The moon had set while we slept after my abuse. I dressed in my silent way and left the attic where I'd been nearly induced to conduct myself as a child in truth. The dust of years coated the soles of my feet as I departed. I closed the door behind me and made my way down the four flights of stairs.

I was hungry for once and with that thought headed to the kitchens. Slaves were starting to stir but they were not awake. When I went into the cellar I grabbed a haunch of soft cheddar and a pitcher of milk and some white bread that was hard only on the outside.

I soaked the bread in the milk the better for my jaws. With a paring knife I sliced irregular chunks of cheese and sat at a kneading table. The sun seemed nearly apologetic when it touched my face. I felt myself old in that moment though I was not yet sixteen. I felt myself decaying aging with each moment that passed. Drawing closer to heartless oblivion.

Taking my earthen ware bowl and topping it with cheddar and a glass of fresh cool milk I went and sat in my mother's garden that had grown wild over the years since her death. But then it hadn't ever been that orderly as my mother had chosen the plants with the idea of mimicking nature.

I sat on a bench that my grandfather had carved after his wife's death. The one obsessed with dogs. A soft mewing caught me and I saw the white kitten approaching me. I don't really know what cats eat all that much as Minnie had been the one to feed Shadow the cat that had been gutted. But I took a tiny bit of softened bread and brought it to its little mouth.

It took it from me and I felt the rough texture of its tongue. "I shall call you Snow," I pronounced to it. I picked it up as the sun danced around us like a toddler at play. How much I loved that place and hated it at the same time. Why I should hate it I'm not certain; was it simply the memory of being helpless that bent me or was it more? I had never been abused as a child as a matter of fact I had been the abuser, so what was the cause of my coldness? I didn't know, I don't know now.

The kitten I'd named was purring with such tactile devotion that I nearly cried for some reason. How long I spent in that garden I don't know. I heard with my keen hearing the back door open and saw my lord standing there. He wore a mysterious smile of riveting joy "What a picture you present!" he exclaimed coming towards us. "The little doll and the little cat," he crouched before us and reached to pet the kitten and I told him what I'd named him.

He seemed unseemly in his pleasure that I should have done so. "Snow is perfect for it," he glanced up at me "We are going on a voyage soon, do you wish my black haired brothers to join us?"

I thought on that for a long moment "I'm not certain, they are interesting."

Eric didn't seem nonplussed by this in fact a smile grew on his mouth "I'm so in love with them at times," he bowed his head "Their love has kept me in this world."

"Minnie kept me," I said softly "And my own interest in myself," I added with a touch of bitterness.

Eric inclined his head to me as he sat next to me "We are going to Alaska by the way," he informed.

"But why?" I asked as I pet Snow.

He shrugged and seemed weary "Because I've always been in love with the cold, perhaps because it's always warm here." Was there a message in that statement? Some meaning as to why he was drawn to me, the ice maid?

"Will you take lovers on the journey?"

His eyes went to mine "Probably, if I meet anyone of beauty," the confession seemed to arouse him and pain him at the same time.

"That is why I asked if you wanted Caleb to come along."

"I suppose I shall have to live with your infidelities if I am to be devoted to you," I said after a long moment.

His hand drifted to mine with a gentleness "I'm so sorry, the darkness in me demands flesh," his hands went to his hair and he pulled on it.

Each sibyl that fell from his sensual mouth was pure hell. "Why must you be constant to me I wonder and why should it wound me when you're not?"

His eyes closed and he wrapped an arm around me "Because you deserve fidelity and I can never give it to you," I felt his lips brush my temple.

"I will take Caleb as my lover," strangely I held him closer to me rather than pushing him away.

"I know and I can only be grateful that it wasn't Cole that you chose," he murmured.

I glanced up "And what if I wanted you all to take me at once?" The query seemed to arouse him and destroy him.

"I would allow it," it was torn from him.

I stood and smirked down at him "Don't worry overly much on that score my lord, I want only you but I will not deny my pride what it needs to go on," I turned away and felt him pick me up with care.

"You want only me," he said softly with joy. "And I want every beautiful person that I see and I couldn't loathe myself more for it."

I flinched in his embrace "We shall learn a dance of sorts my husband," my hand so dainty rose into the air to caress his sculpted cheek.

His bright head dipped to me and we kissed in the warm southern breeze.

A week passed where we returned to our home outside New Orleans with Caleb. Cole had left that night he'd thought I was to be Caleb's.

Truthfully I wanted no one on the voyage but me and my love but I needed to level the battlefield and Caleb was a soldier in my army of pride. That there would be someone with beauty enough to stir his faithless flesh I had no doubt.

We departed on November 12th in the year of their lord Eighteen forty four. Our rage was palatable when Courtland informed us that he was accompanying us. Eric and I had a heated argument where I begged him to stop it. It seemed that he couldn't gainsay him in this or anything else. It was a foggy misty day when we set out for Alaska with Caleb and Courtland and Cole. But we were not overly crowded by their presence on the journey as they each found their own pursuits and when your father wasn't busy being a whore we were together often and we felt the arrow of our shared love pierce us.

But I get ahead of myself my son; I wonder if I shall endeavor to give you every last withered blossom of my youth before I should perish. I don't feel I have any great skill at this tale but it's real in a way I couldn't ever be in this life.

The gangplank rose and slid into the bowls of the hull and the creaking of the masts in the passionate wind was exciting even to me. There we stood tied to one another by fate and blood. All the men around us excluding the one's whose lives I shared seemed to be made of insubstantial stuff; made of shadow and saggy flesh and their faces were unremarkable next to my lord's and his kith.

They were completely compelling standing around me in a protective way. Even Courtland glanced to me thoughtfully and I could see in his face how Eric would look once time had touched him. He was magnificent and cruel; your grandfather went on to be a friend of mine in many ways Cole, though my affection for him never sat easy with me.

I should strive not to address you so much but at times you are the energy of my aged hand and the passion that keeps me here on this earth. When your father died last year, I knew that it was only a matter of time before I joined him and if it hadn't been for your odd devotion to me I would have blown my brains out the moment he passed.

AN: This tale is nearly at an end. I will do one more chapter today and I feel that it will be the final one. Thank you all for your patronage of this story and the great care you took in your review.