Thanks for the reviews! How awesome was that last episode? I do not own anything in this chapter, besides Nora, everything else belongs to their rightful owners. Co-written by Chevy

Chapter 52

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Nora never felt more relieved to be home than she did as she stepped through the front door with little Adelia in her arms. What she wasn't expecting, was for there to be a little dog waiting for them. Glancing over her shoulder, Juice simply shrugged. "For when I'm on a run. Need my girls to be safe." He explained.

They had talked about getting a dog before, but never decided on anything. There was too much else going on at the time. Apparently Juice had taken the week she was in the hospital to decide for them both. "He won't hurt Delia, will he?"

That was her only concern. As long as the dog was good with kids, she could forgive him for not including her in the decision. Considering what else he could have done while she was gone, this was the least of her worries. "Nah, I looked it up. They're great with kids. Don't worry." He said, slipping around her to carry the bags in.

She nudged the door shut behind her as she adjusted Adelia in her arms. Looking around, she couldn't help but wonder if it was Juice or Gemma who'd cleaned up since she was last here. It really could have been either of them, Juice could get a little OCD when he was nervous, and Gemma liked to clean when she was waiting for something or nervous.

Not that she'd expect anything different from Juice. Having her missing for so long, it must have gotten to him badly. She could see he'd even gone as far as bleaching the ugly stain that had been on her rug for months. "Look where we are, monkey. We're home. You're home." Nora whispered to the little girl in her arms, smiling as she looked around. "It seems like it's been forever since I've been in here."

From Juice's expression, she knew her being gone because she was taken right under his nose was still a sore subject. He blamed himself, even if it wasn't his fault. All he saw though, was the fact she'd been targeted in the first place because of him. All because he had a darker skin color than her. It disgusted him knowing Adelia would be judged all the same. He hoped things would be different by the time she can realize what's going on though.

Clearing his throat he went over and reached for her. She was a tiny little thing, born two and a half weeks early, but she was well enough to come home. He knew the guys were excited. After Kozik's service, they were all down. Having a home coming party for the girls was just what they all needed. Maybe with any luck, Happy or Gemma would be able to convince Lana to come. He knew Nora wanted to see her the most.

The chances of that happening were very slim, he knew that. Lana hadn't even come out of Kozik's room yet, and he doubted she would just to celebrate something. He knew he'd feel the same if, god forbid, something happened to Nora and the baby. Looking over at them now, he couldn't imagine how it would be without them both in his life. He'd fought so hard to keep Nora in his life these past couple months, and he'd almost lost her permanently.

He couldn't let that happen again.

As if feeling his eyes on her, Nora looked up and over to him. Blushing, she gave him a curious look. "Why are you staring at us?" She asked.

He simply shrugged in return. "I'm just happy you two are finally home." He said over.

A smile was playing on his face, spreading from ear to ear. She loved his smile, it always made her want to smile. She hoped Adelia got his smile, and she had a pretty good guess that she did. Juice said she'd be lucky if she didn't get his ears, but Nora was sure she got those from him too.

$%#^%

A little over a week ago her world had come to a screeching halt. Now she was laying on the bed in the dorm she and Kozik had stayed in together hugging his pillow to her. It still smelled like him and she lay there numbly staring at the wall. That's all she could do. She had no interest in food and sleep came and went restlessly only when she was too exhausted to keep her eyes open.

Gemma had tried her damndest to get her out of the room, only really succeeding a few days ago for the funeral. She'd cried endlessly up until that day. Seeing Kozik in that coffin had made the whole thing too real for her and ever since she couldn't find it in her to feel anything. It had been too painful and she no longer had the energy to hurt so much.

"How's she doin' Gem?" Tig asked as he saw the queen exit Kozik's room from yet another useless attempt at trying to coax Lana to eat.

Gemma looked at him and shook her head. "She won't eat, she's not sleeping, she hardly talks. I don't know what to do. She's losing weight and I'm worried about her, Tig. Believe me, I get needing to grieve, but she's not snapping outta this and it's gonna kill her."

Happy stood just inside the doorway of his room right next door and overheard the conversation. He waited till Tig and Gemma were gone and he walked out into the hall and went into Kozik's room, closing the door.

He looked at Lana's frail looking frame curled into a ball facing the door. She didn't react to his presence and that pissed him off. She'd always been a feisty little bitch, one thing he'd always loved about her. Seeing her reduced to a shell now truly and utterly scared him and that pissed him the fuck off.

He crossed the short space to the bed and grabbed the pillow she clung to, tossing it across the room. She looked up at him and for a split second he saw that fire in her eyes that was usually there before it faded again. Yeah, his girl was still in there . . . somewhere.

"Get the fuck up, Lana." He growled.

She just stared at him with a dead look in her eyes so he reached out and grabbed her by the shoulders, pulling her to a sitting position. When she didn't fight him his anger faded and was just replaced with a sadness. Sadness for the loss of one of his closest brothers and sadness at seeing the only girl he'd ever truly given a shit about (other than his mother and maybe Gemma) so broken.

He dropped to his knees on the floor in front of her and took her hands in his. "What the fuck are you doin, little girl?" He asked.

Again, no response. She looked at him with that same dead look in her eyes and he hated it. She was shutting out her own emotions so she didn't have to feel the pain. He stared back at her, silently willing her to feel something.

After a moment, he could see her eyes start to shine with a layer of fresh tears and the muscles in her face tensed slightly, giving away her attempt to not cry. "He's dead, Hap." She hoarsely whispered. The tears spilled over her cheeks then and she broke down in front of him, gut-wrenching sobs wracking her body as he leaned forward to wrap his arms around her.

All she could think about was how bad it hurt. Her chest physically ached and she felt like she had a hand clamped around her throat. Between that and the tears, she found it difficult to take a breath so she just clung to Happy and he held her as she cried.

By the time her tears had slowed and were just forming silent streaks down her face, Happy had shifted so he was leaning back on the bed and Lana was curled against him. He wanted to talk to her, tell her to toughen up and get back to living her life, but he couldn't. Any idiot that had seen her with Kozik would've been able to see how much she loved the asshole. Not to mention how torn up he was himself about the whole thing.

When he looked back down at Lana and saw her eyes beginning to close he didn't dare move. She needed to sleep, restless or not. It wasn't long before her breaths started coming slower and deeper and she was asleep. He didn't want to move and risk waking her and he realized how tired he was too, so he relaxed and let his own eyes close too.

He wasn't fully asleep yet, that place right on the edge, when he felt her stir and his eyes opened and fixed on her. Hers were still closed, but her breathing had quickened and she was tense. Her forehead was creased and she began weakly pushing him away from her.

His first instinct was to pull her closer, but that only made her fight harder. "No." She mumbled.

She was having another nightmare. He'd heard her every night for the past week. The walls in the clubhouse were thin and he was in the room right next to her. It hadn't taken him long to figure it out.

"Lana." He said gently, burying his fingers in her hair and kissing her forehead. When she still didn't settle, he moved his mouth right next to her ear. "It's ok little girl, I gotcha." He whispered.

Lana wasn't completely sure why she was so scared. All she knew was she was exhausted and her eyelids felt like they were too heavy to open. She didn't even want to try. Her mind was too clouded with sleep to even try to remember where she was, but she vaguely felt like something was terribly wrong. It was like she had just woken up from a bad dream and was worried it might come back. Then she heard him. Somewhere faraway, but his voice was unmistakable and so familiar that it soothed her enough to forget whatever had her so worked up.

"Hap." She wasn't even aware she had actually said it out loud, but she had.

Happy tightened his arm around her even more. "I'm right here, baby. Sleep." He whispered and she did. For the first time since her man had been killed, she actually slept peacefully.

#$%^$

It wasn't long before they were ready for the party. Nora was sore, so she couldn't do much else besides washing up and changing her and Adelia's clothes. It wasn't long before people started showing up. All besides Happy and Lana. But that was expected, even Nora expected her not to make it. She wasn't mad, she got it. She'd be the same way if roles were reversed.

Sitting on the couch, Nora had Adelia on her lap while she talked to Wendy and Lyla. Juice had gone to get her a drink, but had yet to come back. Looking around the room, she wasn't surprised to see some croweaters there. She didn't like it, but she wasn't surprised. Gemma claimed it was because she needed the help in the kitchen, but it didn't make her anymore comfortable.

She had a lot of baby weight to get rid of, and they all had barely any extra fat on their bodies. Before she could have played it off as the pregnancy, but now she was fat and unattractive. She hated feeling this way. She hated feeling like she still needed to compete with them for Juice's attention.

At the thought of him, she scanned the room again. She felt her heart sink when she finally spotted him. He was talking to one of the croweaters, laughing at whatever she had said. It was happening again. He'd forgotten about her. She flinched when something touched her leg. Looking over, she saw that it was Lyla's hand. Both of them were giving her that damn look of pity.

Shaking her head, they were wrong. Juice had been so good this past month. She loved him so much. He wouldn't do this to her for a third time, she just needed to remind herself of that. "It's nothing. Really. He's just really social." She said, hoping they were convinced. By the look they shared, she doubted that they did.

Looking back, she saw that the girl was touching his arm. It was a move, no doubt, and he didn't seem to think anything of it. She was no more than twenty feet away from him, and he was letting another girl touch him. Shaking her head, she was being ridiculous. It was just a touch on the arm. "I trust him." She said.

Though, she wasn't sure who she was trying to convince. Them or herself.

Seeing their faces, she knew she hadn't convinced either. Glancing back again, she knew she didn't trust Juice. She wanted to, sure, but deep down she knew she never would again. He'd cheated on her twice now. He loved her, she knew that. He wanted to have their family and be with her, but being faithful to her? That was like asking him to find her a dinosaur. She was just hoping he'd at least attempt to be faithful to her.

Just because she doubted Juice's ability to stay faithful, didn't mean she had to let others know she did. As far as the rest of the club knew, they were happy again and grateful to have everyone home and safe. "Really, we're fine, you guys. We got past it." She said, hoping they would drop it.

She had to think about her family. Whether she trusted Juice or not, Adelia needed them both in her life. She wasn't going to be the reason she didn't have her father. Sighing, she kissed her daughter's head. "We're . . . we're great." She continued, her expression less than convincing.

Wendy and Lyla shared a look, knowing where Nora was. Even if Juice was sweeter than the others, he was still a Son. Before they could pitty her any longer, Nora got up from her spot on the couch. "I think Delia wants some time with her daddy." She announced. "Mommy does too." She muttered under her breath before walking over to her boyfriend. A big fake smile was plastered on her face. She could do this.

SOA

Lana kneeled in front of the toilet in the bathroom, gasping for air after emptying what little stomach contents she'd had only moments before.

"You ok?" Happy asked from the doorway.

She stood on shaky legs and shot a glare in his direction as she turned toward the sink to wash up and rinse out her mouth.

"You gotta eat, Lana."

"Fuck off."

"No." He said firmly, coming to stand in front of her. "It's been over a week. You've barely slept, barely eaten and now it's making you sick."

"I just fucking slept all damn night!" She shouted, having no patience to listen to him tell her what she needed. She'd been listening to people tell her what she needed for the last week and so far it had been easy to tune them all out, but there was something about Happy doing it that just rubbed her the wrong way. Fuck him. He didn't know what she needed. She didn't need sleep or food or him in her face. She needed Kozik.

"One night out of how many?" He asked angrily.

"What the fuck do you care?" She asked.

That made him hesitate. "Is that what you think? You still think I don't care?"

"When did you ever? Other than when you wanted to get your dick wet?" She sneered and moved around him out of the bathroom.

He followed and caught her by the arm. "I care, Lana. I always have." The words escaped him before he even realized the weight of them.

"Don't bother lying to me now, Hap. I'm not stupid and I honestly couldn't give a shit anymore." She tried to pull away from him, but he didn't let go. She pushed at his chest as hard as she could. "Let me go!" She didn't want his hands on her at all. He wasn't her old man.

He didn't say anything, just pulled her into him despite her weakened attempts to fight him off. She tried to push him away and swore at him as he held her tighter.

"I fucking hate you." She said, breaking down in yet another fit of tears and saying every hurtful thing she could think of. In that moment she truly did hate him. He'd only ever been a source of pain and longing for her. He had been the father of the baby she'd never gotten to hold in her arms and he had always been something she couldn't have and now the worst part was that he wasn't Kozik and the more she thought about it all, the more she resented him.

"Why couldn't it have been you?" She whispered the question through her tears and it was like a knife through his usually cold, black heart. He dropped his arms from around her suddenly and took a step back, staring at her. She was looking at him with such bitterness that it unsettled even him. "At least he had the balls to tell me he cared, instead of waiting for someone else to come along and then acting like a spoiled child whose toy had been taken away." She choked out.

He glanced down at the floor and shook his head. "I was an asshole, Lana. I care a hell of a lot more than I ever let on. So much that it scared the hell outta me. That's why I never let you in. That's why I got so pissed when I found out about the kid. That's why I couldn't handle seeing you with him." He didn't mean to lay it all out, but her words had wounded him and if there would ever be a time to tell her the truth, it was now. "I fucking loved Kozik and if I could've, dammit, I would've died for him. But that's not how it played out. He's dead, Lana, and I guarantee I'm hurting just as much you are."

He stepped toward her again and took her face in his hands. Lowering his voice, he continued. "But if you think for one second that I'm not gonna jump at the chance to take care of you now, the way you deserve, the way he did…" He didn't even finish the sentence, just shook his head slightly before moving in and pressing his lips to hers.

Another tear slid down her cheek as she leaned into him, no more energy to fight back and not wanting to.

"I ain't ever letting you go again, little girl." He rasped in her ear.