Dear Bleach Fanfiction Authors
Chapter 49 – Charlotte Cuuhlhourne
A/N: And here it is: the last of the Arrancar series – for now. (I may still do some requests like Cirucci or Dordonii later, but it's time to move on to other characters.)
(Originally posted 8/14/13.)
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Dear Bleach Fanfiction Authors,
Only six fics on your site? (Shakes head and tosses glossy purple hair back) I suppose it's that you cretins don't truly understand beauty. I, the most exquisite being in all of creation, will deign to enlighten you.
First, none of these so-called fanfictions are worthy of one such as me. I am a princess and these stories do not reflect the reality of my awesomeness. One isn't even about me, and in another I admit to only being the second most beautiful creature in existence. Now that is OOC.
In another, I work in a taco joint? Unbelievable. As if a princess would stoop to slinging fast food.
I, Charlotte Cuuhlhourne, will now show you how to write beautiful fanfiction. Observe:
Title: Beautiful Charlotte Cuuhlhourne's Holy Wonderful Pretty Super Magnificent Sexy Sexy Glamorous Story
(You see, I am very talented at naming. Did you notice how I used "Sexy" twice? winky-face)
An amazingly beautiful creature walks into the town. His spectacular sexy long wavy gorgeous perfect stylish unbelievably shining purple tresses float in the wind behind him. All up and down the street, humans, hollows, and shinigami stop to gape in wonder at this vision.
A pathetic and homely shinigami bows before him. "Sir, a beautiful princess like you must belong in the royal palace. Please allow this humble servant, a mere lieutenant, to guide you there."
The gorgeous creature swirls his pink miniskirt. "As it happens, the King himself has requested the presence of true beauty, so that he may learn how to make the world a better place."
The ugly shinigami bows again. "The world is made a better place simply by your presence. I, who live in hideousness with dull senses, beg that you put an end to the suffering that is my life. It is a fitting task for the one more beautiful than any other."
The graceful being smiles. "Very well. I, Charlotte Cuuhlhourne, am nothing if not magnanimous."
He clasps his hands together over his head and calls out, "Now you will receive Beautiful Charlotte Cuuhlhourne's Lovely Cutie Fanatic Aquatic Dynamic Domestic Thunder Punch!" He slams his hands into the shinigami, who instantly dies, thus ridding the world of a hideous blot on existence.
Everyone in the town applauds, and Charlotte goes on a victory parade to the King's Palace.
THE END
Sincerely,
Charlotte Cuuhlhourne
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Yumichika: That's the ugliest excuse for a 'story' I've ever heard! I refuse to read something so hideous.
Charlotte: (mincing) It's always the ugly ones who call others ugly.
