rolled down the slope, she threw her cutlass aside, not wanting either of them to be accidentally impaled.

He tried to scramble away from her the moment they stopped falling, but Emma wouldn't let him. She held him in place, her hands firm against his shoulders. "Where's Henry?" she demanded, ignoring the way he was struggling underneath her. "Tell me where he is!"

The boy shook his head, but for just a moment, his eyes met Emma's and her grip faltered. She recognised the look in his eyes, knew that she'd once had the same desperation and anger in her own. But as much as Emma understood the boy's expression, it didn't calm her down. Instead, she felt even more urgent than before, because Henry couldn't get the same look in his eyes.

She had to find him, had to get him back before he lost hope and was left with only resentment and loneliness.

"Where is he?" she screamed. "Where's Henry?"

The boy shook his head, refusing to answer. She wanted to ask again, but a shrill whistle broke through the hollers and clashes, and in response, the boy jolted forward, knocking his head against hers and sending her reeling back, her hands pressed against her forehead.

He struggled out from underneath her, and Emma was vaguely aware of the Lost Boys retreating from the clearing.

"Remember what I told you." Pan said in farewell. "The map will show you where Henry is, but only when you stop denying who you really are. I'll be sure to give Henry your regards."

She let out a frustrated sigh, her head aching, and a few minutes she stayed sat in the clearing. They hadn't found anything, they still had no idea where Henry might be.

All they'd done was waste time.


They'd settled in another small glade, one they'd found after a few minutes walking deeper into the jungle. Emma perched on a log, watching the others as they bustled around the small space. David and Mary-Margaret were talking quietly with one another, apparently about a small rip in David's jacket. Killian and Neal were loudly arguing about the most likely place for Pan to be hiding. Regina was sat at the base of a tree, looking as despondent as Emma felt.

The empty map was resting on Emma's knees. She wanted to know what to say, what she needed to admit in order to see where her son was, but she wasn't sure what else she could try.

She remembered what she'd said the last time she tried, and what she hadn't said, and after a quick, discreet glance at the others, she lifted the map up and whispered to it. "I'm Emma Swan, and I'm in love with Killian Jones."

It was something she knew to be true, but it was a long shot, and she wasn't surprised when the map remained blank.

Emma could feel someone watching her, and she felt nervousness wash over her at the thought that someone might have seen what she had said, something that she wasn't ready for anyone else to know. She looked up, her eyes meeting Neal's. She sent him a weak smile, one he returned, and after a few more seconds, he turned his attention back to Killian.

Neal muttered a few things, and then the two men walked towards her, sitting either of side of her on the log. "Don't let Pan get in your head, Emma." Neal told her, and she glanced over at Killian to see that he was nodding his agreement. "I spent two centuries here and once he figured out I wasn't in his way, he left me alone."

"Bae's right." Killian continued. "If he didn't think you were a threat, he wouldn't have needed to do what he just did. He wanted you disheartened and he wanted it fast. He wants you to think you're going to fail."

She wasn't sure she agreed. It would be nice to believe that he'd only taunted them like that because they could succeed, but she couldn't stop thinking that of the possibility that he just wanted them to know how quickly he could stop them.

Whatever she thought, she appreciated the attempt to comfort her, and after sending a grateful smile to Neal, she allowed Killian to fold her into his arms. She buried her face into his shoulder, suddenly very aware that Neal was watching them, but it didn't matter after she felt a light kiss pressed to her hair and she clung to Killian just a bit tighter.

Emma couldn't let them console her for much longer, not when they'd already wasted so much time, and she told them as much, sending them back to their discussion over Pan's potential hiding places. As soon as they vacated their seats, Mary-Margaret and David took their places, and Emma let out a heavy sigh.

"Don't let Pan shake your confidence." Mary-Margaret told her. "We've all had moments where we felt we couldn't prevail."

"Guys, not now." She replied quietly. "I don't want to do this. I just want to find Henry."

"Emma, please. Talk to me. Maybe I can help." Mary-Margaret looked down at her hands, and Emma noticed she was fidgeting nervously, the way she always did when she had something she needed to say. "You let Hook help. Can't you give David and I the chance to help you too?"

"There's nothing to talk about." Emma protested. "We need to focus on finding Henry. If that's even possible. I know Killian thinks I can do this, but he's told me what sort of person Pan is and I don't know how I can fight back against someone like him."

"Of course you can fight back." David insisted. "You're the most determined person I know."

"And you're the-"

"What?" Emma asked sharply, interrupted Mary-Margaret. "A saviour? Or is that just what you want me to be?"

"What?"

"Do you want to know why Killian is the one who helps?" She asked, Mary-Margaret nodded reluctantly. "Because he doesn't want me to be anything else. It doesn't matter to him if I'm the saviour or if I'm not. He just… With him, I know that. I don't know that with you. I broke one curse. By accident. It doesn't exactly make me a hero. It doesn't make me what you want."

She felt David's hand rest hesitantly against her arm, and she glanced over at him. "What do you mean?" He muttered. "Emma, you're all we could ever want."

She swallowed, uncomfortable about opening up to them enough for them to understand. She hated how things had been recently, especially between her and Mary-Margaret, but she wasn't someone who talked things through.

But she looked over at Killian, took in a deep breath, and decided to try.

"Look, I don't know how the curse worked." She started. "I don't know if it felt like twenty-eight years had passed or if you woke up and it was like the curse had been cast only moments before, but it doesn't me. It was twenty-eight years to me. I still spent twenty-eight years alone and finding you guys now doesn't change that."

"No," Mary-Margaret agreed. "But it doesn't mean things can't be different."

"But they won't be what you want." Emma stated. "I grew up. I've lived almost as long as you have. I've been through things that you couldn't understand."

"But we can try. Why is it so hard for you to understand we're here for you now?"

"Because I've spent my entire life alone." Emma muttered, sniffing back tears. "No one was ever there for me and that's not going to change because you remember. I think you want me to be your little girl, but I'm not. I can't be. I'm not what you wanted, and you weren't there when I needed you. I need you when I was being shipped from foster home to foster home. When I left the foster system and I had to make it by myself. When I was pregnant and in prison. But I don't need you now. Not the way you want me to need you."

"Emma…"

"I don't need you telling me what's best, like living in the Enchanted Forest, and I don't need you giving me advice as though I haven't lived just as long as you."

She felt David's hand flex slightly on her arm, and then she let him pull her gently against his side, his hand now cupping the side of her head. "What do you need?" He asked gently. "What can we do?"

"I need you to be my friends." She answered hesitantly. "I need you to be here and to understand that I've grown up and I have my own life experiences to draw on. I don't need you parenting me." It was clear that Mary-Margaret wanted to protest, but David must have sent her a look because she stayed quiet. "I'm not saying that I don't want you as my parents, but I… I don't need mothering all the time. Sometimes, I just need Mary-Margaret. I want you to listen to me the way you used to."

Mary-Margaret's head was bowed, her lips drawn into a thin line, and Emma wished her words hadn't hurt her friend as much as they clearly had. David seemed more understanding, and after a brief squeeze of her shoulders, he left the women alone.

"Look, Mary-Margaret, I'm sorry, but-"

"You don't need to be." Mary-Margaret muttered quietly. "It's the truth. You're incredible, Emma, and I love you, but you're right. The curse broke and I… I wanted the baby that I'd sent away. I wasn't really prepared for you."

And even though Emma had already known Mary-Margaret felt that way, it hurt to hear it out loud.

They shared an awkward silence for a few minutes. Emma watched Mary-Margaret fidgeting, feeling like she should say something that would make things less uncomfortable. It was Mary-Margaret who spoke up first.

"That boy…" she began. Emma frowned, unsure what she was talking about. "You stopped fighting him. Why?"

"Because he was just a boy." Emma answered quietly. She hadn't realised Mary-Margaret had seen her stop, that anyone had seen her stop, and she didn't want to have to explain. "I didn't want to hurt him."

"No." Mary-Margaret muttered. "There was something else. I saw it in your eyes. Why did you stop?"

"Why?" She repeated, clenching her hands into tight fists and willing herself not to cry. "Because when I looked at his face, I saw me. That look in his eyes… The despair. I had it. When I was just a lost little girl who didn't matter and didn't think she ever would. A little girl who cried herself to sleep at night because she wanted her parents so bad and could never understand why they gave her up."

Her voice broke and she stopped talking, her throat too thick to say anything more. She sniffed, but it was too much and she couldn't stop the tears from escaping, a few loud sobs tearing through her. Mary-Margaret murmured something, but Emma didn't hear it, and then she felt her mother's hand close around hers.

"It's just, on this island, I don't feel like… a hero or a saviour." Emma continued, through her tears. "I just feel like what I've always been. An orphan."

"Emma! Look!"

Mary-Margaret sounded surprised, sad, and Emma used her free hand to wipe her eyes, trying to clear her vision so she could see what Mary-Margaret was talking about. It didn't take her long to notice, her eyes widening when she saw that the parchment on her lap was no longer blank.

"What happened?"

"You accepted what you are." Mary-Margaret explained solemnly. "And it's okay. You were an orphan. It's my job to change that."

Emma didn't know what to say, she'd said enough, so instead of responding, she prized her hand out from Mary-Margaret's, grabbed the map and stood up, rushing over to the others. "It's working!" she announced, ignoring the fact that her voice was still shaking and she still felt like she was on the verge of tears. "We know where Henry is."

Everyone crowded around her, peering at the map she was holding out in front of her. Killian reached over her shoulder to trail his hook along the parchment. "We're here." He told everyone. "At the Southern tip of the isle, in the middle of the Dark Jungle. Pan's camp, according to this, lies due north. That's where he's keeping Henry."

"So what are we waiting for?" Regina demanded. "Let's go."

"The terrain's not easy." Killian replied. "There will undoubtedly be some nasty impediments along the way. We should prepare."

"We only made it out of our last encounter because Pan let us." David admitted. "We need a new plan."

"Agreed. It's time we stop playing his game and he starts playing ours."

"And if I disagree?" Regain asked.

"Go ahead." Emma snapped. "But I think you know our best chance is together."

"You better be right."

Regina snatched the map out of her hands and started to stride away, everyone but Killian following her. Emma waited until they'd all left the clearing before sniffling and wiping her eyes, wanting to remove any signs of the conversation she'd shared with Mary-Margaret.

"Excellent show of patience, love." Killian muttered, nudging her hand aside so that he could gently brush away the remaining traces of her tears. "And that's what defeats a nasty little boy."

"I hope so." She whispered, turning her head into his caress.

"So how did you unlock the map?"

"I did what Pan asked."

Killian tilted his head to the side, his eyes narrowed and she knew he was searching for the answer in her expression. "Who does Pan think you are, Swan?"

"You said he didn't know me." Emma murmured, swallowing at the concern she saw clearly on his face. "You were wrong."

"So who are you?"

"I'm an orphan." She said bluntly, "The curse breaking hasn't changed that. I looked into the eyes of a Lost Boy and I saw me. I've been just as lost, just as desperate. And I guess Pan knows what a Lost Boy looks like, because he only needed to meet me once to know I was just the same. That I'll always be an orphan and part of me is just always waiting to be alone again. To have no one."

Killian's jaw clenched, and then he gently tilted her head back just slightly, so she could look nowhere but at him. "To be a Lost Girl?" he clarified. Emma nodded, frowning when Killian let out a soft chuckle at her response. "Emma, you'll never be a Lost Girl. Not again. I will always find you."

She was going to cry again, because he sounded so sincere and certain and she wanted to believe him more than anything.

Emma couldn't think of anything to say, not after that, not when he'd somehow managed to find the words she so desperately needed to hear, so instead of saying anything, she stepped closer and kissed him, a soft kiss that she hoped told him everything she was thinking.

It was only when he took her hand and they started after the others that she realised she knew exactly what she wanted to say.

"You too." She said quietly, a shy smile on her face when she felt him looking at her. "I'll find you too."


Here you go! I feel like it's taken forever to get this chapter written. I've had no beta for this chapter, so if there are any super obvious mistakes, it's entirely my fault. Thank you so much for all the reviews/favourites/story alerts! I hope you enjoyed the chapter