Realization

Sivanna felt hot, so very hot. She blinked rapidly, willing her eyes to focus ever so slowly. She was in a bed somewhere, her fingers tangled in the sheets. A sheen of sweat clung to her face and neck, cold on her skin. Her heart slammed in her chest, she needed to move. She must make it back to Jorrvaskr and warn the others. The she-wolf sat up quickly, only to fall back, faint.

"Stay down, I'll not have you hurting yourself.", Sivanna turned to see Vilkas standing beside her, a strange look on his face. Was that... relief?

"Vilkas?", she asked, her voice hoarse. Why was he here? Part of her was delighted to see Vilkas, and yet she felt abashed at the thought of facing him again.

"What in Oblivion were you thinking?", he asked. "Are you so craven that you would abandon your pack?"

Sivanna's brows furrowed as she looked away, full of shame. She sat up, wrapping her arms around her knees. Her entire being was so very sore, her body felt so very weak. Still, she had to do this. "Vilkas... I nearly told a secret that was not only my own."

"That matters not," Vilkas replied. "My duty is to decide what must be done, not yours."

"Worry not, I will leave as soon as I am able." she said quietly, "Yet I must warn you, and the others. The dark brotherhood knows I was in Whiterun, they will be coming for me."

Vilkas shook his head with a sigh. "That, I already knew."

"But how?" Sivanna asked. How could he know, there was no one else anywhere near her when she encountered the assassin, she was sure of it. She doubted he would have come alone, there had to be more of them on the way. Where were they? There was no telling how close the assassins were to Jorrvaskr even now.

"Sivanna," he said, giving her a look. "Farkas and I brought you home. Their stench was all over you."

She remembered the strange man clad in black and red. She began shivering, her breathing erratic. That man, no, that monster had been aroused by inflicting pain on her. He had the smell of desire about him as he had slashed at her. The memory filled her with horror. Tears of fear betrayed her, brimming and spilling. She couldn't force herself to think of what that man would have done if she hadn't...

"Sivanna.", Vilkas said, sitting next to her on the bed. "Still yourself." The alpha put his arms around her, resting his face next to hers. The smell of cloves and wolf filled her nose, and she breathed deep, trying desperately to focus only on his scent. Sivanna still shivered, but her mind was more calm than before, calm enough to continue.

"Vilkas, forgive me. I brought danger to your home. I implore you, warn the pack. I must leave. The assassins will follow, I'm sure of it. They have less quarrel with..."

"Damn it, Sivanna." Vilkas burst, his grip around her tightening. "Enough of that! Did I not say that I would decide what must be done?"

"I cannot stay...", Sivanna started.

"You can and you will, that is my order." Vilkas said, she could hear the finality in his voice. "What makes you think that you could face those murderers alone?" He asked.

Sivanna shook her head slightly. "I would not. I would do what I have always done, what I do best. Run."

Vilkas took her face in his hands forcing her to look at him. His breath tickled her skin as he spoke. "No more running. I'll not have you act a craven. We both know better."

"You're wrong!" Sivanna cried. "That man... that monster..." She pulled away from him, fresh tears wetting her cheeks. "He wanted..." she shivered again. "He toyed with me, and I could smell... he wanted to... to..." The words stuck in her throat, and try as she may, she couldn't dislodge them.

"He is gone now, he cannot hurt you." Vilkas said, brushing away her tears.

"He already has." Sivanna whispered. She felt so... filthy. He would have done unspeakable things to her, but she had taken his life. She had never killed a man before, always it was prey that she felled. Even then it was always for survival, and perhaps this time it had been too, but why then did it feel so different?

"You must stay, Sivanna. Our strength is the pack, lone wolves never last. You know that better than most." Vilkas said, pulling her against his chest. She rested there, relishing in the warmth of his embrace.

"I will lead the pack to hunt those murderers down." Vilkas said reassuringly. Sivanna went cold, they could not! They would surely perish!

"No!" Sivanna cried. "You mustn't!" She turned, hands on his shoulders, trying her best to look commanding.

Vilkas said nothing, but his eyes flashed amber at her tone. "Do not dare to provoke them for my sake, I won't stand for it.", she commanded.

The alpha let out a bark of a laugh. "I would go even if I had never found you, regardless. Arnbjorn has been living on borrowed time, no longer."

"Surely the pack will not agree?" Sivanna asked with rising panic.

"Of course they have. Eagerly so, in fact. Worry not, Tilma will care for you in my absence." Vilkas said.

Sivanna dug her fingers into his shoulders, she could feel her eyes bleeding into that beasty gold color once again. "No."

"You dare to give your alpha an order?" Vilkas asked, his scowl returning.

"I cannot let you put the pack in danger. I will not be left behind. Was it not you who said our strength is the pack? I am pack, I will go." Sivanna growled. She wanted nothing more than to run, to forget what had happened with Arnbjorn and the other assassin... yet she would not let the pack fight her battles. No matter what Vilkas said, she knew that at least in part, he wanted revenge for Sivanna. She could see it in his storming silver eyes. The pack was her family, not quite the way she had imagined, but family all the same. It was then that she realized, she couldn't leave Whiterun behind. She had made a mistake, but the pack knew she could have lost control at any time. From the moment they took her in, it was a possibility. Even Vilkas had said he wanted her to stay.

"Stubborn." Vilkas cursed, but his eyes betrayed him as he tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear. He seemed... proud. "Tilma will want to know that you're awake." he said.

Neither of them moved. Sivanna was still atop Vilkas, one of his hands resting on her waist. In the quiet, she could her both of their hearts beating. Sivanna's was still erratic and restless, yet Vilkas's normally steady rhythm was picking up speed. She never took her eyes from his, willing herself to think of nothing else. It was easier that way, if she could focus on him, she might escape her nightmarish memories.

"Vilkas..." Sivanna started. She wanted to ask his forgiveness, but she feared that if she said anything it would break this comfortably peaceful moment. If only she could lay with him, just to feel his warmth and the safety of his embrace.

"Aye?", Vilkas's voice was quiet, breathy. Sivanna had a suspicious felling that perhaps he felt the same way, but that couldn't be so. She was projecting, surely. The she-wolf opened her mouth to continue, but the words were lost to her. Sivanna shook her head, looking away from him. They held the silence for a time, the only sound to be heard were their own heartbeats. Suddenly, Vilkas cleared his throat, startling Sivanna.

"What happened that night?" Vilkas asked.

Sivanna met his gaze, expecting to see anger or disappointment, but she found none. "The music woke me, after you left." She let out a sigh, "I came to the feast, everyone was dancing and I... I couldn't watch you, with her."

He pursed his lips, brows furrowed. "Her?"

Sivanna shot him a look. "Ria."

"Ria, right." Vilkas amended. "What of her?"

Sivanna groaned, lifting herself from his lap to sit on the bed. He raised an arm toward her as she left, but lowered it at the look on her face. "The dance." she said simply. "She chose you, and from what I understand, that was a lover's dance."

"So, that's why you... I was..." Vilkas stammered, bringing a hand to his face. He took a deep breath, turning his silver eyes to her again. "I upset you, and you lost yourself."

Sivanna cocked her head at him. Vilkas seemed so surprised, completely caught off guard. He had rebuked her earlier that evening, but it had not hurt until she had seen him with Ria. Sivanna knew what she wanted, who she wanted, but there was always something in the way. Now, Ria had Vilkas and Sivanna never had the chance to explain anything.

"Sivanna, Ria is not..." Vilkas began, but the door burst open. Farkas came barreling in, surprise and delight evident on his face.

He snatched her from the bed and held her close."Sivanna! You've finally come home!"