Can't help it - I'm a romantic. Felt like writing something sweet after the smut of last chapter.
But hey - not that many chapters to go! The end is nearing and soon I'll have to wrap this up. I hope you'll stay with me 'till the end - and that you'll take the time to write me a comment. They really do cheer me up, when I'm feeling rotten.
January 7th, 2010
Fay knew she was a heartbreaker. And that was putting it nicely.
There was a reason she had never really had girls as friends. Women didn't like her, in general. Misa had been a nice exception to that rule, but it didn't change the fact.
The fact being, that men easily fell for her, and Fay had been known to have their petty hearts for breakfast.
She had never loved anyone but L. All the other guys had been just a distraction. Just a pastime. She wasn't even ashamed to admit, that she had used them for her own, selfish needs. Most of them probably hadn't cared, but Fay knew that she had left some of them broken and lonely and desperate.
What did that make her?
And why did it matter now, when it had never mattered to her before?
She knew she was bad news.
Any guy with a half a brain would stay the fuck away from her, and if she had even a half a heart, she would stay celibate for the rest of her days.
And still.
She couldn't resist Matsuda's scent when he leaned closer to give her a kiss. He smelled of her strawberry shower gel, and it made her feel warm and fuzzy and horny at the same time.
He was so tall, she had to tiptoe to be able to kiss him.
No high heels this time, just her old sneakers, her jeans and a hoodie - but he kissed her like she was something amazing, something he just couldn't let go.
I am in love with you.
That's what he had said, and Fay kept hearing those words again and again in her head. His voice that broke at the last word, the nervousness in his tone, the fear and the desperate hope.
His lips were so soft on hers, so gentle.
His hands found her waist, pulled her closer - his chest warm against her in the cold winter wind, a steady rock for her to lean on. He tasted of coffee and toothpaste and it made her weak on the knees, yearning for the pleasures she knew he was capable of giving to her, and a part of her wanted nothing more than to take his hand and lead him back to her room, back to her bed, to strip him naked and have him every way imaginable.
But there was no way she could do that now.
First, because it was 7AM and she was supposed to be at the HQ in a half an hour. It would be unbearable to have Near nagging her about being late again.
And secondly, because he was in love with her.
Maybe it was because she had grown up. Maybe it was because she now knew how it felt to have her heart broken, but whatever the reason, she didn't want to put Matsuda through that.
He's a good guy. He deserves to be with someone who can love him back. Someone who still has a heart.
Forcing herself to break the kiss, Fay took a step back.
"Felicity-" Matsuda sighed.
"Matsu, please!" she interrupted. "Never use my name that carelessly, if you don't want to see me dead!"
He blushed, look down at his toes.
"Sorry, it's just… I'm not allowed to call you Fay in the phone, or Felicity in… well, anywhere. What am I supposed to call you then?"
"A nickname?" Fay raised an eyebrow. "You could come up with something. Or just call me Fiona, it's my alias anyways."
But the truth was, that she wanted to hear him call her Felicity..
She wanted it for the reasons she couldn't fully understand, and just thinking about it made her annoyed. She regretted revealing her name to him, in a moment of weakness, for now it wouldn't leave her in peace. The memory of his soft tone, when he breathed it in the darkness, wrapping his arms around her, kissing her neck.
How it had made her feel like she was falling.
How he had sounded so completely different than L, and how that made Fay both sad and high headed at the same time, short of breath.
Matsuda reached his hand, ran his fingers through her hair.
"When will I see you again?" he asked. "Tonight?"
She shook her head.
"I'm busy. And I'm sure you are too."
Something flashed in his eyes, a shadow of sadness.
"Busy at To-Oh?"
"If you don't want me to lie to you, don't ask me questions I cannot answer." she shrugged, not meeting his eyes. "I have work to do, that's all you need to know."
"Alright." he replied. "So when can we meet? I still want to take you out, on a date. We could go to dinner, and then-"
"Matsu, please."
Fay stuffed her hands deep in her pockets, looked down at her sneakers.
I'm in love with you.
He loved her, and she was being selfish, wanting him like this. Letting him go, would be the right thing to do.
"I'll call you." she finally said.
"Give me your number and I can call you?" he gave her a hopeful smile.
"Just go on already. You'll be late, and there will be questions."
"Yeah." he made a face. "I wish this… this Kira thing would be all over. Maybe then we could-"
"Just don't." she said. "No talking about Kira, remember?"
"Actually, you said, no talking about Light Yagami."
"Like there is a difference." she muttered.
"Ah, and here we go again!" He gave a frustrated sigh. "Fay, come on. There's no proof of that and-"
And suddenly Fay felt angered.
"There will be." she snapped. "And mark my words, I will be there when Light Yagami goes down. I will be there to watch how he burns, and he'll have to answer for his sins to me before this is all over!"
Matsuda went silent, his big eyes widened and he blinked a few times.
Fay didn't turn her eyes from his, didn't even try to hide her burning cheeks.
"Fay…" he sighed, after a few heartbeats that had lasted for an eternity.
"Yes?"
"It seems… it seems we have a problem."
"You think?" she replied. "You know, you would be wise to leave now and stop thinking about me."
"Hey, I can't do that."
He shook his head, and in front of Fay's eyes the look in his face changed. The sadness melted away, and his lips turned into smile. It reached his eyes, and Fay felt her heart skipping a beat.
"We're like Romeo and Juliet." he said. "Trapped in a rivalry of their clans - but they wouldn't let that get in the way of love!"
"That's totally different!"
"Now it's not."
"Yes, it is!"
"How come?"
Because Juliet was actually in love with Romeo.
"Because-" Fay frowned. "Because they were stupid kids! Besides - they ended up dead."
"Oh." he said, and then broke into a laughter. "True! I guess I'll have to watch the movie again."
Fay rolled her eyes, but couldn't help a laugh.
"Always with the TV." she said. "Just read the book. It's much better."
"Haha!" he grinned "Maybe I will."
And then he leaned closer, placed a quick, small kiss on the corner of her mouth.
"I love you." he breathed. "I love you, Felicity. Don't forget it!"
Suddenly the wind was blowing right through her, and her feet didn't even touch the pavement. His scent of strawberry shower gel filled her senses, making her head spin.
Matsuda was already halfway towards the nearest subway station, and couldn't hear her words, when Fay finally found the fitting quote from Romeo and Juliet.
"Don't waste your love on somebody who doesn't value it!"
Though, searching her heart - she knew it wasn't fitting at all.
...please leave a review. What do you wish to read before this all ends? And do you want a happy ending or a tragic one - I have both planned. :D
