Note: contains major spoilers for the end of 'I, Boba'. If Kees is not making sense to you, reading that might help to.
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Entry 44
All too easy.
She did what I would have done, what I have done, she placed a bounty. And she asked for Jodo Kast specifically, on the grounds the Fett was not available. Well informed. Badly misinformed. The whole mission reeked of set up, I had a destination where to find the alleged Satnik Hiicrop, the bounty was extremely high, and even higher for alive.
I did not expect to find anybody but Kees.
And I was right.
And all wrong.
She went about the set up careful, choosing a place she knew well and where nobody would care about yet another shoot out. I set the Foxcatch down on Nal Hutta six days after the incident with Dengar. He must have been very annoyed indeed. Still I was sure her traps were lethal, I would not play the klutz this time.
The victim was supposedly hiding in a bunker-like building in the middle of nowhere. I entered cautiously, triggering the photo sensor only after realising what it would do. So when the floor under me suddenly sloped down, I simply rode it on my heels, keeping my blaster ready. But nothing attacked yet. Another blast door came up. It was gimmicked perfectly, short circuiting would have taken hours. Blasting a hole into it carefully took only minutes. I made sure nothing dropped to the floor on the other side, and when I could finally scan it, my guess proved to be right. The ground just behind it was rigged with pressure sensors. I was not keen on finding out what they launched. But then, I didn't have to. A quick climb and short rocket pack enhanced jump later, I stood in the middle of a small rectangular room with no other exit.
A scan showed that there was no way to get through the walls, so I aimed at the ceiling instead. This was annoyingly accurately laid out. I shot a magnetic grappler at it, climbed through the hole and threw a piece of rubble at the pressure sensor. Immediately, a laser web sprang into life, turning the chamber into a death trap. This was highly professional. The Kast I had shown Dengar would have been fried by now.
The upper level was dark and derelict, a small access panel was beckoning me, as if I could shut down the remaining defences from there. How stupid could a bounty hunter be? I wondered. Such obvious traps. Finally, I got to the lightened part of the building. I short circuited another door and found me in a huge room. It was two storeys tall, a stair leading from the door right down to a holograph of a human lying on the floor. I shook my head.
Underestimation, the first step towards death. How could anybody wearing a helmet equipped like a Mandalorian fall for such a crude trick?
As it turned out, Kees didn't even expect me to.
"You're dead." Her blaster connected with the back of my helmet.
As if. But her approach was commendable. It would have worked on anybody. Anybody, but me. I ignited the rocket pack, jerking my head to the left at the same moment. This forced her to step back, and gave me the time to come around, all systems ready, and blaster pointing at the weakest point of the armour. She didn't stumble, she didn't even retreat further than a single step. She kept her ground like Boba Fett. Then she raised her flamethrower, forcing me to sidestep to the right. I prepared for the next assault, getting the fibre cord ready, but instead of attacking, she used her jet pack like a sledge and knocked my feet out under me. A clever move, rather creative and effective. I blocked the coming blow with my right gauntlet, trying to get a good grip on her, but she was slippery. We tried to get a grip on the other.
I tired of the game. When her back was against the floor again, I pulled at her in a way that set her rocket pack going again. We sped towards the nearest wall, but there was enough time to tear her upwards, and shoot a hole into the ceiling as we sped towards it. On out way out, I used the oldest codes I had, hacked my own system and shut everything down.
I let go of her, let her drop several feet before tying her hands with the fibre cord, stopping her fall rather painfully. Pay back time.
She landed on her feet, but then stood unmoving, waiting. There was nothing she could do. Her whole armour was under my control now, finally, again. A dark prison with a t-shaped window. I put my blaster to her temple.
"So show you face, Lorna Kees."
She jumped when she heard her name. I grabbed her helmet and pulled it off.
"You didn't earn this armour. You didn't earn this reputation."
"No," she whispered, "I have not."
That was not what I expected. Why was she not fighting back? "Indeed you have not." I took off my own helmet, confronting her with the truth.
"I am Boba Fett."
She did not move, for a short eternity, she just stared, all kinds of emotions flickering over her face.
"You're alive!" it then burst out of her. "You're not dead at all, you're alive!"
This was not what I had expected at all. Of course not. She was not making any sense. But she looked happy. Suddenly she actually threw herself at me.
I have never seen anybody so happy to see me alive.
I have never before seen anybody so happy to see me.
I have never before seen anybody so happy.
I tugged her off me with the cord. Why didn't this go as planned? Why did she have to react in such a unpredictable - feminin - way. Why have I not shot her? Helpless. Why was I unsure what to do?
"Why?"
She looked at me, tears still streaking down her face. No matter what she felt, she was not afraid of me the least. Why?
"I thought you were dead. And I was so scared of Black Sun. I didn't know where to go? I was so scared." She paused and shook her head. "I thought, they'd never find me in that armour, I thought, I'd be safe, beyond their reach. I thought it would be the easiest way. I thought - I thought you were dead." The last words were but a whisper.
"Well, I am not dead."
"Yes," a smile crept over her face. "Yes, you're not." Suddenly, she became serious. "You'll want the ship back and all that, I guess." She tugged at her bound hands, but when she found the still bound, she only shrugged. "Go, help yourself, I didn't change much."
There was no resistance. There was no hesitation. There was nothing to fight. I was completely unprepared for this. I know. I did not know what to do. I know.
I will do.
"Get going," I told her, emphasising the words with a wave of my blaster, though I did release her. Why?
The SlaveI stood not far from where I had landed, hidden by the bulk of another building. Her familiar frame looked little different than when I had seen her the last time. Repairs had been don, obviously, and in some places the paint had been redone. She was beautiful. She opened when I transmitted the override. She was mine.
Kees said nothing when the ramp lowered, said nothing as we went inside. And she was still as I remembered her, the short corridor, the walls of steel and electronics, the same that I remembered from my childhood days, the same that I remembered from all my life. Unchanged.
Almost.
"I'm sorry," Kees whispered. She said more, but I didn't listen.
The whole sleeping quarter was littered with scratches. Orderly, consciously made scratches, always five in a group. Rows, rows and endless rows of them. She had been counting the days. I let my hand slide over the nearest wall, feeling the uneven surface. Counting the days.
"I will keep them."
She stripped out of the armour and into a simple jumpsuit right there. As if I wasn't there.
As if I didn't matter.
As if I didn't care.
I don't care.
Of course, I don't.
Then she began to remove systematically every trace of herself. She stuffed some clothing into a duffle bag, added a handful of personal possessions from a drawer and moved on. Suddenly, she froze, staring at my father's helmet. So it was still there - untouched. Good for her.
"By then." She patted it gently, before she began removing her things from the 'fresher.
She patted my father's helmet. She actually patted it! How dare she? And what could it mean to her? I frowned darkly at her back. She did not notice.
When she turned and came out again, the duffel bag was full. "I took up the bad habit of stim caf," she said. "If you don't want it, I'll take it along, the rest is pretty much standard food…" She trailed off, looking at me, cocking her head slightly.
"You don't seem happy. Why?"
I had no answer for her. I had too many answers for her.
"Not happy about being yourself again? I certainly had enough of that for a life time." She sighed.
"You don't want to be Boba Fett?"
"No."
Why? "So what do you want?"
She measured me, cradling the duffle bag. "What I want? What I really want?" Her eyes unfocussed. "I want to stand up in the morning and have breakfast. I want to go to my job at the office and shuffle flimsies and data all day. I want to chat with my colleagues over a cup of caf. I want to spend my money in shopping sprees. I want a good excuse to buy an expensive dress and real break-neck high heels, and then I and to wear them. I want friends and little every day problems. And then, one day, I want to meet somebody, settle down, raise a family." She bit her lip, then nodded to herself, her expression strained.
"Is that too much to ask for?"
I think it's not. Being me, that is too much to ask for. Did she ask for that? Too many questions. Only one answer.
She stayed aboard for the day it took to get her new identity and history. I spent the time assessing what she had done to the Slave. I spent the time thinking. It was too crammed on the ship for two. I couldn't wait to have her gone. I couldn't wait. It took too long. It took all I had. It took to long.
I couldn't bear the thought of her sleeping in my bunk. I could not bear her presence, her silence, her downcast eyes, the way she was almost not there. She was there. Not for long. Too long. Silence.
I still don't understand it.
Of course, I do.
Well, why she did it, that I understand.
But why did I?
It is not like me at all.
For Sinar.
As if somebody else took over and acted instead.
For Lancer.
Still - I let her go.
For me.
