March 2/Wednesday/7:00 am

I pull a sweater over my cardigan and close up the café behind me. We're all meeting up at the Baratie to wish Sanji a happy birthday; he's turning twenty-two today and we agreed that we're going to storm Baratie and embarrass to hell out of him.

A sharp breeze tugs at my loose yellow sweater with a red star that has stiches running through it—when did I get a Criminal jacket? That brand is expensive, I usually stick to DOSKO1 PANDA, the knock-off of Doskoi Panda because it's dirt cheap and I'm poor.

Ah, it doesn't matter anyway, I'm wearing it and it's warm and that's all I care about. I grip my crutches more firmly and set off, the wind making goose pimples rise on my leg that's exposed to the elements. The other is kept nice and cozy thanks to Skanda.

I shamble my way to the fish-shaped restaurant to find my friends huddled outside of it behind some bushes, with early morning passerbys casting odd glances at them over their shoulders as they walk by.

"May! Good you're here, you're the last to arrive," Nami waves me over in a hushed voice.

Zoro looks critically at me.

"Is that my Criminal sweater that I've been missing."

"So, what's the plan?" I ask, ignoring him.

"Barge in and start yelling 'Happy Birthday'," Luffy says, as if revealing an intricately thought out master plan.

"Cool."

"May, is that my sweater."

"Well, now that we're all here, let's go!" I say, lifting a crutch into the air like it's a sabre and I'm a general leading troops to war.

"Stop ignoring me, damnit!"

"Goooo!"

With a loud cry, we burst through the doors, startling the waiters setting tables for the morning, and see Sanji among them, whom we immediately swarm.

"Gah! What the shi-!?"

"Happy Birthday, Sanji!" we yell and Luffy jumps onto the surprised man with a fierce hug and an explosion of cloth napkins, Nami, Robin, Usopp, Chopper, Franky, and Brook following, and since I'm lagging behind (you can only go so fast on crutches), I'm last to the group hug.

However, one of my crutches slips on a stray napkin Sanji dropped, making me barrel into Zoro (who didn't join the hug, the stupid stick-in-the-mud) and we both end up toppling the group over, me sitting on top of the pile.

"Hahaha, my bad, guys!"

"Get off me, you bastards! Except Nami-san and Robin-chan, you two are fine. And May-chan of course."

"Nope~!"

We remain piled on top of Sanji while he tries to wiggle and struggle his way out from under everyone and the other Baratie staff continues to set up the restaurant around us. However, he finally gets out of our clutches, gasping and wheezing for breath.

"You're all going to be the death of me," he says.

"Death by cuddling, sounds like an awesome way to go!" laughs Franky.

"Geez, you idiots…"

We grin at each other as Sanji covers his face and tries to keep his cool.

"Love you, too!"

"So, so! Sanji, what do you want to do today? We'll do something super special!" Luffy says, practically buzzing with happy energy.

"Well, if I had to request something special, I wouldn't mind being surrounded by Nami-san, Robin-chan, and May-chan in sexy bikinis-,"

"Yeah, not happening," Nami shoots him down instantly.

"In that case, just a nice dinner would be fine."

"Great! And afterwards, let's all get drunk at May's place!"

"When did that become a part of the plan?" I ask.

"It's settled then," Luffy nods, ending the discussion on that.

"Ahh, our little Sanji is becoming a man! Another year under his belt!" Brook smacks his shoulder with a hearty laugh.

"I remember when I was your age," says Luffy thoughtfully, a hand rubbing his chin as he reminisces.

"You're younger than me, you dumbass-"

The lights suddenly go off as Sanji pulls at Luffy's cheek and we're left in darkness.

"Oi! Who turned off the lights?!"

Confused yells and shouts (accompanied by percussive clanging of dropped metal items) pour out of the kitchen and I blink as my eyes adjust to the new lighting.

The door opens and morning sunlight spills into the restaurant, silhouetting a figure.

"Please excuse me! I'm delivering supplies to the Hungry-La, and I accidentally backed into your generator!"

A short man with a large nose stands before us, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly.

"And how are you going to pay for this?"

The man shrieks as Zeff appears at his elbow, a light under his chin illuminating his face in a scary way. His elaborately braided moustache looks particularly intimidating.

"M-My apologies, sir, of course I'll pay for the damages," he squeaks.

"Aw, this sucks," Chopper says as Zeff continues to frighten the poor guy and get his information, "It looks like you guys won't be able to open until you have the electricity back."

"Shit, I have to go help in the kitchen, we need to keep everything in the fridges cold, and damnit—I'll see you later, thank for stopping by," Sanji hurries through the double doors leading to the back.

Having nothing else to do and not wanting to get in the way, the nine of us step out into the biting wind; the Big-Nose Guy is leaving ahead of us, answering a call.

"Hello? Oh, Boss! Yeah, I ran the generator right over, just like you asked. These guys won't be able to do anything until they get power, and that'll be a couple hours at least. I made sure to discreetly put up some flyers for Hungry-La around the place, too."

We share a look; he hasn't realized that we've heard him.

"Yeah, they'll soon know who the real top dogs in Grand Line are. This Baratie place hasn't got anything on Hungry-La Gourmet Restaurant. Yes, I'll be over soon."

He hangs up and goes on, whistling happily.

I can tell by the look on everyone's faces that we're all thinking the same thing:

Those Hungry-La jerks are going down.

"May, it sounds like a high class restaurant, the kind that needs reservations," Nami says as soon as Big-Nose is out of sight, "Can you get us in?"

"Yeah. I think I know how to get us a table. How many?"

"All of us, of course," Luffy says firmly.

"Right. I'll text you guys details when I get an answer back. Until then."

We all nod seriously to each other and go our separate ways.

"Wait, May, give me back my sweater!"


10:00 am

"So, you got a reservation?" I ask, mixing frosting for Sanji's birthday cake and using my shoulder to keep the phone up to my ear.

"Yes, for six o'clock, under my name. I told them you're my guests of honor, but I'm busy so I won't be able to make it."

"Thank you, Iceburg, you are awesome," I smile even though he can't see it over the phone.

"Anything for my friends. I suppose being the Director of the Chamber of Commerce can come in handy sometimes even though it's such a pain."

"This isn't going to affect your position, is it? Showing favoritism or something like that?"

"Nma, even if it does, I'll pull some excuse out of my ass like how businesses that intentionally harbor negative relations and competition will be handled accordingly. And if that doesn't work, I'll just say that I felt like it."

"Still, you're incredible," I praise him, "What did you say the waiting list was to even get on the reservation list again?"

"Six months."

I whistle lowly.

"Sounds super pretentious."

"Yes, I've never cared for such places. Make sure to give them hell for being rude to Sanji-kun and Zeff-san."

"You got it. Tell everyone I say hi!"

"Sure. Everyone! May-san says 'hi'!"

"Hi, May!"

I hang up with a smile at the shouts of the Galley-La workers and send out a text to my friends.

'Six o'clock, meet at the café at three so we can get ready.'

My phone buzzes quickly with affirmations from my friends and I smile, already anticipating the chaos we're going to wreck.

Those idiots don't stand a chance against us.


2:45 pm

"And so, I jumped out the window, because obviously that's the only logical thing to do, and that's how I got Hufa Weituo Zuntian Pusa, and hey, you should sign him-"

I cut off from my recounting of my hospital visit to Mihawk when the door opens and the bell jingles; he sits with me at Nester, with his newspaper and coffee.

Well, it's more like he sat down and I then hobbled over to bug him with my company. Hey, it's been a while since we've sat down and chatted, and of course he needs to know about how my life has been recently. Unfortunately, he remains mum about his own day-to-day life that goes on outside of my café. But, we're working on it.

Anyway, the bell rings and Nami walks in with Zoro toting a large suitcase and several other smaller bags in his arms trailing behind her, their faces reading all business. Well, I'm going to assume that Zoro's face is serious too, I can't see it because the bags are blocking his face.

"Ah, sorry Mihawk, I'm going to have to close up early today," I say, getting up to catch the to-go cup Nami tosses to me and handing it over for him to pour his coffee into it, "But, definitely come back soon and sign Skanda."

"Skanda?"

"Yes, it's short for Hufa Weituo Zuntian Pusa."

"What."

"Enjoy the rest of your day!"

Zoro sets down all the bags on Quintin with a puff of effort; my table creaks under the weight.

"Alright, I have everything for everyone. I looked into it a bit more, and it's definitely a 'black tie optional' kind of place. Vivi's hooked us up with her chauffeur, so we'll be taking a limo there."

"Cool! So, what you got in there?" I ask, peeking into the bags curiously.

"Suits, ties, bow ties, dresses, bling, dress shoes and stilettos, the whole package," Nami lists off.

"Oh, but Nami, a dress with crutches and Skanda will look tacky. And I can't wear just one high heel, that'd be silly."

She laughs.

"Why do you think it's called 'black tie optional'? You're not wearing a dress tonight. Your comfort comes first to fashion. But don't worry, you won't be entirely informal," she pulls out some pieces of fabric and shakes them out to show me.

"They're perfect," I tell her seriously.

"What do I have?" Zoro asks, rooting around in the giant suitcase.

"Here," she throws a white shirt at him and a black tie, along with pants and shoes.

It's not long before the rest of my friends arrive and Nami picks out each of their outfits to wear out of the suitcase. And of course, they add their own personal flares.

"Zoro, you're going to wear that thing over your shirt still?"

"What? It keeps me warm."

"Zoro, you look like an occhan with your belly warmer."

"Piss off."

"Robin, let me do your make-up? Please?"

"If you'd like, Nami."

"Brook, you look awesome!"

"Thank you kindly, Luffy-san. I know that it is black tie, but I simply don't feel like myself without a cravat and a bit of color, yohohoho! Robin-san, I have an extra feather boa if you'd like to use it."

When we're ready to move out, we look like an impressive bunch: Luffy has a suit on (the pants legs are rolled up and he's wearing sandals and, of course, his straw hat), Zoro wears simply a white dress shirt with the sleeves rolled to his elbows and an untied tie hanging loosely around his neck (and his green haramaki around his waist), Nami is in an elegant floor length gown with a large slit up the side and a bow in the back, Robin as well wears a black dress with a fluffy blue feather boa, Usopp wears a white-collared shirt, black bowtie, and suspenders, Franky a black Hawaiian shirt with muted gold palm leaves decorating it (…and a black Speedo…and black thigh high socks), Chopper is the only one wearing a proper suit complete with vest and tie, Brook has his usual black suit jacket and a loud orange-yellow boa, and I'm wearing a black T-shirt with a tuxedo pattern printed on the front and a pair of black booty shorts with the words 'Classy As Fuck' on them. Like I said, Nami picked the perfect outfit for me. She also threw in a thigh high sock for my non-Skanda-covered leg to keep it warm since it's chilly outside.

She's so thoughtful.

"Yosh! Now to get Sanji and ruin those bastards!"

I start for the door after Luffy who's leading the group, but Franky easily picks me up and settles me into the crook of his arm.

"I can get around perfectly fine by myself," I protest.

"Sorry sister, if we need to make a quick getaway, it'll be faster to carry you," he grins down at me and I huff but get myself comfortable; might as well, right?

"At least grab my crutches so I'm not totally a sitting duck."


5:45 pm

"Where are we going?" Sanji asks as we get into the limo; Mr. Pell is in the driver's seat because he insisted on personally driving 'Vivi-sama's precious friends'.

We're back at the Baratie to pick him up and go to Hungry-La. Zeff and the rest of the chefs had to make Sanji leave, telling him to 'get out and enjoy your damn birthday, you shitty brat, so help me I will have you on prep work for a week'. If there's one thing that can be said about Sanji, he is very dedicated to his work.

"It's a mystery!"

"No, Luffy, don't you mean it's a surprise?" Chopper corrects him.

"It's a mystery surprise!"

"It must be fancy if even the marimo dressed up."

"Oi, you wanna go, shit-cook?"

"Although I wish May-chan could have worn a dress," Sanji ignores Zoro to lament my wardrobe.

"Give me a break, I have a broken leg."

"Yes, I'm sorry that you have to go through such pain. You look wonderful regardless, May-chan."

"Aw, thanks."

Mr. Pell pulls up to a tall high-rise building and Sanji makes to get out, but Nami holds his arm to stop him.

"Wait, Sanji-kun, you need to know something before we go in."

"What is it?"

"These are the people responsible for the generator being destroyed this morning," Robin informs him, "It wasn't an accident, it was planned. They're trying to run Baratie out of business."

"Are you kidding me?! I thought something was up today. Those birds that came down and attacked people trying to enter the restaurant, they seemed a little too well organized, and then there were those weird koala-things that swarmed in as well. Those bastards, I'll kill them!"

"Why do you think we're here?" Luffy says, picking his nose carelessly, making Sanji pull up short mid-rant.

"Y-You guys brought me here for revenge?"

"Hell yeah!" Usopp cheers and we add in our own encouragements.

"Okay, so what's the plan then?" Aww, he looks so touched.

"Crush them from the inside," Zoro tells him shortly.

Sanji looks up at the big, fancy-looking building. He looks back at us.

"Do any of you even know the difference between a salad and dinner fork?"

"Nope!" we all cheerfully intone.

"Perfect. Oh, I'm so going to enjoy this. Let's go make some miserable assholes pay for fucking with my restaurant."

"Woo!"


6:10 pm

"Good evening, how may I help you?"

The maître d' greets us at the top floor of this ridiculously tall building.

"We have reservation under the name 'Iceburg'," Robin steps up to the podium, a calm, charming smile in place.

"Ah, of course, Mr. Iceburg's guests of honor. Please follow me, the dining room is up these stairs."

"Excuse me," Chopper speaks up, "We have a handicapped person in our party, do you have an elevator that she could take?"

"Er, I'm afraid the lift does not go further, sir."

"Well, then how do you expect her to get upstairs?" Zoro growls impatiently.

"Uh, well, ehm, we can, uh, carry the lady up, if you'd like," the man stutters nervously; he's either never had to deal with this kind of situation before (which is silly, because this is the kind of place that old decrepit mothballs with jewels dripping from their pockets come, and there has to be some wheel-chair-bound persons among them) or he is very new to this (which in that case, I almost feel sorry for him. Almost).

"Great, I'll leave it to you, pal," Franky says sunnily and plops me into the unsuspecting man's arms and he fumbles to keep a hold on me; I beam at him as he eyes Franky's bulging muscles, probably thinking that my friend could easily carry me up the staircase. Well, I mean, he wouldn't be wrong, but that doesn't matter.

"I'm in your care."

"Well, where are we sitting? I'm hungry," Luffy bounces up ahead, eager to begin dinner.

"Yes, please follow me-ah! Wait, don't go ahead please!"

We pass several exotic and fierce-looking birds in gilded cages as the maître d' leads (meaning here: struggles to carry me up the stairs while my friends have to pause every few steps to wait for us, encouraging him occasionally by calling out things like 'Ganbatte!', 'Almost there!', and 'What a weakling.'; just your typical encouraging phrases, really) until we finally make it to the top and he places me at a pristinely white cloth-covered table, puffing and huffing up a storm as well as supplying the rain in the form of sweat.

"Ew, you look gross," Luffy states ever-so-tactfully, "You must be really weak if that little walk left you in this bad of a shape."

"The servers," he wheezes, "Will be-," Insert rattling, desperate gasp for air here, "-With you shortly."

"Take it easy, man," Franky slaps his shoulder good-naturedly as he leaves, sending him tripping away, performing some kind of complicated footwork to regain his balance.

"Alright. Everyone. Do your thing," Luffy orders as soon as he's gone.


8:00 pm

An hour and a half, three bottles of Hungry-La's finest wines (two of them were shared by the group, the third one was consumed entirely by Zoro straight from the bottle to the servers' horror), four courses (actually, it turned out to be more like twenty; again, the staff watched on in horror as Luffy worked his way through eating the entire kitchen clean), a minor and completely mysterious grease fire in the kitchens (how it began, no one knows, and I especially don't, not at all), and several creeped out/frightened/traumatized guests that fled the restaurant later, the waiters finally decided that they could no longer deal with us and called in their boss.

A large, buff, blue-haired man stands by our table, waiting for one of us to acknowledge him. When no one does and we just keep eating, he decides to press on.

"Good evening," he says, pleasantly, "My name is Toriko, I am the owner of this restaurant. It's been brought to my attention that you've been a thorn in my wait staffs sides tonight."

"Nice," Luffy holds up his hand for a high-five, in the middle of tearing meat off a bone with his teeth, and I return it from across the table (loudly) as I munch on a Cotton Candy Mushroom, "That means we did a good job!"

"I would like to ask you to leave," he says, smiling forcefully.

"And I'd like to ask you to stop messing with Baratie," Sanji fires back at him, leisurely lighting a cigarette and kicking his feet onto the table.

"Oh, is that why you're here? I didn't think normal people could be as atrociously behaved as you lot unless it was on purpose," he scoffs, "Anyway, you don't have to worry about that third-rate restaurant. It'll close down soon enough when people realize that Hungry-La is the best in the city. Do you know how annoying it is to hear people go on and on about your shitty little place? How much praise I've heard about the stupid fish-shape building that wouldn't know class if it was hooked in its gullet and being pulled in by it? I was so tempted to have it burned to the ground, but you have to be subtle about these kinds of things-"

"Have you tried this bird dish? I don't know what it is, but it's pretty good," Nami offers some of her plate to Robin.

"Hm, I prefer the way Sanji-kun prepares meats. They're so much more flavorful."

"Yeah I agree."

"Oi, are you even listening to me?"

"I read an article recently about villain archetypes and how the surefire way to make one boring is to have them monologue," I tell the table at large conversationally, ignoring the man as I toss a Cotton Candy Mushroom at Chopper for him to catch in his mouth and hand what's leftover on my plate to Luffy, who gladly takes it, "Have you guys read anything that's caught your interest lately?"

"Aliens walk among us," Usopp offers seriously—well, as seriously as someone balancing a fork on the end of his nose can.

"Ancient Alabastians shaved their eyebrows to mourn the loss of their pet cats," Robin chips in, stabbing deliberately at the head of the roasted bird on her plate and smiling at Toriko.

"Giraffes have gay sex," says Luffy bluntly.

"Listen here, you little twits! You're done in this city! Finished! I'm going to bury you so that you'll never see the light of day again-!"

Toriko gets cut off by the small cli-click! of handcuffs latching around his wrist.

"Toriko Hunter, you're under arrest, you have the right to remain silent."

"What the-"

"Smoker! What are you doing here?"

The white-haired officer look surprised to see us sitting at the table for a moment, but then he heaves an irritated sigh and answers.

"We received an anonymous tip that this restaurant is illegally smuggling and keeping rare animals like the Hungrila Bird and cocoalas as well as knock-out koalas," he says, handing off the stunned Mr. Toriko to some other police who take him away, "Round up the others as well, we want everyone involved in this."

"Yes, sir!"

"Look at that, Sanji!" Luffy laughs and pats his shoulder, "This place probably will probably have to close down thanks to this. How lucky!"

"What a good birthday gift," he smirks, exhaling a thin stream of smoke, "I just wanted to be a nuisance to them to pay them back for today, but this is even better."

"Smoker, would you like some cake?" I ask him, reaching for the bag I brought along today; I was going to bring out Sanji's cake at the end of dinner, but now's as good a time as any I think.

"What? Why do you have cake?"

"I make all of my friends' birthday cakes. So, is that a yes or no?"

"Ah, is it time for cake?" Brook asks.

"But we need to sing Happy Birthday before cake, May!" Luffy says.

"Dear god no, please spare me your singing, I don't want to hear that on my birthday-"

"Alright then! One, two, three- Happy Birthday to you!"

"Noooo!"