Author's Note: Again I am sorry about the slow updates, but this summer semester has been brutal. Unfortunately, updates will probably continue to be sporadic until August. *sigh*

By the way, those of you who read my other work will recognize the events in this chapter as ones that were referred to in one of my other fics. After reading this, if you would like another perspective on this chapter, feel free to read my fic The One in a Thousand. ;)

I do not own Bones or any of its characters. If only...;)

Thank you to everyone who is still reading/following/reviewing this. I'm very grateful for the continued support. :D

Buttercups3: It seems weird now to think that I could have even gotten this many chapters in. ;) I'm glad that you liked that bit with Carolyn at the beginning of the chapter. I was thinking about how much I missed her tenderness for the last couple of chapters...And I remember when I was sixteen and I'm in awe of Sweets' dedication to school too. ;)

TimeWitch93: Well this chapter will be a lot more somber than the last chapter, but expect Sweets to be doing a lot more things on his own in future chapters...not that David and Carolyn will be far away, mind you. ;) Thanks again for all your reviews.

Dukefan1982: I wish that I was just taking one four hour long class. As it is I have one of those along with three other three hour long classes. I will not be doing that again anytime soon. ;) Thank you again.

Mendenbar: I figured that a lot of people would like Gayle. I do not believe that Sweets necessarily always had terrible luck with women and wanted a chance to explore that. And yes, there have been members of our family who have needed support and people on the outside have been stunned by our decisions. It's not something everyone can understand.

Cobalt6233: Thank you. I did not mean for it to turn out so sad, but I know that it was bittersweet (pun intended). ;D

Sweetfavouritethings: Thank you as well. :D As to whether or not Gayle will show up again...at this point I don't think so, but I originally thought that of Peter Sweets, so you never know. ;)

Fatewalker: Exactly right. I wanted Sweets to have the chance to experience a little bit of happy romance, but I agree that he is just not ready for that kind of relationship yet. I hope you enjoy this chapter as well.

Worried Smile: Welcome aboard. :D Thank you for the review and I hope you enjoy the rest of the fic as well.

Year Eleven—Exploration—part 4

Spring soon came, and Lance was swiftly coming closer to completing his master's degree in Abnormal Psychology. He had started to consider graduate programs that he could join. He knew that there were several colleges that wanted him, and he was trying to sort through them to find the best one for him.

While going through the application process, David and Carolyn sat down with him to tell him about a decision of their own.

'Lance…your mother and I feel that you are ready to attend college by yourself,' David said. 'Therefore, when your time here at Temple is over, we will be moving back home. You've grown up tremendously over the past couple of years, and it's time that you lead your own life.'

Lance had been surprised at the decision, but he couldn't help but notice the barely hidden tears in his parents' eyes.

'Mom, Dad…please don't cry,' he begged. 'I…' Carolyn took his hand.

'We're sorry baby, if our tears are hurting you,' she said. 'We know how much you love us. But…it's complicated for us.' David nodded.

'You have to understand, sport; part of us is extremely proud of all you've accomplished and is happy that you get to start such an exciting chapter of your life.' David's voice hitched and Carolyn moved to caress his arm.

'But another part of us…it feels like only yesterday when we brought you into our home and into our lives,' David continued. 'You grew up so fast and it is hard to let you go.' He then reached over and embraced his son.

'But I don't want you to worry about that. Part of life is accepting that many of the most joyous and momentous events often have a little bit of loss in them,' he said as he held Lance close. 'Don't let that little bit of sorrow cloud the happiness…And we are happy for you, Lance. It gives us great joy that we can let you go, knowing how far you've come.'

'Thank you Mom and Dad,' Lance murmured. He was truly grateful that David had said that to him. All throughout his time in college, Lance knew that the time would come when he would be on his own and he had been excited about it. But a part of him was worried about the pain he also felt at the thought of moving away from his parents. He now knew that they not only understood it, but shared his feelings.


While looking over his paperwork from his applications to graduate school, Lance thought again of a conversation that he had a couple weeks ago with his old high school friend, Brian Geras. He and Brian only talked to each other occasionally, but Lance sometimes missed him and wished that they could call each other more often. But Lance's studies kept him busy, and Brian had recently buried himself into improving his grades, something that Lance saw as a positive sign.

But his most recent talk with Brian made him re-think how well Brian was doing.

'It's so much better here than high school,' Lance had gushed. 'The people are a lot cooler and the profs are a lot more interesting than most of the bores that we've had to endure.'

'Uh-huh.' Brian responded dully. Lance had noticed his tone, but persisted in his cheer.

'I'm thinking of going to Columbia to join their graduate school of Clinical Psychology,' he continued. 'Where do you think you'll be going to school?'

'I don't think that I'm going to college,' Brian said.

'What? Why?' Lance asked, stunned. 'Aren't you going to graduate as salutatorian of your class? I'm sure you could get into an awesome college.'

'What for?' Brian snapped back. 'It will just be the same-old, same-old for me. Oh sure the people and places might change, but ultimately it will be the same. At least for me it will.'

'No Brian, it won't,' Lance soothed. 'I mean sure there are always a few jerks wherever you go, but I promise you it will be different.'

'Lance…I'm really happy for you,' Brian said softly. 'I always had a feeling that you'd do something with psychology and it's cool that you're living out your dream. I…I know that you will be great at it.'

'Thanks Brian,' Lance answered, confused. Brian had not been this open with him in years.

'You're welcome. Take care of yourself,' Brian said. 'You…you've been a real friend.'

Sitting at his dining room table with papers fanned out in front of him, Lance could not get that conversation out of him mind. It had been bothering him for the past two weeks. Brian had always been a bit of a pessimist, but it worried Lance that he had stopped thinking in terms of the future.

Plus, he felt a chill inside him that reminded him of those days right before he tried to commit suicide, and he did not like this feeling of déjà vu.

He picked up the phone and called Brian's number to see how he was doing. After a couple of rings, a woman's voice came on the line that Lance recognized as Brian's mother.

"Why hello, Lance. How are your mother and father doing?" she said.

"They're good, thank you," he responded. "Is Brian there?"

"Sorry, he's not here right now. Would you like me to tell him you called?" Lance was disappointed that he wasn't there, but he was relieved to know that there was nothing seriously wrong, judging from his mother's tone of voice.

Still, he could not just hang up with that knowledge.

"Mrs. Geras…I talked to Brian a couple of weeks ago and he seemed really depressed," Lance said. "Have you noticed it too?"

"Well you know how Brian has always been a bit of a Gloomy Gus," his mother responded. "But he'll come around. He always does."

"Mrs. Geras…I've known Brian for years and you're right, he's always been like that. But when I talked to him recently, he told me that he probably wasn't going to college."

"He says that once in a while, but it's no big deal," she said dismissively. "He just gets that way when he's stressed over his studies. He's doing so well in school now. There's no question of whether or not he's going to college."

"No, it's more than that," Lance insisted. "I'm really worried about him. I...I think he's severely depressed and that he might...act out on it somehow."

"What are you saying? Are you saying that you think he'll…?" Brian's mother stopped and Lance could hear a gasp over the phone.

"Brian is not like you," she finally said, her voice cold. "Your parents may not talk about it, but we know what you tried to do. Our son is not weak like that. Just because your professors think you're special does not mean you know everything."

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Geras...I..."

"No," she interrupted. "You should stop calling here and mind your own business. Brian doesn't need people like you in his life."

Suddenly, Lance heard a click and a dial tone and he knew that she had hung up on him. He carefully sat the receiver back onto the cradle and rubbed at the wetness forming in his eyes.

'People like me….People who are too weak to stop themselves from trying to take their own life.'

'Is that what I am?'

Lance couldn't imagine falling back into the state of mind that had driven him to attempt suicide, but now he was beginning to wonder about the fact that he had ever made it to that point in the first place.

'Brian is not like you.'

'She's right,' Lance thought. 'Brian's parents never were very close to him, but he's able to get by. Me?…Mom and Dad love me more than anything, and it still wasn't enough to…'

Even as he felt the tears sting his eyes, Lance hated how much he was overwhelmed by his emotions at times. As he started to cry, her words re-played in his head over and over.

'If it weren't for Mom and Dad, I would have never made it this far…So how am I going to make it on my own?'


A couple more weeks passed by and the snow had fully melted and the days grew cheerier. Lance had been accepted to Columbia's graduate program and planned on spending one last summer with his parents back home before going.

Soon, his seventeenth birthday was approaching. He knew that his parents were planning something elaborate since this would be the last birthday he would spend with them before going away for graduate school. David had not been very subtle in asking him what restaurants he had wanted to try before leaving Philly.

One afternoon, Lance walked out of his class and was surprised to see David, pacing the hall waiting for him.

"Dad?" Lance said as he walked over to him. It wasn't completely out of the question for David to pick him up after school, but that was usually only when the weather was too poor for him to walk to the bus stop. Today it was a crisp but clear sunny day.

"Sport…I need to talk to you, so I'll be taking you home today," David said quietly. Lance nodded and followed his father to the car and after getting in, the two of them took off. The ride back to the apartment was a silent one and Lance grew nervous. But he knew that when his father had that serious tone in his voice, it was best to let him direct the course of the conversation. They soon arrived and Lance noticed as they walked in that Carolyn was missing.

"Where's Mom?" he asked.

"Your mother got a call not long after you left this morning from some family of hers a few hours from here, and she is staying with them for a couple of days," David answered. "She wanted me to let you know that she will be back in plenty of time for your birthday."

David guided Lance to sit on the couch in the front room.

"Dad, what's going on?" Lance said, frightened by his father's tone. David shook his head a couple times before answering.

"I got a call a couple hours ago from Brian's dad," he said. "Two days ago, Brian came home from school early and he broke into his father's cabinet where he kept his hunting rifles. I'm so sorry, Lance…Brian took his own life."

His father's words knocked the wind out of him. He could barely think. Everything around him became blurry as he lapsed into shock.

"No…I…I just talked to him a month ago," Lance gasped. "I just talked to him…he…he told me to take care of myself…"

When he saw how badly Lance was taking the news, David pulled his son into an embrace. He held him close while he felt Lance tremble.

"He…he's going to graduate soon…top of his class," Lance said, starting to weep. "He won't have to put up with those idiots anymore…he…he didn't have to…"

"I know. I know it doesn't make sense," David said gently. "It never does."

"Why Dad? Why couldn't they save him?" Lance choked out between in tears. He then buried his face into David's shoulder. He remained silent while he held his son.

He didn't know the answer to Lance's questions. But David did know that he wasn't really expecting any answers anyway.


After a couple of hours of grieving, David let his son go and called Carolyn to let her know what was going on. Even though he assured her that Lance was going to be all right, she insisted on coming home early and promised that she would be back some time tomorrow so that she could be there for her son. Then David ordered some Chinese food to be delivered since he really did not feel like cooking anything.

Eventually the food arrived and David re-joined Lance in the front room. He had stopped crying, but was still very subdued. David pulled a stout wooden coffee table closer to the couch and spread out the white paper cartons of food onto it.

"Here, sport. I know you're upset, but you should try to eat something," he said sitting back down next to him. Lance nodded and sniffed. He then picked up a pair of chopsticks and nibbled at the food slowly. The two of them ate in silence for several minutes.

"Dad…I had talked to Brian's mom a couple of weeks ago," Lance said while he poked around at his fried rice. "I…I told her that I was worried about Brian because of how he had been the last time…the last time I talked to him." David nodded in understanding and waited for him to continue.

"She got really mad at me and told me to stop calling Brian and to mind my own business."

"Well Lance, it can be very hard for a parent to hear things like that about their child," David said. "Especially from someone who they may consider a child themselves."

"She said that Brian was not like me," Lance said, his voice beginning to crack again. "She said that he wasn't weak and that he would get through."

"Lance?" David said, setting his food down on the coffee table.

"But…but he was like me and now he's gone," Lance warbled, tears making their way down his cheeks again. "Why did I get to live and he…he…?"

David grabbed the carton and chopsticks from Lance's hands and sat them on the coffee table. He then held Lance tightly against him.

"Listen to me Lance…don't ever ask yourself a question like that again," David said forcefully. "What happened to Brian was a terrible thing, but don't think for one moment that just because his parents were not able to save him that you shouldn't have been saved." He held his son a little tighter yet.

"Your life is just as precious as anyone else," he said. "And whether you know it or not, your mother and I are extremely grateful for every day that we get to share with you."

"I'm sorry Dad," Lance sniffled, hearing the sorrow in his father's voice. "I didn't mean…I know how much you and Mom love me and I am grateful that you saved me." He embraced David back tightly.

"But Dad, I'm scared…what if she's right? What if I'm too weak to make it through life? You and Mom did everything to help me and love me but still I…I…" David moved Lance away from him so that he could face him and waited for a moment so that Lance could get a hold of himself before speaking.

"Lance…there are no easy answers here," he said. "Now, I don't know what drove Brian to do what he did. Unfortunately we will never know for sure. But…what I do know is that, even though you had a moment of weakness, it does not mean that you're weak. It just means that you lost your way for a while there."

"But…all those times that I did stuff…all those times I tried to run away," Lance choked, his tears finally slowing down. "Who's to say if I'm really strong at all?"

"Lance, while Brian's parents may have been inattentive, I know that he did not experience the kinds of horrors that you did," David responded. "It may be hard to see from your perspective but trust me; you are not the same boy that I met over ten years ago in that orphanage. That is part of the reason why your mother and I know that it's time that you live on your own." David put his arm back around Lance's shoulders.

"While what she said was cruel, Brian's mother was right; he was not like you. You take the pain that was inflicted on you and use it to drive you to help others. Unfortunately, Brian got completely lost in his own pain and could never reach out to others that way." He pulled Lance closer to him.

"Don't feel guilty that you were able to survive what happened to you," David murmured. "Try to remember that you probably comforted Brian by being his friend. I'm sure that if he could, he would tell you that that meant a great deal to him."

While David said that Brian's last words sprang back into Lance's mind.

'You've been a real friend.'

"He did try to tell me, Dad," Lance mumbled. "I guess, I just didn't realize it at the time." Lance felt his father squeeze his shoulder.

"Sport, you have a real gift for helping people through their problems and their sorrows. And I'm sure that you are at the point where you are becoming strong enough to help them…and to take care of yourself." Lance finally stopped crying and wiped at his eyes.

"I know that we weren't very close toward the end, but I'll never forget him," he said somberly.

"Nor should you," David nodded. "Always remember how you felt this day and how precious life is. Remember that when people reject this gift that they've been given, we all suffer for it." Lance glanced over at this father and saw that he had an intense look in his eyes.

"Most of all, remember that this world is a better place with you in it," David said. "No matter how dark it becomes, you will always bring some light into it."