A/N: Anyone need more undeniable proof that House is in love with Wilson? The patient's situation is always a reflection on one of the characters' situations. This patient was in love with a girl who was engaged to someone else, and even though she seemed to feel the same way, he kept his feelings to himself because he wanted her to be happy.
Recap: Wilson is dating Sam, his first ex wife, who hurt him badly when they first got divorced. House thinks he's making a mistake but Wilson wants him to stay out of it. House threatens Sam, she says she doesn't know where they're going and wants a chance.
Knight Fall
It's finally happened. I've known it was coming for awhile. It's not unexpected. But stopping it in its tracks is going to be harder than I thought. Threatening her didn't work, asking her to leave Wilson for Wilson's sake didn't work. Blackmailing her probably won't work either. She'll know that whatever I would have found out I probably wouldn't tell Wilson. It will hurt him. If I go to him with dirt on her, he'll be more upset with me than with her. They'll just get closer.
Damn. Everything was going fine. All right, not completely fine, but better than before. I didn't actually think it would be different now, but I hoped. I mean, he's never agreed to us living together with any degree of permanence before. When he was staying at my apartment it was always supposed to be temporary, and when I was staying in Amber's apartment we thought it'd be temporary. Well one of us did. But this condo was for us. Hence the second bedroom. And the organ.
Sam is a threat. I don't like it. She's his ex, and even though she said she didn't know where it was going, they used to be married, so it's serious. They already know each other. And they're still deciding to try and be together. I'm sure she's just toying with him, seeing if she can get him to fall for her just so she can hurt him again, but he thinks it's serious. He fucking wants it to work.
I don't understand. Why does he need her? Why aren't I enough for him?
Because I don't have a vagina. Get over it, he doesn't love you. He doesn't want you like that and he never will so just suck it up. He's a guy, he needs sex from somewhere, and he doesn't do hookers. And he's incapable of casual sex. It has to be serious. He has to care. He cares about her.
But she doesn't care about him. She didn't even have the guts to break up with him to his face. He goes to a conference and she mails him some divorce papers. If I hadn't been there to pick up the pieces...
I don't want to go through that again. I don't want to see him like that. Cuddy doesn't either, but she refuses to do anything about it. Of course, last time she advised him against a relationship he fell head over heels in love and spent months crying over her death. So does he still talk to her at night, or is it just Sam? Amber, I've found a living breathing person so I'm just going to forget you ever existed or honey who are you talking to? Just my dead girlfriend go back to sleep.
Better Amber than Sam. Except for the fact that he and Sam will end and he and Amber might not have. Still, at least she was good for him. At least with her I could pretend he really loved me. Sam...they can't be together.
No, not just because I'm looking out for Wilson and I know she'll tear out his heart and put it through a meat grinder. Of course I care about him and don't want him to get hurt, but that's not the only reason I did it. I just don't want to share him. Even if we can't be together the way I want us to, even if he never realises that I'm in love with him or that he's in love with me, I still don't want him with anyone else. I don't want him even thinking about anyone else. Thinking about them together hurts me. But even if we never become lovers, I still want him all to myself. I want to be the one he shares his life with, the one he grows old with. I want to be the reason he wakes up in the morning and the last thing he thinks about at night, even if I can't share his bed.
Why did he assume I did it for him? When do I make any sort of effort at anything that doesn't directly benefit me? Why is he determined to see the best in me even when it doesn't exist? God, I love him. This hurts too much. It fucking sucks. Sam...
Wilson's oblivious, but I wonder if she knows. I mean, I called her my enemy. I told her I'd outlast her. I hope it's true.
Cuddy warned me against forcing Wilson to choose. She thinks he won't choose me.
When it's an evening, he'll choose her. When it's someone to sleep with, he'll choose her. But if he were to get an ultimatum, not from either one of us, but if he had to get one, if he had to choose...
He chose Amber. He didn't care if I died as long as she lived.
All right, that's not fair, he cared, he just valued her life more than mine. He'd rather I died in the process and had been able to save her than living through it and diagnosing her but not being able to do anything about it.
But Sam's not Amber.
Did he love Amber more?
Getting over Sam was hard for him. Yeah, he was young, it was his first serious break up, but it was really serious for him. Maybe not more than Amber's death, maybe not less.
Would he want me to die for Sam?
I wouldn't. I'd die for Amber for Wilson, but not for Sam.
Yes I would. If I really believed that he was completely in love with her and more importantly, if I believed that she was completely in love with him and that they could be happy together, then I'd do it. Not like, if it happened tomorrow. But if I thought their being together would be the best thing for Wilson, then I guess I'd do it.
Nolan wouldn't like that. He thinks my life actually matters compared to Wilson. Or that's what he tells me. I don't know why. No one else thinks it does. Definitely not Wilson, and definitely not me. And who else really matters?
I don't like her. She's manipulative and deceitful. I don't for a minute believe her innocent woman trying to make up for past mistakes act. There's something about her...the way she looks at you. When we had a psychopath for a patient awhile back Thirteen knew there was something off because the patient gave her the creeps. Sam gives me the creeps. I wonder if she's a psychopath. I guess I wouldn't put it past Wilson to fall in love with one and have no idea.
The problem is getting him to realise it. Getting him to see that she's no good for him. That he's not going to be happy with her. Or any happiness he thinks he'll have will be destroyed when she leaves. Getting him to see that dammit I'm the one who loves him most and if he had an ultimatum I should be the one he picks. Even though I never will be.
