A Burning Sky

The next morning, I found my brother in the stables. He was repairing a tear in his saddle, seemingly focused on that task. I watched him work, remembering the countless times I had seen those very hands stitch together the knights. My knowledge in healing came from working at Grent's, but his seemed to be more than just needing it to be a knight. I never made the connection between Dagonet and our mother, who was the healer for our village, until now. He must have picked it up from her before he was taken.

When I approached him, Dagonet didn't even show that he had heard me. The only sign that told me he knew I was there was the smallest twitch in his hands while he worked, one that wasn't fluid nor right with the repair he was doing.

"Do you remember when mother had to stitch up my leg, when I tripped down that hill and snagged it on a stone?" Dagonet glanced over as I spoke but did not stop his movements nor look at me fully.

"She made you hold onto me because I wouldn't stop moving. You wrapped your arms around me shoulders and held me to you and talked to me, shifting my focus from the pain in my leg to the story you were telling me. You were always the one that could calm me down and make me forget about the pain. Even after you were gone, when I didn't know if you were dead or alive, I would tell myself a story to forget the pain." I had moved around my brother and wrapped my arms around his shoulders while I spoke.

"You always wanted to protect me Dagonet. From anything that could go wrong, any pain that I could feel." Releasing my brother's shoulders, I moved to stand beside him. He finally stopped working on the saddle and turned to face me fully. His eyes moved over my face and then down to my neck. The bruising was almost gone, but there was still discoloration that told of what had happened. I watched his face tighten as he stared at the marks, remembering what could have happened.

"Even as a child, you were always getting into trouble. Tripping down that hill, falling into the frozen spring, the time that the horse almost trampled over you." My luck at always being injured seemed to carry over through childhood to now.

Dagonet stood up, causing me to take a step back so that he wouldn't knock into me, and then wrapped his arms around me. For some reason, though it had been months ago and the circumstances were so different, I was reminded of the first hug I had shared with Dagonet when they had found me. Dagonet had thought he had lost me again.

"What will happen to the man that poisoned me?" Dagonet released me and moved to sit back down again, though not returning to the saddle infront of him. Instead he focused on me, his hands fisted and resting on his knees.

"He refused to tell us his reason for poisoning you. We tried every manner of persuasion to no avail. Arthur went to speak to him again when we arrived yesterday and found him dead. Self inflicted wounds." There could be any number of ways that he could have gotten a weapon with which to end his life. I was only glad that he had not come into the weapon when I had visited.

"So now we'll never know why he did it?" Dagonet nodded stiffly, not liking the idea any more than I did. If he was working for someone, they might try again. If he was doing it for his own reasons, than it was over. I didn't want to have to spend the rest of my life, or the next year and a half, looking over my shoulder.

With everything going on, I was a very skittish. The sound that came, a wooshing sound, caused me to jump sideways and fall into the table next to Dagonet. It didn't tip over, thankfully, but it swayed a bit. Dagonet was fighting back a smile at my reaction as he pointed to the stall door near us. Perched on top of it was Hawk, her head cocked to the side as she peered down at us.

Remembering the last time I let her rest on my arm, I grabbed a cloth from Dagonet and draped it over my arm before lifting it. Hawk leaned forward and then jumped down. The cloth wasn't very thick and I could feel her claws, but I was confident that they wouldn't cut into the skin this time.

Dagonet was watching us curiously, not having known that I was close to the bird now as well. He laughed and turned back to the saddle. Running a calming finger down Hawk's back, I started towards the back end of the stables and headed through the fort towards the wall. The looks that I got, walking around with a bird of prey on my arm, had me holding in laughter. Hawk seemed to be enjoying the walk for she didn't try to fly away, simply moved around if I was jostled about and pick at my finger the few times I stopped petting her during the walk.

When I reached the open space, outside of the wall, I sat down. The quick movement jostled the bird and she let go of my arm before fluttering back down.

"You are very well behaved, aren't you?" She made a movement that I decided was her nodding and I ran my hand over her again. Instead of talking to her, like I had the last time I had her like this, I simply ran my hand over her feathers and watched the wind blow the grass and trees in the distance. Hawk was content in letting me do so, nipping at my fingers if I stopped and every now and then, moving so that I could pet her in a different spot.

We sat like that for a while before she made a sound and turned to face behind us. I turned a little but could not see what would draw her attention. A few minutes later there was a shadow passing over us. Hawk gave a caw and lunged up. I turned around the moment her claws were off my arm, not knowing what the expect, and smiled up at Tristan. Hawk was perched on his arm, feeding her small bits of meat with his free hand.

"How did she know you were near?" He moved to sit beside me, Hawk not fluttering the way she had with me, and handed me a piece of the meat. Was he offering for me to feed her or answering my question?

We sat in silence after I fed her, taking turns running our fingers over her feathers. Although I hadn't seen him since our talk last night, it didn't seem strange between us. He didn't say the words but I was not afraid that he did not feel them.

"Your attacker took his life." I glanced up at Tristan, ripped from my happy thoughts of us together by that reminder.

"I know. Dagonet told me earlier."

"You need to be careful for a while. We wouldn't want something to happen to you." I raised my hand and ran it over his cheek, letting my thumb caress over the markings there, and smiled as he leaned into my hand.

"I promise."

Time started to move forward again, faster than I had been expecting. The knights returned to the routine of sparring and preparing for missions, and actually going on missions. Vanora took it upon herself to take care of me, bringing me back to life almost. Soon my clothes fit again instead of being so loose on me, and my energy had returned. Slowly I was allowed to join the knights in sparring matches. And slowly, they stopped holding back.

Somehow, months passed. Seven months turned into ten months at the wall so quickly. The knights now had a year and two months, for they were definitely counting, left on their contracts.

The three months that passed had left me a little more confident with myself. So much that had happened had taken my confidence from me and left me shaken. It slowly became evident that I was more of myself though in the way that I would joke with Lancelot, the times that I laughed so loudly with Gawain and Galahad that even Bors was put to shame, how often I would grab one of Bors and Vanora's children to go play in the fields, telling stories from Dagonet and my past, or just grabbing Tristan in the middle of the crowded tavern for a kiss.

Arthur had cornered me one night after I left the tavern, still laughing from the way Bors and Lancelot had tried to pick on Tristan when I had kissed him before leaving. His words had been simple and honest and had given me the last push that I needed.

"You seem so much happier Irissa, so much stronger than before. I was wondering if you would like to be able to come with the knights on missions again."

Those words had meant so much to me, his belief that I was ready for it again after having been pulled out of them because I was too emotionally invested making me almost skip back to my room. It was there, however, that it all seemed to hit me full force.

Going back on these missions would mean so much to me, would give me a sense of helping, but it would mean being in the same position as I had been in. Would I be able to handle it this time if one of the knights was hurt? Would I lose control like I had after my brother had been injured? Instead of answering that question, I made my way down the hall to my brother's door. I only had to knock three times before he answered.

Dagonet had been in the middle of cleaning his sword when I knocked. As I walked in, he had started to clean it again once he sat down.

"You missed an interesting night in the tavern." Dagonet looked up at me and smiled.

"Most nights there are interesting. What did Lancelot do this time?" I filled him in on the events in the tavern quickly, earning a few laughs for my efforts. Without a transition though, I jumped straight into the reason I was here.

"Arthur asked if I wanted to begin going on missions again." Dagonet stopped cleaning his sword for a mere few seconds before continuing.

"He approached me about it as well." I moved to sit next to him, picking up the ax that he sometimes used and running a cloth over the edge of it.

"What do you think? And do not tell me that it is my decision. I want to know what you think of this." Dagonet stopped cleaning his sword and placed it beside him. After a moment, he grabbed the ax from me and placed it next to the sword on his other side. We stayed that way, staring at one another with nothing else to occupy our minds until he finally spoke.

"The thought of losing you is constantly on my mind. I know you and I know how good of a knight you are. I think you should accept Arthur's request on this. He will have final say on which missions you are to go on, you will have to listen to us if we tell you to save yourself, and you will always put your life above any of the others at risk. However, it is your decision." The last bit was made to make me laugh, which it did. I wrapped my arms around my brother and sighed heavily into his shoulder.

"I worry more when I'm here and you're out there you know." He nodded and pressed a kiss to my forehead before using my shoulders to pull me away. From the small distance, I saw the smile slowly leave his face.

"You should probably tell Tristan before we are called for a mission and he sees you preparing with us." Tristan was the one I was worried about more than my brother. How would he react to hearing that I was allowed on missions again?

After telling my brother goodnight, I made my way towards Tristan's room and knocked on the door softly. I wasn't sure if he was even in there, nor was I certain how I could find him if he wasn't. I was saved in thinking more on it when the door opened to reveal Tristan preparing for sleep.

"Is something wrong?" I shook my head lightly, though I wasn't sure if that was entirely true. He opened the door more and I stepped in, watching him shut the door behind me. Once he turned around, he stood and watched me. It was something he had become very good at, staring me down until I finally broke and would tell him what I was thinking. Whether or not he knew he was doing it, it worked.

"I spoke to Arthur. He thinks I'm ready to be on the missions again." Tristan's expression was neutral as he moved forward and started to remove the top parts of his clothing. Knowing that I was there, he would not do anything to compromise me, but I had a feeling that he just needed to be doing something during this conversation.

"And do you think you are ready?" After he had removed all but his shirt and pants, I moved forward and grabbed his arm and turned him to face me. He crossed his arms over his chest as he waited for my answer.

"I do. I want to at least try. If I think that I can't handle it, I will be the first to say so. I spoke to Dagonet and he trusts me. I just... I want to ... I need to know if you're fine with this." I wasn't going to let whatever his answer was decide whether or not I actually went through with this. I just wanted to know what to expect.

Tristan reached up and pressed his hand against my neck and then wrapped his other arm around my waist and pulled me into him. The hand on my neck moved just enough that I lifted my head last second so that our lips touched. It was no more heated than the kiss I had given him before I left the tavern earlier.

"I want you safe." He wasn't telling me that he was fine with my returning to the missions, but I took it as his approval. With one last kiss, I made my way to my room and changed into my night clothes before curling up under my blankets and resting my mind.

Things were going back to normal, finally.


A/N: Not going to lie, I really don't know how I feel about this chapter. To me, everyone was out of character, even Irissa. Let me know what you're thinking on this chapter. And don't pull your punches, lemme know what you REALLY think. Please.
I've got the next chapter on the cutting board but depending on the feedback I get, I might delete and re-write this chapter. So let me know.
Thank you to my readers/reviewers/alerters/favoriters, as always. You guys are totally amazing.

Also, I'm compiling a list of questions (either about myself or about this story or my other story/ies) to turn into a Fact page at the end of this story. If you have any questions, please send them in a review or message. It can be anything from my thought process for the story to my favorite pizza topping, I don't care. All of them will be put on the Fact page. It will kind of be a documentation of our journey together through this story. Thank you kindly!

Sneak Peak at the next chapter:

"I've been looking for you." I stopped moving, the voice having caught me off guard. I hadn't heard anyone approach. And the voice was so familiar to me, though definitely Roman. I turned around slowly, readying myself for whatever might come.

"You!"