Reid felt like his heart was in his throat as he waited. He was beyond distressed at Hotch's refusal of him being in on the take down, even with Gideon's presence by his side. If his logical thought processes were working he'd see that's exactly why Hotch hadn't taken him with, but he couldn't keep a coherent thought going for more than a few seconds at a time.
He looked to the sky through the window of the SUV. It was cloudy, dreary for the late morning. JJ had been with Askari for about 16 hours and it pained him to think about what she had been though in that time. He checked his watch; they should have contained them by now. He barely registered Gideon's squeeze on his shoulder again. Looking back at the sky, he did something he'd never done. He prayed.
I'm not really sure you exist, but I know there is something after death. So if you do exist, this higher power that cares for us humans down here on earth, then I need your help. Please keep JJ safe; please bring her back to me. I can't do this without her. I can't raise Ella and Henry - would I even see Henry if JJ died? Wouldn't Will take him? Oh god, please don't take JJ or Henry from me. I can't raise our daughter on my own; she needs her mom. I need my wife, my soul mate. I've finally found some happiness in my life so please don't take that away.
"It's your turn, Matt," Hastings sneered as his hacker picked up the laptop and set it in front of the other agent. JJ knew Matt remembered he just needed to stall for a few minutes, that the team was coming after her alert registered, but there was still a part of her that was worried he'd break and give them access. Another part of her was worried about what might happen if he didn't. She tried to lock eyes with him, but her attention was focused back on Askari as he pulled on her chain to string her up again.
"I gave you what you wanted," she protested as he circled her. She could feel his eyes looking her over for a weak spot.
"I won't do it," Cruz protested, pushing the laptop away.
She didn't see Hastings smirk and nod to Askari. The torture expert started to head towards the bucket still attached to the jumper cables. "You forget, Matt, we know you biggest weakness — her."
JJ's eyes widened at the implications. Please God no. Where is the team? Askari picked up the device and started to move towards her. Swallowing her fear, she tried to stare him down. "I can take it Matt." Another step closer and the group heard a shout from outside the room.
The next few seconds were a blur to JJ. It would be a few days before she'd be able to fully process Askari trying to charge towards her before he fell to the ground. She caught his cold - dying - eyes before his body landed on the concrete. A moan from Hastings after being wounded would barely register either. She blinked as she caught Emily's eyes while she was released from her chains by Rossi.
"I've got you, JJ," her friend commented, letting the younger woman lean most of her weight on her for support. "Let's get you to Spencer."
JJ barely nodded, relief that this was finally over starting to take over and a few tears fell. She didn't even remember being led out of the building. All she could think about was —
He wiped his eyes to clear away the few tears that were escaping, not registering that the prayer and release of some emotion had actually helped the headache he had developed. Gideon pulled him into a hug and he took some comfort in that embrace. Days later, when the dust had settled, he'd remember to thank Hotch for calling Gideon.
"Spencer."
His still hazy gaze looked at the older man, who nodded back towards the building where figures were coming out. He blinked and registered the FBI vests so he jumped out of the SUV. He couldn't hardly process Cruz with Hotch or Morgan escorting an injured, but cuffed Hastings to a vehicle with some of Emily's Interpol team. Rossi had the hacker in custody, taking him to a different vehicle. He also didn't register there was no Askari being hauled away. Later on, he'd read their report about how they were able to quietly take out most of the team, but that one had shouted and alerted Askari. He had made a move towards JJ, resulting in Hotch putting two bullets in his chest before he could touch her. Emily had wounded Hastings during that time, keeping him from killing Cruz.
Right now, however, his eyes were desperate to see only one thing. Finally, he caught sight of Emily with her arm around —
He had never been more grateful for JJ forcing him to pick up running as he was in that moment, sprinting to them.
"Jen," he voice broke as he pulled her into his arms.
"Spence," she whispered, her voice raw from screaming and coughing. He pulled her a little tighter and her breathing hitched, her whole body aching from being strung up.
He quickly pulled back. "Did I hurt you? How are you? Let's get you into the ambulance so they can—"
JJ shut him up with a hard kiss. He wrapped his arms back around her, gentler this time, as he deepened the kiss. They barely pulled back for air before he kissed her again. And again. Only when he registered that she seemed to be losing her will power to stand, did he stop.
Her knees gave out some, physically and emotionally exhausted, and he was quick to wrap one of his arms around her back, the other behind her knees, scooping her up. He murmured his love for her in her ear as he started to carry her to the ambulance. The paramedics met him part way with a stretcher and he gently set her down.
"We'll take good care of her, Agent," one assured him. Only JJ didn't let him go, grabbing his hand.
"Stay, please."
Reid bent down and kissed her forehead. "Always."
"You sure you want to do this?" Reid asked, glancing at JJ as they pulled up to a favorite bar of the team, Garcia having worked some magic to get the owner to be open just for them, closed to the public. "We can just go home and rest if you want." JJ had been checked over by the ER doctor at Bethesda, given fluids and treated for her bruises and scraps. She was also told to watch for pneumonia. She had been ready to get out of the hospital then, but Reid had called in couple consults. Savannah had come in and assessed her along with the on-call ER doctor, agreeing with his assessment, which was all JJ needed to hear. Reid needed more.
Dr. Laple was off shift from George Washington, but had privileges at Bethesda as well and drove over to give JJ's lungs a good once over, including reviewing her chest x-ray and setting up an appointment in two weeks to check on her since the couple preferred him for follow up. His specialty was neurology but being an ICU doctor as well meant he knew the lungs quite well, often intubating patients as needed. Reid made note to tell him about the headaches return at that visit as well. Linda Kimura was out of town for an assignment, but reviewed JJ's chart with Savannah and Dr. Laple. She particularly discussed with both JJ and Reid anything to be on the look out for from the drug Askari had administered.
So after all that, JJ was ready to shut off her brain for a bit and see the team. She knew she should rest, but was afraid to fall asleep right now. "Yes Spence, I'm good." She reached over and squeezed his hand, putting up a front of being better than she was.
He raised an eyebrow, seeing right through her. But, he also knew better than to argue with her right now. She'd been through enough; he wasn't going to add to it if he didn't need to. So, he nodded and they climbed out of the car, soon surrounded by the team and drinks. He was so focused on JJ, he didn't notice Emily and Gideon embracing and catching up as they had walked through the door. Reid was grateful to see JJ grab something without alcohol to avoid any interactions. It should be out of her system by now but he was grateful she was being cautious.
Garcia gave her a gentle squeeze. "JJ, my sweet, how are you?"
JJ sighed, "I'm okay, Pen." Garcia released her, gently patting her cheek. Emily and Morgan both embraced her as well. That's when Reid noticed it. She was starting to become overwhelmed. He gently shifted them so she could sit on a barstool and he stood next to her. She looked up and met his eyes, sending him silent thanks as she wrapped her arms around his waist. He put an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close and kissing the top of her head. Feeling a little more secure in his embrace, she tuned in the conversation again.
"So Bergman seemed quite pleased that State was pissed that Interpol has Hastings," Hotch commented with a small smile.
JJ tilted her head, "Deputy Director Bergman?"
Rossi nodded, "Yep. He showed up uncannily early on and assisted the best he could through official channels."
JJ blinked and then looked up at Spence. He sent her a soft smile and held her gaze for a moment before giving her a short kiss. He then leaned further to catch her ear. "What you're thinking is correct, but you don't know that, okay?" JJ nodded as he turned and kissed her softly again. A part of Reid wanted the team to know why John had been so helpful, in more ways than they even knew, but it wasn't his secret to tell. Even though the BAU was great at protecting each other's secrets, their pasts, John's position would always prevent him from revealing his addiction history to more agents in the bureau than the ones that he actually met at the meetings. He didn't know that Hotch had caught their eye contact, their silent exchange, earlier and had already pieced it together. The others hadn't, but few things ever got past their unit chief. The husband and wife exchange just confirmed his working theory.
Morgan went back to Hotch's comment. "Yeah, well, serves them right for being such jackasses during this whole thing." The group murmured agreement.
Emily could see her friend was struggling some and took to changing the topics. She turned to Blake. "So I hear your dad cooks up some mean ribs?"
Blake smiled and nodded. "Yeah, he's good with the grill."
"Mmm, and Scott was yummy for a different reason," Garcia stated. Blake turned to her, her mouth open in shock. "What?"
Emily laughed. "I see some things never change." Gideon smiled, having the same thought.
That happened to conjure up an old, fun memory for JJ and it helped push away the past day. "Yeah, like when she was checking out Sean way back in the day when he visited the BAU."
Hotch coughed on his drink as Garcia's eyes grew wide. Gideon smirked into his drink, missing this banter more and more since that visit last fall. "So were you and Elle!"
JJ started to laugh, but it turned into a cough. Reid frowned and rubbed her back. After a moment she settled down. She took a small sip of her drink and curled back into his embrace. He kissed the top of her head. "You want to stay?" She nodded, still not wanting to face sleep.
"Aren't you dating Sam?" Blake asked. Garcia nodded but shrugged.
Morgan shook his head, trying to keep the conversation light and moving. "Yeah, it's a good thing I have sisters and Reid and Hotch are taken so I don't have to worry about that." He didn't know he was wrong on one of those accounts; none of the team did.
"What are you saying, Morgan? I can't make one the fourth Mrs. Rossi?" Rossi teased as he took a sip of his drink. The younger man sent him a look that could make unsubs shake in their boots. It got laughs from the rest of them.
"Dave, that's gross. They could basically be your kids," Garcia teased.
Hotch smirked, "Oh, you never met the third Mrs. Rossi." Gideon laughed hard at that, forgetting all about his friend's quick Vegas wedding. Rossi glared at both of them, getting more laughs. The team continued to joke around and reminisce about different stories. Reid and JJ only chimed in a few times. She continued to curl into him, her lifeline. Reid rubbed soothing circles on her back and would occasionally lean down to give her a small kiss on the lips or on top of her head.
After about an hour, Reid could see her struggle winning. "I think we should call it a night," he announced to the group even though it was barely early evening. JJ looked up, her grip tightening. He found her eyes and could see the panic. He leaned down and whispered. "I know you're afraid to sleep, but I'll be there for every minute. I've got you, Jen. You need to rest, okay?" She leaned into him and he turned to fully wrap his other arm around her, her head curled into his chest. He felt her nod, finally caving to his wish.
Emily walked over as Reid pulled back so his wife could stand up to leave. She pulled her friend into a hug, speaking softly in her ear. "I'm here if you need me; just a call away. But, you've got a good man here. Talk to him, don't shut him out." She had met Reid's eyes, knowing he heard that, and he sent her small smile. She hugged him next. "Love you both and those adorable kids. I leave late tomorrow morning, can I stop to hug Ella once more?"
JJ heard that and smiled. Thoughts of her kids always brightened up her thoughts. "You better."
Reid nodded as well, gently pulling JJ to her feet. He waved to the rest. "Night guys." He paused. "Thank you all." He held Gideon's gaze for a moment, getting a nod in return from his former mentor.
Blake responded first, echoing his words from a few weeks prior. "Of course. That's what we do for family." The rest murmured their agreement.
Hotch turned to them. "I don't want to see either of you for at least two weeks, but take more time if you need it." Reid nodded in thanks. JJ was going to protest, but a yawn escaped. "Get some rest, JJ." She nodded as Reid led her out the door.
JJ woke with a start, jolting awake from a nightmare the next night. She whimpered in pain, her whole body still aching.
"Easy JJ," Reid soothed, easing her back down. She blinked and turned to see her husband chocolate eyes, replacing the ones from her nightmare. She let out a deep breath. "Talk to me."
She shifted some, resting her head on his shoulder. He gently wrapped his arm around her, pulling her closer, but trying to avoid causing her more pain, knowing her whole body still hurt. It was a blessing that it was in the middle of the week so Henry was gone for much of the day, allowing her to rest more. Sandy and Reid took primary charge of Ella, the latter agreeing to take on more of the care so Reid could focus on her. The elder Jareau had been gravely concerned when the family finally all got back to the house last night, able to see the physical and mental damage that her daughter had just endured even as she tried to hide it. She was willing to do whatever was necessary to help JJ recover and she could quickly tell that time alone with her husband was just that.
She laced her fingers with his other hand. "His eyes. I can't sleep without seeing his cold eyes staring at me, determined to break me."
"But he didn't."
"Mmmhmm." She squeezed his hand tighter.
Reid didn't like that sound. "Jen?"
She sighed. "He would've. If I hadn't been prepared for this and he had more time, he would've. I would've given up the codes for real. I'm weak." She had always prided herself on being strong, tough.
Reid frowned, knowing her well enough to read her thoughts with that statement. "It's understandable, JJ."
She turned just a fraction to meet his eyes. "You didn't." He wrinkled his brow. "You didn't with Hankel, baby. You fought and gave us clues to find you. He played Russian roulette with you, held a gun to your head, and you still gave us a clue to find you." Reid sighed and closed his eyes for a second. He hated thinking about that time, still ashamed that he had fallen into the throws of addiction for those months afterwards. She sensed where he went to, knowing him just as well as he knew her. "Spence, you don't have to—"
"It's okay." He opened his eyes and met her gaze. "If it helps you, it's okay." He took a breath. "And you're wrong, by the way." It was her turn to be confused. "JJ, didn't you wonder why I was outside when you guys found me?" She bit her lip, thinking to that time. "I confessed my sins to Charles. I had reached the point where I didn't think you'd find me and had accepted the fact that I was going to die. Again. I was outside digging my own grave. If I hadn't seen your flashlights..."
She took a second to process this. He had never talked about the specifics of his time in that cabin with her and she hadn't had the heart to read his report. "Spence..."
"JJ, we're human. Just because we're trained agents, it doesn't mean we're trained for that. It's taken me years to get to this point, but it's important to realize that it's okay to have moments of weakness. It's what you do after those moments that are the true reflection of your character." He kissed her softly. "I hate that you went through this, but you need to know that you are strong. Anyone weaker wouldn't have even put themselves out there like that. Not only did we manage to protect Integrity, but captured Hastings alive and now we can use Askari's techniques on him for a change and potentially bring down a terrorist network. I think by anyone's standards, that's a great day."
JJ sighed. She knew this intellectually but it was still something she would have to come to grips with. She pulled him a little closer, ignoring her pain, resting his forehead again hers. "Thank you."
He kissed her softly, "Not sure for what, but you're welcome." If he was making her feel better, he'd take it. It would help with his own guilt for letting her go through with this in the first place.
"For being you. For opening up about Hankel. For your unwavering support. You are my rock, Spence. When I was going through everything, knowing I needed to hold on to buy you guys time to find me, to reach a believable breaking point to draw out Hastings, what kept me going was thinking about you and the kids. How I was doing all this, how this whole nightmare the past few months was for me to come home to you."
Reid shifted on the bed, trying to keep his body weight from hurting her, but so that he could easily cup her cheek with his hand. His long fingers ran through some of her hair in the process. He could hear it in her voice. "I know you're not there yet. It will take time, like it did for me. But unlike me, you are not doing this alone. You don't need to thank me for doing my job as your life partner, I'll be here for all of this – always."
She reached up with her hands, running them through his growing hair. "I think I do, so let me say it again. Thank you." She lowered him to her, conveying her gratitude in her kiss. "I love you."
"I love you too. Now, try to get some rest." He kissed her again before gently repositioning them once more. JJ sighed into his secure embrace, falling back asleep.
JJ sighed as she dried off after a long hot soak in their tub about a week later. Never had she been so grateful that Morgan had put in a deep tub with whirlpool jets even before he had the thought of them buying the house. Between the tub, Spence's massages, some yoga stretching and a lot of rest, her body was finally starting to feel normal. She slipped into some comfortable pajamas – flannel pants and Spence's Caltech shirt – and left the bathroom, finding two of her favorite people on the bed.
Reid smiled at her and turned Ella, who had been sitting between his legs as he leaned onto their headboard, around so she could see JJ. The brown-eyed beauty spotted her as JJ walked over to them and flailed her arms. "Bi pa ma!"
JJ giggled. Ella always settled her mind and made her smile; something she suspected her husband knew because, well, he knew everything. Especially on what she had learned was his favorite thing to study – her. She had never been with someone so in tune to her emotions than her Spence. Although sometimes she wished she could turn that off, times when she wanted to turn herself off, she was mostly grateful for his intuitiveness. She made her way to them and scooped up her daughter. "How's my girl?"
She climbed onto the bed, sitting between Reid's legs, leaning back into his chest. "She evidently didn't want to sleep until she saw her mom again," Reid commented. Henry was already down, still having school to get to tomorrow. Ella refused to get sleepy for him however while JJ was in her bath. Over the past week, her nightmares had lessened some and she was a little more rested and less sore. Yet, he knew she was a long ways away from being back to normal – her new normal – even if she didn't realize that yet. He slipped his hands between them, gently massaging her lower back as she tended to Ella.
"You didn't want to sleep, sweetie?" JJ talked to Ella, getting more babble. It was getting closer to words, again making Reid wonder if she wasn't going to start talking a few months ahead of schedule. JJ briefly closed her eyes, leaning further into his comforting touch. She turned and caught his lips. "Thank you baby."
He kissed her again. "Love you." Ella squealed again, getting her parents attention. JJ kissed the top of her head and gently rocked her. As JJ relaxed more into Reid's sure embrace, her daughter seemed to sense it and relaxed as well, finally drifting off. Reid eased them up so he could slide off the bed and take her to her crib, letting JJ melt into the bed.
Her eyes were shut but she felt his presence when he returned and reached out, catching his hand. Her eyes opened as she pulled him on top of her. "JJ, we don't—"
She kissed him, shutting him up.
"Spence," she breathed when they separated. "I need to feel…" her thought trailed off as he nodded in understanding and kissed her again. He knew just how to give her what she needed.
"Your lungs sound good, JJ," Dr. Laple stated as he removed his stethoscope from her chest. It was the last part of his exam.
The blonde smiled. "So I'm good to go back to work?" She had already received clearance from Savannah. Dr. Kimura had also placed a house call a few days ago. If she hadn't already been getting anxious to get back to a routine, she would have found the fact that Spence was still in contact with her adorable. But, as it was, she just craved normalcy. She loved spending time home with Spence and the kids but in order for her to start to move on, she needed to get back to work.
Reid rolled his eyes but smiled from the chair in the exam room. He knew what she was feeling. He had been there after Tobias. He was worried she was going back too soon, but also knew this was a journey she needed to try to do at her own pace. He would just be there to help her through it.
The doctor nodded. "If you think you're mentally ready, I think you're physically able to work." JJ nodded, hoping off the table and meeting her husband's eyes. Dr. Laple studied his other patient for a moment as well. "Spencer, should I be doing an exam for you as well?"
He sighed. "I don't think so, but, um…"
The other man frowned. "Headaches are back?" Reid nodded. "How many?"
"Three. All were particularly stressful moments revolving around…" he waved his hand in JJ's direction. "They didn't last that long, thankfully."
JJ nodded. "We talked more and that seemed to help shorten them."
Dr. Laple sighed. "Well, I could see how that would cause some tension." He had been only given the basics, but knew enough of what needed to be checked out with regards to JJ's health to get a good idea of the events that took place. "I'll make a note in your chart." He paused. "I would caution that if you can't seem to lesson these kind of stressful events, your health may be better off with a career change, Spencer."
JJ went next to Reid, massaging the back of his neck. That wasn't something either wanted to hear. "Hopefully, that shouldn't be a problem anymore, right?"
He looked to his wife, offering a small smile. Truth was that they could never fully predict the path their cases would take them. But, God willing, neither would be in such an extreme situation ever again. "Hopefully."
A/N: Woo, chapter 50! This thing has become quite the behemoth of a story. Thanks for all the continued support! We still have a long ways to go (I'm pretty sure we're not half way through it) so thanks for sticking with me. Think we can hit review #300 in honor of the '200' story arc conclusion?
