At about 5:55, Lily made her way to Dumbledore's office, with notes from her reading in hand. She'd had to put the book back in the Restricted section before leaving the library; any attempt to check it out would have led to suspicious questions from Madame Pince, and with what was at stake, they simply couldn't risk anyone figuring out what Severus was trying to do. Upon arriving, she remembered that she didn't know the password to get up the staircase. Hopefully Severus would have accounted for that.

It was mere minutes later that Severus arrived at Dumbledore's office, his usual black teaching robes hanging around him making him look more bat like than ever. He muttered the password and walked past her. He left the lights out as he used his wand to pull the penseive from its cupboard. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Completely," Lily said, her expression calm and determined, though she was beyond nervous about what she would see. Severus had been a Death Eater, after all. This wasn't going to be pretty. But she needed to understand.

Severus put the tip of his wand to his temple, pulling out a large thick silvery strand and placed it into the penseive. "Ladies first." He said indicating the penseive.

Lily nodded and, before she could give herself a chance to hesitate, leaned forward into the bowl.

Severus followed after her, they tumbled end over end until they landed in a field on a bright sunny day.

"Snape!" Severus looked over to see James and Sirius approaching his younger self.

"OWLs." Snape explained to Lily. "What should have happened ... Where everything went wrong."

Lily glanced over at the Severus who had accompanied her there. "Things fell apart that soon?" she asked, surprised. For some reason, she'd expected to immediately see visions of an older Severus, not a familiar one who was half a year younger. But … it made some sense, she supposed. And about that time, she'd been worried about the path he was on.

Parts of the scene were familiar, though from her recollection, Potter hadn't been involved. Had Severus gotten to him that early? She winced as she watched as the scene played out, not yet seeing anything out of the ordinary, nothing that would mark this as a turning point. Potter and Black were tormenting him unforgivably, but they had always done that. She watched herself from half a year ago storm in, wand drawn, furiously trying to put a stop to it, and Potter being his usual sickening self. She scowled in furious disgust. She certainly did not miss this version of Potter in the slightest.

Severus watched his younger self, clearly pained, humiliated and hurting. Unthinking. "I don't need help from a Mudblood!" He said angrily.

Lily physically recoiled from the scene. She couldn't have been more shocked if he'd hit her, either in the memory or now. Even as a spectator into a past that never was, it felt like a complete betrayal. Ever since the first time she'd ever heard that word, it had always made her feel exactly the way that it was supposed to: less than a witch, less than human. She looked over at Severus, hurt in her eyes … but from this distance, she understood.

He hadn't meant it like that, hadn't really thought of her that way. He was just hurt and humiliated and lashing out without thinking. But half a year ago, when they'd been drifting apart, when she'd seen him spending more and more time with people who really did think that way, when she'd been more and more afraid of what was happening in the Wizarding world … This would have confirmed all her worst fears. She would have seen it as proof that it had finally happened, that her Sev ultimately saw her as just another Mudblood that his pureblood elitist friends wanted to eradicate from the Wizarding world. And she would have reacted in exactly the way that she saw herself reacting now.

"This…" Lily said quietly, looking over at Severus. "This is where I gave up on you. Didn't I?"

Severus didn't respond but the scene changed and suddenly they were standing outside Gryffindor common room, Snape threatening to sleep outside if she didn't come out and talk to him.

"I'm sorry!"

"I don't want to hear it!"

"Lily, I'm sorry I didn't mean-"

"Didn't mean to call me Mudblood? But it's what you call everyone of my blood status ..."

Severus himself found it hard to watch but turned to Lily as the scene unfolded, her other self practically slamming the portrait door in his face.

Lily winced as she watched herself shut Severus out, leaving him there alone. It all made a terrible kind of sense. She'd been so close to giving up on him already at that time. After something like this … it just would have hurt too much to keep trying.

"Did I ever speak to you again after this?" she asked, turning to Severus. Though she already had a pretty good idea of the answer.

Severus still didn't say anything as memories started to flip through their school year. Snape being pressured into becoming a Death Eater, Lily dating James, the bullying stopping around Lily but continuing behind her back ... They stopped at another memory. Christmas just before Severus turned seventeen. He was home, instead of at Lily's this year.

The following stream of memories answered her question for her. It pained her, seeing Severus so alone, except of course for his Death Eater housemates … With no one else to turn to, and no one to protect him from Potter's crew, was it really that surprising that things turned out the way they did? In each interaction with the Death Eater sympathizers in Slytherin, and each attack from Potter and Black, she could see Severus's resolve chipping away. She glanced over at him guiltily; had she really been the only thing keeping him from giving in? Yet she still understood the decision her other self had made. As far as she'd known in this timeline, Severus was already long gone.

She didn't understand, though, why she'd started dating James in this timeline. Even if he'd kept his bullying behind her back … she just didn't understand how it had happened. Granted, the Potter she knew had started to mature into something resembling a decent human being. But as far as she could tell, the James Potter from Severus's memories still showed no sign of that. Of course, she was seeing things from Severus' perspective … but it was still unsettling.

She glanced over at Severus, not recognizing the new setting. But she'd seen both of his parents before. He'd never let her see the inside of their house, which must be this dismal place. Judging by the weather outside, this would probably have been around Christmas break. Of course. If they weren't speaking to each other, he'd have been stuck here that Christmas.

Severus sat at a rickety, weather beaten desk working on his homework, ignoring the sudden scream that came from downstairs. It was a sound he'd long become used to, though it was evident it angered him still. He jabbed his quill into the ink pot before standing up, heavy footsteps coming up the stairs. He knew his father was after him now. There was no use trying to stop him from coming in, he'd break the door down. At least if he met him in the hall there was no chance of breaking what little he owned.

Severus stared up at the man who was barely more than a few inches taller than him, but was nearly double his size. The man staggered as he approached.

"What are you looking at boy?!" The man asked, clumsily grabbing onto Severus shirt. "Fucking failure of a boy gonna turn into a failure of a man just like your ol da here ... You think ya onna learn anything from that ... Hocus pocus they teach at that school of yours." Severus tried to struggle out of his grip but he was surprisingly strong even when he was drunk.

Lily winced as Severus's father grabbed him. She remembered all too well the state Sev had been in when he'd shown up brutally beaten at her door last summer. Her fists clenched at her sides, but she couldn't do anything to change this; for Severus, this had already happened.

The first punch made the present Severus jump, his younger self recoiling from the hit. His father hit him three more times before he let go of his shirt, Severus falling onto his hands and knees but it didn't stop his father from hitting him.

Lily folded her arms uncomfortably, flinching with each hit that Severus took. She hated just watching someone hurt him like this. "Why are you showing me this?" she asked, her voice shaking slightly. She already knew how bad Severus's father was. Did he want to make her feel guilty for leaving him to deal with his family over the holidays? Was he trying to see if she still cared when he got hurt? Or was there something else going on here that he wanted her to see?

"Stop it!" His younger self said as the present Severus moved his hand to indicate her to keep watching. His father didn't listen and kept hitting him over and over again. "STOP!" Severus yelled furiously.

The present Severus glanced over at Lily as his younger self angrily swung back, his own fist connecting with Tobias' jaw. The man stumbled back, drunkenly tripping over his own feet. The younger Severus' eyes widened in shock and reached out to grab his father's hand, his fingers barely brushing his before the man plummeted down the narrow flight of stairs, a resounding crunch at the bottom making the present Severus wince again.

The sound of his mother screaming came from downstairs as the younger Severus was frozen at the top of the stairs.

"What did you do?!" Eileen yelled as she rushed to her husband's side.

Lily gasped, her hand going to her mouth in shock. "Oh God, Severus," she whispered. It was an accident. It was clearly an accident, resulting out of self defense. But Eileen's shrill, panicked scream echoed up the stairs like an accusation. Lily looked over at the current Severus … who still had to live with this memory, even if his father was safely locked away in Muggle prison. "It's not your fault," she said firmly. "You … you know that, don't you?"

Severus didn't look at her and the memory changed again, though they stood in the same hallway. Two days later, Severus walked up the stairs dressed in a dingy muggle suit that looked like it had been bought second hand. "Mom?" He asked knocking on her bedroom door. The present Severus backed away from the door and turned away from it, already knowing what awaited inside.

Lily watched the present Severus turn away. She was afraid now of what she would see … but Severus had wanted her to witness this. So she made herself steadfastly watch as the memory Severus knocked at the door.

Severus creaked the door open. "Mom ... Are you ready?" He asked, slowly stepping into the room. The door was knocked open as Severus jumped back, his eyes wide with fear. "Mom!" He ran over to where she lay on the floor, still, unmoving, a piece of paper clutched in her hand.

"She killed herself." The present Severus explained, as if that weren't already obvious. "That note in her hand ... It's the last thing she ever wanted to say to me ... She blamed me for killing them." He said as the younger Severus bawled on the floor of the bedroom. "Cursed me for having been born …"

Lily stepped back from the door, face white, hands shaking, the anguished sobbing of this other Severus ringing in her ears. His whole reality in that moment was a grief-stricken nightmare. And he'd been completely alone. She looked up at the present Severus, tears starting to gather in her eyes, and without saying a word, took his hand in hers.

Severus pulled his hand out of hers as soon as she took it. "Don't ..." He said quietly. "Don't pity me ... I'm not showing you this because I want your pity ... I'm showing you this because it's relevant." He said and the memory changed again. They were standing in Malfoy Manor, Severus looking a few years older.

"Why are you still refusing Severus?" Malfoy asked as he stood in front of him. "Don't tell me you're still in love with that Mudblood."

"Don't call her that!" Severus hissed. Lucius grinned.

"Oh ... So you are. She's married to the man who bullied you through your school years, last I heard she was pregnant with his brat ... She left you Severus ... She tore you in two and left you!" Lucius said stepping away from him. "You're pathetic."

"Stop it." Severus said.

"Take the mark. You've already killed a muggle, it'll will be easy to get you in!"

"That was an accident!" Severus said angrily.

"They don't need to know that do they?" Lucius said regarding Severus. "You know ... The dark lord is not above doing favours for his followers if they deserve it ... Say ... If a certain mud ... Muggleborn where to be targeted ... You could ask her to be spared." Lucius said grinning as Severus looked up at him. "Who knows if we got that Potter and his spawn out of the way ... If you saved her life she could be yours ..."

Lily stared at Severus in wide-eyed horror. "You didn't …" She felt sick. And yet, after what she'd just seen, it was astonishing that Severus had managed to resist joining the Death Eaters for this long.

The scene changed again and this time Severus was laying in the ground howling in pain as he clutched his left arm, the mark burning into his flesh. It changed again and he was at a meeting, Voldemort at the head, it changed again, nearly a year later and Severus looked terrified.

"I was becoming unuseful." The present Severus explained. "It had only been a year and he was growing bored of me ... I had to find something I could give him ... Find some way to prove to him my usefulness ... I was informed that if I did not prove myself he would kill me by the weeks end." He said as they followed the now slightly older Severus into the Hogshead. They followed him up the stairs, overheard the prophecy, watched Severus get caught and run from the Hogshead and the scene changed again.

The wind was surprisingly strong as Severus turned on the hill, looking this way and that as if expecting to be attacked at any moment. Within seconds his wand flew from his hand and he was on his knees begging Dumbledore not to kill him.

Lily looked on uncertainly. Was this where Severus had switched sides and started to spy for Dumbledore? Had the prophecy that he'd overheard just given Voldemort too much of an edge?

Severus listened as Dumbeldore silenced the wind around them. Listened as the two spoke.

"The prophecy did not refer to a woman. It refers to a child born at the end of July."

"He thinks it's her son!" Severus said.

"Then why not go to your lord and beg him for mercy. Bring him James Potter and their son in exchange for her life."

"I have ..." Severus said meekly.

"You disgust me." Both memory and present Severus flinched at that.

"Hide them then ... Hide them all ... Please!" Severus begged.

"And what will you give me in return Severus?" Dumbledore asked.

Lily understood now. Severus wasn't concerned with how powerful Voldemort became by preventing the prophecy. He wasn't concerned with how many innocent people got killed, not even with the life of her child. His only concern was for her. That was troubling on several levels … But Dumbledore's response troubled her just as much. If this son of hers was so vital to defeating Voldemort, wasn't Severus already giving him something? Dumbledore was demanding something in return for doing what was already strategically necessary anyway. He was blatantly taking advantage of Severus's desperation.

Severus looked up at Dumbledore confused. "Anything."

The memories changed again, "You said you would keep them safe!" It was no longer her, it was them ... Automatically ... Severus sat in a chair in Dumbledore's office, his face red and streaked with tears.

"Lily and James put their faith in the wrong person Severus ... Much like you." They watched as Severus promised to remain at the school to protect her son. When the memories changed it was a much larger time skip. Snape now stood in a classroom full of first years, now at least in his early thirties though he looked quite a bit older. As if his experiences aged him far too quickly.

"Mr. Potter ... Our ... New ... Celebrity." He said as he moved across the class.

Lily gasped as her eyes fixed on the boy Severus was talking to. He looked so much like James it was positively eerie, though he seemed far less sure of himself. But he had vivid green eyes, just like hers, and just like her mother's. At the moment, he just looked confused that this teacher he'd never met before already seemed to dislike him so much.

The scene played out and then changed again. They stood in the hospital wing, Harry now older laying in the hospital bed, Sirius standing in front of a very surprised Snape.

"Sirius, go and stay at Remus' for the time being ... Wait for me to send word." Dumbledore waited until Sirius left and turned to Snape.

"Severus ... You know what I must ask you to do. If you are ready ... If you are prepared." The older Severus seemed to pale, if that was even possible on his already pale complexion.

"I am." He said, though his words sounded hollow. As if he were trying to hide his fear.

The memory changed again, and the first thing the present Snape saw was blood. They stood in Malfoy manor, the memory of Snape laying on the ground in nothing but his black pants, writhing in agony so bad he could no longer scream as Voldemort himself used the cruciatus curse on him, his flailing and thrashing opening wounds that had just started to heal. He'd been in this room being tortured by the dark lord and his followers for three days now. Three days of pain and humiliation by the hands of those he used to call his friends ... He remembered this ... Feeling like he was going to go mad. He'd long since convinced Voldemort that he was still loyal, explained why he was late, why he remained at the school ... But the dark lord was livid ... And there was no excuse not to answer his master's call.

Lily looked on in horror as an older Severus was tortured relentlessly. From the state of his wounds, it was clear that he'd been there awhile. She wanted so badly to do something, to end this, or at the very least to reach out and grab the present Severus' hand … but he'd already said he didn't want that. So she folded her arms, pale and trembling, and looked away, tears already running down her face faster than she could blink them back.

Severus wrapped an arm around her, though it wasn't comforting. His fingers gently touched her jaw and he turned her face back to the trembling body in the bloody floor. "You were the one who wanted to see." He said as Bellatrix approached his other self.

Lily wanted to protest that she'd seen enough … But Severus was right. She'd said that she needed to see this, that she could handle it. She needed to understand. Severus had already suffered through this. The least she could do was witness it. She nodded shakily, forcing herself to watch, no matter what else happened.

Before Bellatrix could do anything the scene changed again. They stood in Dumbledore's office, it was night, and Dumbledore sat slumped in his chair, Snape pouring a potion down his throat, his wand moving over his blackened hand.

He put the cup down and looked up at Albus. "I have the curse confined to your left hand for now ... But I can't stop it ... It will take over. It will kill you."

"How long have you given me?" Albus asked tiredly.

"A year ... At most." He said before standing to leave.

"Severus ..." They watched as Albus asked him ... No, made him promise to do something unforgivable ... Made Snape promise to kill him when the time was right. Watched as the much older Severus got angered after spending hours saving his life he was now asking him to kill him.

Lily felt the same anger and disbelief settle over her. It was so coldly unfair. Hadn't Severus done enough? How could Dumbledore possibly ask that of him, of anyone?

Memories started flipping again over the next year, his unbreakable vow, trying to talk Dumbledore out of it, trying to get Draco's plan out of him, memory after memory until they stood in the Dumbledore's office again.

"You've been raising him so that he can die at the proper moment?" Severus asked surprised. "You've been raising him like a pig for slaughter."

"Don't tell me you've come to care for the boy!" Dumbledore asked almost slightly amused.

"For him?!" Severus asked waving his wand. "Expecto Patronum!" A silver doe shot from his wand and Albus watched it wide eyed.

"Lily?" Albus asked surprised. It had been almost twenty years. He had thought Severus had moved on. "After all this time?"

"Always."

Lily turned to the present-day Severus, eyes wide. "Sev," she whispered, not knowing what else to say. How impossible it seemed, now, that she had ever thought she was losing him. Through every terrible mistake he'd made, even at the worst he had ever been, her Sev had always still been in there somewhere, no matter how deep inside this broken, bitter man he'd been buried. All this time he'd been obsessively fighting to go back, to undo everything he'd done, to take back everything that had ever separated him from her. He had loved her for longer than she'd even been alive. Or, rather, he'd loved a memory of everything she'd been to him … a memory that she could never really live up to.

The memories changed until they were standing in the astronomy tower, Albus standing near the edge, Severus with his wand raised.

"Severus please." Dumbledore said, and Severus knew he wasn't begging for his life. He was begging Severus to keep his promise.

Lily watched as Severus' options were progressively cut away, until there on the astronomy tower, he had no choice left. She forced herself to continue watching as the situation headed to its inevitable conclusion.

The present Severus watched the sudden anger on his past self's face, and knew exactly why he was so angry. He was angry that Dumbledore was making him kill the only person who had trusted him. Was angry that it would put him in a position that everyone on the side he was on would hate him.

"Avada Kadavra." He said his voice quiet as green light shot from his wand and knocked Dumbledore from the astronomy tower.

The memory changed back to Spinners End. Snape stepped into his home, no longer under prying eyes and promptly grabbed onto his table, pulling it over so hard it clattered on the floor, books scattering everywhere. He backed into the wall and slid down, his fingers going into his hair as he finally had the opportunity to break down ... It had been hours since he'd killed the only man who trusted him ... And he could finally let go of the anguish that had been building up inside of him.

Lily made herself watch as Severus completely broke down, more alone now than he'd ever been. By fulfilling Dumbledore's last request and killing him, Severus had prevented anyone else in the resistance from ever trusting him again. To preserve his cover and carry out Dumbledore's plan, Severus had knowingly sentenced himself to a whole new level of alienation. No one would ever believe the real reason that he had done this. And Dumbledore had known exactly what he was asking of him.

The memories started flipping again. Over the next year being headmaster to protect the students, the teachers doing everything they could to thwart him, bringing Potter the sword with his patronus, helping her son as much as he could without him knowing. Until they were standing in the shrieking shack, Voldemort walking around Severus talking about the elder wand.

Lily looked from the older Severus to hers and back again. He was very much alone with Voldemort, and the conversation was twisting in a worrisome direction. Whatever happened, though, she would watch until the end.

The past Severus stood bravely before Voldemort, though his face was pale and his eye would not leave Voldemort's snake.

"Nagini ... Kill." Severus didn't even have time to react as the globe descended over his head and around his shoulders pinning his arms to his side. A pained scream came from Snape's mouth as the snake sank its fangs into his neck, blood pouring from the wound and within seconds Nagini let go but the damage was done. Voldemort barely paused as he turned to Snape. "I regret it." Voldemort said coldly.

"No…" Lily murmured involuntarily. Severus had told her he died here. She'd known it was coming, somewhere in this cruel stream of memories. But she rejected actually seeing it. Had it really happened like this? Alone, so abruptly, and over a wand? She reached out and put her arms around the present Severus, unable to stop herself. She fully expected him to try to push her away. But she couldn't just watch him die and not hold him. Tears streaming down her face, she forced herself not to turn away, resolved to watch until the end.

Once Voldemort left they watched as Harry moved the box out of the way, coming into the room and coming to Snape's side. He put his hand against Snape's wound, trying to stop the flow of blood even though they all knew it wouldn't do any good. Snape grabbed onto Potter's shirt.

"Take them." Snape said, his voice gurgled by the blood flowing from his neck. A silvery substance flowed from every opening in Snape's head, not in control of what memories he was giving him ... He didn't even know if they were the right ones. As Harry put the memories into a flask, Snape's grip loosened on his shirt, but he didn't let go. "Look at me." He said looking at Harry's eyes and seconds later, the memory didn't change, they were pulled from it as if a door had slammed in their face. Severus had died.

They stood in darkness, voices speaking around them but they were muffled. When it cleared, they were standing in the hospital wing, once again sixteen years old. A younger Snape looking confused at Minerva and Dumbledore, asking if he was dead.

Lily looked up at him. Had it really been such an immediate transition? How bewildered he must have been. What must it have been like when the realization sank in? Had he rejoiced at the impossible second chance, or panicked at the thought of suffering through the same miserable life all over again?

"You know what happens from here." He said as her past self came into the hospital wing. He watched at how sad and pathetic he was, practically sobbing as he told Lily he missed her, which at the time confused her. She'd only seen him a few days ago, but to him it had been over twenty years. "Can you really blame me? ... For clinging to anything I could get. I know it was wrong of me not to tell you but ... How could I? I didn't want to lose you again, I've already lost you twice ... I've been alone so long that ... When I saw you ..." He paused and shook his head. "You're the only person in my life who's ever cared about me ... I didn't want that to change just because I'm different now. That's selfish I know but ..."

"That doesn't excuse it," Lily said firmly, still holding onto him. "You still should have told me … But I understand." The fact that he hadn't told her wasn't going away, and she didn't know if she would be able to trust him the same way again. But she just couldn't find it in her to be really angry anymore.

"I know that." He said as the memory continued to play around them. "Dumbledore should be back soon, if he isn't already." He said wrapping his arm around her and they both came out of the memory together. Severus winced when he saw the lights were on in the office. He turned and saw Dumbledore sitting at his desk.

"Hello." Dumbledore said pleasantly.

"Um…" Lily stared wide-eyed at the headmaster. There was really nothing to say that would detract from the fact that he had caught them red-handed after breaking into his office and using his Pensieve without permission. "Hello, Professor Dumbledore."

"Miss Evans, if you are finished viewing Professor Snape's memories for this evening," Albus said pointedly. "Then I expect you will be on your way back to the Gryffindor dormitory, as it is now past curfew."

Lily nodded, blushing furiously. They hadn't been nearly as stealthy about this as she had thought. At least Dumbledore didn't consider it necessary to Obliviate her. Though she still couldn't look at him now without thinking about how he had used and manipulated Severus. "Yes, Professor," she said, hurrying toward the door, then paused. There was so much more she needed to discuss with Severus, but she doubted she would get the chance tonight. "You should know, Professor Dumbledore," she said. "I'm the one who insisted on seeing those memories, and that it couldn't wait. It's my fault we're here."

"I thought that might be the case," Dumbledore said serenely. Somehow, Lily found his pleasant demeanor unconvincing now. She felt uneasy as she left.

Severus gathered his memories again and sat down in the chair across from Dumbledore. "You're not Obliviating her ..." He said flat out.

Albus regarded Severus over the rims of his half-moon spectacles, calmly folding his hands on the desk. "Why, precisely, do you think Miss Evans needs to know what you have seen?"

"I think that is our business, not yours." He said crossing his arms over his chest. "Despite my outer appearance Albus, I am not a child, I am no longer in your debt, and am not required to follow your instruction. I am free to make my own decisions, and my decisions are exactly that ... Mine."

"That may be the case in most matters," Albus acknowledged. "But any action of yours that may influence the outcome of the war against Voldemort is very much my business. You cannot treat such matters as if they were merely personal. Moreover, this particular decision involved sneaking into my office and using my Pensieve without my permission. We had decided, in the beginning, that information regarding your past was to be divulged only on a need-to-know basis. Since you have shown Miss Evans, I must assume that you believe she needs to know. And I have trusted your judgment enough to send her on her way without, as of yet, Obliviating her … but I would like to know why."

"And I would like to know why you told Minerva without my permission." Severus said. "As you said I believe we discussed a need to know basis ..." He said. "My reasons are my own Albus. You've kept many secrets from me, involving the war and personal, I'm not obligated to tell you ... And I will warn you Albus ... If you obliviate her ... You will lose me in this war ... And I will take her with me!" He said standing and making his way towards the door.

"Severus," said Albus sternly. "What is the nature of your relationship with Lily Evans?"

Severus turned around and regarded Albus. "For the time being, we don't have one ... I fucked that up ... Again ... Just like I fuck everything up!" He said in an angry though calm voice. "So no ... You don't have to worry about some kind of scandal in your staff!"

"When did it start?" Albus asked, strategically ignoring Severus's sudden outburst of profanity.

"When did what start?" Severus asked annoyed.

"Whatever it is that you … to rephrase the way you put it … messed up."

Severus shook his head at Albus. "You're despicable ..." Severus said. "I'm done." He said turning towards the door.

Albus sighed. "I'm not going to Obliviate her, Severus," he said calmly. "Quite frankly, she seems to be handling things more sensibly than you are, at the moment. In hindsight, perhaps it would have been wiser if I had encouraged you to inform her from the beginning."

"Do you really think I would have listened? What do you care anyway?" Severus asked annoyed. "So long as I can help in your war, what do you care what happens to me? Let me deal with this on my own Albus." He said turning away from him sounding more hurt now than angry. God damn teenage hormones ...

"My war?" Albus asked quietly, sitting back in his chair. "Severus, what do you think the rest of us are fighting for?"

"It's always been your war ... You were the one calling the shots, moving people like pawns, sacrificing for the greater good ... You've always been the chess master ... Do you honestly think any of us matter so long as the dark lord is defeated?" He asked. "You're forgetting how well I know you Albus ... We're fighting for you because we agree with the outcome ... But it has been and always will be your war."

"That is not completely inaccurate," said Albus. "But it is also not what I asked you. You have your reasons for your own reluctant involvement. Even I must have a motive for wanting to see Lord Voldemort defeated … unless of course, to continue your metaphor, you assume I simply see him as a particularly formidable chess opponent. But what about the others who agree with the outcome? Why risk danger for an outcome they might not personally live to see? What do you think Minerva, or Mr. Potter, or Miss. Evans, or anyone else on our side is fighting for?"

"I can't answer for anyone else ... I just don't want to see anyone else die ... On either side ..." He said but he knew that wasn't going to happen. "I just want to move on with my life but I can't until he's gone."

"Why can't you move on with your life until he's gone?" Albus asked, with a tone of mild curiosity. "Why not simply take the one or two people you care about and leave the country? Wouldn't that be the easiest solution?"

"You're not listening ... People are going to die, Albus! I already told you that I don't want that to happen, on multiple occasions." He said angrily. "I'm not like you Albus ... I can't just stand by and let it happen no matter the cause!"

"Not like me?" Albus's eyebrows raised slightly. "And yet you have pinpointed precisely the reason why I have dedicated everything to this war. You have seen first-hand how many people will suffer and die if Voldemort's defeat is delayed. We both know that, if he goes unchallenged, the suffering and death will never end. I have made this my war, as you call it, for that very reason. To that end, there have been times when I have had to stand back and allow terrible things to happen. And there have been times when I have, perhaps, asked too much of others."

His expression looked troubled, but he continued. "But to say that I do not care is to severely oversimplify the matter." He looked Severus directly in the eye. "So, when you ask me why I care what happens to you, so long as you help me to win 'my' war… you misunderstand my entire purpose for waging that war in the first place."

"You're saying to the person you sacrificed as easily as you would a mere pawn." He said. "Do you not remember what was in the memories I gave you?" He asked running his hand over his face. "I'm tired Albus ... May I have permission to leave?" He asked sarcastically.

"I have not forgotten," Albus said quietly. Nor would he ever be able to. "But I must caution you in regards to your friendship with Miss Evans. Overall, you have become a very rational and careful decision-maker … But not consistently. After almost twenty years grieving for your dear friend," he carefully avoided implying anything else. "Only to be unexpectedly reunited with her … That alone would have a strong effect on even the most logical of minds. But when combined with your teenage emotional outbursts … You have already been reckless enough to break into my office together," he said pointedly. "You must take care to avoid being so reckless in the future. Otherwise, you risk endangering both Lily and yourself."

"I'm not stupid Albus ... I just can't do this alone anymore." He said before leaving Dumbledore's office.

(A/N - And that's it for tonight. More to come soonish! Please leave a review, I love them all!)