Spock looked at Jim sadly and lifted a shoulder. "Perhaps the boy has a point. I am going upstairs. Please, do not follow me." He turned and left Jim alone in the living room.

Jim stood there, numb, wanting to scream out at the injustice of it all. Finally he trudged in the kitchen and reached above the refrigerator to pull down the bottle of Romulan ale. He set it on the kitchen table and sat opposite it, staring it down. The pale blue liquid shimmered in the sunlight coming from the kitchen door, and it seemed to mock him and his resolve. Drink me, he imagined it calling.

"Well, I'm not drinking you. Not tonight. I won't disrespect Spock like that. You can go to hell." Jim picked up the bottle and hefted it a couple of times, weighing the decision to smash it into the wall. But that would be just as childish. Finally he put it back on the refrigerator and sat in a chair, tears tracking down his cheeks. Nobody ever said being a man would be easy, he supposed. But he had to do something. Finally he went to the downstairs comm station and dialed a number.

"Vulcan Embassy, Ambassador Sarek's office."

"May I speak with the ambassador please? It's Jim Kirk."

The Tellarite woman shook her head. "The Ambassador is away at the moment, may I take a message?"

"This is Jim Kirk," Jim repeated. "I'm his son-in-law. I need to know where he is."

The woman transferred him silently and finally a human man answered the line.

"Vulcan Embassy New York, how may I direct your call?"

Jim sighed. "I'm trying to track down Ambassador Sarek. This is – "

"You would be his son. I understand. One moment, Captain Kirk." The line went to static for a moment and then the screen showed an older Vulcan man.

"Greetings, this is Ambassador Sarek."

"Hey, Dad, it's Jim." Jim lowered his eyes. "I really need your help."

"Did you and my son have another altercation?" Sarek asked politely.

"Yes, Father. But this time, it's come to my attention that I'm not exactly doing right by my son and my mate. I need to get away, farther away than Iowa. I need to come home, Father."

"Will you be traveling alone?" Sarek asked pointedly.

"Yes, sir."

Sarek inhaled. "What is your purpose for this trip?"

Jim chuckled bitterly. "Well, at this point if a human could complete Kolinahr I think I'd be up for it. I need to clear my head for a while, and I can't do it at my mom's, not with my ex in the same backyard. I need to come home and I need you to help me because ..." Jim choked on a sob " … because I'm hurting everyone and I don't want to hurt anyone anymore."

Sarek closed his eyes briefly. "Child, you are welcome to return home with me. I was scheduled to depart tomorrow evening. I will arrive at your domicile in four hours' time to collect you. Bring whatever you believe necessary, but I assure you, this is not going to be a one-way trip, do you understand me?"

"Yes sir," Jim sniffled. "Thank you, Father."

"I certainly cannot say it is my pleasure. It is my duty. Live long and prosper, James."

"Peace and long life," Jim replied and shut off the machine.

He looked up and Spock was standing in the doorway, hands in a steeple before him. "You are going through with this?"

"Yes. I have to. I need help, Spock, and short of sending me to the Federation funny farm, I think this is the best solution. Please say you understand, Spock."

"I cannot say I understand as of yet, James, but I will say I accept it. Come upstairs. We will pack your belongings together and speak as a couple until my father arrives." Spock led him upstairs.

While they were packing, a song kept rolling through Jim's mind, and he stopped to look it up on the Intergalactic Web. When he found it, he laughed mirthlessly. It was by Bon Jovi. How appropriate, considering he had sung a Bon Jovi love song to Spock just last year. Pressing play, he turned up the speakers.

Sittin' here wasted and wounded at this old piano

Trying hard to capture the moment this morning I don't know.

'Cause a bottle of vodka is still lodged in my head,

And some blond gave me nightmares, think that she's still in my bed.

As I dream about movies

They won't make of me when I'm dead.

Spock looked up and devoted a little more attention to the song.

With an iron-clad fist I wake up and French kiss the morning

While some marching band keeps its own beat in my head

While we're talking

About all of the things that I long to believe

About love, the truth, what you mean to me and the truth is,

Baby you're all that I need.

Jim sang along with the chorus.

I wanna lay you down in a bed of roses

For tonight I'll sleep on a bed of nails.

I wanna be just as close as your Holy Ghost is.

And lay you down on a bed of roses.

Well I'm so far away, the step that I take's on my way home.

A king's ransom in dimes I'd give each night to see

Through this pay phone.

Still I run out of time or it's hard to get through

'Till the bird on the wire flies me back to

You I just close my eyes whisper baby, blind love is true.

The second chorus had Jim in tears again and his voice cracked.

Well this hotel bar's hangover whiskey's run dry,

The barkeeper's wig's crooked

And she's givin' me the eye.

Well I might have said yeah

But I laughed so hard I think I died.

Now as you close your eyes

Know I'll be thinking about you,

While my mistress she calls me to stand in her spotlight again.

Tonight I won't be alone

But you know that don't mean I'm not lonely.

I've got nothing to prove for it's you that I'd die to defend.

Spock realized Jim was singing about what his life would be like without him in it, and his heart hurt a little more. Jim knew he was nothing without his mate, but he felt he couldn't stay. It was ultimately a Kobayashi Maru.

The chorus sounded two more times and the synthesizer died away. Jim shut off the speakers and sighed, and Spock inched over and wrapped his arms around his mate.

"This is killing me," Jim murmured into Spock's shoulder.

"I know, ashayam. If there were another way …."

"Can't you just give me an exorcism or something?" Jim muttered. "There's got to be a way to get me to stop being such a gigantic asshole."

"You have never resembled the exterior opening to the anus," Spock scolded his mate with reproach.

"You know what I mean, Spock. I'm a dick. I've almost lost my son, I've almost lost you, I'm lucky my mom still speaks to me and I'm even more damned lucky that your father will acknowledge me. Something's got to change."

Spock inhaled, just have Jim's scent in his mind, and through the bond he said, I will be the answer at the end of the line.

Jim shook his head. "No, Spock, I'm not worthy of that right now. Maybe when I get back."

"Yes you are worthy, Jim. Please remember the words we spoke to each other nearly thirteen years ago, and the words to which we walked down the path. In the burning of uncertainty, I will be your solid ground. I will hold the balance if you can't look down."

Jim shuddered against Spock, and Spock reached up blindly to wipe the tears away, only to find his mate's face dry.

"I haven't got any more tears," Jim told his husband. "I want to cry so bad and yet I can't."

"Cast me gently into morning, for the night has been unkind," Spock finished in a deep tone. "You will get through this, Jim. I have faith that you will persevere and you will emerge from this turmoil stronger than ever. I have faith in you, and I have faith in us. You are, after all, my t'hy'la."

"I have nightmares where you tell me it was all a mistake, that we aren't t'hy'la at all. I have dreams where you walk away and never return. But I never thought I would be the one to walk away."