Chapter 52- Coming Back- Kanda

I looked around London as I walked past people and buildings. It was a cold afternoon, and snow clouds hung in the air. Fog covered the city, making it difficult to see anything.

I stopped walking when I saw two familiar people standing by a fountain, talking. I smiled as I began walking towards Lenalee and Marie. Lenalee looked my way as kids started yelling. I caught a soccer ball before it hit me in the face.

"Hey, can you throw that back to us?" A kid asked.

I tossed the ball to him, and continued walking. Lenalee's amethyst eyes were wide with surprise and relief. Marie put a hand to his headphones. He looked utterly confused.

"K-Kanda?" Lenalee stuttered. Her eyes were puffy and red, indicating that she had recently been crying.

"But… How?" Marie asked. "How are you alive?"

I smiled, and stopped in front of them. "What?" I asked. "No 'hello'?"

Lenalee smiled and tackled me with a hug. "Why did you come back?"

I didn't answer. I just hugged her with one arm.

She stepped back. "Where the hell have you been? For four months and twenty two days, everyone's thought that you were dead!"

"Calm down," I said, giving out a little laugh. "I've had some things that I've needed to do. I'm back now, and I am most certainly alive. I needed to understand some things that I hope will help me while I stay and fight for the Order."

"You mean…" Lenalee couldn't seem to find her words. "You're coming back? But why? You've always told me how you've wanted to leave the Order, but that you were trapped. Why would you come back if you were finally free?"
"That's for me to know, and you to find out," I said. I started to walk past them. When neither of them moved, I turned back to them. "Are you two coming?"

Lenalee smiled, and ran up so that she was by my side. Marie followed her. Together, we all started walking through the town. I followed them to the gate.

I stopped before I entered the gate. Was I really ready to do this? I would be bound to work for the Black Order until death. Was I really about to risk my freedom for that?

Do it. A little voice in my mind whispered. That's the only life you know. Go back to it.

I guess that settled that. I took a deep breath, and walked through the gate back into the Black Order.

Marie had gone off to tell the other exorcists about my return, and Lenalee decided to go tell Komui.

"Leverrier will trap you in an asylum if you go in there without proof," I said.

Her smile faded. "Or he'll think that my fever's making me hallucinate."
"What fever?" I asked.

She started to blush. "Um… the fever I got a few days ago…"

"Lenalee, why did you go on a mission if you were sick?" I scolded. "You know that's not a good idea!"

"Well, it was better than sitting in a bed until I got better, which would have probably been never!" She snapped. "You know that anger and fear and sadness make me sick!"
I closed my eyes, and rubbed my temples. "How long have you had a fever?"

"Only three days," She said.

"How long have you been feeling upset?"
Lenalee looked at the ground. "For a while…"

"How long?" I asked.

"Four months, twenty two days, sixteen hours, and thirty three minutes," She mumbled.

"You've kept track of how many minutes?" I sighed. "Lenalee, why have you been so upset?"

"Why do you think?" She asked. "I thought you were dead, and then Allen was locked dup, and then he escaped! I haven't seen him for months, and I don't know if he's okay. I've been dealing with all the deaths from the attack, and then when you died, it was too much to handle." I had no clue what she meant by Allen escaping, but I knew that it wasn't the time to ask.

A tear fell down her cheek. I sighed, and wiped it off her face with my finger. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry. But, Lenalee, why didn't you except what you thought was my death like you have done with so many others?"

"I don't know," She said. "I didn't want you to leave me like the others did. When I say farewell to them, I let them go. It feels like they're leaving me for good. I didn't want that to happen with you."

I pulled her into a hug. "I will not leave you, do you understand?"

She nodded. "I… I understand."

"I can't tell whether this is cute of disturbing to watch," Daisya said.

Lenalee and I broke apart, and started at him. He was leaning against a wall with his arms crossed, smiling his usual smile that always annoyed me. However this time, I was glad to see it. It had felt like years since I had seen that idiotic smile.

"It's good to see you again, Kanda," He said.

"It's good to see you too, Berry," I said. I turned to Lenalee. "Shall we go prove to Leverrier that you do not belong in a crazy house?"
She laughed. "He belongs in a crazy house, not me."

"I can debate about that," I said. I took off running before she could punch me. I heard her chasing me, laughing and yelling my name.

I passed Komui's office, then stopped. I turned around, and faced Lenalee who had stopped just outside the door. I walked over to her. We were both breathing hard and smiling.

Suddenly, Lenalee's smile dropped. "There's something I forgot to tell you," She said. "The last few months, Zhu hasn't been doing too well."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"He's been really ill for a while," She said, staring at the ground. "Bak and Fou have been with him every day, and they say that he's not getting better. They say that he's most likely going to… pass away any day now."

I stayed silent. Zhu was an old man; he was bound to die soon. But why now? Why did he have to be dying right when I got back?

"I'm sorry," Lenalee muttered.

I looked at her. "Why? It's not your fault he's dying. That's what we were put her on this world to do. We are all meant to die. It was bound to happen soon for the old man anyways."

And with that, I entered Komui's room. Everyone looked at me. It seemed to take a minute before they realized just who I was.

Komui stood up, looking bewildered. "Kanda?"

I didn't pay any attention to him. I walked over to the other end of the room where a curtain was hung. I drew the curtain back, and looked at the elderly man in the bed. Bak and Fou were at the side of the bed, crying.

"Yu," Zhu said, his voice soft. He held something on his stomach. It was wrapped in a white cloth. I recognized the shape to be that of a sword.

I went over to the bed, and placed my hand on the old man's. I smiled sadly at him. "Hey there, old man. Are you finally deciding that you want to die?"

"I'm sorry, Yu," Zhu said. "I created you and Alma because I was naive and insane. I did not think of the consequences and pain that you two would have to deal with. I got so wrapped up in wining this war that I forgot that there were other people around me who needed my help. You and Alma opened my eyes to that all those years back. I guess that it's too late for me to make up for my mistakes, though."

"Well then," I said. "I guess you're going to Hell." I placed my hand on the cloth-covered sword. "Mugen, activate!"

There was a blinding light, and I saw the same thing that I saw every time I activated my innocence- lotus flowers.

Zhu gasped, and looked around. "Lotus flowers? So they really weren't in your imagination..."

A small cube came out of the sword, and landed in my hand. I brought it to my lips. I was just about to drink it when Lenalee yelled. She grabbed it from me.

"Why?" She asked. "Why do you want to do this even though you had just become free?"

I smiled. "I'm doing this because I chose to. I chose to become an exorcist this time."

I was about to grab the cube, when I found that it had already liquefied in Lenalee's hand. I sighed, and looked at her.

"Don't get mad," I said. Lenalee looked confused, then completely freaked out as I brought her hand to my lips, and drank the innocence.

I heard Bak, Komui, and Daisya all yelling at me, but I paid no attention. When I drank all of the liquid, I let go of Lenalee's hand. I took a step backwards, and rolled the sleeves of my shirt up. I watched as blood exploded into the air, and then made little, red bracelets around both of my wrists. Two crosses appeared on my arms. They were the color of blood.

I rolled my sleeves back down, and said, "Now that was a show, wasn't it, Zhu?" I looked at the old man, who was still. His eyes were opened, and glassy. My heart dropped as I looked down at the dead man.

I knelt down next to the bed, suppressing tears. I closed the old man's eyes. "So long, Zhu Chan," I whispered into the old man's dead ear. "Thank you for the guidance you gave me."

I stood, and looked at the others. "Look's like the Earl's going to find a new way to get rid of me."

"Alma Karma's body," Leverrier said. "where is it buried."

"I'm not telling anyone that," I said. I walked past him, and out into the hallway. I started walking to my room. My heart felt heavy, like it had after Alma's death.

"KANDA!" Someone yelled. All of the exorcists surrounded me. General Tiedol hugged me tightly, and everyone was talking loudly. Timothy poked my leg. I looked down at the brat.

"I just wanted to make sure that you were alive," The kid said. He started to back up from my glare.

Lenalee walked over to us, sadness written all over her face. Daisya followed close behind.

"What happened?" General Klaud asked, looking at Lenalee. She had bandages on her face.

"Zhu…" Lenalee took a deep breath before continuing. "He just passed away."

Everyone went silent at her words. Those who knew my relationship with the old man looked at me with pity in their eyes.

I walked through the crowd of exorcists without saying a word. I made it to my room without being disturbed by anyone. I entered the room, and went to the window.

I leaned against the wall, and looked out at the world. I watched as little flakes of snow fell from the sky, sticking to the glass.

I started to pace around the room, feeling trapped. Why the hell had I agreed to this? It was a stupid idea, and I was already paying the price.

I punched the wall, breathing hard, and trying to keep tears from falling. I felt pathetic at the fact that I was about to cry.

"Don't cry," I scolded myself. "It won't do anything to help you!"

Despite all my attempts to stop the tears from falling, they fell. They fell like the snowflakes outside- slow and steady at first, but then faster and more constant. I fell to the ground, my back against the wall. I brought my knees up to my chest, hugged them, and buried my face in them.

It was pathetic, to be crying over the death of an old man who had allowed the Order to run experiments on me, but I didn't know what else to do. Zhu had been there for me all these years, and despite the anger I felt towards him for allowing everything to happen, I missed him.

My tears slowly exhausted me, and I fell asleep sitting on the ground, hugging my knees.