FF_992224_9/22/2009
Disclaimer: I don't own CSI.
Remember My Name
"What happened, Nick?" Megan asked gently. "What did you remember that freaked you out?"
It took a while for Nick to reply. "I remembered everything he said," he whispered.
"Is it more than you told me?" Megan asked.
Nick nodded mutely.
"Have you told anyone about this?" was Megan's next question.
Nick shook his head. He met Megan's eyes again. "I didn't even remember it. I… I-I think I deliberately forgot it. I didn't… I don't want to remember this." Nick bowed his head again. "But now it keeps echoing in my head. And I can't get it to stop. I need it to stop."
"Will you tell us?" Megan reached out and touched Nick's arm for just a second in reassurance.
"Do you think saying it out loud will keep it from repeating over and over in my head?" Nick whispered tearfully.
"I don't know," Megan answered. "But I do know that refusing to share it will not help it go away."
Nick nodded slowly, as if Megan's words just confirmed his own thoughts. "I was on the ground. He kicked me three times before he started talking." Nick was staring at his shaking hands while he spoke.
"He said, "You're not my son. I don't know whose son you are and I don't care. I bought you as a baby. I own you. And as long as I have a piece of paper that gives you my name, I'll have two things from you: loyalty and obedience. Loyalty means you'll never speak of what happens between us. If you ever do, I'll make what Jack Webster did to you seem like a picnic."
Nick ignored the gasps of shock and outrage. He was reliving the horror. It was as if he was back there, hearing it again. "He was kickin' me with every sentence. He said, 'Obedience means you'll do what I say, when I say, and how I say. I will tolerate no arguments, no backtalk and no dissention; not even any discussion.'" Nick's body jerked as he relived the kicks the Judge unleashed for emphasis. "'If you ever tell anyone anythin' about this, I will make you watch me kill them; and then I'll kill you with my bare hands.' Then he kicked me again and walked away." Nick just lay there, frozen, the pain he felt now masquerading as the pain he felt then.
Megan was concerned. She didn't like the way Nick was reacting – as if he was still in that barn. Before she could speak, though, Calleigh did. "Nicky! Oh god, Nicky! I'm here; you're gonna be ok. I promise you're gonna be ok."
Megan didn't know if that's what Calleigh said in the barn, but it must have been close enough because Nick responded to it. "Cal-leigh," he whispered, "Hurts."
"I'm here," Calleigh couldn't stop the tears. She was reliving her memories as well. "I'll help you."
"Don't tell, Cal-leigh," Nick whispered, raising his head. "Promise me, don't ever tell."
"But he kicked you," Calleigh responded. "He hurt you."
What Nick said next sank into the others in the room like a knife. It wasn't what he said, they'd heard the words before; but how he said it and the expression on his face that impacted them so deeply. His harsh, low whisper, along with the pain and terror on his face emphasized the horror in the words he spoke. "You cannot imagine the levels of violence he's capable of." Nick looked at Calleigh and repeated. "Promise me, don't ever tell."
"I promise," Calleigh whispered. She gently touched Nick's right shoulder.
The others in the room were silent, shocked by the deeply traumatic events recounted by their friend and colleague. No one knew what to say, how to react. Megan looked at Nick, seriously concerned. She knew she needed to see if Nick would respond to her; to see how badly he'd been hurt by the recovered memory.
"Nick?" Megan's voice was gentle, quiet. The room was enveloped in silence for the long moment Megan waited for an answer. "Nick?" she questioned again, her concern evident in her soft words.
Nick looked up at her, his eyes filled with tears. "He told me then," Nick whispered. "He told me I wasn't his son. But I blocked it out. I didn't want to know. Why would I block it out?"
"Nick," Megan said quietly and calmly. "You'd just been through a major trauma. You weren't thinking clearly. You had all you could do to survive the realization that your father would try to kill you. There was no way you could deal with him not being your father at the same time."
Nick nodded, slowly. His eyes met Maria's for a brief moment before they moved back to his shaking hands. He couldn't stop the shaking. His whole body was shaking with reaction as well as remembered terror and pain. Nick stared at his shaking hands, knowing he needed to accept what'd happened before he'd be able to calm down.
Maria couldn't see Nick's pain and not react. She moved carefully around Megan to his side. A gentle hand through his hair to let him know she was there, then her hands gently held and supported Nick's shaking ones.
Silence fell in the room. Nick's friends and colleagues were content to wait and let him come to grips with the devastating memory at his own pace. It was nearly a half an hour later before the silence was broken by the ringing of a cell phone.
Grissom moved quickly to silence the seemingly over-loud ringing. "Grissom," he muttered quietly, turning away from the silent group. The silence enabled everyone to hear his entire conversation even though he kept his voice soft in an effort to avoid disturbing Nick. "Yeah, he's here. I'll let him know so he can update the APB. Good work, Archie. Yeah, let me know if you find anything else."
Grissom closed his phone and turned to Brass. "Archie has a positive match on Craig Miller: footage from Nick's assault and Tucker's murder to the tape from his trial. The DA's gotten an arrest warrant for kidnapping, assault and murder. Now we just need to find him."
Brass nodded and got on his phone quietly to update the APB.
Grissom checked on Nick and found him watching him quietly. Grissom swallowed nervously, then continued. "Archie found some other files saved in the camera's memory. He's checking into them now."
Nick nodded without speaking. His face showed his exhaustion.
"Maybe one of those files will tell us who-all was involved in the attempt on Nick," Denny said quietly.
"Hopefully, it'll give us evidence against the Judge," Matt muttered.
"Do you really think he was involved?" Nick flinched when he met Matt's surprised eyes.
"Don't you, Nick?" It was Billy who got the question out first.
"I don't know what to believe anymore," Nick whispered, clenching his hands tightly together. Before he could say any more, there was a disturbance outside the room.
A/N: Not as long a wait, this time. I'm trying to finish this story. I've decided that some things will have to be resolved in a sequel. Please keep reading and reviewing. Thanks! :)
