52.
Which Way to Go
Alice indulged in a few tears as her laptop booted up. She felt ashamed and betrayed, and hoped for the millionth time that her mom... Mary... was online tonight.
Alice logged in and checked her email. There were a few jokes forwarded by some friends she had made in a chat room, but nothing from Mary. Alice sighed and logged into her Instant Message account and almost shouted out loud when she saw that Mary was online. Before she even had the chance to start typing, the chime sounded alerting her to a message.
Hi, Alice. Did you have fun at the ballgame?
Alice smiled and wrote a reply.
Hi! No! It was terrible!
I was so bored and then Edward said some mean things about me in front of everyone
and I realized that Jasper has been confiding personal stuff to him.
I am so humiliated and I don't ever want to speak to either of them again.
Alice waited and then saw that Mary was typing a reply. Her laptop chimed and she smiled, so happy that she had someone to not only talk to, but who could understand.
Oh no! I am so sorry, Alice. Edward sounds like a jerk!
And Jasper? How can you ever trust him again?
He sounds like he's only after one thing any way.
Alice's smile widened. Her mom was so smart and seemed to always understand her. Not like Carlisle and Esme who seemed to be encouraging her to give herself to Jasper. Mary could relate since she had had her share of ill-treatment in her life.
You're probably right. He told me he loves me, but
he's always touching me and begging me to let him do more.
It seems as though, the more I try to please him, the more demanding he becomes.
Plus, he's so bossy and always telling me what to do. I hate that!
Alice wiped her sweaty hand on her pants and hit 'send'. She was nervous that her mom would think she was immoral, or something, but Mary replied instantly.
Stay away from him, Alice! They all tell you they love you,
then they leave you after they get what they want.
Trust me! I know what I'm talking about.
Don't end up like me, Ali - alone and pregnant.
If your parents won't protect you, you have to do it yourself.
Tell him no! Make him keep his hands off of you.
Sex is over-rated any way.
It's great for him, but painful and messy for you.
You will thank me one day for helping you to keep him away.
She knew it! Her dreams could be some kind of prophecy. Her family lets him have her, and then he hurts her while they all just stand around and watch. Well, she wasn't going to let him use her like that. She would never give herself to him!
Alice felt tears prick her eyes. How could they pretend all these years to love her and then do something like this?
She shook her head, refusing to believe it. It couldn't be true. Emmett would never do that to her. He watched Jasper like a hawk around her, and he was one of Jasper's best friends. He truly loved her, didn't he? And Rose? Well, she was Jasper's sister... but she always defended Alice when Jasper or Edward were mean to her. Her mom and dad were so good to her... and Jackson and Lynnette, too... She must be going insane.
Alice cradled her head in her hands, she was getting one of her bad headaches. It had been such a long day and she was so confused. Her parents loved her... of course they did! But why would Mary say those things unless they were true? She had no reason to turn her against her family... did she?
Alice rubbed her forehead and typed a message.
I will stay away from him, Mary. Thank you for
being there for me! I am going to bed now.
I have a headache and it's been a really long day.
Will you be online again tomorrow?
Mary's reply came instantly.
Feel better, baby girl.
I will be online tomorrow.
Get some rest and I will talk to you then.
Goodnight!
Alice smiled. She knew Mary really did care about her. She only had her best interests at heart. Alice sighed, she needed to talk to Jasper about their relationship and she needed to get a lock for her door. She couldn't just let him come in her room any time he felt like it. He didn't own her, after all, and it was so much harder for her to deny him when she was sleepy and they were in the dark.
She typed a goodnight to Mary and logged off for the night. Putting her laptop on her desk, she took her pajamas and went into the bathroom to get ready for bed. When she came out of the bathroom, Edward was in his room with the door open, waiting for her to come out.
"Hey, Ali. Going to bed?" he asked her.
"Um... yeah. You?" she said.
Edward nodded his head. "Pretty soon." He scratched his head. "Uh... thanks again for the baseball game. I had a really great time. I think it's one of the best gifts I've ever gotten." He gave her a tentative smile. "I am sorry about what I said. I guess I just get jealous cuz Jasper pays so much attention to you. I... wasn't really mad at you. I was really mad at him. He kept messing with you and wouldn't pay attention to what I was saying." He looked hopefully at her. "Do you forgive me?" He asked.
Alice smiled. She knew he was trying to fool her, get on her good side again, but she wasn't blind to his tricks any more. "Sure, Edward. It's not a big deal. Besides, you won't have to worry about me distracting Jasper any more. I'm... breaking up with him tomorrow... I..."
"What?" Edward asked loudly. "You can't, Ali. You'll crush him. Why would you do that?"
Alice scoffed at him. "Yeah, it'll crush him, all right. Sure." She put her hands on her hips. "Jasper will be fine, Edward. Maybe he'll be disappointed, but he'll get over it quickly, I promise you."
Edward looked confused. "But, Ali, I thought you were happy with Jas. I thought you loved him. What happened? Is it because of me? You were... happy with him at the game today."
"I'm tired of his crap! Okay?" Alice snapped. "I can't trust him. I can't trust anybody!" She whirled and went into her room, slamming the door behind her.
Edward ran his hand through his hair and looked at her door. What the hell was going on with her? He didn't know what to do. Should he talk to his parents? To Jasper? Should he just leave her alone?
He sighed and went into the bathroom. Girls were so dramatic. Maybe she just needed some sleep and would feel better in the morning. He wasn't going to upset Jasper tonight. He'd wait and see how Ali was in the morning and then he'd decide if he should do anything.
That night, Alice slept peacefully. Her parents both checked on her in the night, and even Edward snuck in to make sure she was okay. She woke up well-rested and determined. She felt strong and confident of her decisions, and no one was going to make her do anything she didn't want to do ever again. She had her mom to help her now and there was nothing anyone could do about it.
Edward walked down to breakfast wondering how Ali was feeling today. He walked into the kitchen, relieved to see her still there.
"Morning, Ali. How'd you sleep?" he asked, a friendly smile on his face.
She looked at him suspiciously. "Good morning. Okay. How about you?"
"Great!" he answered enthusiastically, but he didn't tell her he had been awake on and off all night worrying and had checked on her while she slept. "Got any plans for today?" he continued the conversation.
She looked away quickly and he frowned. "Um... not really. I'm getting online to... chat with some friends later. That's all." She looked down at her cereal and began eating again.
Edward got his breakfast, but tried to think of a way to bring up their talk from last night. "Oh. That sounds... fun. Emmett and I are going to pick up Bella later. Wanna' ride along?" he asked.
Her head shot up and she looked at him with raised brows. "Well... uh... I'll probably be busy. Thanks anyway."
He felt like an ass as he thought of all the times she had asked to come along when he and Emmett had picked up Bella and he had told her no. He had wanted time with Bella and he hated always having to share her with Alice. He hated having to share anyone with Alice. She was always so friendly and easy to talk to and he... wasn't. He had envied her all his life and, though they had been closer the last few years, he had secretly resented how everyone always thought she was so wonderful, and he liked the fact that some of the kids at school still thought she was weird. He knew that made him a bad person, but it wasn't like he wanted anything bad to happen to Alice. He loved her and truly wanted her to be happy, he just didn't like it that people liked her so much better than him.
He sighed as he sat down to eat. One thing about her being better than him, that was good, was that it made him try to be a better person. He figured that was why she was in his life, he just didn't know why he was in hers. He didn't seem to enrich her life at all, even though he tried, he couldn't come up with one thing he did, or was, that made her life better. Maybe one day he'd know, until then, he'd just keep trying to be a better person, and to treat Ali better, too.
As soon as Alice was done eating, she went straight back up to her room and Edward let out a sigh. At least she hadn't said any more about breaking up with Jasper. Jas would be devastated if she did. She may not believe it, but he knew it to be true. Jasper really loved her and, if Ali broke it off with him, Jas would probably blame it on him for what he said at the game yesterday. He loved Jasper like a brother and confided things to him that he didn't tell anyone else, not even Bella. He didn't think he could handle it if Jasper and he ever ended their friendship.
Edward was brought out of his thoughts by Emmett bounding into the room.
"Hey, little brother!" He reached out and messed up Edward's hair and grinned down at him. "Almost ready to go get your girl?" he asked.
Edward scowled and tried to smooth his hair. "Yeah, pretty much."
Emmett laughed, grabbed a carton of juice from the fridge and headed into the garage for his Jeep.
"Well, let's get a move-on, then!" he hollered and Edward rolled his eyes, put his dishes in the sink and followed him out the door.
Alice was on her laptop when her phone buzzed.
Hey, darlin'! You up?
Alice scowled. Couldn't he ever just leave her alone? She left him alone for band practice, baseball, all the stuff he did, but he acted like she should be available whenever he wanted her.
Yes, I am.
She waited to see what he wanted so she could finish some writing she was doing online.
Good! Can I see you today? Please?
Alice bit her lip. She did want to talk to him about what he told Edward. She might even still want to break it off with him, but that kind of scared her. She knew he would get really mad, and she had to admit that his temper was still frightening.
Sure! I have to finish something online first.
My house in 20 minutes?
Her phone buzzed right away.
Perfect! C u then!
I can't wait!
Jas x
Alice hurriedly finished up her writing and closed her program. She went into the bathroom to brush her hair again since it was still damp from her shower and went downstairs to wait for Jasper.
Alice no sooner entered the living room when there was a knock on the door. She went over and opened it to see a grinning Jasper on the door step. She couldn't help it, she smiled at him, he looked so cute and happy standing there.
"Good mornin', darlin'!" He said and pulled a single yellow rose from behind his back. He held it out to her and she took it.
"Good morning. Thank you for the rose, Jasper. It's beautiful." she told him, putting it to her nose to inhale the soft fragrance. "Come in."
He came in and she shut the door and led him into the living room. She sat on the couch and patted the seat next to her. Jasper sat down and leaned over to give her a kiss. Alice wanted to turn her head so he only kissed her cheek, but she didn't want to put him on the defensive right away. She wanted to talk to him before she made any definite plans.
Jasper covered her soft warm lips with his own and internally groaned at the feel and smell of her. He pulled back and smiled lovingly at her. She smiled back, but the smile didn't reach her eyes and he tried not to frown at the bad vibes he was getting.
"Shit! What did I do now?" He thought, searching his mind for any clue he could come up with. Nothing came to mind, and Ali just sat there smelling the rose he'd picked for her.
"You okay, Ali?" he asked her cautiously.
She smiled and nodded at him. "There is... something I'd like to talk to you about." she admitted.
"O-kay..." he said. He tried to stay calm and smile, but it was tough. The vibes coming off of her were bad. "What's up, sweetheart?" he quipped lightly.
Alice caught her lip between her teeth. She didn't know where to start. "Well... at the game yesterday... um... the stuff Edward said... " She paused and Jasper tried really hard to be patient.
Finally, he offered her a nudge. "Yeah...?"
"Why...? Um... did you...?" She looked at him helplessly.
"What Ali?" he asked her. "You can ask me anything, darlin'. What do you want to know?"
"Jasper... why did you tell... Ed... ward about... us?" she stammered, her face turning scarlet.
Jasper looked at her blankly, waiting for her to elaborate. "About us...?" he prompted.
"You know, Jasper Hale!" she suddenly snapped. "Stop playing games with me. Why did you tell about how I l-let you... t-t-touch m-me?" She shook her head, looking down. "That was private! I.. I'll never let you t-t-touch me... a-a-gain."
"Ali! What are you talking about?" Jasper demanded. She looked up at him and he was shaking his head, a surprised expression on his face. "I didn't. I never... never said anything... to Edward or... anybody. I didn't..."
He looked so innocent, but Ali didn't know what to believe any more. She felt so confused. Her head almost felt like it was stuffed with cotton and her thoughts got all jumbled up inside.
Jasper grabbed her hands. "I swear to you, Ali. I haven't talked to Edward... or anyone... about us... at all. Not Rose, or Emmett, or... anybody."
Alice searched his face for any sign that he was lying. She had found that he was good at deceiving her, but she couldn't find any trace of guile there at all. She bit her lip and nodded.
"Okay, I believe you. I just... thought that he... knew... after what he said." She looked down at their hands. "Sorry I jumped to conclusions."
"It's all right, Ali. Edward shouldn't have said those things to us. He had no right." Jasper told her.
Alice looked up at his face again. "That's true, but he gets jealous of the attention you give me. He's always been mad that I interfere in your friendship. I shouldn't have gone yesterday. It was supposed to be for the two of you. You should've asked one of your friends to go instead of me. I knew better, but I let you change my mind."
Jasper looked ashamed, but defended himself none the less. "It was my gift, and I could invite whomever I wanted, right?" At her nod, he continued. "I wanted you there, Ali. I miss you when we're apart. I know you were bored and I'm sorry, but Edward has no right to tell me who to invite."
Alice took in a deep breath. "There's more, Jas. I... I don't want..." He looked into her dark eyes and started to shake his head.
"No, Ali. No way! I won't let you. You're mine and I'm not letting you go." he told her, his face red with anger. He grabbed her upper arms tightly. "Edward can go fuck himself! There is no frickin' way I'm giving you up for him."
Alice's eyes widened and she tried to pull away from him. "Let go of me, Jasper. You're hurting my arms." He dropped his hands instantly and she rubbed where he had squeezed her soft skin.
Jasper stared at where she was rubbing her arms. "Sorry..." he whispered. His eyes went to hers and she saw fear there. "Ali... please... I didn't tell... I... wouldn't... I won't... touch you... any more... please..." Anguish shown in his beautiful emerald eyes and Alice felt her heart squeeze. She didn't want to hurt him, but she didn't trust him any more, either.
"I... don't want to... hurt you. I just... don't know what to... do." Ali faltered, looking confused.
"Then don't do this, Ali. Don't break up with me over something I didn't even do. Please!" he begged. "I love you. Haven't I shown you that I do?"
She nodded. "Yes. I love you, too, Jas. I do. I'm just... mixed up. I don't know... anything, right now." Her eyes pleaded with him to understand.
"I can help you, Ali. I've been helping you, haven't I?" She nodded and he kept talking. "I've tried so hard to give you space and control myself.. I know I haven't been... perfect, but I'm really trying. I want to... touch you... all the time, but I... make myself stop. I can't wait to see you... every day. I... dream about you at night... good dreams... and I... think about us... being together when we grow up. Not like, sex... but, you know... married and in our house." He knew he was rambling, but he had to convince her that they were good together. "We just have to... hang in there. Help each other... trust each other."
Ali nodded, but her eyes were troubled. Should she confess to Jasper that she just didn't trust him? That she didn't trust anybody any more? "I... okay. Okay, Jas. I will... I'll help you and try... to trust you... just... don't get mad at me, okay? At least... try not to."
He grabbed her against him in a tight hug. "I won't... I mean, I will... I'll try hard not to get mad. I'll try hard to... keep my hands off you. I'll make you trust me. You'll see."
She wrapped her arms around him and held onto him as though he might disappear. She was relieved that she had made herself talk to him. She had never had to be without him, and it scared her that she might have to one day. She laid her head on his chest and breathed him in. Life was so much simpler when all she had to do was push his hands away from whatever he was doing and plop into his lap. Now there were feelings and other people to worry about and she didn't like it one bit.
After their talk, Jasper had asked Alice if she wanted him to let her have some time to think, or did she want to have company. Ali decided that she wanted to spend some time with him and he grinned like he had won the lottery. It warmed her heart to see him happy and she was so glad that they had worked out this last hitch in their relationship. All she had to do now was keep him from trying to take her clothes off, and they would be okay.
"Ali, I know it's still a little early, but would you want to walk into town with me and I'll treat you to lunch?" Jasper asked her.
"I'd love to, Jas, but you know my parents will be mad if I don't ask them first." Ali told him.
"Can you call your mom?" he asked.
Alice thought about where she might be and decided to try. "Mom? I'm sorry to bother you... " she said into her phone when her mom picked up. "Jasper wants to take me to lunch in town. Can I go with him?" Jasper watched her as she listened to her mom and was relieved when he saw her smile. "Okay. Thanks, Mom. Love you, too. Bye."
She turned to Jasper. "She said I can go, but I have to stay with you at all times and be back by 5:00. Is that okay with you?"
He smiled and took her hand. "Perfect! Let me tell my mom where we're going and we'll go." He pulled out his phone and called his mom. She gave her consent and they set out for downtown.
Jasper held Alice's hand the whole way into town and they talked about the upcoming school year and the Battle of the Bands and their friends. Pretty soon, they reached the main street. William's Bay was tiny compared to the surrounding towns, and none of them were very big themselves, so there wasn't much to pick from as far as restaurants went, but the few places they had were very nice.
The decided on the small cafe in the very center of town that served mostly tourists and people in town to enjoy the lake. Jasper led Ali to a table and asked if she would sit beside him instead of across from him. She slid into the bright blue booth and Jasper slid in beside her. The hostess handed them each a menu and assured them that their server would be right with them.
"Have anything you'd like, darlin'." Jasper told her.
"Everything looks good, Jas." Ali complained. "I can't make up my mind." She grinned up at him and he chuckled.
"I'd say order one of each, but I know darn well that you can't even eat one whole meal, let alone... how ever many are on this thing!" They laughed and she decided on a tuna-stuffed tomato with summer fruit. He thought he'd try the Cowboy burger and Ali asked him what made it a Cowboy burger.
"Does it come wearing a Stetson?" she asked.
He grinned at her. "No. It has Bar-B-Q sauce and onion rings on it."
She laughed. "Ooooo-kay... "
"Stop it!" he laughed. "I didn't make up the name! I just want to eat it."
The waitress came over and took their order, and they asked for crayons. The waitress teased them for a second about not being under twelve and brought them a cup of crayons with their drinks. The tables were covered in drawing paper instead of cloths, and they spent the next twenty minutes doodling on the table.
Ali was laughing at Jasper's drawing of a burger with a cowboy hat on and a lasso in his 'hand', when they felt someone stop at their table. Thinking it was the waitress, they looked up to see Lauren Stanley standing there with Matt Davidson. Jasper tried to be polite, but his forehead wrinkled into a scowl. Alice looked at Lauren with dread, but was happy to see Matt.
"Hi, Matt! I haven't seen you since the Fourth of July party. How are you?" Alice chirped, smiling.
His eyes lit up and he smiled. "I'm really good, Ali. How are you?"
"Great! It's been a busy summer, but I'm doing good." she told him.
Lauren was frowning at them, but noticed that Jasper didn't look too happy. "Hey, Jas." she purred. "How's your summer been?"
"Okay. How about yours, Lauren." he asked.
"Oh, it's been great!" she gushed. "I've been really busy, but I heard you guys are doing the Battle of the Bands this year at the State Fair. I'm planning on being there, and I can't wait to hear you play!"
"Uh.. thanks. We're really excited." he stated, straining to hear what Ali and Matt were talking about.
"Well, it's been great seeing you, Ali. You, too, Jasper." Matt said, getting ready to leave. "Maybe I'll see you at the fair."
"Okay, Matt. That would be fun." Alice told him, smiling and waving as they walked away.
Alice looked over at Jasper. "Uh-oh." she thought. He didn't look happy. She felt her stomach tilt and nausea rise in her throat. "Damn it! I will not let him upset me." she vowed, as she fought the nausea down. The waitress came with their food, and said she's be right back with more Iced Tea for Ali before walking off. Ali looked at her food and felt like she was going to be sick.
"Ali? Are you okay?" Jasper asked, bending to look into her face. She had gotten really pale and didn't look so good.
Alice smiled up at him. "Um... I just need... a minute." She told him and took a sip of her tea. "Please... don't get sick... don't get sick... " she told herself over and over.
"I'm sorry if I'm what upset you." Jasper said, surprising Ali. She looked at him with slight shock. "I know... I got jealous of Matt. I just don't like him... looking at you. It pisses me off for some reason. I'm sorry. I'm not mad, though. I swear." He smiled to show her he was okay.
Alice giggled at his goofy smile. He laughed. "Not very convincing, huh?"
She shook her head and he put his arm around her to give her a squeeze. They both laughed again and Ali's tummy seemed to calm down some.
After a few minutes of chatting and laughing, Ali was able to eat her lunch her and Jasper had a good time. Afterward, they decided to wander around town and see if anyone they knew, besides Lauren and Matt, were around. They went into a few shops and did some window shopping, William's Bay was smack dab in the middle of one of Wisconsin's major tourist areas after all, and they giggled and pointed out anything silly or funny to each other.
They were on there way down to the lake when Jasper heard his name being called. Turning, they spotted Tony and Shannon walking toward them. Alice let out a squeal and took off running before Jasper even registered it was them.
Alice launched herself at Tony and he caught her, laughing. "It's good to see you, too, Short Stuff."
Then, Tony set her down and she gave Shannon a big hug. "Oh my God! I can't believe you're both here! I've missed you so much!" Alice chirped, excitedly. "How long are you here for, Shannon?"
"Tony's parents are letting me stay with them for two weeks, Ali. We just got here this morning. His family's cabin is not far from where I live, so we've been together the whole summer. I am going to miss him so bad when school starts." she sighed, but grinned happily. "I see you and Jasper are still together. How are things going?"
Ali grinned. "We've had our ups and downs, but I'm happy. He takes good care of me and we're working out the hard stuff."
"Good for you. You guys make such a great pair! He's what? Six three?" She asked.
Alice nodded. "Six-two, six-three, somewhere in there. And, before you ask, I'm, four-eleven."
They both giggled and the boys glanced over at them from where they were talking. Jasper's eyes traveled over Ali and he heard Tony snicker. He looked at him, his brow raised in question.
"Still got it bad, huh?" Tony taunted him with a grin.
Jasper scowled, but his face broke into a grin soon after and he nodded. "I can't help myself." he said, and both he and Tony laughed.
"I know what you mean." Tony agreed, still laughing as his eyes wandered over Shannon. "Shannon is the best. I thank you every day for cutting in on me and Ali dancing." His eyes twinkled as he took in Jasper's expression while he watched Ali. "You know, I lied to you the night of the dance. I wanted Ali in a major way, but I knew Em would kill me, so I played it off. You called me on it, and introduced me to Shannon. I've been a very happy dude, ever since."
Jasper laughed. "I knew you were lying. Why do you think I acted like such an ass?" They both cracked up and saw the girls look over at them.
"Hey!" Tony said. "Shannon and I are going to the movies tonight. Why don't you and Ali come with us?"
"That would be cool." said Jasper. "I could see if my mom or Emmett will bring us back. You know I'm not old enough to drive yet."
"Well, either Emmett can bring you, and he and Rose can join us, or Shannon and I can come pick you up?" Tony offered.
"Thanks, Tony. How about if I ask Emmett first? I know he and Rose would love to see you. If they can't make it, I'll give you a call." Jasper told him. "You got the same cell phone number?"
"Yep." Tony told him. "Call me either way so I know." Jasper nodded and Tony shook his hand. "We'll see you tonight, then?"
"Sounds good! Talk to you later." Jas said.
Tony gave Ali a hug goodbye and told her about the movies. Her and Shannon both squealed and hugged and Tony led Shannon away still chuckling. Jasper grinned down at Alice.
"You are so freakin' adorable, you know that, don't you?" he asked her.
She grinned back at him. "If you say so." she quipped. She was so happy. This morning she felt as though the world was weighing on her shoulders and, today, she felt giddy and light as can be.
"Thank you for lunch, Jasper. It was really good. I had a lot of fun." Alice told him, taking the hand he offered.
"I had a lot of fun, too, Ali." he said. "You sure you feel like going to the movies tonight, sugar?"
She nodded. "I think it'll be fun. I'll treat to the movie since you treated to lunch." she offered.
Jasper shook his head. "No way. I pay, that's it." he stated.
Alice felt the familiar resentment creep into her, but tried to push it back down. Then Jasper added to his statement. "You are my girl, Ali. A gentleman always pays for his girl. My mom and dad both taught me that. Emmett always pays for Rose, too. That's just the way it is." he told her. "Thank you so much for your offer, though. It makes me feel great that you want to spend time with me so much that you would offer to pay."
Jasper bent forward and gave Ali a few soft kisses. He didn't think he'd ever get tired of looking at her or kissing her. "Shall we head home until it's time for the movies?" Jasper asked her and, at her nod, they headed home, chatting happily, hands entwined.
