"Hey! Hey! Wake up, kid! Stop dreaming!"

"Wan mrr min-oot, mum…"

Something smacked against my cheek. Hard. I was awake immediately.

"AH! WHAT THE HELL?"

My face felt like someone had planted it against a hot stove.

"What are you doing here?" The person towering over me asked.

My eyes were a bit watery after the sudden assault, so I couldn't really tell who it was I was facing now, but he sounded like an adult, unpleased and someone of some authority. I wiped my eyes and found to my horror a police officer glaring at me.

"What are you doing out here?" the officer asked gruffly.

"I... I was out at night and I – I – I fell asleep. Honestly," I added as the officer's eyes narrowed.

"It's a school day. Shouldn't you be..." the man's sentence wandered off inexplicably, as an uncertain glance was taken around the area.

"What? Um, sir." I really didn't know how to talk to an enforcer of the law, especially when he seemed to be rather absent-minded.

The officer gave me another sharp stare, noting my school uniform. "You're North High, aren't you?"

"Uh, yes... sir."

At the rate our conversation was going, with my answer only seemingly causing a deeper and deeper narrowing of the eyes with each answer, we were probably only two or three answers away from fully closing the officer's eyes.

"You hung over or something?"

"N-no… I'm – I'm on my way to school. You know, yearning for some learning."

A nervous laugh would otherwise have escacped from at something like that in a tense situation like that, but the way I was being glared at told me that would probably only serve the opposite of lightening the mood.

The officer stared at me with all due suspicion, obviously not believing a word if his creasing brows were any indication. But just as I was afraid I was going to be chewed up and spat out like a bad grape, the man gave his stubble covered chin a thoughtful rub. Then the scowl returned, this time accompanied by a suspicious sniff of me. When I seemed to check out, "Go on, hurry then. You shouldn't be late. Not today."

"Ah – yes, sir!"

I got up, wobbled a bit as my numb legs nearly buckled under my weight, receiving a disapproving glower from the officer for this, and hurried off as fast as my stinging legs would allow me to.

As soon as I was out of sight of the watchful police officer, I took a moment to pause to take stock and just breathe calmly for a few moments.

Although the burning hot haze of confusion that had driven me out from my house was gone, the desire to see Haruhi was still there. But so was the thing that had followed hot on its heels, a simple little nagging question: why?

Last night had been hectic by anyone's standards. A fair amount of people would have called it traumatic (fair being the operetive word here, if you know what I mean). Sure, Sasaki and Haruhi shared a lot of similar traits, such as a stunning physique,unorthodox ideas, uncommon interests and even similar hair cuts (oddly enough, I'd never really fully acknowledged that last bit. Sasaki would probably have looked great if she had taken her hair and tied – Stop. Not important). The two were very much different sides of the same coin, to borrow a platitude.

But even so, at the end of it all, when all the trouble was over and I'd been looking for help, my thoughts had turned to Haruhi. That had to mean something. What exactly it meant I wasn't sure. But whatever it was, it had to be important.

I glanced at the time on my phone and realized why the officer had told me to hurry: school was starting in ten freaking minutes!

School... of all the things to worry about right now in my life... but at least everyone should be there... and I could check out and see if they were all safe.

I hiked up the hill to school, feeling finally returning to my numbly tingling legs as blood was passed through them, a transaction that in the end left them feeling more pained than they should after all the action of the previous night. My muscles were sore all over. But this really wasn't the time for that.

As I neared the top, I could hear voices. Good, that meant I couldn't be too late.

But instead of witnessing the typical surge of people arriving just and just barely on time for school, there was a much large rolling mass on the school grounds. All the students seemed to be flocking about, none entering, all talking loudly. Just outside the gates I could see more police officers and news crews with cameras and reporters. Off in the distance, I could see that the whole of the Old Shack had been cordoned off, as well as some parts of the main school building adjacent to it. Even more police officers were crowded in theses areas blocked from civilians.

"Hey! Over here! Kyon, this way!" a voice made itself heard over the clamor of the crowds.

Even though Taniguchi, and Kunikida alongside him, were some of the last people I wanted to see right now they would probably be able to answer what was going on to a somewhat satisfactory degree.

"What's all this?" I asked, letting my eyes roll around the scene once again as I reached the two.

"Not sure," Taniguchi quickly replied. "But looks like someone tried to wreck the school." He looked a bit too pleased with this bit though.

I scanned the crowds yet again, but couldn't spot anyone I was looking for.

"Apparently they're going to have some big conference or something to let everyone know soon," Kunikida said, looking about uncertainly.

"I bet we get to go home. For the day, at least." Taniguchi was actually smiling now.

"It's all pretty weird, to be honest. Our school is vandalized and there's some explosions downtown and in the old refineries."

"Huh? What? Holy crap! Why didn't anyone tell me?"

Kunikida gave him a bemused look. "...It was on all the news channels."

"Did anyone die?"

While Kunikida went about enlightening Taniguchi to the best of his knowledge, their talking along with everybody elses' just dribbled off my mind, like the distant sounds of a river in the background for me.

My eyes hadn't left the crowds for a moment as I kept searching.

There! A spot of auburn hair! Asahina-san's okay. And she's talking to Tsuruya-san and some other girls, probably from her class. But even so, when a break occurred in their conversation, I noticed how she too would scan the crowds.

I waved my hand in the air and soon she picked it up in the crowd. I swear I could see her visibly relax from something like a hundred meters as she spotted me, holding a hand to her chest a sighing deeply in relief.

But even though she was safe and sound by the look of things, I couldn't stop my search now.

All in all, it didn't take long to pick Koizumi in the crowd either. He was actually standing off to the side, his hands crossed as he examined the new world we were in with quiet but sharp interest. When he noticed me, he gave a curt nod in my direction before turning his gaze to the news reporters.

Yuki showed up a few minutes later, looking paler than usual. I would have walked over to her, but the calm little nod she delievered to me said everything I needed to know. 'I'm okay. There is no need to worry.' Even though she looked slightly feverish, the girl walked steadily ahead with her head held high, either unwilling or truly incapable of showing any weakness.

But as happy as I was to see all of my friends and allies safe, one thing was still wrong. One thing should be shining among the crowds in a bold fashion, making a ruckus over something like this that would have put this loud crowd to shame.

Where the hell is she?

"Huh? Suzumiya?"

Had I asked that aloud?

"She was here earlier."

"What? Where is she now?"

"Beats me. This girl showed up, first year I think, and asked her to come along, said something 'bout showing her… something."

"So she's in school?" I asked, standing up, ready to go and find her. "Where? Did she say where she was going?"

"What's it to you?"

"Where did she go?"

"I dunno."

"I think she actually left the whole school with that girl," Kunikida answered, somewhat helpfully.

"What?"

"Hey, don't shoot the messengers," Taniguchi said reproachfully, like a man insulted. "All we know is some first year with an umbrella came about and took her away."

Umbrella…

"It was kinda weird. Suzumiya got this... almost hypnotized look in her eyes when the other girl spoke to her."

Someone whose speech had left the mighty Haruhi inexplicably mezmerized...

"Wait, this girl with the umbrella, did she have shoulder-length hair, kind of like Haruhi, but all messy and tangled?"

"Yeah, she did. You know her too? Seriously, what is it with you and all the cute girls? You release pheromones or something?" Taniguchi said, giving a fake sniff of the air.

"And she left, with Haruhi?"

"Yeah… seriously, what's up with you? You went all pale and you're asking about Suzumiya like she's gone for good."

I strode past him, quite sure I didn't have any time whatsoever for him right now. An eerie wind rustled the branches of a nearby tree, making a faint sound like 'fuu' as it whistled past...

Fuyumi

This was too big of a coincidence. She'd been hanging about all the time, somewhere in the shadows, but now, after a huge fight between all the forces around Haruhi, after freaking explosions in our town, she suddenly picks Haruhi up from school. Just picks Haruhi up. Haruhi! Just like that.

This can't be a coincidence. Something's going on. Something weird. Something Strange, with a capital 's'.

Oh God… I think we've all been played. Worst of all, she seemed to have some sort of magical hold over Haruhi and could appear anywhere as far as I could tell.

"Hey! Where're you going?" Taniguchi shouted after me as I rushed off, straight for our heavy hitter.

The little alien of a girl was quietly standing amidst a a crowd of talking students, unperturbed by her silent proximity, probably her classmates. If you only glanced in their direction, she melded quite easily with the crowd, but if you didn't allow your eyes to stray from the scene, anyone could see that she wasn't involved, wasn't even really quietly listening to what was being said around her.

"Yuki! We need to find…"

"…Yes?"

"I just… it's – it's good to see that you're… you're okay."

"…Yes. There was minimal physical harm to my body. My connection to the Integrated Data Sentient Entity however is still impaired."

"I think there's – wait, oh shit…"

"…?"

"So wait, you can't talk to the IDSE?"

"Yes."

"Oh shit."

"What is wrong?"

"Haruhi, she's gone, Fuyumi took her away and… and... you have no idea who Fuyumi is. She's weird, really weird, talks about being death and stuff and right now… Oh God… what if she wasn't just saying all that to impress Haruhi?"

Yuki tilted her head curiously.

"Look, I think Haruhi's in danger. I think we've all been played. This is just too much of a coincidence. The other guys are out of the game, our guys are incapable of time travel anymore, you can't talk to IDSE, Koizumi's people were hit hard… and now Haruhi's been taken by some crazy chick."

I grabbed Yuki by the shoulders. "We have to find Haruhi. We have to make sure she's safe."

Yuki looked me right in the eyes and then nodded. "Koizumi Itsuki is to your left, an approximate 500 meters, while Asahina Mikuru has moved into the entrance area of the school," she said, already formulating a plan of action while I was still mumbling about in paranoid fashion.

I mean, I didn't actually know if Haruhi was in danger, but I could just tell. This was too much to be a coincidence.

"Right, get Asahina. We'll meet at the front gate."

Yuki gave a curt nod before she briskly walked off. I turned around and ran for Koizumi through the crowds.

"Koizumi!"

"Kyon?"

"Come! We have to go!"

"Wait, just what is the meaning of -"

I grabbed him by his shirt and pulled him along back towards where I'd met Yuki. "I think Haruhi's in trouble."

For a moment, I thought Koizumi was going to waste time with questions, his mouth opening a little, but then he closed his mouth, nodded curtly like Yuki had. "What do we need to do?"

The guy trusted me implicitly.

"C'mon, the others should be at the front door."

When we reached the entrance, the girls were indeed standing by.

"What exactly is going on?" Koizumi finally asked.

"This weird girl, Fuyumi, took Haruhi away."

Koizumi glanced carefully at Asahina-san he looked back uncertainly.

"Look, I know I don't have any actual proof or anything, but if someone did want to strike, this would be the perfect moment, wouldn't it? Everybody's immobilized."

"Well, true, ascertaining Suzumiya-san's whereabouts would definitely be –"

"C'mon, let's go!"

"Wait! Exactly where do you intend to go?"

"They can't have gone far! They've only got a few minutes head start on us! C'mon, let's just go!"

Koizumi pulled out his phone. "All right, the three of you hurry on, see if you can catch them. I'll call Mori-san."

I practically ran off, and defintely would have, if it weren't for the crowds

"Kyon-kun, do you really think Suzumiya-san is in real danger?" Asahina-san askednervously.

"I don't know," I said, giving the worst answer. Anything imaginable could be or even have happened, and at the end of the day there were far more worse things a person could imagine than really existed.

When we reached the crossing at the bottom of the hill, Asahina asked, "Wh-which way should we go now?"

Damn it. Good question.

"We have to split up! To cover as much ground as possible! You all have phones, right? Just call the rest of us if you find Haruhi!"

"K-Kyon-kun! Wait!"

"We don't have time! We have to find her! She could die!"

I ran off, unable to bring myself to waste anymore time. I couldn't posssibly wait any longer if Haruhi was in any kind of danger. I had to find her now. After waiting around, unsure of what to do for so long with people like Kyoko, it was damn clear to me indecision would only hurt more, and with Haruhi at risk, I simply couldn't risk it anymore.

Where the hell are you, Haruhi?

I ran for blocks, stopping to hassle passing people for any information they might have on a schoolgirl with an orange ribbon in her hair. It was only when I stopped to ask a walking vendor, after what must have been a good two kilometers of frantic zigzagging across the streets, that I was told the girl had been spotted heading for the park.

Yes, that same damn park as always. Just what was it about that park that seemed to draw troublesome things to it anyway?

Stupid people getting to work and otherwise in my way were pushed aside as I hurried for my destination. It didn't take long for me to spot my target... and the familiar dangerous glint of silver flash in the sun.

I shouted as loud as I could, warning her of the danger. At first I thought no sound escaped from my mouth, as only a thudding, rushing torrent of heated blood rushing through my veins was all I knew in that moment, but Haruhi must have heard me as she turned to look at me with shock.

"HARUHI!"

"Kyon?"

"Run!"

Not knowing really what to aim for, what was more important, to either stop Fuyumi or protect Haruhi, I lunged forward, trying to do both, to push Haruhi out of the way as I tried to grasp the wrist wielding the knife.

A familiar pain forced its way into my stomach, all too similar to how the cold, almost icy liquid sensation of steel had felt back then in that other reality of Nagato's, where Asakura had stabbed me. I gritted my teeth, thinking I could handle the pain this time, since I knew it from before, but then the cold, sleek blade moved like a shark's fin through water, as it passed easily through more flesh, ripping, rending my stomach apart.

Not again…

The pain seared across my stomach, acids within my body mixing painfully with my blood. I fell on the ground, onto my back. I tried to hold my stomach, but everything was swirling. I tried to move, maybe just my arm, at least a finger... but I couldn't. My body felt heavy and distant, and even that sensation was slipping away fast. Colors blurred, shadows danced, light dimmed. I somehow managed to feel hands pressing against my stomach through the pain, before it all turned into one indistinguishable, seething mess. Muffled noises, distantly echoing screams, thumping heartbeats; it all mixed together, roaring like the ocean inside a cave in a bay, like so long ago, but all the time growing fainter, quieter, more distant…

"KYON!" Haruhi's scream sounded distant now, almost like she was shouting at me through deep waters.

Don't cry… Please… Don't let that be… the last thing I see…

But Haruhi's crying voice was the last thing I knew of before everything faded away…

..

.

.

.

.

.

.

It's more than likely that you've heard of the 'tunnel of light' phenomena that occurs in near death experiences, how someone witnesses the glory and beauty of Heaven or Nirvana at Death's gate. This thing tends to change lives, makes saints out of sinners, makes buddhas out of the ignorant. It's one of the most spiritual events a person could ever experience.

But that's not really the case, not even close. When a person is dying, when they are in real danger of passing on, the body prioritizes systems like the complex machine it is. The most essential system of course is the cardio-vascular system, aka the heart, the thing that keeps you alive. The brain isn't important, not really, barely at all, because if your heart goes, so does everything else. Your body and the cells that form it are quite content (so far as such cretures can) to just continue existing even if you yourself don't. The only truly essential thing in the brain is the limbic system, the central nervous system that extends down from your lower brain to the end of your spine, branching out into sensory and motor nerves. All that gray, wrinkled stuff you see in movies, that doesn't matter, not in the slightest, not at all even. It won't keep you alive when you are, for example, bleeding out.

When something this traumatic to your body occurs, the oxygen is cut off to unnecessary thing like limbs and even the brain. When this happens, when you're brain is deprived of oxygen, some rather interesting things can happen. You lose control of your body. For example, your pupils dilate. And when your pupils dilate, more light moves through your eyes. This is the tunnel of light you experience if you're dying.

Other crazy stuff can happen too when your brain is deprived of oxygen. You might actually even have out of body experiences or see visions. Sometimes you can see these things when you are under anesthetics too, but the limit of outer body experiences, no matter how precisely a person can recall things like what the doctors were talking about while operating on him, when you are so deeply unconscious that you couldn't even feel your skin being cut open, your brain is still working as best as it can, even if it's full of chemicals, or lacking some, like oxygen.

Sometimes the dying can experience visions, things like dreams. Sometimes they can see the pearly gates of heaven or even their life pass before them. Sometimes they can see things that would otherwise be unimaginable for them, except when the higher functions like reason, or 'common sense', cease and what passes for the subconscious, the most instinctual part of our brain, the lizard inside the mammalian ape suit, is free to roam through what is left of the synaptic highways still working.

Can you see the trend here? Can you see under what one, very specific condition all these things occur? You have to be alive.

But that, or anything else crazy, didn't happen to me, not after the initial dance of shadows and sensations after the stabbing. Nothing happens when you're dead. Nothing.

"Hhoh!" I gasped for breath, taking a great big fearful gulp of air, like I had just surfaced from a swim that nearly took a second too long. My eyes burst open and then there was light. A bright tunnel of it. The blinding light stung the back of my eyes, searing like a hot poker had been rammed into my eyes and then all the way through to the back of my skull. My entire body jolted as I came to, my stomach erupting in pain, nearly making me pass out again.

A shrill, hurried beeping grated against my disoriented grasp on the world.

"Doctor! He's conscious! His stats are elevated!"

"Sedate him! He's still critical!"

The world once again disappeared into darkness and then… nothing.

My eyelids cracked open and I was a part of the world again. Like being born again for the first time, there was only pain in the beginning.

My stomach stung like someone was pouring steaming water onto it. Then the water became hot lead. Then… I couldn't… couldn't use words anymore. Just sensations, barely emotions. All instinct.

Hurts!

Pain!

No!

"Kyon? Kyon!"

"AAAAAHHHH!" I screamed.

"Doctor! Get the damn doctor! Where the hell is that idiot?"

It was too much, there was still too much pain. My body was being split in half. I couldn't take it.

I blacked out.

Suddenly my eyes opened again and the world was there. There was light.

And then there was Koizumi, peeling an apple by my bedside.

"Kho… Khoiz-mi?" I croacked, coughing a few times to clear my throat.

"Hh? Kyon? Kyon? Are you all right?" Koizumi quickly stood from the chair he'd been sitting in, the knife in his hands fell, twirling slowly in the air as I watched it fall, my eyes unable to leave it even after the cold shining metal came to a clattering rest on the floor.

"Kyon?"

"…"

"Kyon, can you hear me?"

"…"

"If you can hear me, don't worry. I'll go get the doctor and –"

"No…"

"…?"

"No, I don't…" My eyes left the metal on the floor and immediately went to the half-peeled apple in Koizumi's hand, half yellow flesh and green where the skin remained. "I just… can I eat?" I asked, never having craved anything so much as the apple in front of me before in my life.

"Huh? Oh, this? I… I guess so. But I'm just not sure if you're in a condition to eat solid food. You received a severe gut wound. You're… you're healing, but you're all broken… broken inside now."

"Yeah, I figured…" My voice sounded weird. My throat felt scratchy. "I guess you don't go through something like this without something like that happening… all sick and twisted inside…"

"…That's not what I meant. But… are you all right? How do you feel?"

"I feel… I feel tired… and sick… and somehow… It's not so bad. I'm alive."

"Yes…" Koizumi gave a happy grin..

"I'm alive…"

Koizumi smiled before he picked up the knife and went back to peeling his apple, smiling all the time. When I opened my eyes again, Koizumi was now carving out a slice of a half-eaten apple. I realized I must have dozed off for a while.

"What exactly happened to me? The last thing I remember was… bleeding out on the sidewalk."

Koizumi was silent for an uncomfortable while, deflating a little as he sighed deeply before he answered, "…Clinically speaking, you were dead for a good forty minutes."

"Huh? Dead?"

"You're heart stopped. Under normal conditions, even if you did pull through something like that, you would be brain damaged for life… but nothing experienced lately is exactly normal."

"…"

"Even Nagato-san couldn't revive you… Suzumiya-san was desperate, tearful, yelling… it was… by all accounts, not a pleasant sight… she couldn't believe she could lose you like that… and a miracle occurred. No shafts of light, no immaculate choruses, just the beep of hospital machinery, a jumping line… and you were back among us."

"…"

"So, after your near-death experience, do you have a newfound respect for life?" Koizumi asked, smiling amusedly.

"…No."

"...?" A wary eyebrow was now raised as the smile tiptoed away cautiously from Koizumi's face as he started paying more attention to my tone.

"I didn't feel anything, I didn't find anything. There wasn't some stupid light at the end or even darkness. There was just… nothing. I wasn't anywhere. There wasn't even a me… there was just… peace… Something I'd felt only once before in my life, something I can only appreciate after it's gone. The most calming thing I've ever experienced. I wish…"

"Yes?"

"It hadn't ended. There was no disappointment, no anger, no fear. There wasn't any happiness either, no joy or ecstasy… But it was beautiful, so beautiful, it was… absolute contentment – no, wait, that's wrong… not contentment but… it was… peaceful."

"Complete 'nihilation'… maybe you did disappear and were recreated. Or maybe you were simply recalled, or you're a new you, which would mean… Suzumiya-san knows you extremely well. This would mean she has either learned to understand you like she knows herself… or you were her creation from the start."

"I don't care, I just want…"

"To what? Die? You're not that melodramatic."

"No, not die. Dying is a pain, but death itself… things would have been so easy if I'd never been born… not that I'm bitter about being born, honestly. It's just… well, it's easier that way. There's no one to depend on you, no one to disappoint, no one to protect, no one to fail."

"Yes, life is hard… but that's what makes it worth living, doesn't it? Through pain and suffering, we persevere. To paraphrase Nietzsche, 'that which does not kill us, makes us stronger'."

"…"

"But you've experienced the other end of life's spectrum, it's extreme, it's lack actually. Hmm, it's almost funny…" Koizumi said, smirking to himself. "Nietzsche had something to say about everything… 'look not into the abyss, for it stares back…' But have you seen the abyss and become entranced by it?"

"…Wouldn't bother arguing that…"

"Then you really are still the same old you." Another gentle little grin.

"...You don't need to do that. Try and... engage me, make me smile. Honestly, I don't much feel like smiling. I think I'd just like to sleep... and never wake up. But that's not right. It's not what I need. I don't want it, even if I'd like it. What should I do?"

"I can only think of one cure," Koizumi said, his warm smile returning, "The antithesis of oblivion, the wonderful power of dream, of imagination, of creation."

"…?"

"Once again, Suzumiya-san never left your side…" Koizumi turned his head away from me, toward the end of my bed.

Haruhi was sitting at a chair pulled up to the foot of my bed, her head and arms resting at my feet, a lot like back when I'd fallen down the stairs.

"In a way, I'm rather envious… Once she wakes up, I suggest you stop playing around and… take her seriously… perhaps the time for fun and games is finally over, and we must all face the future and move on."

"…No Koizumi, the game never ends. And quite honestly… I wouldn't have it any other way."

koizumi stared emptily at a wall, before he gave a little nod and returned his focus to what remained of the apple.

I thought we had simply had a pause in the conversation, but when I woke up again, it didn't take a genius to figure out I'd dozed off yet again. I tried to get up, but seemed to nudge Haruhi in the ear, rousing from her from sleep.

"Kyon…" Haruhi said, looking like tears could get the better of her at any moment before her face got red and her brows creased, her mouth curling into something akin to a snarl. "How could you? How could you be so #$%ing stupid? I'd punch you in the gut if it wouldn't… kill you." The anger faded quickly away as the knowledge of the condition I was in returned.

"…Sorry…"

"I can't very well be the SOS Brigade's Commander if… if I lose one of you. It's unbecoming of a leader to lose their followers like that."

This was the first time after everything that Haruhi and I were face to face again. And thankfully she was just her usual self right now. It was good to see her again, so I'd leave it at that for the moment. The things I had been wondering last night or whenever it had been coukd wait. I don't think I could have handled much more at the moment in my state than the all encompassing presence of Suzumiya Haruhi.

"…Your eyes are all red."

"Yeah, they're so dry… " Haruhi gave them a rub. "I stayed up for… I dunno how long. So freaking tired…"

Her stomach rumbled. "So hungry too… haven't eaten in…" Haruhi peered about. "What day is it?"

"How would I know? I just woke up."

"Yeah… you hungry?"

"Yeah, actually, now that you mention it..." I put my hand on top of my stomach, intending to rub it, but the very moment my finger made contact, only casually grazing the gown I wore, a pain shot through my abdomen. Like a spear had been shoved through, I could feel the sting through my stomach all the way to my back.

"Gnnnn!" I gritted my teeth, holding back a scream.

"Kyon!" Haruhi got up, hands stretched out towards me, but stopped as she must have realized touching me couldn't help, squeezing her fists as she clenched her jaw. "I'll – I'll get help," she said hurriedly, already turning before I reached out and grabbed her by the wrist

"No… It's… okay… Don't worry, the pain's… only there if I move my stomach."

I might as well have said it's only there when I breathe, but I couldn't possibly bring myself to let Haruhi worry about me anymore than she already was.

"…Maybe you shouldn't eat after all…" Haruhi said warily as she turned to look at me, still looking extremely worried.

"Yeah, I guess so. If only my fingers did this, I'd hate to find what something like a hamburger would do," I said, smirking a little at Haruhi, but the girl just stared grimly at me, despite my weak attempt at lightening the mood.

Haruhi watched me intently for a while, until her eyes shifted to her wrist, to which my hand was still firmly attached.

"Oh, sorry." I immediately released her and settled back into a better position, the small movement making me wince as my stomach shifted place.

"You should rest," Haruhi stated firmly. She grabbed the sheets and carefully pulled them over, tenderly and very slowly let it settle over my chest.

"Haruhi, it's really not that – "

"Rest," she repeated but with a more authoritative tone

"But I only just – "

"Rest," Haruhi ordered stoutly. She stared at me long and hard, a faint quiver of her lower lip barely noticeable before she turned about sharply on her heels and marched off. "I'll be back. I just need some... some food and and stuff and I'll... I'll be back. And then we should... I'll be back. I swear."

But after what felt like forever all alone (though the dumb clock in my room strongly disagreed with this), it was clear I couldn't do anything of the sort.

I ended up wandering. I had to be careful of course. Every little step seemed to reverberate through my body, and stricking my stomach. Worst of all, it felt itchy as well. Just my luck.

Even at the late hours the hospital was still rather busy. It was definitely brightly lit and after the calm darkness of my room, it all felt a bit too much. Not to mention the smell. The place smelled like death. Not in the way that there were fumes or any real smells, but so deeply scrubbed and scoured of life that nothing was left in the halls. There was no breeze, no smells of living people, not even the stink of throw up or anything bowel related. The place was void of life in the halls, down to the microscopic level where even bacteria wasn't allowed to live.

So I sought refuge from it all. I need darkness again. Light was too much right now. And I needed air. Fresh air.

I found a stairwell and started climbing, deciding that the roof would fit my needs best. Hopefully it wouldn't be too cool outside. My hospital gown wasn't much in the way of protection from the elements, especially if the wind picked up and I'd be forced to do something of a Marilyn Monroe impersonation.

The roof was empty and quiet at first sight. The sky was clear and the cloudless sky, sprinkled with bright points of light and the moon.

I took a deep breath and tasted the usual flavors of city: plenty of exhaust fumes mixed with what I thought of as the smell of life, the stink left behind by people just being people. It was by no means a good smell, but it was incredibly comforting.

It was only then that I noticed a solitary figure in the corner of the roof, looking at the cityscape before him as he held one arm by the shoulder while the other held a cigarette. I stared at the figure for a long time before I realized, to my shock, that it was Koizumi.

"You smoke?" I asked as I hobbled over to him. He looked practically alien with the thing in his hand, smoke slowly dancing away from the glow at the tip.

The guy turned to look at me slowly, looking quite placid. Perhaps it was the nicotin. But it probably wasn't. Right now very little could surprise any of us.

"Not really… last time was…" Koizumi lowered the cigarette, watching the red glow at the end as he paused to collect his thoughts, "another life ago. It was a social thing, something you did when you were even younger, to fit in, but then you go and learn things, someone teaches you a little, nudges you in the right direction, opens your mind just a tiny bit, opening the flod gates and everything you once thought so important – it fades away. You don't hang around with the same people anymore, you become isolated, you have no one to talk to, everyone feels like an idiot. All the important things about life, responsibility, duty, logic… no one cares, it's not important, it's not a part of life for them, no one really wants to discuss any of it. You transcend and you get left behind. You see things so clearly, you notice patterns, beautiful patterns and you just want to understand it better… and you get left with nothing. You break apart the pieces, try to understand the beauty, and it fades. You can't understand… and you're all alone… no one understands you… you think your pain separates you, makes you different, unique, special, but it's just your ego. There's nothing special about it. We're all the same, so vain and proud, so in love with ourselves, all so far from each other, but still too close, but never close enough for comfort.

Koizumi dropped what remained of the cigarette, a streak of dark red falling to the ground like a falling star, like some ill omen of things to come. "Always hated the taste anyway…" he muttered as he stepped on the half consumed cigarette, grinding it against the ground, the warm glow fading away. "So as an answer to your question, I suppose I simply wanted to be reminded of simpler times. It certainly was as easy as back then to acquire them."

I gave the guy a long and hard stare. "…Seriously, you smoked? You're not cool enough to smoke."

Koizumi grinned. "Why do you think I stopped?"

I actually grinned a little before I turned my attention the sky. It was a beautiful night.

"Listen, you have something special with Suzumiya-san; don't throw it away just because you're afraid of connecting. You can't connect anyway, not really. No one can ever understand another person perfectly. But you can try, and you can achieve something, and isn't something better than nothing?"

"I don't know. I really don't know anymore."

"So where do we go from here?" Koizumi asked as he placed his hand in his pockets and gazed at the ground, at the dark mess that was left of his cigarette, the orange part that was never burned flattened and defeated.

"You tell me."

"That'd be the worst thing I could ever do. No one can really understand another, though we're all the same. Tragic in its irony… I can't understand you fully, so I can't tell you how to live your life. Only you can even come close. Letting someone else tell you how to live life, that's the worst thing you can do, why I've never been able to be much of a fan of organized religion… personal faith… ridiculous… no such thing, though it should be… someone's always got to have the last word, someone has to tell someone how they're doing it wrong, when in the end, they don't really know any more than you do. It's always the same for anything in life," he said, turning to look upwards at the stars in the bleak sky. "I'm sorry for doing that to you, for pushing you in a direction you might not have wanted. I mean, I am one of the few people who likes to exercise thought, so it'd be foolish to assume you would hold it in the same regard."

"No, don't be. I might not like where my mind takes me sometimes, but… without your guidance, all of this would probably have been even harder and more confusing."

"I have told you much and I feel I haven't given you enough room to form your own views. I haven't been a very good guide."

"My own views are… that I have four dear friends with whom I want to spend as much time as I can."

Koizumi smiled. "I rather prefer your views to mine."

"You think we could all just go back to that, pure and simple? Without any of this extra cheese?"

"Perhaps. But if you ask me, there's no need to fear taking any of those relationships to the next level. If there is some final nugget of advice that I can give you… it's that life is a constant fight against the forces of nihilism. Relativism and absolutism are both flawed systems and if anyone ever says otherwise, they are nothing but fools. Life is what you make it… and no one personifies this better, in my experience, than Suzumiya-san. Cherish absolute freedom, but fear it as well. For nothing is quite good nor bad, but only thinking makes it so, to paraphrase Shakespeare and a score of other writers. Life is a struggle, usually pointless, but when we rise above it, when we kill god and move onto creating life of our own, within us, when we become god of our world… we are happy. And sometimes we are lucky and find someone else who helps us and makes it all even more special. In a vain existence of limited possibilities, isn't it something of a miracle to find something as beautiful and passing as love?"

"Probably… but I wouldn't know anything about that. I'm happy with Haruhi and all of you. That's more than enough for me. If you ask me, I've had the most incredible luck. Instead of finding just one special person for me… I found four. Nothing relative about that. It's an absolute fact, and no amount of your inane philosophy could ever change that."

"Good to know…" Koizumi said with a somber smile. "I wish I was even a bit stronger than I am, more willful, able to form new values, in tune with life and free of the weak-willed, but I simply can't let go of what I've been taught. I simply can't think of a better system for creating morals values than the logical consistency proposed by the likes of Kant. I simply can't. It just makes too much sense to me in principle, so couldn't I be an Overman while still being a follower of Kant, forming new values through his teachings, holding him as my personal Zarathustra? … I guess not. Sort of defeats the point… but still I… I wish I was more like Suzumiya-san, so free and forceful… or even more like you, so certain of the world you have created for yourself… but… I feel I must intrude on your world one more time at least. I truly believe, as wonderful as the way you see your life with her now –"

"You're not going to let up on this idea about me and Haruhi, are you?"

"Kyon… You took a knife to the gut for the girl. I think it's time you stopped and looked at her for what she really is. I think it's about time you crossed that personal Rubicon. I think it's time you opened your eyes and instead of wishing otherwise, realized that things have changed. The world you knew is gone. I think that is why you have been… so amiss with the others. Everyone has changed, grown up, even you. Especially Suzumiya-san. But you, in all irony, the one who was always most set in his ways, seeing the world without the childish flight of fantasy someone like Suzumiya-san possessed, were so entrenched in the world of your childhood, in the world brought to you by her, with a clubroom full of friends and adventures that you held onto that, unwilling and unable to accept the change you had brought about in her and she in you. You both grew up, changed through the other."

Koizumi took out another cigarette, turned it about in his hands a few times but ended up flicking it off the roof.

"But you wanted to hold onto the escapism the SOS Brigade brought to you at its most superficial level, as a distraction from the monotony of your melancholic life, that you were unwilling to accept change," Koizumi continued after the pause. "You wanted the adventure, you wanted the crazy Brigade leader, the odd bookworm, the lovely mascot, the mysterious exchange student, but you didn't want what came next… you didn't want to accept what came with it: companionship, responsibility, growth. You just wanted the distraction. This is why you experienced a disconnect from the others. They changed and so did you, all of us together through each other, but you simply couldn't, wouldn't accept it."

I guess it was true, really. I had always liked to SOS Brigade simple, as it had started. But as things had grown and moved, I'd tried to make things like they'd used to be. All this time I'd been wanting and trying to get the old Brigade back, but that was impossible now. Had been for a while.

"You, just like Suzumiya-san, were always in denial towards what mattered the most, not just towards each other, but yourselves. Your true nature. It is time to open your eyes and see not only Suzumiya-san for what she has become in your life, but what you mean in your life. It is time to accept her growth and your own. It is time to say goodbye to the adventures of youth… and grow up. What that entails… I do not know yet myself. I guess it's its own brand of adventure, more perilous than anything that has come before in its own way. Life is a constant battle against nihilism, against purposelessness. We fight and strive and search to find something meaningful, and I honestly think we have found it with Suzumiya-san. Choice… responsibility… love… these are things we will have to not just re-evaluate, but to re-experience, if you will, as we continue on our way." Koizumi turned to look at me, straight in the eyes. "Can you honestly say she hasn't changed you, challenged you and made you grow stronger? You took a knife for her… could you have done so before for someone you loved?"

With a slight feeling of shame: "I... don't know."

"Then open your eyes, see her for what she is, see what she sees in you, and see what you have become. It is time to put childish things away. It is time to open yourself up and take the risks with people you care about, to solidify what you have always held deep within you, but like the weak flame of a candle, have been afraid to expose. But a fire cannot burn without air. Love cannot flourish unless cultivated."

"I… need some time to think, okay?"

Koizumi gave a little nod of his head before he walked off without a word.

Eve though I'd said I needed some time to think, thinking was the last thing on my mind, so to speak. The glowing stars were far too pretty tonight to be wasted. Tonight... I was alive and 'I think, therefore I am' didn't matter. I was alive. I couldn't prove anything of the sort of course, but right now what I thought was life was better than anything else had been before my... hmm... death, I guess.

Had I really been dead? And if I had, what exactly had returned?

I looked up at the pale moon, reflecting the light of the brightly burning sun and wondered... how much it and I shared now.

It was quite some time later, after staring at the moon quietly for what felt like a short eternity when something made me turn.

Encassed in the shadow of the door leading to the roof, with fair skin that nearly glowed in the soft light of the moon was my number one alien, the little data goddess of my world.

"Yuki…"

"I am glad to discover you have fully recovered," she spoke softly as she took this as an invitation to approach me. Just how long had she just been watching me, waiting for me to notice her?

"Yeah, me too…"

I took a break from our conversation to look at the full moon above us.

"That all you have to say to me?"

Yuki nodded slowly.

"I figured as much. Thanks though."

I sat down on the raised edge of the roof, leaning back carefully against the railing that stopped woozy and sick idiots like me from plummeting to their deaths. Yuki joined me and we simply sat there staring at the moon.

We were silent after that. And it was better that way. Neither one of us needed to hear anything. It was just enough that we were there, together. We were from different worlds, realms with different languages, minds of different designs. We couldn't have spoken to each other even if we had tried. We were just too far away from each other. We were like the moon and the sun of old tales, chasing each other but never meeting. But what we could and did share was silence. And perhaps from silence… something beautiful could be born.

"Are you still disconnected from the IDSE?" I eventually discovered myself asking her.

"…Yes."

"Welcome to fully being a human, I guess."

"…"

"Feeling lonely, then?"

She looked me right in the eyes, and blinked softly. "No," she answered, and I could have sworn the monotone voice had a sort... a timbre to it, an undercurrent of meaning that made the word sound incredibly passionate to me even if her voice really wasn't truly all that different in the real world outside my head.

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…Will you kiss me?"

I nearly fell over as the shock of the question was dlievered to me like a blow to the head.

"…What…?"

"When we were within the reality under the control of the Integrated Data Sentient Entity, you asked me if I had initiated the kiss by my own volition. You appeared dismayed when you discovered the circumstances of the incident, that despite my decision to participate, it was not an action originally implemented by myself. It is clear that intention is important to you…"

Yuki's increased use of personal pronouns in speaking of herself was already shocking enough, but this? What was – I don't – Really?

"Uh, yeah."

"You wish to connect with me…"

"Uhm, Na-" I swallowed nervously, "Yuki… I…"

"Humans believe intimacy of this kind is a means of connecting somehow. If you truly do desire to connect with me, to interface with me to as great a degree as physically possible by your species, why have you not attempted this?"

"I… you… I've always… thought that… I did, but… well, I think I did, but you didn't want either one of us to be distracted… so... I don't know what I'm saying," I admitted.

"You felt our earlier kiss was meaningless as it had not been by your own volition."

"I…"

"Now that you are not under the influence of the Integrated Data Sentient Entity, that you are capable of choosing without interference, barring the constant although not necessarily detectable interference of Suzumiya Haruhi, would you choose to attempt to connect with me?"

"I… "

Koizumi was right. It really was time to take the risks with the people I loved and cared about. I couldn't let doubt and uncertainty wheedle away at me like it had with... everyone in my life.

"Yes, Yuki, I do want to connect with you."

"…I am pleased to hear so."

I kissed her under the pale moonlight, the feel of her soft little lips pleasantly warm against mine, her smooth cheek under the tips of my fingers, her deep, dark eyes endless pits were I sank into, away from the mess of the world outside them.

Under the moonlight, we kissed. A mere mortal man and some sort of magical goddess, dressed in sci-fi jargon, found each other for a brief moment. An eclipse occurred as the glowing bright sun met the miserable moon, who was nothing but a weak reflection of her beauty.

"You know," I said after I broke the kiss, "People tend to close their eyes when they kiss."

Nagato nodded and promptly closed her eyes.

Wait, did that mean…?

Her mouth was open ever so slightly, expectantly?

"Uh, Yuki?" I asked, not sure I was seeing what I thought I was.

"…Proceed."

I approached her again, but even more softly than last time, for some reason wanting to make absolutely sure she had her eyes closed before I kissed her again. And then she leaned into me, but I couldn't feel her weight against me at all, just the impression of her warm body against mine, almost like it had all been calculated to achieve maximum contact with as little pain to me. And maybe it had been.

She was amazing...

When we pulled apart and I looked at her to see if this was all really happening, it happened.

It was such a small, subtle thing that if you weren't watching her pretty face as carefully as I was, or as well-versed already in study of her expressions, you would have missed it: just at the corners of her mouth, was the tiniest of moves, almost unnoticeable. But even so, it was clear to me that Yuki was definitely smiling. And it was so much more beautiful than her weird out of character version's had been in her fake reality. The smile wasn't any more genuine, but it was so much more beautiful because of one crucial thing: it was more real, for me. It had been earned, it hadn't been made. It had taken over a year of effort and struggle together. It might have been a small thing, but hardly anything could have been more important right now than seeing Yuki finally accept what she had become.