Chapter 48- Heavy Metal
Sorry if my Authors notes have bad grammar, I basically see them as me talking to you all so I don't really focus too much on how well it sounds. I just type what I think to say and fix minimal errors as I write it. I hope you all don't mind.
To the Guest reviewer who tried to troll me with the "fun fact" good job man you almost got me, halfway through explaining what actually happened I realized you were trolling.
Also please feel free to argue with me about seasons 15 and 16 of RvB. Someone pmed me and argued that seasons 15 and 16 weren't that bad. While I wholeheartedly disagreed with him and said so in my curse filled rant about how terrible the two seasons were as I have since watched season 16 I do hope people realize they can argue with me and hate my opinions with a passion and I can be the same back to them. But I want people to know that while I can hate your opinion and say your opinion is stupid like I said to this guy who pmed me, I will not think you're stupid or hate you for an opinion.
So yeah you can argue with me in pm's about the show or if you're a guest give your opinion on the show. I for one thing season 15 and 16 are terrible for many many many many reasons. I also found out that EruptionFang reviewed season 16 of RvB and he said things that I didnmt even think about or notice. Like the wrong characters making jokes, and stuff like genkins making a joke about Sister being a hussie even though he has never met her, and has never even heard of her. Meaning he knows nothing about her and the joke was just given to a random character.
Anyway TLDR I hate seasons 15 and 16 but we can argue about them peacefully and with love. Also thanks for the support and Enjoy!
—
"Heavy Metal" appeared on the screen with the theme music.
"I don't like Heavy metal." Ruby commented.
"Me neither." Jaune said.
"I can't stand the one guy screaming over the sound of the music." Yang added.
"It sounds ridiculous." Weiss said.
"Some Heavy metal is good but if they have that one guy screaming its terrible." Blake said.
"I didn't think you would like heavy metal." Yang said.
"I don't, I just listened to all kinds of music to find what I liked." Blake explained.
"I thought the screaming was only for death metal?" Nora asked. "Is it Ren?"
"I don't know, rock is my least favorite kind of music." Ren explained.
"It's the best kind." Yang said.
Sarge talking to various dirtbags
Sarge: "Okay, listen up dirtbags. If we're gonna invade this fortress, we need a good gameplan. I have got two options we can use."
"I wonder if his plans are as good as ours." Ruby said to Jaune.
"Maybe, I wonder if he thought of things we didn't even consider." Jaune said.
Cut to a black and white re-enactment of Sarge's plan
Sarge: "Number one, we all run straight at the base in a single file line, screaming at the top of our lungs. The enemy will be so flabberghasted, by the time they have a chance to regroup, we'll already be inside."
"Well we definitely didn't think of that." Ruby said laughing.
"That plan would be terrible" Jaune said laughing with the others. "They would be shot at immediately."
Cut back to Sarge and the dirtbags
Tucker: "Oh yeah right, they're not gonna get surprised, they're just gonna start mowing us down."
"See?" Jaune said.
Sarge: "That's the inherent beauty of the single file line. They can only kill the person in front. So if we order from least important to most important, with Tucker being in the front and me being in the back, then we just might make it through."
"I'm surprised Grif isn't first." Yang said.
"Me too, Sarge hates Grif." Weiss added.
Simmons: "Don't you think Caboose should be in the back, since he's the one carrying the bomb?"
"Thats true." Blake said.
"Sarge probably put himself in the back to save himself." Ren said.
Sarge: "Nope, Caboose is in front of me. We need someone in back who can objectively evaluate how the plan is working."
"No matter what it would work terribly." Weiss chuckled.
Tucker: "How're you gonna know if it's not working?"
Sarge: "If Caboose dies, I'll know we're in trouble, and immediately abort."
"He'll be the only one left." Pyrrha said.
Caboose: (holding the bomb) "I think that's a good plan."
Grif: "Sarge, while that's the most retarded idea I've ever heard, I just wanted to thank you for not putting me in front of the line."
Nora, Jaune, and Yang snickered.
"Oh here we go." Weiss said smiling.
Sarge: "Don't get misty, Francine. We'll have already killed you and used your corpse to jam up the windmill."
Cut to a black and white re-enactment of Grif's lifeless corpse riding up on the windmill
Grif's lifeless corpse: "Bleah!"
"It's working perfectly!" Yang said sarcastically.
Cut back to Sarge addressing the audience
Sarge: "I think we can all agree given our current situation, it's the perfect plan."
Everyone: "..."
Sarge: "Okay, well let me tell you about my other plan. Using parts from the Warthog-"
Grif: (to Tex) "I'm hoping you've got a better idea."
"Tex is awesome! I bet she'll have a good plan." Nora said.
Sarge: (under Grif's line) "we build what I like to call "The Grif Cannon.""
"Ren! It's like my plan, the Nora Canon!" Nora shouted happily.
Ren groaned.
"What plan is this?" Jaune asked.
"You charge me up with electricity and then launch me straight at the enemy!" Nora shouted with an evil grin.
Jaune thought about it for a moment.
"That could actually work." Jaune said surprised.
Grif: "Hoh man..."
Sarge: "Utilizing the power of the Grif Cannon, we make a Grif-sized hole in the outer wall. ...Or we paint it a very disgusting color."
"I suspect this plan is to just get rid of Grif." Blake said.
Yang laughed. "I think you're right"
Cut to O'Malley ranting about something
O'Malley: "Hahaha, fools. They don't stand a chance against us, hahaha. Do they men."
Lopez: "No. Los macho comer os."
Caption: No. We will crush them.
Red Zealot: "The Flag is on our side. We will be victorious!"
"Do they even have a flag?" Ruby asked.
O'Malley: "Stupendous! To your battle stations, on to crushing victory! The fools don't stand a chance against our might! Muahahaa."
Red Zealot and Lopez: "..."
O'Malley: "What're you still doing there?"
"Well Lopez can't walk." Nora answered for O'Malley.
Red Zealot: "I forget. Which battle station is mine? I'm still learning my way around the fortress."
Lopez: "Necesito a llega mí llevo. No tengo ningún torso."
Caption: I need someone to carry me. I have no torso.
Cut to Sarge on a ramp, talking over radio sounds for a bit
Sarge: "Okay, is everyone ready? Donut, Caboose and I will move the bomb down the staircase and along the left side of the base."
"Are they on the first wall?" Ruby asked.
"Yeah looks like it." Jaune answered.
Caboose: (holding the bomb and talking as if he's in labor) "Please hurry, I don't know how much longer I can talk like this."
Donut: "Man that does look heavy. You really should consider wearing some kind of supportive undergarment."
"How would that help?" Ruby asked.
"Oh supportive undergarments help plenty." Yang said proud of her quick wit for great/annoying jokes.
Blake, Pyrrha, And Nora silently agreed.
Ruby and Weiss groaned for...slightly obvious reason.
"Thats not what I meant!" Ruby said angrily.
Jaune sighed, growing used to Yang's sense of humor but he still couldn't resist the blush. Ren of course knew how to keep a straight face and not glance over.
Caboose: "U-no thanks. I can do it."
Donut: "Come on now, don't be shy. You can borrow one of mine! I'm thinking something with lace. Lace is totally in right now!"
"Blake certainly thinks so." Yang said looking at her outfit.
"It looks great!" Nora added.
Blake smiled lightly. "Thanks Nora."
Cut to a random sniper rifle
Tucker: "Ooh, sniper rifle!"
Tex: (taking it) "I got it."
Tucker: "Fuck."
Everyone chuckled.
"I wonder if he got a sniper rifle if he'd be better than Church." Ruby said.
"Dad was always terrible with long range stuff." Yang commented.
"Oh yeah, I keep forgetting he sounds like your dad." Jaune said.
"That's because you never met him." Yang said.
"I still barely hear Doctor Oobleck in Caboose, but I do hear Professor Goodwitch in Tex clearly." Weiss said.
"It's weird right?" Nora asked. "And super cool!"
"Yeah." Jaune agreed.
Cut to Simmons and Grif doing something
Simmons: "Copy that Sarge."
Sarge: "Simmons, you and the two bullet magnets move up the right side and try to cause some kind of distraction."
"What a great leader calling his troops bullet magnets." Weiss said sarcastically.
Yang and Nora were too busy laughing to notice her comment.
Simmons: "Any suggestions?"
Sarge: "As long as it draws their fire away from us and towards you I don't care."
"His plans always consist of bullet magnets." Blake commented.
Donut: "Try some dance moves! Oh! You could do a musical number!"
Sarge: "Get off the radio, Donut!"
Simmons: "Alright, looks like we're on our own guys. Tex, how does it look from up there?"
Pans up to Tex who's actually in a reasonable tactical position
"She's the only one who is actually good at being a soldier." Blake commented.
"I think the others could do well in time." Pyrrha said.
Tex: "I don't see any movement... but the guns are definitely online."
Tucker: "You know what, I miss the old days, when we didn't risk our lives, and you guys were all just a bunch of nameless assholes I would yell at with Church."
"Awee thats sweet." Yang commented.
"It reminds me of the first episodes." Jaune said.
"I know!" Ruby added.
Grif: "It's okay. We hate you too man."
Sarge: "Okay, let's move out!"
Cut to O'Malley looking down on them from his high vantage point in the fortress of EVIL!
O'Malley: "Huhah, here they come. Get ready."
"Uh oh." Jaune said. "They're gonna get on the turrets."
Cut to The Red Zealot taking up one of the turrets
Red Zealot: "Prepare to be cleansed, infidels!"
Cut to Lopez's head on the other turret
Lopez: "No los dejarán cruzar la frontera."
Caption: I will not let them cross the border.
"I feel like theres a joke there we don't understand." Yang said.
"Yeah me too." Jaune said.
"How is he going to shoot?" Weiss asked.
"Maybe the helmet is connected to the gun." Ruby suggested. "That would be cool!"
Cut to Simmons and the bullet magnets.
Simmons: "Alright, so far so good. Sarge, we are in position."
Cut to Sarge in front of a sign that says Camp Froman
Sarge: "Roger that. We are also in position. No sign of the enemy."
Donut: "Mahan, this is the easiest fortress invading mission, of all time."
"Is that really surprising?" Weiss asked.
"Yeah I agree, Tex alone could have taken out O'Malley with or without a bomb." Blake said.
Caboose: "Maybe for you, this thing is heavy, for me." (drops the bomb)
Caboose drops the enormously heavy bomb, drawing the Red Zealot's attention
Blake Cringed, she had been on enough stealth missions to work up that habit.
Sarge: "Careful with that thing, Caboose!"
Donut: "Uh... Sarge?"
Sarge: "You could blow us all to smithereens!"
Donut: "Sarge, I'm pretty sure that guy up there with the gun, sees us."
"Yeah he does." Ruby said.
Sarge: "You wanna blow people to smithereens, at least make sure Grif is nearby."
Donut: "Duck!"
Red Zealot opens fire
"Wow he sucks at aiming." Yang commented.
Sarge: "What the?"
Caboose: "A duck? Where? I love ducks."
Pyrrha laughed. "I'm really starting to like Caboose."
Sarge: "Get down, idiot."
Cut to Lopez somehow firing on the bullet magnets
"I think you were right Ruby." Yang said.
Grif: "We're under fire, Sarge we're under fire!"
Sarge: "Good! Now jump up and draw them off."
"Bad idea." Ruby said.
Tucker: "What'd he say?"
Grif: "He was breaking up. I think he said something about staying here, and not doing anything risky."
"Good idea." Jaune said laughing with Ruby.
Simmons: "Tex, see what you can do about that gun!"
Tex: "You got it."
Tex shoots the Lopez head off his gun
Tex: "Hyeah, headshot!"
Yang started laughing at the slight pun.
Her teammates groaned yet again.
This time Jaune and Nora joined in.
"Come on it's funny!" Yang argued.
"I admit, these puns are way better than yours." Blake said with a grin.
Weiss and Ruby laughed at Blakes joke while Yang glared at her in mock anger.
Grif: "Nice shooting, Tex."
Simmons: "Tucker. You and Tex head up across that bridge. Try to take out that other turret. We'll head in to the base and see if we can find O'Malley."
Tucker: "Why do I have to go up against a machine gun, and you guys get to go play hide and seek?"
"I love that game!" Nora yelled.
"Yeah! Yang is terrible at it!" Ruby said laughing.
"Awwe! Ren's too good." Nora said slightly disappointed.
"I'm great at Hide and seek!" Yang shouted angrily.
"Everytime we played outside you knocked trees down until you found me! Thats cheating!" Ruby said.
"No it's called strategy!" Yang defended.
Nora sighed. "Ren just meditates for a few minutes then gets up and finds me."
"I'm sensing your Aura and listening for your breathing." Ren said.
"Then maybe next time I will just hold my breath!" Nora said happily thinking of her plan.
Ren sighed but smiled at Nora.
Simmons: "The guy we're seeking has a rocket launcher."
Jaune laughed hard.
"What would you rather do?" Jaune asked after composing himself. "Look for a guy with a rocket launcher or go up against a machine gun?"
"Machine gun." Pyrrha answered. "I can use my semblance and jam the Turret."
"Cant you just stop the bullets?" Nora asked.
"No, I need to train with my semblance more though, that could be a goal of mine!" Pyrrha said happily.
"How would you train for that?" Jaune asked. "I don't think shooting at you would be a good idea."
Yang laughed at Jaunes unintended joke.
Tucker: "Oh, right. Uh, have fun doing that."
Cut to Sarge and co.
Sarge: "Caboose, we'll hold them off from up here. You take the bomb and try to sneak in the front of the base."
"Actually an ok plan." Jaune said.
Caboose: "Okay."
Donut: "Wow, Sarge. You actually decided to sacrifice yourself for someone else!"
"I knew Sarge would become a better leader." Pyrrha said.
Sarge: "Quiet Donut! I'm gonna need your help. When the turrets kill Caboose, I'm gonna need you to carry the bomb in to the base."
Pyrrha sighed while Yang laughed.
Cut to Tex and Tucker at the big windmill thing
Tex: "I can't see him from here. Let's move out."(runs across the fan)
Tucker: "Okay, but jus- (falls down behind the fan in the one awesome spot with the sword!) Whoahoa! Ah!"
"What kind of hole is that? It seems so random." Pyrrha commented.
Blake hummed in agreement suspiciously.
Tex: "Tucker! Are you okay?"
Tucker: "Yeah I'm okay, I dropped down in to some kind of hole. Can you give me a hand?"
Tex: "Oh. Let me take out this turret. I'll be back for you later."
"Mean." Blake commented.
Tucker: "What is that? Hoaho, what the hell is this?"
Cut to Simmons and Grif at the other giant fan thingie
"Ah what? We don't get to see?" Nora said sadly.
"I know!" Ruby complained.
Simmons: "Okay Grif, we just need to jump through here."
Grif: "Okay, go for it."
Simmons: "Me? Why me first?"
"Why is it a big deal?" Weiss asked.
"Yeah it's moving so slow." Yang said.
Grif: "Because, I don't wanna die?"
Simmons: "But this thing's moving super slow. See?"
Ten seconds later the fan blade goes by, complete with huge WHOOSH sound
Yang, Jaune, and Weiss laughed.
Grif: "Nice knowing you Simmons."
Cut to Sarge
Sarge: "No, shoot the guy with the bomb! You're ruining the plan!"
"Does he really expect the enemy to help with their plan?" Blake asked.
"Looks like it." Jaune said.
"He is right though! He is ruining the plan." Nora said.
Tex: "I'm pinned down, I need assistance!"
Tucker: "(arriving next to the Red Zealot) Hey asshole. (flips out the super badass energy key)
"Woah!" Everyone said surprised.
"What is that thing?" Ruby asked very interested in the weapon.
"It looks like a sword!" Jaune said amazed.
"It looks awesome!" Yang said.
"Quick! Ruby take a picture with Velvets camera!" Pyrrha said.
"Oh! Good idea!" Ruby said snapping a picture.
"Weiss, do you think Atlas can make a sword like that?" Jaune asked.
"probably, I can ask Winter about it." Weiss said.
"Please do! I would love a sword like that." Jaune said.
Red Zealot: "Heuh?"
Tucker steps forward and slices the Red Zealot in the groin, sending him flying off the base to land on the ground below, on his face, the entire time he was screaming in a really annoying comical voice.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!...ugh"
Red Zealot: "My quest is over... I can see the flag... It's so, flappy... Hegh-bleahhhh"
"Even in death he's a fanatic." Blake commented.
"Isn't that the whole point?" Jaune asked. "To believe you'll go somewhere."
Yang laughed. "Yeah."
"I believe we go somewhere or something happens to us other than nothingness." Ren said. "We would have to because of our souls and Aura."
Everyone nodded. "I can see that." Yang said.
"Sounds amazing." Pyrrha added.
Tex: "Hey, where'd you get that?"
Tucker: "I dunno, I found it in the hole. Pretty cool. Look what I can do. (swings it in the air)"
Tex: "Hey, you wanna trade it for the sniper rifle?"
Tucker: "No thanks, I'm good."
Everyone chuckled at that. "I wonder if they're going to do a bit where Church begs for the sword and Tucker gets mad at him for never letting him get the sniper." Jaune commented.
"I'm beginning to appreciate the innovative way they made this show." Pyrrha said. "I've been wondering, you three" Pyrrha said gesturing to Ruby, Yang, and Jaune. "What's your favorite video game?"
"Oh outerlands 2 for sure!" Ruby said. "The villain Good looking John made that game"
"Immortal Combat nine" Yang said. "We played that game all the time with Uncle Qrow! My favorite character was the Vale Police Force guy who got burned, he had the uhh Hook Scythe Sword things uhh Jabal!"
"What are those two games about?" Pyrrha asked.
"Outerlands 2 is about this evil corporation trying to get into a vault that has this massive alien monster in it, theres a lot more to it but its great, its a shooter looter." Ruby explained.
"Immortal Combat is a fighting game its...well I don't know the story that well but its awesome! You have a bunch of different characters who fight each other." Yang explained.
"And yours Jaune?" Pyrrha asked.
"Ninety Nine Days." Jaune said.
"Never heard of it, is it old?" Yang asked.
"Yeah, it wasn't that popular either but it was amazing, it kind of became a cult classic game. It's about this war between Humans and some other race, they're fighting over two orbs, one of Light one of Darkness. Honestly the story is pretty minimum as if it wasn't fully finished but the game feels like it's so much deeper because of the amazing soundtrack." Jaune explained.
"Thats interesting." Pyrrha said. "I want to try getting into video games."
"Oh you should! I can show you how to play the game, I always played as the blue knight, he was awesome most people didn't like him but I always thought he was the best character." Jaune explained.
"I look forward to it." Pyrrha said. "After this can you two also show me your games? They all sound very different and interesting."
"Sure." Ruby and Yang said.
Cut to Caboose wandering around aimlessly
Caboose: "X. I'm looking for an X. That, is a plus sign. Not an X. I need to find an X."
"That is an X just from another angle!" Weiss said.
Church: "(from nowhere) Hello? Caboose, is that you? Can you hear me?"
"What?"
"Huh?"
Everyone mumbled in confusion.
Caboose: "Church?"
"Does that mean he's not in the past?" Weiss asked hopefully.
"I don't know." Ren said.
"Play the next one lets see." Pyrrha said.
—-
Having the genres of music be different from RWBY to our universe would be ridiculous in my opinion. Thats why I had them talk about it, just to explain why its in there.
—Link Dump—
Outerlands 2 =Borderlands 2
Immortal Combat 9= Mortal Kombat 9
Ninety Nine days= Ninety Nine Nights
By the way with Ninety Nine Nights I just wanted to say that no, I actually hated Aspharr, DwingVatt all the way, him or Inphyy. I know I talked about the game before but I'm still curious, has anyone ever played that game? First game I ever played and goddamn I still love it. If it wasn't the first game I ever played I probably wouldn't have liked it as much but still.
