This fanfic contains a lot of swearing, smoking, violence and various other mature themes.
All characters are the property of Rebecca Sugar and Cartoon Network, except for Erica, Charlie, Victoria and Parker.
This fanfic is written from the perspective of E. K. Brooks.
Chapter 51: Answer me
I drifted awake to someone talking agitatedly.
"No it needs to be a window seat, you know my daughter gets air sick!" a pause, some stomping around then; "That'll do, just get us home, Melissa – today" an angry sigh followed. "Att det ska vara så jävla svårt!1" a fan rumbled into life and there was the sound of a match being struck. A very familiar smell started to permeate the house and I lifted my head sharply.
"Victra oussiiide" I slurred.
"I can't go outside, I don't have any shoes" she snapped. "And I'm using the kitchen fan" was she fucking serious? I sat up slowly and glared down at her blearily.
"Ousside!"
"No. Shoes"
I leaned down and picked up my damp sneakers and threw them down the stairs. "Out!"
"They're wet!"
"Men ansträng dig!2" I shouted as my patience snapped, then clapped my hand over my mouth in shock. Oh my fucking gods… I hadn't just said that… It was what our mother would shout at me, well, both of us – anyone really – when she was getting annoyed someone wasn't succeeding at a very simple task – such as obeying an order or tucking in your shirt.
"Jesus, fine" she gave me a grumpy and surprised look, then got up and put my shoes on with a grimace. She wrenched open the door and stalked squelchily outside. I lay back down and stared into the ceiling. There was an awful taste in my mouth and I wasn't sure if that was because of the words that had just flown from it or the fact that I hadn't brushed my teeth properly for twenty four hours. I reached down for my shorts – I knew I had some gum in my pocket. But I couldn't find them. I sat up with a groan, then planted my feet on the floor. My shorts were… not where I left them. What the hell? I looked around, then spotted them downstairs on the floor, the contents of my pockets and my EDC were lined up neatly on the coffee table. I felt strangely violated and stood up angrily, grabbing onto the wall as the world went sideways for a few seconds. I grumbled a stream of blue sparks as I stomped downstairs in my underwear and picked up my shorts and put them on. Then I surveyed the damage. Everything seemed to be there except for the matches and about two thirds of my emergency energy bar. I checked my pockets and didn't find either of my phones or my cigarettes.
"Of course, why would she ask permission…" I growled sarcastically and began ramming everything back into the EDC before strapping it to my waist. Gods it was just not fair to have to deal with her this early in the morning. Without a cup of coffee in my system. Or any dinner to speak of last night. Less than that… Fuck, I was hungry. I pulled out the remnants of the energy bar and wolfed it down, then drank a big glass of water from the tap and took a deep breath. Be civil, I told myself. Even though she doesn't deserve it, Charlie does. Whatever kind of ground we might have gained toward some semblance of a relationship last night seemed to have vanished with the storm. I walked outside to find Victoria standing on the deck talking on my phone.
"… shipment arrives the day after tomorrow. Yes, sir. No, sir. It was appraised to two hundred thousand US dollars. I know, it was less than we expected but the Bremak piece did pull in more than three times the asking price, after the private bidding concluded. I will be flying out this afternoon. No, sir. There was a storm" I saw her hand curl into a fist. "I… can't control the weather, sir"
I paused at the door. She was speaking in her talking-to-my-superior voice. I should probably… give her some privacy. I turned around and went back inside and went to the bathroom after glancing at the clock. It was barely seven in the morning. I had no idea how long we had slept. It felt like it wasn't enough, however long it actually had been. I rubbed my temples, feeling another headache coming on. I took some of my emergency painkillers and rinsed my mouth with toothpaste again, then went to strip the sheets off Steven's bed. I hadn't exactly been clean when I fell asleep and quite a bit of sand and random dross fell on the floor as I carried the bundle downstairs. I grabbed the towels Victoria had slept on and put it all in the hamper I knew the gems kept in the bathroom. I grabbed a broom and swept up a little and wrote a very short apology note to stick on the door, just in case any of the gems got back here before I could tell them personally. It had taken me about fifteen minutes to do all this and I decided Victoria had had long enough. I went outside again and saw her just hang up the phone, then she looked at the other one and started tapping at it.
"You could have asked" I said gruffly and held out my hands for my stuff.
"You were asleep" she said shortly. Both phones were very warm against my skin and the battery was running low on them as well.
"Gods, what did you do? Call the entire family?"
"I made arrangements to fly home this afternoon. And some business calls"
"Don't you ever switch off?" I huffed and she glared at me indignantly.
"Some of us have an actual job. Not everyone can just loaf around in their bathrobe all day"
"That's not what I do"
"Whatever. Charlotte and I will leave soon. I'm assuming we'll see you and… Jasper at Christmas"
"Yes"
"Are we exchanging gifts?"
"I'll get Charlie something, like always. Now give me back my cigarettes"
She handed me my cigarette holder and I took one out and lit it by saying 'thank you' with a healthy amount of sarcasm. She looked at me for a long moment then turned to stare at the debris covered beach. There wasn't a breath of wind now.
"Don't tell anyone" I said quietly. "About me. Or the fountain"
"As if anyone would believe me…" she huffed and shifted her weight.
"I'm serious" I looked at her sternly. "I need you to promise"
"Fine"
"Say it"
"I promise I won't tell anyone" she said quickly. I narrowed my eyes.
"Look at me when you say it" she glared at me.
"I cross my heart and hope to die, stick a cupcake in my eye" she said it in an angry sing-song voice and I could see her cheeks flush. I don't think she had actually meant to say that version. "Satisfied?" she demanded.
"Yes"
She grimaced and went back inside. A few tense minutes passed and I stubbed out my cigarette with a sigh and a faint puff of green.
"We should go" I said as I turned around. She saw me through the window and walked out the door without a word, starting to head down the stairs and away from the house. I picked up my rain jacket and followed her, realizing she was still wearing my shoes when I stepped onto the coarse wet grass. I gritted my teeth. There was no way she was going to walk outside without shoes, so I was going to have to go barefoot. Or carry her again. She hadn't even said thank you, had she? Of course not…
We made it to the boardwalk and I was shocked to see how much debris was scattered everywhere. There were planks sticking out of the windows of the Big Donut and some of the other store fronts. No one was around and it felt uncomfortably quiet. I realized there were no gulls circling above.
I was glad I had spent so much time walking barefoot on the island. It was really coming in handy today. Or footy, as it may be. We reached the parking lot and I held out my jacket to Victoria. She looked at me with a frown.
"Cover up" I pointed to her ripped and bloody shirt. "Unless you want Charlotte to see" she took the jacket begrudgingly and put it on. When we got to the front door I took a deep breath. "Civil?"
"Civil" Victoria said in a strained voice.
I opened the door quietly and Cake came running up to us, meowing loudly. I stooped to pick her up quickly and she purred and rubbed her face on mine. Pearl had been sitting at the kitchen table, apparently reading a book. She strode up to me quietly and gave me a long, intense hug.
"Could you move?" Victoria hissed, sounding annoyed. Pearl stiffened, then released me and stepped up to face Victoria.
"Do you have any idea how – " she began in a menacing whisper and I saw Victoria bristling, but I put my arm in between them.
"Don't" I said tiredly – I wasn't sure who of them I was referring to, or who I was protecting from whom. Maybe both. Ruffled feathers settled down and Pearl took a step back, folding her arms.
"Mom? Aunty?" Charlie was walking slowly out of the living room, rubbing her eye and wearing one of my t-shirts over her pajama bottoms. "Mom! Aunty!" she dashed toward us and threw her arms around both our waists, pushing us together uncomfortably. She squeezed us very tightly and I had to put an arm around Victoria's shoulder so we wouldn't all fall over. Victoria reluctantly did the same and we both leaned down to give Charlie a one armed hug back, my face on Charlie's left shoulder and Victoria's on her right. "Don't ever leave me like that again" she mumbled intensely into our chests and mine and Victoria's eyes met behind her head. Charlie hugged us even tighter and began to sob. I saw realization dawning on Victoria's face. Had she just seen how close she had been to making this beautiful girl motherless? Or had she perhaps thought of her leaving as something I forced on her? She had decided to leave. But it wasn't entirely her fault, was it… I hadn't exactly been… gentle.
"Förlåt, älskling… Förlåt mig, hjärtat…3" Victoria said in her soft voice and Charlie's crying intensified. She leaned heavily on the both of us.
"I'm sorry too, sweetie" I soothed and rubbed her back slowly. "We're here now, we're OK"
"I don't want you to fight anymore" she sobbed. "I don't want anyone to fight anymore!" I knew she was talking about her parents too, and so did Victoria if I could read her face correctly. Man, I had never felt luckier not to be Victoria than in this moment. What on earth could she say in response?
"Grownups… don't always get along, hjärtat…" she patted Charlie's back.
"If I had a sister I'd never want to fight with her! Why did you say all those horrible things?!" she leaned back from us and looked between our faces, wiping her nose on the sleeve of the shirt she had borrowed from me.
"Älskling, use a handkerchief" Victoria said admonishingly, momentarily slipping back into her stern voice.
Charlie frowned and took a step back from us. "No!"
Victoria removed her arm from my back and put her hands on her hips. "Charlotte Ingrid Catheryn McMillan-Brooks, that is not how you talk to your mother!"
"Why doesn't anyone want to tell me anything?! I'm not a little kid anymore, mom!"
"People are sleeping! Keep your voice down!"
"Tell me why you fight all the time!"
"That's between Erica and me!"
"Then tell me why you and dad are getting a divorce!"
"This is not the time or the place!"
"Yes it is!"
I stared between the two of them. I had never seen them going at it like this before. Pearl was stepping back from them and shooing a bleary eyed Steven and an anxious looking Connie back upstairs. Fuck, couldn't anyone in my family keep their cool?
"Tell me!" Charlie demanded, her face red.
"I told you, I won't!"
"Fine! Then you tell me aunty!" she rounded on me instead and I was almost nailed to the wall by her stare.
"Uh…"
"Don't you dare!" Victoria spat at me.
"I-I wasn't going to!" I snapped back, my temper rising again.
"Oh yes you will!" Charlie darted into the living room and I heard a bunch of rustling and scrapes. What the hell was she – No, she wasn't – I ran in after her and my stomach filled with ice.
"Charlie, leave that alone…" I said with forced calm. "You promised you wouldn't touch them, remember?" Charlie was standing on top of the armrest of the sofa and had managed to get a hold of a bubble. I heard Pearl gasp from behind me. Incredibly, Jasper was still asleep on the bed, but a terrified looking Greg was sitting up in the sofa closest to the door. I grabbed onto Jasper's foot and squeezed. "Please wake up, darling…"
"What's she doing? What is that?" Victoria demanded.
"Step back…" Pearl put her hand on Victoria's shoulder and pulled her behind herself with ease.
"What are you doing?! Let go of me! Charlotte put that thing down!"
"Not until you tell me what I want to know!"
Jasper suddenly sat bolt upright and stared around at all of us, then her eyes met mine and I glanced hurriedly at Charlie. Jasper turned to look at her too and her jaw clenched when she saw what was going on.
"Aeir… what are you doing?" Jasper said quietly. Charlie's chest was heaving with emotion.
"Nobody will tell me why all the grownups in my life hate each other!" Jasper lifted an inquiring eyebrow and turned back to me. She thought for a moment, then said;
"Why don't you just… tell her, babe?" I looked at her with surprise. Really, darling? I felt a little betrayed.
"It's not her business!" Victoria snapped and crossed her arms.
I kept looking at Jasper and felt… something drain away, or perhaps something was flowing into me. My mind cleared a bit. This entire situation… was stupid. I couldn't believe I had been pulled back into the drama like this. I was supposed to have changed. I knew so much better now, gods… Why had I never told Charlie about her other grandmother? Well, I wanted to protect her I guess. She had told me Victoria didn't like to talk about her either, which had sounded so strange to me, but… maybe somewhere Victoria had known how toxic it had been back then and also wanted to protect her from it, too. But look at the situation now, what had secrets and not-exactly-lies got us? Charlie was standing in front of us with what for all intents and purposes could be called a loaded gun. This had to end now. I squeezed Jasper's foot gently and she nodded at me, as if saying it was going to be alright. I stood up straight and relaxed.
"Charlie…" I began and she looked at me, a light of hope springing up in her eyes. Victoria glared between us.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" she growled and pushed past Pearl to grab me by the wrist.
"Victoria, let go of me" I said calmly. "I'm so tired of tip-toeing around certain subjects with her. She's older now, she'll be able to understand. Can't we just be honest for once?" Victoria looked at me as if I had lost my mind. "Look at the situation we are in because of… not talking about the past. You don't know what that bubble is, but it's not something she should be touching. Your daughter is desperate enough to point a weapon at us, Victoria…"
Greg squirmed a little in the sofa and Jasper put a hand on his shoulder and he settled.
"I will not air my dirty laundry in public" she hissed, squeezing my wrist tightly. Charlie frowned at her mom.
"Tell me, mom. Or I'm dropping all my extra classes" Victoria gasped and let go of me in shock. That seemed to have really rattled her. "I don't need your permission, they're all voluntary. I decide"
"That is enough! I should have just flown you home by myself! Look at what involving your aunt has caused!"
"Well I haven't had this much fun in forever!" Charlie snapped back.
"Fun? Fun?!" Victoria's eye actually twitched. "You're not supposed to have fun, you're supposed to obey, Victoria!" her lasts word was said with such force it made everyone take a step back from her. Silence slammed down like someone had just turned the sound off. I stared at her. She was looking at the floor, her shaking hand slowly rising to cover her mouth. She closed her eyes. The silence stretched on for about half a minute, no one dared to make a move.
"Our mother…" she began quietly. "Was… difficult to… deal with… She raised us to be a certain way but Erica was never… she didn't… do what our mother asked of her. It made our mother so mad that she treated both of us… badly. I learned to handle her and I tried to make Erica do what our mother wanted, because it would be easier for all of us if she just… obeyed" Charlie stared back at her mother, face locked in an expression of concentration.
"I tried to do what she wanted, but nothing I did was ever good enough" I found myself saying, realizing just how cheesy it sounded, but it was the truth. Sometimes the truth is cheese... "Everything I liked was wrong and I felt very sad, but I didn't know why. Then I found out mothers aren't supposed to be like that…"
"But that's how she was. And I loved her anyway" Victoria said and folded her arms, looking away from us.
"Yeah, that's how she was. And I hated her because of it" I looked up at Charlie. "Our mother was… sick, sweetie" Victoria huffed, but to my great surprise, she didn't disagree. "Now… will you let that bubble go, please… carefully?"
Charlie looked at her mother intently and licked her lips before speaking. "Why are you and dad getting a divorce?"
Victoria sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "He was supposed to go back to working from Londinium when you turned ten, so that I could travel for work. But as you know, he hasn't done that"
"That's it?" Charlie looked affronted. "Why can't he just do that then?"
"Because… he likes his work and travelling more than he likes being married to me"
"But that's so… stupid"
"Don't call your father stupid, hjärtat. Selfish is a much better word"
Charlie looked down at her mom and slowly her grip slackened on the bubble and it floated away from her. Victoria walked up to her and pulled my back up handkerchief from the pocket of my raincoat which she was still wearing. She held it up to her and Charlie took it and wiped her eyes and blew her nose. The tension in the room drained away as Charlie climbed down from the arm rest.
"Oh boy…" I heard Greg sigh and turned to see him slide down in the other sofa. Steven and Connie stepped out of the way as Charlie and Victoria headed upstairs, talking quietly to each other. I saw Charlie reach up and take her mother's hand as they turned half way up the stairs. I let out a long sigh and rubbed my tingling scar. The bed creaked behind me and I assumed Jasper was getting up. I turned to face her as she stepped up and embraced me without saying a word. I leaned my head on her chest gratefully and felt something inside begin to emerge from wherever it had been hiding. With its presence came a surge of emotion and I began to cry silently into Jasper's shirt. She rubbed my back and let out a long sigh of her own, sounding both relieved and tired, then she put her gem in my hair. I just let my tears flow. Everyone had already seen and heard much more about me and my family than I had imagined I'd ever share willingly. It felt strangely good to have said things aloud, but a part of me was terrified all of them would leave. But Jasper was still here, holding me so gently. After a long, long time my tears dried up and we broke the hug.
"Sorry about your shirt…" I mumbled with a faint smile.
"It'll survive" Jasper said, chuckling softly. "That was some heavy stuff, honey… How are you feeling?"
"Bit exposed" I covered my scar with my hand again. "Did… the others leave?" my voice was small.
Jasper looked at me worriedly. "No? They're making breakfast. Can't you smell it?"
"Not without blowing my nose first" I sniffed apologetically, a relieved smile finding its way onto my lips. They were still here… Jasper bent down and picked up my black backpack and took out my striped beanie. I put it on gratefully. "Thank you, beastie…"
"It looks really good on you" she gave me a crooked grin and stroked my cheek. "As does this" she put one of her zip up hoodies around my shoulders. I closed it and put the hood up, feeling better as I did so.
"Armor on" I said quietly, then looked up at her. "I'm… really sorry, darling…"
"Babe…" she sat down on the bed in front of me and took my hands in hers. "I knew her coming here wasn't going to be easy for you. I hadn't thought anything like this would happen but… It's OK. You handled it"
I let out a little surprised laugh. "Handled it? Fucked up is more like… I was trying to avoid a fight…"
Jasper chuckled faintly. "I know babe… But you did handle it, like I knew you would. And now it's done, right?"
"I certainly hope so… Shit" I half covered my face with my hand. "How are you? And the others? Gods…"
"We were pretty worried" Jasper's eyes went a little darker. "Pearl and I, fuck it sounds weird to say that – we looked all over the place for Victoria. Didn't find her obviously. When you called the first time I thought I couldn't hear you because of the wind on my end, but the second time I realized you'd gone out too. When we got back to the house the kids were just about to head to bed, they said you had just called. Charlie gave me a big hug, even though I was soaked"
"She did?" I smiled wetly.
"Yeah… She didn't hug Pearl" she squared her shoulders a little smugly. "I took a shower and when I came back downstairs Charlie was sleeping on your side of the bed with Cake. I couldn't sleep yet so I made some empanadas and things for the picnic, hoping you'd still want to go…"
"I really do, darling" I kissed her knuckles. "Can we go somewhere warm? I would really like to take a nap in the sunshine after all this" she smiled at me.
"Yeah. The places I've got in mind are warm"
"It felt so wrong to go to sleep without you… Oh fuck…" I remembered about the door to Steven's house. "I um… broke their front door to get to the warp pad"
Jasper chuckled amusedly. "Really?"
"Yeah… I taped it together but I'll have to get them a new one, or build one. I think there's going to be quite a high demand for carpenters now, have you looked outside? It's a mess"
"Couldn't really see anything last night" she stood up and stretched. My stomach made a huge rumble and I put my hand on it, a small wave of nausea sweeping over me. I was far too hungry right now. I needed something to eat soon. Jasper put her hand over mine. "Does it hurt?"
"No, I'm just very hungry" I gave her a wan smile. "I haven't really eaten anything"
"Let's have some breakfast then" she stroked my cheek.
"Need to brush my teeth first"
I followed Jasper out into the hall and went into the bathroom. I blew my nose, brushed my teeth and washed my face, then looked myself in the mirror. Fuck, I looked so pale. I steeled myself before turning the handle and walking into the kitchen. A very sweet scene greeted me and I stopped and just stared for a moment. Steven, Connie and Greg were sitting at the table, tucking into scrambled eggs, toast and fruit. Jasper had just taken out the ingredients for making waffles and was about to start mixing them all together at the counter. Pearl stood by the stove, stirring a pan of more eggs and chatting with the others at a low volume. She looked up as I closed the door to the bathroom, wiped her hands hurriedly on an apron I had no idea where she had found and walked up and hugged me, giving my cheek a brief kiss. I felt so surprised I forgot to hug her back for a few seconds, then lifted my arms to embrace her too. I met Jasper's slightly amused gaze before she turned back to stirring the waffle batter. Greg, Steven and Connie looked over at us too.
"Are you alright?" Pearl asked in a concerned whisper. I nodded silently against her.
"I'm sorry for dragging you all into this…" I whispered back. "And… um I kind of… broke into your house… I'll fix the door, I promise" to my surprise Pearl let out a little laugh.
"You're not the first to kick that door in"
"Really?"
"Yes. We have backups stored in Amethyst's room. She's usually the one who breaks them" she leaned back from me and smiled kindly. "Don't worry about that…"
"I made Victoria promise not to tell anyone about Rose's fountain – I know I promised not to tell anyone about it… I tried making it back here at first but the wind was too strong…"
"It's… alright, Erica. You are safe and whole. That's what matters…" she gave me a squeeze, then broke the hug with a smile. "Come, eat. You must be starving"
"Kind of am, yeah" I smiled back and walked toward the table. Greg pulled out the chair for me with a pleasant grin and I sat down. Pearl put a plate of eggs in front of me and I smiled gratefully up at her, then looked around at Greg, Steven and Connie.
"I'm sorry everyone… I'm so sorry you all had to see… and hear" I waved my hands vaguely. "All the… Everything" Steven and Connie exchanged a look.
"We're sorry it was like that for you, growing up…" Steven said with wrinkled eyebrows.
"Yeah…" Connie nodded, putting her fork down. "I understand why you didn't want to talk about them before, your parents… It must have been so hard for you"
"It wasn't easy for either of us…" 'obey, Victoria!' echoed in my head. "But… I didn't know that, until now"
"All families have problems" Greg said kindly, then took a bite of toast. "My grandparents used to break stuff when they got into an argument"
I looked around at all of them with a smile. I was so relieved they had all stayed. Jasper stepped up behind me and kissed the top of my head, then put four waffles on my plate, next to the eggs.
"Eat something, babe"
I picked up my fork and scooped up some eggs and put them in my mouth. Then I took the top waffle in my hand and bit into it with gusto. The perfectly seasoned eggs mixed well with the crispy sweet waffle and I closed my eyes as I chewed, tilting my head back and letting out a little sigh. Jasper chuckled and kissed my forehead.
The breakfast disappeared pretty quickly and Steven, Connie, Greg and Pearl said goodbye at the door. The kids asked me to say farewell to Charlie and I promised I'd do so. Jasper and I said we would come by the temple and warp out a little later, after Victoria and Charlie had left.
"I… should go check on them" I told Jasper as she closed the door.
"I'll go pack for later, no peeking" she gave me a crooked smile. "Mind if I use your backpack?"
"Not at all, darling" I stood on tiptoe to kiss her, then walked up the stairs slowly.
I stepped onto the landing and saw Charlie's door was closed. I approached it carefully and gave it a knock.
"Come" Victoria said from inside and I turned the knob. The room was barely recognizable. It was so… tidy. Charlie's and Victoria's bags were standing just by the door and they were both wearing clean clothes. Charlie was sitting on the bed and Victoria on the little desk chair in front of her. They looked as if they had been deep in conversation. Victoria straightened her crisp blue skirt and stood up.
"We'll be leaving in a few minutes" she told me stiffly. "Go to the bathroom if you need, hjärtat. I don't want to stop along the way"
"Mom I don't need to" Charlie said, rolling her eyes.
"Go anyway. Please" Charlie got up and I moved out of the way for her to pass. I heard the bathroom door close behind me. "I've left you some money on the desk, for food and things" I raised my eyebrows.
"You didn't have to do that"
"It's the… civil thing to do"
Silence stretched between us and we looked away from each other.
"I put your shoes on the heater in the bathroom" Victoria said quietly.
"Oh… thanks"
More silence.
"Don't you, um… want some breakfast?" I asked awkwardly.
"I'm not hungry" she said shortly. "But Charlotte would probably want to eat"
"I could go make her a sandwich?"
"No butter, no mayo, no cheese" Victoria said automatically.
"Fine" I turned around and went downstairs, letting out a breath I hadn't known I had been holding. I made Charlie a cream cheese, hot sauce and cucumber sandwich – her favorite – and put it and an apple and an orange in a paper bag for her. I took out a can of diet cola from the fridge and put it next to the bag on the table, then I made some coffee. After a few minutes they came downstairs, both putting on summer jackets.
"I packed you some breakfast, sweetie" I said as I handed her the bag and the drink. She took the bag but hesitated about the can, glancing up at her mom. Victoria rolled her eyes impressively, then nodded.
"Thanks mom! Thanks aunty!" Charlie grabbed the can too and hugged me tightly around the waist. She put the food in her backpack and went to pet Cake goodbye. I pushed a cup of coffee toward Victoria on the kitchen counter and she looked at me with a raised eyebrow. She picked it up and took a hesitant sip, paused, then she drained it in one and put it back down. Jasper stepped out of the living room and put my backpack against the hallway wall, then looked up at us.
"Which blanket should we bring?" she asked a little gruffly, pink patches appearing on her cheeks.
"Take the uh… red one" Jasper went to the cupboard in the hall and took it out, then strapped it to the backpack.
Victoria and Charlie put on their shoes and I spent a long time hugging Charlie. Victoria had apparently brought more than one pair of high heels.
"Take care, sweetie… Steven and Connie asked me to say farewell from them. Call me when you land?" I asked, not trying very hard to hold back my tears.
"OK aunty, I will. Don't cry… We'll see each other at Christmas" she sounded a little choked up too.
"Yeah, you're right…" I kissed her on the forehead and then stood up to face Victoria as Charlie went to hug Jasper too.
"See you at Christmas" she said stiffly.
"Right. And happy birthday in advance"
She cleared her throat a little. "Happy birthday in advance" she turned to look up at Jasper. "Goodbye"
"Bye" Jasper responded curtly and stepped back so they could open the door and leave. I looked at them walk across the lawn to the sidewalk and disappear behind Lorelai. I let out a long sigh and leaned against the door frame.
"Fucking hell, I need a cigarette" I said with feeling as my shoulders dropped down a level.
1 Att det ska vara så jävla svårt! = an exclamation of frustration, sort of like 'why does everything have to be so fucking difficult!'
2 Men ansträng dig! = approximately 'put your back into it!' or 'try harder!'
3 Förlåt, älskling… Förlåt mig, hjärtat… = 'I'm sorry, darling... Forgive me, my precious'
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