Chapter 52: The Inlaws From Hell
[Scene: Saturday. The Midori house.]
[Chief Midori told Zoi to wear his suit to have dinner with the O'Sama's. The trouble is, he was six inches shorter the last time he put it on. Fortunately, he's only grown upwards, so the jacket almost still fits him. With the cuffs rolled, it's just a bit snug in the hips, chest, and shoulders. He puts on a green silk shirt, a black tie, and a pair of matching slacks.]
[He bounds down the stairs to where Kunzite is waiting on the couch.]
Zoi: Ok, I'm decent.
[Kunzite rises and pulls him close]
Kunzite: Wrong again. You are utterly indecent. Nobody should look so tempting. It's not fair.
Zoi: [grins] Tempting? How? I can change.
Kunzite: You are so absurd.
[Presses his lips to Zoi's forehead, and trails his finger down his spine. Zoi's getting dizzy so he places his hands on Kunzite's chest.]
Kunzite: Shall I explain how you are tempting me?
[He touches his lips to Zoi's and Zoi's lips part to receive the kiss. A few minutes into it Zoi passes out.]
Kunzite: [alarmed] Zoisite?
Zoi: [opens his eyes] You… made… me… faint.
Kunzite: What am I going to do with you? [supports Zoi's weight and sighs] So much for being good at everything.
Zoi: That's the problem. You're too good. Far, far too good.
Kunzite: [covertly checks Zoi's ears for blood] Do you feel sick again?
Zoi: [giggles] No, it wasn't the same kind of fainting at all. I don't know what happened. I think I forgot to breath.
Kunzite: I can't take you anywhere like this.
Zoi: I'm fine. Your family just wants to eat me anyway, so what difference does it make?
Kunzite: Are you afraid now?
Zoi: Yes.
Kunzite: Don't be.
Zoi: Won't they be, well, surprised that you would bring someone… like me…home to meet them? Do they know I know about them?
Kunzite: Oh they already know everything. They've taken bets, you know, on how long it will last. I'd put my money of 'forever' but then I'd have no way of collecting my winnings. At any rate, we have no secrets in my family. It's really not feasible, when we all have a thousand little ways to spy on one another.
Zoi: [goes white in the face] They've been spying on us?
Kunzite: Trust me, they're not that twisted. Beryl could care less what goes on in anyone's bedroom but her own, and the other two are being extra careful NOT to spy on us.
[Zoi giggles and Kunzite strokes the collar of Zoi's shirt with his finger]
Kunzite: I'm very partial to this color with your skin.
Zoi: [swallows nervously] Look I'm trying hard not to think about what I'm about to do, so can we just go already?
Kunzite: Mmmmm [smirks a lecherous smirk, and Zoi gasps and slaps him on the shoulder.]
Zoi: I meant seeing your family, you perv!
[Later: They drive through a misty forest. To a timeless, graceful, three story house.]
Zoi: Wow.
Kunzite: You like it?
Zoi: It has a certain charm.
Kunzite: [Tugs on Zoi's ponytail and chuckles] Ready?
Zoi: Not even a little bit—let's go.
[Kunzite opens Zoi's door for him and takes his arm]
Kunzite: You look lovely.
[They walk hand in hand to the porch. Zoi can tell that Kunzite feels his tension, because he is rubbing circles on the back of his hand with his thumb.]
[Kunzite opens the door for Zoi.]
[The inside of the house is very open, and set up to look like an old English study, complete with a huge ornate fireplace, a massive Turkish rug and antique walnut furniture. Jeddy and Neffy are playing billiards while Beryl is lounging on a leather divan sipping cocktails in a couture gown. There is a skull of some seemingly alien creature over the mantle. Bookshelves with ancient tomes line most of the walls and a massive staircase dominates the west side of the room.
Kunzite: [leads Zoi toward the staircase] My husband and I going up to our bedroom to engage in marital relations. We've only got a few hours before I have to bring him home, so I'm not to be bothered for any reason.
Neffy: [in mock disappointment] You mean you boys aren't having a sleepover? And I was so looking forward to seeing your little buddy run around in his footie pajamas.
Kunzite: [doesn't even slow down] Shut up.
[half way up the stairs a smoky naga ghost materializes in front of Zoi.]
Kunzite: Zoisite, say hello to Mother.
Zoi: Hello Dr. O'Sama. It's nice to meet you. You have a very beautiful home.
Metalia: Ssssslut!
Kunzite: Be nice, Mother.
Metalia: [flies about in coils of smoke around a terrified Zoi] Trrrramp! Trrrrollop! Sssstrrrrumpet! You'rrrre nothing but a whorrrre!
Kunzite: [doesn't even slow down] I wish he were nothing but a whore. I would have given him my business a long time ago.
Metalia: Kunzzzite! Are you ssssaying you love thisss trrrained monkey morrrre than me!
Kunzite: [sighs] Of course not, Mother. You are everything to me. He's just a toy.
Metalia: He isss morrrre than yourrr toy! He isss yourrr whorrre! A trrrrained monkey toy whorrrre!
[Kunzite turns around and leads Zoi back down the stairs, while Metalia continues to spiral around him hissing and screeching. They walk past Beryl, Neffy, and Jeddy over to a grand piano. He pulls out the bench and sits beside Zoi]
Kunzite: Play.
[Zoi glares at him. After a moment's hesitation, he starts playing the Moonlight Sonata from memory.]
[Metalia pauses her shrieking to listen. She drifts over the piano in the shape of a cloud of smoke with big red eyes losing herself to the music. And the song concludes she closes her eyes and resumes Naga form]
Metalia: I sssuppossse yourrr toy monkey isss not completely without hisss usssessss.
[Metalia hisses at Zoi one final time and flies away]
[Zoi turns and sees Jeddy, Neffy and Beryl have gathered around the piano.]
Neffy: Show-off.
Beryl: Kunzite didn't tell us you were musical.
Zoi: Just a bit.
Kunzite: I told you he's far too modest.
Jeddy: Play something else.
Kunzite: Later. I didn't bring him here to put on a concert for you.
[He pulls Zoi away by the wrist back up the stairs.]
Zoi: [sulks bitterly] I'm just a toy, am I?
Kunzite: [nods] A very beautiful toy my mother could crush underfoot as soon as the mood strikes her.
Zoi: You said I'd be safe here.
Kunzite: You are safe. Mother is happy to see me happy. This is just her way of let you know who is in charge here.
[They come to a door. While Kunzite unlocks it, Zoi is feeling peevish and isn't sure he wants to go inside. So when Kunzite gets the door open Zoi just stands with his arms crossed and his back to the wall.]
Zoi: Take me home. I'm not in the mood for this.
[Kunzite closes the door.]
Kunzite: What happened to all your courage? You were extraordinary this morning.
Zoi: Yes, well I wasn't just a trained monkey whore this morning.
Kunzite: Hmm…it seems I'm going to have to tamper with your memory.
Zoi: That doesn't work on me, remember?
[Kunzite watches Zoi intently with humor in his eyes. He places his hands on the wall on either side of Zoi, pressing his face close to his.]
Kunzite: Now…what exactly are you so upset about?
[Kunzite fights back a smile as he touches his lips to the base of Zoi's throat.]
Zoi: Your mother called me a whore and you didn't deny it.
Kunzite: [murmurs against Zoi's skin] And you're still upset now?
Zoi: Yes…because your mother called me a whore and you didn't deny it.
[Kunzite brushes his nose against Zoi's throat all the way to the point his chin]
Kunzite: And now?
Zoi: She called me a whore…no denial on your part.
Kunzite: I believe I did deny it.
Zoi: I believe you did not!
Kunzite: [kisses his eyelids] Zoisite, you don't think I consider you my whore, do you?
Zoi: No, but I think the rest of your family does.
[Kunzite chuckles against Zoi's skin]
Kunzite: Nobody thinks you're a whore. And who cares what they think? I certainly don't. My mother doesn't hate you. Mother is an evil goddess who is trying to ensure you remain humbled in her presence.
[Kunzite kisses down Zoi's cheek stopping at the corner of his mouth]
Kunzite: Do you really think I'd let anyone say anything so disrespectful if I knew you'd take it to heart?
Zoi: Yes. To keep her from eating me.
[Kunzite's lips barely brush Zoi's trembling lower lip]
Kunzite: Mother won't eat you. She's just being silly. I wouldn't have brought you here if there was even the slightest chance she would hurt you.
[Kunzite brings his lips close to Zoi's]
Kunzite: Would I let anything hurt you?
Zoi: No.
Kunzite: You see? There is nothing to be afraid of, is there?
Zoi: [sighs] No.
[Kunzite grabs Zoi's face and kisses him roughly. Zoi's still not in the mood, but Kunzite clearly is.]
Zoi: [pulls away] Your family doesn't like me.
Kunzite: It's a good thing you married me, not them… Your father doesn't seem that fond of me, either, you know.
Zoi: My father would act that way with any guy I dated.
Kunzite: There you go… Now imagine that your father is a half-starved cannibal and I taste like a hot fudge sundae… Now do you realize they are doing their best to behave themselves right now.
Zoi: I taste like a hot fudge sundae?
Kunzite: [kisses him] You taste better than a hot fudge sundae.
Zoi: This must be torture for you.
Kunzite: Hardly. You are my life now.
[The words are spoken with such heartfelt sincerity that Zoi feels himself melting.]
Kunzite: Can I show you my room?
Zoi: [Not exactly enthused because he figures it must look like a dank mausoleum] I suppose.
[The inside of Kunzite's room is very bright, very open, and very large. The back, south facing wall is filled with arched windows, topped with a stained glass window with a floral motif casting spots of colored light. Behind it is a huge balcony covered with potted roses, with a view of a lawn, bare to a flowing river. The furnishings, the walls, the thick carpet, the high beamed ceiling, and the massive bed are in in varying shades of white, setting off the colors of the rose petals scattered about.]
Kunzite: Not what you expected, is it?
Zoi: No.
Kunzite: No coffins, no piled skulls in the corner, I don't think I even have any cobwebs. What a disappointment this must be for you.
Zoi: It's so light… so open. Has it always looked like this?
Kunzite: Of course not. I've had it completely renovated as a shrine to your beauty. I wanted this to be a place where you can come and know how deeply cherished you are. I can't wait until the day you are able to spend the night with me here.
Zoi: Thank you.
[There are tears in Zoi's eyes and he dabs at them in embarrassment.]
[Kunzite touches the corner of his eye, catching one that he missed. Then he kisses the spot he just touched, trailing his lips down Zoi's face down to his own lips. As he kisses him he pulls off Zoi's jacket, then his tie. He pushed Zoi against him harder as he undoes the buttons of Zoi's shirt, then pulls his shirt from his shoulder and kisses his nipples, softly at first, but then with increasing hunger as he undoes Zoi's fly. Zoi is becoming dizzy again. It's all too overwhelming. His mind is incapable of coherent thought, so Kunzite needs to prop him in place as he kneels down even further. ]
[Zoi comes out of it in a wave of sudden dismay.]
Zoi: Oh, no.
Kunzite: What?
Zoi: I just realized how very far we are from the bed right now.
Kunzite: [doesn't miss a beat] I can teleport, remember?
Zoi: Oh.
[Zoi loses himself in a haze of white hot desire]
