HUMANITY'S STRONGEST?

Chapter 51: He's Not One of My Children, Dammit!

After dinner, a couple of hours after the titan arm accident, Levi and Eren were down in the basement, waiting for Hange's report. Eren sat on the stairs while Levi leaned against the wall in his usual stance, arms crossed and a bored expression on his face.

++"I never realized how much they all scared of me until this afternoon,"++ Eren sighed. ++"Not that I can blame them."++

++"Don't let their reaction bother you,"++ Levi responded. ++"A suspicious nature is my top criteria for selecting squad members."++

++"Really?"++

++"They need to be able to react in a split second on the battlefield to any situation that may arise. There's no time for hesitation. That they didn't kill you instantly is proof of their ability to think clearly in any situation."++ Levi elaborated.

++"Yeah, I guess so. It's still a little unsettling, if I'm honest with myself."++

Moblit came trotting down the stairs, sounding out of breath as always. Hange sure keeps that poor guy hopping!

++"Captain Levi, sir, Section Commander Hange would like to talk to you,"++ Moblit panted.

++"Look at this!"++ Zoe said, quite seriously.

++"It's a spoon. So what?"++ Levi sounded bored as ever.

++"This spoon I found between the titan arm's forefinger and thumb . . . undamaged!"++ Zoe bubbled. ++"Bear with me here,"++

Oh shit! Here it comes! We'll be here all fucking night!

++"Eren, tell me. What were you doing right before the arm appeared?"++ Zoe asked.

+Well, I was having tea and talking with the others about how I couldn't change for the experiment. My hands were really sore and I dropped my spoon, and I was reaching to pick it up . . ."++ Eren paused.

Don't tell me he made the hideous arm just to pick up a freakin' spoon!? ++"What exactly are you getting at, Zoe?"++

++"I think it takes more than just pain to transform into a titan. The first time Eren transformed, he was focused in killing the titans. The second time, he was protecting his two friends from cannon fire, but he only partially transformed; just enough to do the job. The third time, of course, was to carry that boulder to close off the Trost gate. Each time he transformed, Eren had a clear goal in mind."++

++"Wait a minute. So what you're saying here, is that Eren needs to have a goal or purpose in mind as well as pain stimulation to become a titan?"++ Levi asked.

++"You mean I . . . I really just . . . I can't believe I changed just to pick up a stupid spoon!"++ Eren stammered.

++"Oh, but this is good!"++ Zoe chirped. ++"Now we know what it takes to make you take your titan form and why you don't change every time you get a papercut!"++

++"Listen, Eren. We've been discussing what happened this afternoon,"++ Eld started.

++"Yeah, and we're sorry we reacted so harshly to you,"++ Gunther finished.

++"No, that's okay! I understand! You have to react that way," Eren protested.

++"We should have had more faith in you,"++ Petra added. Then all four squad members exchanged glances and nodded. Each one brought their right hand up to their mouths and bit down hard.

Well that's kind of silly . . . Levi thought.

Eren looked completely shocked.

++"Ow! That hurt!"++ Eld yelped.

No shit genius! You thought perhaps it was supposed to tickle?

++"And he does it hard enough to draw blood!"++ Gunther sounded impressed.

++"Wait! You guys didn't have to do that!"++ Eren cried out in surprise.

++"This is just our way of showing that we stand beside you,"++ Petra explained. ++"We're you squad mates and we have your back no matter what."++

Eren's face lit up. ++"Thanks, guys. That really means a lot."++

That was a little over the top, perhaps, but it made the kid happy, anyway.

In spite of Levi's fears, Zoe did not keep them up all night. In fact, they were actually able to go to bed at a reasonable hour, though it had taken Levi some time to convince Zoe that there should be at least two days between experiments so as not to wear out her 'test subject'.

Eren, for one, was grateful to finally get some sleep. The day had been long and exhausting. As Levi entered the cell, the boy extended his hands for the captain to shackle them. Too bad I have to wear those damn things. They really do hurt!

The teen was surprised when he saw and felt the shackles. They were not the ones that had been used the previous night! They were made of heavy leather and lined with fleece. The locking mechanism still required a key to remove them, but they were designed so that no metal touched his skin. The chains still held attached them to the wall behind him and attached to the shackles securely enough that Eren knew he could never break them or free himself from them in his human form. "Captain! Is this what you were doing all morning in the tack room?"

"It is. The conditions only say that you must be shackled. There's nothing that states what the shackles must be made of. You need to be able to rest between experiments and you can't do that if your shackles are chaffing your wrists."

Levi was a light sleeper, and rarely got more than two to four hours of actual sleep per night, though he tended, like most scouts, to doze here and there during the day. Most scouts learned to sleep at any opportunity, since on the battlefield, sleep was nearly impossible. He was awakened in the dead of night by the sound of someone crying and sniffling softly as if trying to not awaken anyone. Levi reacted exactly as he would have for any of the children he had taken in over the years. The one thing he could never ignore was a child's tears. He turned up the lamp. "Eren?"

Eren had been sitting up in his bed, arms wrapped around his knees which were drawn up to his chest, his head buried in his knees and crying. At the sound of Levi's voice, his head snapped up with a look of fear in his tear filled eyes. "I-I'm so s-sorry, Captain!" he blurted. "I tried not to wake you!"

"It's okay, Eren. Don't worry about that." Levi sat on the edge of the teen's bed. "What's wrong?"

"It's nothing. It's stupid!" Eren sniffled.

"It's making you cry. Tell me what's wrong." Levi acting on his paternal instincts, reached up a hand and placed on the side of Eren's face, using his thumb to gently wipe away the tears. Dammit, Levi! He's not one of your children! He's a soldier! You can't coddle him like this! He's a soldier that's barely fifteen years old . . . what have we become that we recruit twelve year old kids to go through training that actually kills some of them and expect them to go out and fight titans when they're still just teenagers? Whatever else he may be, Eren is still just a teenager. What the hell makes him so different from the other fifteen year old recruits I've had in my squads over the years? Why do his tears affect me like those of my children? Is it because he was robbed of his innocence when he was nine, lost his childhood when he was ten, and now he's been stripped of his dignity and humanity? Or is it something else? Is it because I've seen him countless times over the years as he's grown up? Why does he affect me this way?

"I'm just crying like an idiot over stupid nightmare. I'm so sorry I woke you up, Captain!"

"I already told you it's okay. And there's nothing idiotic about crying over nightmares. Trust me, all scouts have them; all of us do. You have no idea how many scouts wake up screaming in the night as their memories or worst fears invade their dreams. Most of them cry. It's only natural."

"Yeah, but . . ." The tears started to flow anew. Levi, out of habit, began gently stroking the boy's messy brown hair.

"Tell about it."

"What?"

"You're dream. Tell me about it."

Eren brushed away his tears and took a long, trembling breath. "It was right after the Colossal and the Armored titans broke through wall Maria . . . after my mom died. I don't know where I am, but my dad is there, and he's acting really crazy. He's holding my arm and I'm screaming for him to let go because he's scaring me. I tell him he's been acting crazy since Mom died . . . but I don't remember seeing him at all after the wall fell. He says he's going to give me something to make me forget and that I'll understand someday. He's got a syringe and he's holding my arm so tight it hurts and he won't let me go. He's crying too. He tells me to keep the key and that I have to return to the house and get to the basement because it's really important. He sticks me with the needle, and that's when I wake up."

"Do you think that this may actually be a memory trying to resurface?"

"I don't know, Captain. I guess it could make sense if Dad really did give me something to make me forget . . . but how come Mikasa and Armin don't remember anything about it? Or about my being gone at all? I was with them when we fled to Rose, but I know he had the key, so how else could I have gotten it?" Eren looked nervously at Levi's expressionless face, but in the man's eyes . . . There it is again. That flick of something in his eyes. I saw it during the trial too. It's almost as if . . . as if he's concerned; as if he really cares.

Levi sighed. "Perhaps you should do what Sniffy and Zoe do."

"Sniffy?"

"Mike Zacharias . . . the guy who tries to take a sniff of everyone."

"Oh, him."

"The both keep dream journals. They write down their dreams as soon as they wake up."

"Why?"

"Dreams are funny things, Eren. Sometimes they are forgotten memories of our past. Sometimes they are memories we'd rather forget. Some dreams show us out greatest fears or our greatest desires. Some say that dreams can warn us of impending danger. But most of all, our dreams can tell us things that we never really knew about ourselves. The meaning of a dream may not be evident at first, so writing it down can help you remember it and at some point you make look at it and understand the meaning . . . not that I'm making much sense. Zoe could explain it better."

"No! I understand what you're saying. I think I may do that from now on."

"Are you alright now?"

"Yes, sir. I'm fine now."

Levi got up, left the cell and returned to his cot. Just as he was turning the lamp back down, he heard Eren call out. "Captain? . . . Thank you."

to be continued…