Audrey and Mara sat in the back seat of the Land Rover with Alec on the other side, Ren in the middle in her rear-facing carseat. They hadn't had cars when Mara had Alec, and she'd been reading so much about carseat safety with Audrey that she'd gotten a little obsessive about it. Audrey had seen enough car accident scenes that the two women just fed off each other. They'd already warned Nathan and Duke more than once that they wanted Ren to stay rear-facing for at least the first year, but preferably to the height and weight limits of the seat.
Alec found the Land Rover- all cars, for that matter- tremendously fascinating. Of all the things that had changed since his life had ended, so far cars were his very favorite.
They wondered what he would think of his first airplane trip.
Nathan and Duke argued about radio stations, sports and anything else they could think of, and it amused Audrey and Mara. Even Alec rolled his eyes at one point. "Amma, do all daddies argue so much? Mama would have made me take a nap if I argued that much."
Audrey snorted and the men quit bickering. "Not all daddies argue so much, no. But then, not all daddies love so much, either. Some families only have one daddy. There are all kinds of different families and all of them act differently. What's important is that we have the best family for us, and that everyone in our family knows how much we love each other."
The boy smiled brightly. "I love Daddy and Abba and Mama and Ren and Duo and Gran and Grandma and Dwight and Lizzy and Jacob and Vince and Dave and Echo and you, Amma. That's a lot of people to love all at once! We didn't have that many people before. I love other people too, the ones who I knew but didn't stay, but I thought the list might get too long if I said all the people who've gone away."
Audrey grinned at Duke and Nathan in the rear view mirror. "Yeah? That is a lot of people. I didn't have that many people when I was a kid. Do you have a lot of people you love who aren't around anymore?"
He nodded seriously. "I loved Papa James and brother James, I love Jennifer and Claire and Granddaddy and Poppy. Those are my favorite ones who went away."
Audrey tilted her head quizzically. "Who are 'Granddaddy and Poppy'?"
"Granddaddy Roy. He didn't go through the door, but he's come to visit a few times from the places he goes to. Last time he came was when you and Mama got split in two. Everyone was so worried, but Granddaddy laughed and said 'I know that look, the kid is head over heels' and then he told me that Daddy was giving Mama the look you get when you meet the woman you're gonna marry."
Duke's voice was awed as he said, "You met Roy? Did you talk to Simon?"
"I met him, but not for very long. He was sad and he said he loved you but didn't know how to make up for stuff he did before. Jacob talked to him a lot and he told me some stories before he went through the door. Like about the bird you saved. He said you were born knowing all the secrets in the universe."
"What bird, Duke?" Audrey asked gently.
"I- damn, I had totally forgotten. There was this seagull, I found it on the beach. It was young. Not like 'flightless baby' young, but not too long out of the nest. It had a broken wing and I snuck it into the house to try and take care of it. My dad found it and I thought I was going to get bea... er, I thought I was going to get in trouble. But Simon took me to the pet store and got all the stuff and he helped me splint the wing and helped me keep the bird fed and everything. After four months, we actually got to release him and he flew away. I never knew why he did that."
Alec piped up before anyone else could speak. "Simon said that the 'sky rat' was the first thing he'd seen you look hopeful about since your mommy went away."
"Thank you for telling me, buddy. That makes me feel really good. Who's 'Poppy' though?"
"Abba's daddy, Garland. He stayed with us for awhile, he was happy to get to understand the secret stuff. When he found out who Amma really was and about Mama and everything, he said it was perfect 'cause it would take two women in one body to compete with Daddy. I didn't understand, but he said it was 'cause Abba'd already loved Daddy for so long that the only woman who would be right for Abba would love Daddy too, he kept saying you were a 'package deal'."
Nathan's jaw was clenched, his eyes tight. Audrey wanted to hold him. They'd all known Garland had loved Nathan in his way, but there had been so little evidence. Garland had been quiet and reserved, always keeping his feelings tightly guarded. Getting to hear stories from someone who was too young and honest to embellish to make Nathan feel better was a rare opportunity.
"So my dad, you call him 'Poppy'?"
"He said I should. Is that okay? He said he called his grandpa 'Pop-Pop' but that 'Poppy' suited him better. Am I in trouble?"
Nathan shook his head quickly, wiping his eyes before he turned to ruffle Alec's hair over the back of the seat. "Of course you're not in trouble. It's really nice for me to hear these kinds of stories, because me and my dad didn't talk enough when he was alive. Sometimes the stories make me sad but it's only because I miss him and wish he was around still. I'm really glad you got to meet him. Did he ever say how he knew he'd be your grandfather?"
That small face wrinkled up in concentration. "He said you were already crazy about her, but after Poppy found out about me and Mama he said that you would never let her go and he said you were a 'goner' and a 'lucky dog' because he liked Mama back when they called her Lucy."
All the adults laughed as Duke pulled onto the dirt road, driving into a thickly wooded area. "Who wants to pick out a tree?"
"I do! I do!" Alec was bouncing in his booster seat, and Audrey started to reach over to unbuckle him when Duke made a warning sound at her, letting Nathan come around to unbuckle Alec as Duke opened the door to lean half on top of her as he unbuckled Ren, handing her to Audrey.
"You know the rules. Lifting, twisting, reaching and bending- you have to be careful how you move." Duke pressed a gentle kiss to her lips.
"I know, sorry. It's hard to remember when I don't feel it."
"So you really don't feel any pain at all?"
"No. Once in awhile if it gets too bad or she gets distracted I'll feel for a minute, but she always gets it hidden again really quickly."
"Can you feel other things?"
"I don't know, we should check."
Smiling, Duke leaned in and kissed Audrey slowly and thoroughly. He licked her lips as he backed up a few inches to look at her. "Did you feel that?"
"Not enough of it." She cuddled Ren close. "You can make it up to me later. Go find us a tree. And no doing anything that will be a bad influence." She reached for another kiss, and got one from Nathan too before their boys went to look at the trees around them.
'Alec is so good for them already.' Audrey remarked.
'You think so?'
'Of course I do, Mara. We can tell Nathan all day long that Garland loved him, but he still has doubts. He can't doubt Alec, because Alec cares too much about right and wrong and he has no reason to lie. Children are easier to trust about those kinds of issues.'
'I hope Nathan starts to believe. Garland loved Nathan so much. Every day of his life he loved Nathan. He just had no understanding of how to express it.'
Ren started to fuss, so they undid the snaps on one side of the nursing tank they were wearing and helped the little girl latch on.
'How long does it take to get used to the feeling of nursing?' Audrey asked.
'You mean the uncomfortable, shivery feeling you get when they start suckling and your milk starts flowing or the actual discomfort?'
'Both, but since you mentioned it, is the discomfort going to get worse? It's not so bad right now.'
'You'll adjust to the shivery feeling in a couple of weeks. There will be times when we get chapped nipples or her latch will be wrong and that hurts, but as long as we use the cream and pay attention to how she's doing, we should be fine. Just remember to switch sides regularly and make sure we nurse enough, even if we just have to pump, because we don't want to get mastitis.'
'How did you learn all of this the first time around, when you didn't have the internet or so many books?'
'I was still in contact with my father then. I'd already learned a lot just from my lessons- biology is mandatory for any kind of healer- so I had access to a lot of information, but most I learned from experience. You can study every book ever written, but you still have no idea what you're doing until you've actually done it. We're lucky, Ren is a good nurser already. I had some trouble with Alec, it took awhile for us to really get the hang of it. Probably because I was so young and I was still growing.'
'I keep forgetting how young you were when you had him. You were the equivalent of what- 13?'
'About that. Just past puberty. It wasn't that unusual at the time. Most girls married young then. My marital status was a bigger deal than my age. A widow with no family, no male relatives protecting her? It was really rare, more so than my age. Oh! Alec's test results are ready!'
Audrey watched the information with Mara, but she couldn't understand what she was seeing.
'What is this, how do you read this?'
'Oh, sorry. This is how scientific data is read where we come from. You have to understand binary code and be able to construct it in your head. It's like a test- you can never train to become an Occulus if you can't read their language. I should have translated it, sorry. To you, it should look like...'
There was a slight shift, then what looked like papers in front of her eyes, stock computer paper with color coding and tests laid out neatly.
'Wait, so that big wall of moving numbers, when you look at it it looks like this? Like I would get a report or a memo?'
'Yes. I started learning to read it almost from birth. It took time, but I eventually adapted. Now it's just automatic.'
'So what does it mean?'
'I need to check with Gloria for confirmation, but this indicates that there is no trace of William in Alec. That genetic markers for both Nathan and Duke are present. He did it, Audrey. Duke replaced William's DNA with his and Nathan's. He made Alec biologically all of ours.'
'I didn't really think that was possible. I thought we were just making ridiculous wishes.'
They looked at their boys, arguing about two trees with Alec in the middle trying to mediate. Their heart thumped erratically and they gasped, caught between laughter and tears.
'I did too. I thought even running the test was silly because there was no way that could happen. I thought maybe the eye color was some kind of mutation from being brought back. I hoped, I wished, but I certainly never expected.'
'Should we go stop their argument?'
They both knew they were supposed to wait in the car. But the ground was flat, Ren weighed less than ten pounds and they were really excited. They both wanted to go. So they slid out of the car, keeping a grip on the baby as they moved. Audrey wrapped an extra blanket around Ren and walked slowly to join the boys. They appeared to be arguing over two nearly identical trees.
"What's going on? Are you having trouble choosing?"
"Hey, I call shenanigans. Aren't you supposed to be sitting down?"
"What I was specifically told was to rest and not carry more than 10 pounds. I am not carrying more than 10 pounds."
Duke threw his hands up in the air. "See? This is what I deal with. Audrey is supposed to be the reasonable one. Just like Nate is supposed to be 'reasonable' but once again, nobody is doing what they're supposed to."
Alec giggled, covering his face with his mittens.
"What is Nathan being unreasonable about?"
Duke held up a finger, pursed his lips and then pointed at her. "Okay, check this out. Nate thinks this tree is perfect, when clearly this tree is much, much better Christmas Tree material."
Nathan shook his head. "That tree isn't full enough."
"No, your tree is too full. You have to have space for ornaments. You get a tree that full and you won't be able to fit any decorations. Audrey, help me out here!"
Tucking the blanket tighter around the baby, Audrey stood back to appraise both trees. She puckered her lips, squinting at the other trees around them and she walked to another tree about six feet away. "This one. It's full, but has lots of space because the branches are offset. It's also the perfect height for you guys to lift Alec to put the snowflake light on top."
Duke and Nathan looked at the tree in silent contemplation.
"Yeah, that looks pretty good." Nathan nodded agreeably.
Duke said "No complaints."
They started cutting as Alec gazed up in wonder. "How'd you do that? I tried to make them stop fighting a whole bunch of times!"
"The trick is finding something that has what they both want, never just choosing between the two options they give you. They grew up together, so a lot of time their fights are just a silly way of saying, 'I love you' because the words alone don't say how much they love each other. When they fight like that, it's like saying, 'I love you more than the whole world, and I trust you to love me back even when I'm acting super silly'. Does that make sense?"
Alec nodded. "It makes me laugh when they fight like that 'cause they aren't really yelling. Not angry yelling. They yell like they're trying not to laugh."
Audrey tousled Alec's hair. "You're right. Because they are trying not to laugh. They know when they're being silly- usually."
Nathan and Duke came up to them, carrying the tree together, and they strapped it to the top of the Land Rover under Audrey's guidance.
'Mara?'
'Hmm?'
'You're being awfully quiet. Are you alright?'
'Yeah.'
'Why are you speaking Nathan-ese?'
'Thinking how amazing life is. Every single day we're surrounded by miracles. Children are born perfect every day, people fall in love or get married or get Christmas Trees, never thinking how they've beaten the odds to get to where they are. Not appreciating how amazing it is that they've gotten so far.'
'That's true. Everyone is so busy looking ahead that they forget to look around. I know I did it.'
'Everyone does it sometimes. That's why we need to be reminded to stop and look around. We both grew up alone- even though those memories weren't exactly real, they were real to you. So your childhood was lonely, just like mine. We both kind of raised ourselves. That's why it's even more special that we've come so far.'
'I'm glad you're here to show us.'
Nathan left Duke to help Audrey back into the Land Rover, buckling Ren into her car seat. "You picked a good tree. How are you feeling?"
"We're alright. Mara's hurting, but we were just saying how good we have it. We really do have the perfect family."
He wound one hand into her hair and she leaned into the touch. "You are amazing. Most days I wake up and I'm so surprised you're there with me I can't breathe for a minute. You're strong and smart and beautiful, and I'm the luckiest guy who ever walked the earth."
She smirked at Nathan. "Oh yeah? You're not so bad yourself. And you've got Duke, too. If you're lucky to have me, what are you to have both of us?"
Nathan grinned, pretending to think really hard. "Compassionate, understanding, determined... no, really I just had to be good in bed." Little lines appeared around his eyes as his smile widened at Audrey's chuckle.
"Well you are that. But you're all the other things you said, too. It's nice, being a team. Being a couple was wonderful, but being a team is even better." She tilted her head and leaned up to kiss Nathan. His hand squeezed her neck and his other arm slid around her back. The kiss deepened, and Audrey pulled her head back, her lips occasionally touching his as she spoke.
"Nathan?"
"Uh-huh?"
"Are you wearing my lip gloss?"
He didn't move, trying to look cool but his cheeks burned red. "Chapstick. It's cold out here, and you two don't like it when my lips get chapped."
Nathan was saved as Duke opened the other door, interrupting as he helped Alec into his seat. "That's not chapstick, and worse it's not your color. I can't believe you, making out in the car when I'm out there in the snow, toiling away to ensure the safe transportation of our very first family Christmas tree. You know what you are, Nate? You're a blister. You show up after the hard work is done."
Nathan stared at Duke. "But safe transportation of special items used to be your primary source of income. You're the smuggler, I didn't want to get in your way." He backed up, poked his head up and leaned back in. "It looks fantastic, by the way. You're better at that than me. Even when I can feel I'm too clumsy."
Duke's shoulders drooped and he smiled a little, the fake-fight forgotten. "Thank you. You have to put the tree up the right way or else the branches can get damaged during the drive."
Nathan winked at Audrey and she bit her lip, trying to keep her laughter contained.
When they arrived back at the Rouge, Audrey carried Ren and called Duo out to help with the tree. Duke refused to let her walk all the way in, scooping her up and carrying her inside as Nathan followed, Alec asleep in his arms.
Once Audrey and the kids were settled, she fed the baby while she watched them wrestle the tree into the stand. After that, the real show started.
Nathan and Duke had turned arguing into a sport even as children. As adults, they applied it to everything they did together, from meals to work to sex. Putting up a Christmas Tree was no exception. Everything from which direction the lights should be strung- top to bottom or bottom to top, clockwise or counterclockwise, blinking or always on- it was discussed, debated and whined about.
It would have been irritating if she didn't know them so well, if she didn't know they did it to draw out the interaction. They wanted to share everything, they had years to make up for. It made the constant bickering feel more like hugging and kissing. They had their own language.
Alec was awake by the time they'd finished the lights, and he helped his fathers put the decorations on, staring constantly at the colored lights. Audrey and Mara took pictures.
'We never had electric lights, obviously. I can only imagine what it's like to see them for the first time.'
'Christmas was always kind of depressing when I was a kid. So much focus on family, it kind of drove home the fact that we had no families.'
'And now you have a big family. Feels strange, doesn't it?'
'What's strange is that I think I miss being pregnant. It feels like... like it was easier to protect Ren when she was inside us. Now it seems like a huge, scary responsibility. Like having your heart walking around outside your body.'
'It takes awhile to get used to. Every time you get used to one milestone, they're going for another, so you're always on edge. You're waiting to go into labor, then waiting to heal and for the anxiety to pass. Then you're waiting for them to roll over, sit up, crawl, walk, talk... the time passes very quickly because you're always looking ahead. I'd be happy to just freeze today forever. Here in this ship where we're safe, where he can't see the children.'
'How are you feeling? Is it time for the medication?'
'It's time. If I can keep my head, it's manageable. When I start getting anxious it all seems to spiral out of control.'
'Will you please just let me see how bad it is? I'm not forcing you to stay open. Just let me see.'
'I don't think that's a good idea.'
'I trust you. It's your turn to trust me.'
Audrey could feel Mara considering the request. 'Are you sure?'
The three words were laced with trepidation and dread. That alone made her want to feel, to understand what Mara was so afraid of.
'I'm positive. We're a team, remember?'
As Mara relaxed her hold, pain washed over Audrey, making her hold her breath. Audrey's mouth fell open and she grabbed the arm of the couch with her free hand, her body shifting slightly. As she moved, Audrey understood what Mara was trying to hide.
As much as her torso hurt, it was absolutely nothing next to her hips and pelvis. She could sense Mara's shame as the pain grew, leaving Audrey unshielded for the first time since they'd gone into labor.
'Why didn't you tell me? Mara, something could be broken.'
'Nothing is broken but the ribs. I'd know. It's soft tissue injury. Nothing we can do but wait it out.'
'Isn't it more strain for you to hide it from me? Mentally, at least? Maybe if you're not so focused on keeping me out of pain you can relax a little and we'll heal faster. At least I'd know I wasn't making it worse every time I move.'
'Why should you have to feel this? You're not the one who left us unprotected. This is my fault. My responsibility.'
'We're a team, Mara. We work together. I could have reminded you before we fell asleep- I forgot too.'
Audrey took the pain pills, trying to imagine why Mara was subjecting herself to this alone.
Mara hesitated, trying to find the words to explain what she was feeling.
'I've done my best to make up for the damage I caused to this town and everyone in it, but that doesn't change the fact that my existence is why everyone has suffered so much. William wouldn't be after you guys if it wasn't for me. It frustrates me that you have to feel the things I feel. I've gotten by for a long time on the fact that people are afraid of me, that they believe I'm strong. I don't like feeling weak, but I absolutely despise looking weak.'
'You're not weak. You're the strongest person I know.'
'I'll leave it partway open so you don't make anything worse when you move. Enough that the pain medication should leave you comfortable. Is that good?'
'It's a start, Mara.'
They were burping Ren when Duo came through the wall.
"Tree looks good, guys. You put the lights on backwards, though."
He winked at Audrey and Mara when Nathan said, "See? I told you!"
"Anyway, I have your surprise ready. You guys want to come check it out?"
Audrey stood, and Nathan frowned at her, coming to pick her up. "There's stairs and you're supposed to be off your feet."
She just shook her head and kissed his cheek.
They followed Duo down to the hold, and Audrey and Mara were stunned. While they'd been gone, Duo had taken Mara's drawings and rebuilt the entire hold. Light wood flooring and slate blue walls brightened up the hallway, and there were four doors. One bathroom with a deep tub, perfect for the kids- it even had a step stool in front of the sink so Alec could see himself when he brushed his teeth.
Ren's room was simple, but Duo had wrestled the crib set down and assembled the furniture, and they could imagine what it would look like with decorations. It was lovely and safe.
"Duo, this is amazing. You didn't have to do all of this by yourself! Thank you so, so much."
"I wanted to. I want everyone to be comfortable. But wait til you see Alec's room!" He hustled them across the hall, throwing open the room.
One side of the room had a fort with ladders, a raised platform held his mattress a few feet from the ceiling, while underneath a door led into a small play area. He had space on the other side of the room for a dresser and everything a regular bedroom needed, but the bed-fort was amazing, and Alec was already climbing. At the foot of the bed was a slide so Alec would climb up and slide down. The boy was in absolute heaven.
He peered at them from the top of his bed. "Look! I'm taller than everyone!" He scuttled over the bed and zipped down the slide. "Thank you, Duo! This is the very best present ever!"
Alec threw his arms around Duo's legs and the Aetherling blushed adorably. "Hey, that's what I'm here for, bud. If you want anything changed, we'll work on it together. Your parents can get you all the other stuff you need, I can only do the actual building. You want to come with us to see their room?"
"Does it have a slide too?"
"No, buddy. Sorry."
"Can I stay here and play or would that be rude?"
"Sure you can, it's not rude." Duke picked Alec up to hug him, then set him loose on his fort. "I'll go online tonight and order the rest of the stuff he needs. This is great though."
Nathan nodded. "You really outdid yourself."
"You haven't seen your room yet!"
He led them to the last door, pausing for effect before he let them in.
It was big, the wood of the floor was darker, the walls a richer blue, and had several light sources so they could make it as bright or as dim as they wanted to. There was a walk-in closet and a large bathroom with separate tub and shower.
Duke whooped loudly. "Three person bathtub! You really get us, man."
"Yes, I get that you're sexual deviants. That's why you have to live on a boat, because the neighbors would complain about the noise if you had any."
"Exactly! Like I said, you get us."
Audrey snorted a laugh, clapping her hand over her face. A year ago, everything had been so different. It was strange, confusing,infuriating, frightening and amazing.
It was a family.
