A/N: Once again thank you all for reading and reviewing, I hope you enjoy this next chapter! This is by far my longest and probably my most favourite chapter, I have really enjoyed writing this one. This chapter looks a bit more at Severus' demons so please be warned! Let me know what you think! Thank you
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, places, brand names, people, films or books mentioned in this chapter or anything else that I may have forgotten to mention. Many Thanks.
WARNINGS!
A/N: Chapter Warnings – Possible mentions of sexual assault, bad language, suicide and other sexual situations with definite mentions of abuse, child abuse and violence.
Chapter 51: Goodbyes, Severus' Home, and Nightmares
After breakfast the next morning, Hermione and Severus prepared to leave, she could not wait to get out of this place and stay with Severus.
However, her friends were proving a little more difficult, they kept questioning her about where she was going, why she was leaving and what had made her change her mind.
"Look guys, I told you, there are still some bits and pieces that I need to sort out in regards to my parent's affairs. Professor McGonagall is my official guardian, and has agreed to what I'm going to do. I'm not sure what they have done with my house yet but if it still belongs to my parents, then I shall stay there. If not, other arrangements have been put in place" she informed them.
"Now, can I please pack without a Spanish Inquisition?" She asked.
"A what?" Ron asked confused.
"Never mind" she said as she shook her head, and packed up the last of her things.
She knew Severus would be waiting for her downstairs shortly, and she was like a nervous bundle of energy. She had a feeling she was going to be staying at Severus' family home. She knew what his childhood had been like there, and she knew that he hated the place. She was determined to make sure there were at least some good memories for him there by the time the holidays were over.
"Right, that's about it, I'm ready to go" she said.
The boys and her chattered as they headed downstairs, helping Hermione carry her bags, and she entered the main room where Severus was stood waiting for her.
"Are you quite ready to go, Miss Granger?" He asked her in teacher mode as the two boys were with her.
She nodded and moved to stand next to him.
"Hold on, Snape is escorting you from here?" Ron asked rudely without thinking.
"That is Professor to you Weasley, and yes, to answer your question, I am to escort Miss Granger away from here" he said.
"And just where are you taking her? You think I trust you to just take her without telling us where you are taking her to?" He asked, completely forgetting his manners and respect for his teacher.
"How dare you speak that way to me Weasley?!" Severus exclaimed.
"Just leave it Ron, if this is what has been decided then that's fine with me" she said.
"But Mione, I don't trust him" Ron tried to argue.
"Well I do, just let this go. Please." She begged.
He sighed, looking very unhappy with the situation, but finally managed to find his silent voice. He huffed in response.
"That will also be twenty points from Gryffindor, and two detentions with Filch, for your blatant disrespect" Severus snarled at Weasley.
"That's bullshit!" Ron exclaimed.
"Ronald Weasley, how dare you even utter that word, let alone say it to your teacher!" Molly yelled from the doorway.
Ron's face paled as he turned around to face her, Severus tried to hide his smirk. He loved when Molly Weasley went to town on her children.
Ron was trying to stutter out an adequate response, but Molly just glared at her son.
"Enough! I will deal with you later" she said.
Ron didn't look too pleased at that comment, in fact, he looked utterly terrified.
"My apologies for my son Severus, I don't understand where he gets his rude behaviour from" she apologised.
Severus nodded in thanks.
"Now if that is all, Miss Granger and I shall be on our way" he said.
Molly approached Hermione and hugged her tight.
"You need anything Hermione, anything at all, you can floo me, or send an owl to Professor McGonagall as you won't be able to send a letter to me, here directly" she told Hermione.
Hermione nodded and said her thanks.
"Look after her Severus, if one more hair on her head is harmed, it will be your testicles that take the punishment. Am I clear?" She warned Severus.
Severus tried not to show his fear in front of his students, but he knew Molly was serious and he'd be lying if he said that Molly Weasley didn't scare the crap out of him.
He cleared his throat.
"Understood Madame" he said.
"Bye Mione" Harry said as he hugged her.
He glanced between her and Severus. He didn't know where they were going, but he knew that he trusted Hermione's judgement to go off with Severus. Now that Harry was thinking about it, it was probably her idea. Hermione and Severus Snape would be spending the next two weeks, alone together...
Harry winced and stopped thinking about it; he decided he didn't want to know.
"Bye Harry, bye Molly, bye Ron. Molly, could you tell Arthur I said goodbye?" she asked Molly.
"Of course dear, have a good holiday" Molly replied.
Severus led Hermione out of the house, and the two began walking to the apparition point.
"I want to warn you that where we are about to go, is not the most pleasant of places. Living at Hogwarts for most of the year means that my home gets severely neglected and over the years, well, I'm surprised that the building is still standing to be honest. If we get there and you decide you don't want to stay, I will understand and we can go somewhere else" Severus informed her.
She nodded.
The pair reached the apparition point and Severus grabbed hold of Hermione and they disappeared with a crack.
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They landed and Severus led the way towards his home.
Hermione took in her surroundings as they walked down a narrow street of terrace houses, most of them had broken windows or had been boarded up. The street looked like the ones that were specifically built for the workers who had worked for the industrial factories during the Victorian era and the industrial revolution. The houses were all small, compact, and there were hundreds of them, the narrow road seemed to stretch for miles. The road itself looked really run down and grubby, matching the authentic industrial look. Hermione was fascinated with History and historical events, and she found herself rather excited to be experiencing the real thing. She kicked herself for not expecting that Severus would more than likely live in one of these homes, they were in Manchester after all or 'Cottonopolis' as it was known in the 19th century.
Severus eventually stopped in front of one particular house in the middle of the street.
"This is it" he said.
He tried not to show it but he was actually very nervous. He had not had anyone enter his home, as a guest, for over twenty years, and he was worried that the state of his home would affect Hermione's opinions of him. He knew he wasn't the easiest person to get along with and he was aware of what his students thought about his appearance after overhearing their conversations. He also knew that his house would be covered in dust, and was dark and dreary but he prepared himself, he was ready for her disdain and her rejection of his home. This home was a secret, only Dumbledore knew this address from Severus' schooldays, so Severus never used any magic whilst he was at home, to avoid raising any suspicions about there being Wizards living in the area. He also did not want the Dark Lord, or any of the other Death Eaters, to find out where he lived, this was his sanctuary, which is ironic as this home used to be his personal hell when he was younger, and he trusted Hermione with this sanctuary.
Hermione noticed that Severus looked more than slightly unsettled, and so she moved to stand next to him and grabbed his hand. She gave it a tight squeeze, in what she hoped would be an act of comfort, and Severus smiled briefly at her and they walked to the front door.
Hermione was mildly surprised when Severus took out a front door key, putting it in the lock before turning it and opening the door. She had naively expected him to just open the door with magic like they all did at Grimmauld place.
Noticing her surprised look Severus explained.
"I don't use magic here" he told her.
She nodded, not really understanding why but accepting it all the same.
Severus took a deep breath and they entered the home.
Hermione took in the main room, Severus hadn't been joking when he said that the place had no TLC, in fact the main room reminded her of her third year when she and Harry had first entered the shrieking shack. Hermione did not think that the state of the home reflected on Severus' personal hygiene at all, but she was worried that when he did come home, this was what he lived in. She was surprised that he wasn't ill from all the mould or the dust.
Severus was holding his breath and he had his back turned to her so that he was not even looking at her. He was waiting for her to start telling him how grim and disgusting she thought the place was, and how he was disgusting for even considering living in a place like this.
He was surprised however, when he felt a small pair of arms wrap around his waist from behind and a head lean against his right shoulder blade. He looked behind him and saw his Hermione smiling up at him, although her facial expression still showed traces of worry.
"Hermione, I apologise for…" he began, voice full of emotion.
"Shhhh Severus" she said, placing one of her fingers to his lips.
She shook her head, she did not want him to feel that he had to apologise for the state of his home.
Severus watched her for a moment as she removed her finger from his lips and replaced it with her own lips. She kissed him passionately, and Severus forgot what he had been worried about as he kissed her back.
She eventually pulled away and placed her hands on each side of his face.
"You have no reason to apologise" she whispered to him.
The two hugged in the middle of the main room for a few moments more before Severus let go of her and closed his eyes to grasp control of his emotions once more.
"Perhaps I should give you a tour, and show you to your room" he said.
Hermione grinned up at him as he showed her around the small house. There was the main room, the kitchen, and a small bathroom downstairs. Upstairs there was a bigger bathroom, a tiny storage room, and three bedrooms. Severus stopped in front of one of the doors and opened it.
"Will you be comfortable here?" he asked her.
The room was an average sized bedroom, it had a double bed, and a wardrobe, and a chest of drawers. It was homely and perfect and it was actually very clean. There was hardly any dust, no mould, and aside from the old worn out carpet, it looked like the room had been recently furnished or at least it was the newest part of the home.
"It's perfect Severus, thank you" she said happily, as Severus helped put her bags and belongings on the bed.
He smiled back at her, happy that she liked the room.
He helped her get settled in and the two of them headed back downstairs, it was nearly time for lunch. Severus grimaced as he remembered that he had no food in the house and would have to go shopping.
"Well, shall we have a walk into the town? You can show me the delights of this part of Manchester and we can pick up a few things whilst we are out" she said.
"That is a good idea" Severus agreed.
Hermione excused herself from the room in order to go and grab her handbag with her purse in it, and a cardigan to wear outside. It may have been April but there was still a small chill in the air when the sun wasn't out.
She made her way downstairs and almost froze in shock at the sight of Severus as she entered the room. He was dressed in muggle attire and he had tied his hair back to the nape of his neck. Hermione almost groaned on the spot, it was very rare to see Severus with his hair tied back and Hermione had a thing for Severus' neck, she always found that Severus' personal scent was always strongest around his ears and neck, probably because he always wore his hair down. He also looked much younger with his hair tied back.
Severus turned when he heard her enter the room once more and instantly notice the slight blush that had graced her cheeks. He raised an eyebrow in question and she took a shaky breath.
"Wow…you look, wow!" was all she managed to say.
Severus chuckled at her and Hermione snapped back to reality and said she was ready to go if he was.
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The two left the home and Severus led the way to the town. Hermione stared in awe at the town, it was tiny, Victorian, but beautiful, and had everything one would need. There was a Tesco, banks, a post office, a pharmacy, health and beauty shops, cafes, a bakery, small restaurants, takeaways, a pub, clothes shops, charity shops, DIY and home shops, an off-licence and, to Hermione's delight, an old fashioned sweetshop. It was your standard, picturesque village town with all the essentials, and Hermione fell in love with it instantly.
Severus noticed Hermione's expression and hid his grin; he was amazed that such a small town, with nothing special about it, could make her so excited. He also noticed Hermione looking longingly at the sweetshop and knew that she had a sweet tooth.
"I take it you will want to visit there?" Severus asked her rhetorically.
Hermione looked at him and smiled as she looked down, she always felt embarrassed that Severus knew about her love for sugar and chocolate. But she nodded in response anyway.
"Well, let's shop in the town first and then we shall do the food shopping last, then we don't have to drag all the bags around whilst we look in the shops" Severus suggested.
Hermione agreed and stopped outside a bank to use the cashpoint machine. She drew out some money that was in her debit account, so that she could do some of her own shopping. They stopped at the health and beauty shop, so that Hermione could stock up on toiletries; she had been running low on deodorant and feminine hygiene products and needed to purchase more.
Severus was the most patient shopper ever as he watched and waited for her to choose her items. In Hermione's experience, a normal male would be waiting outside the shop already or gone off to another shop altogether. She tried not to take too long and purchased her items. Severus also picked up a few items himself and the pair then headed for the sweetshop, much to Hermione's joy. She was acting like a kid and Severus found himself laughing at her.
Once inside the sweetshop, Hermione was running around it, picking up almost anything and everything she could get her hands on. She finally made it to the counter and Severus was blown away by how much she had picked up. Those sweets would last her months.
Eventually, they got to the supermarket and began doing the food shopping. Severus picked up things he liked to eat and Hermione also put in bits that she liked. She made sure that Severus was going to be eating proper meals whilst she was around. Whilst she wasn't the best cook in the world, she could make some things, and she knew Severus enjoyed a home cooked meal. He had done so much for her, the least she could do was try and return the favour.
They went and paid for the shopping together and Hermione couldn't help but feel how bizarre it was that she and Severus Snape were doing something as ordinary as food shopping. As they had been walking around the shop, Hermione enjoyed how relaxed and comfortable she felt at the ordinary situation.
The two of them carried all their shopping back home and Hermione helped Severus put the shopping away and throw out all the things that were out of date. Afterwards, Hermione and Severus fixed themselves some sandwiches for lunch. They ate and sat down together on the old, torn sofa in the main room, and took in the peace and quiet of the place.
"So what did you really think?" Severus asked her.
"I think this home is perfect but because you don't use it often, it makes it seem really run down. But it isn't, these houses were originally built for the industrial workers so they're not meant to be palaces. If anything, this house looks authentic in line with its original purpose and it is half a mile away from the prettiest town I've probably ever been to. For Manchester, I was expecting it to be very urban, and loud, and busy, but this is actually very rural and countrified and I love it" she said to him.
Severus grinned at her, he was glad that she liked the place and was looking forward to her stay. Hermione was always cheerful and he felt that this was exactly what his house needed, some joy and light touch to the old place.
The two sat chatting for quite some time before Severus remembered something. He told Hermione to stand and follow him. She did as he asked and he led her to another door next to the main room that she hadn't noticed earlier. Severus stepped up into the room and Hermione followed. She gasped as she saw a mini library full of books, mainly classical muggle literature, and a grin graced her lips.
"I thought you might enjoy this room, feel free to read anything you like in here, whenever you want" he told her.
She thanked him as she eyed up an original copy of Daphne du Maurier's 'Rebecca', as they left the room.
Hermione's attention soon went to dinner as it was now approaching the early evening.
"What would you like? I will cook" she offered.
Severus looked at her and wanted to say that he didn't expect her to lift a finger whilst she was here but as he was not the best cook in the world, despite his potion skills, he felt he should probably let her take the reins for that.
"I'll help" he replied.
The two of them moved to the kitchen and prepared dinner together. Hermione decided to cook some chicken, potatoes, and vegetables for dinner and soon enough, Hermione and Severus had produced a delicious meal and they sat down at the small kitchen table to eat.
After a delicious meal, Hermione and Severus washed up and put everything away before Hermione asked if she could use the shower. Severus showed her how to use the shower as it could be temperamental, and left her to it.
When she was all cleaned up and dressed in her pyjamas, she went downstairs and found Severus sat in front of the old television that was in the room.
"Would you like to watch a film? I don't have much choice but you may pick something from what I have" he said to her.
She went to the modest collection of videos that Severus had and picked one out. She was overjoyed to see that Severus had Jim Henson's 'Labyrinth' on video and she grabbed it and handed it to Severus. He chuckled at her choice.
"It's ironic that this is a fantasy film according to the muggle world, yet we know that Goblin's, odd creatures, and absurdly large mazes actually exist" he said.
Hermione laughed.
"Exactly! This was one of my favourite films as a child, but I never believed for a second that any of it existed until I started Hogwarts" she agreed.
Severus started the film and the two of them snuggled up together on the sofa and watched it. Towards the end of the film, Hermione felt herself falling asleep and Severus nudged her awake.
"I think it's time we went to bed" he said.
Hermione yawned and nodded in agreement, the excitement of the day had really worn her out. Severus turned off all the electrics and lights downstairs, and checked the kitchen to make sure everything was turned off and then he and Hermione turned and headed upstairs.
"If you need me I will be in the room opposite" he told her.
Hermione was slightly upset that Severus would not be staying in the same room with her but she understood and appreciated that this was his home and he was probably a little bit out of his comfort zone with having someone else invading his sanctuary, so she stood on her tiptoes and gave him a light kiss on the lips.
"Thank you Severus, goodnight" she said to him as she hugged him goodnight.
"Goodnight love, I will see you in the morning" he replied.
Hermione then entered her room and waved at Severus as he watched her close the bedroom door. Once Hermione had closed her bedroom door, Severus turned to his bedroom door and went inside. It had been a while since he had been in his own childhood room, but he got ready for bed and settled down to sleep.
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Hermione found her bed quite comfortable and she had fallen asleep quickly after getting into bed. She felt that she had not been asleep long when she was startled awake. Hermione's heart was racing, as if she'd had a nightmare that she couldn't quite remember, she could even still hear the screaming in the back of her mind.
As she came out of her sleepy state, she realised that she was not imagining the screaming, the screams were real. She immediately jumped into action and threw her bedroom door open. The screaming was coming from the room opposite and, without hesitation; she ran into Severus' room and turned on the light.
She immediately noticed that Severus was not hurt, but he was definitely in the midst of a nightmare. She tried to shake him awake, his screams were truly terrifying, but he was not an easy man to wake in this state.
She got into his small bed and cuddled up to him and stroked the side of his head, eventually Severus settled enough to stop screaming and Hermione was able to slowly waken him. He was covered in sweat and he was pale and he was worrying her.
When he opened his eyes, it took him a moment but he then turned to meet her eyes, slightly surprised that she was there.
"Are you alright Severus? I think you were having a nightmare" she asked him gently.
He sighed and sat up, he then got out of the bed, he couldn't be there anymore, it was making him feel really constricted.
"I'm sorry Hermione" he whispered back once he had stood up.
Hermione looked at him confused and then looked around the room whilst he had a moment to grasp reality again. She noticed that the room was really old looking, the once black sheets looked grey from how old they were, and the room was thick with dust.
Severus noticed her taking in the room and knew that she would connect the dots any second, so he decided to just tell her anyway.
"This is my room…" he began, but hesitated as he wasn't sure how to continue.
"But, it's also not your room" Hermione finished for him.
Severus nodded.
"This is your childhood room but the room you normally stay in is the guest room I am in, which is why this room looks like it hasn't been used in years and the guest room looks practically brand new" she said.
Severus looked ashamedly at the floor but nodded.
"Severus, why didn't you just stay in your normal room?" she asked.
"I didn't want you to stay in any other room than the one that you're in. You know that my childhood was less than desirable. This was my childhood room, and it holds some of my darkest memories. My father would….." he broke off and shook his head; he didn't even want to think about the violence and the abuse he had received from his drunken father. The amount of nights he had spent awake, terrified, and waiting for when his father would burst into his room.
He had snapshots whirling around his head of every lash of his father's belt that he would receive across his backside for doing the smallest thing wrong. Every time he had pissed his bedsheets in sheer fear from his nightmares, and from the smell of his father's alcoholic breath, and then getting hit for wetting his bed.
Severus snapped out of it, he was beginning to feel sick.
"I haven't slept in this room since I was seventeen. My parents were dead by then and I had no job, and no money so, I had to keep this place just to have a roof over my head. All I've ever really wanted was to burn this place to the ground. Instead, I decided to just move rooms. The room you're in had always been used as a guest room or storage room, no-one had ever actually slept in there before so, I cleaned it all out and made it my own room. I then closed this bedroom door and I haven't opened it since, the other room was obviously my parent's. I didn't want you staying in those rooms because of the darkness they hold so, I put you in mine" he told her.
"Oh Severus, why didn't you say? I would never have taken your room had I known" she said gently.
"You wouldn't have had anywhere decent to sleep and I was not going to force you into sharing a bed with me, I wanted you to have the choice" Severus said.
"Oh, you beautiful man!" Hermione exclaimed.
Severus' head snapped up and he looked at her, her eyes were welling up with tears. She hated the thought that her Severus had truly suffered as a child, and that he would suffer from his nightmares again just to make her comfortable.
"Did it occur to you that maybe I would've really enjoyed your company in bed?" she asked him.
Severus was shocked.
"Well….I, I guess I didn't think that… After you saw the state of this place, I assumed you would think…." He gave up on trying getting out a coherent sentence.
"You thought that after I saw the house that I wouldn't want to share a bed with someone who was willing to sleep in a place such as this?" she asked rhetorically.
Severus nodded.
"That's ridiculous, I mean bless you for being so sweet and thinking about it like that, but you're wrong, I would never think of you like that and if I'm honest, I was under the impression that we would be sharing a room" she grinned at him as she approached him and slowly put her arms around him.
"Really?" he gasped as he tried to hide his tears.
"Yes Severus, if you're comfortable with it of course" she said as she reached her hand up and swiped away his tears.
Severus sniffed and nodded in agreement.
"Right then, are you ready to go to bed?" she asked.
He nodded.
She led him out of his childhood bedroom as she turned the light off and closed the door. She and Severus then made their way to the guest room, Severus' room, and the two of them climbed into bed.
Hermione held onto Severus tightly that night, and Severus held onto her just as tight. Severus was worried that if he let go, then all of this would disappear and that would be his new worst nightmare.
"Goodnight my Severus" Hermione whispered, lightly kissing his cheek as he drifted off to sleep.
