So first, I want to thank all of my reviewers and readers. Each one of you makes my day, and every review I get makes me so happy. I love knowing that people enjoy my stories, and reviews are a tangible way to see it.
Second, I think there will be 2 more chapters. Maybe 3...I'm so bad at predicting that kind of thing. But I have more stories coming and I hope you guys like those as well. Writing is one of my favorite things to do, and I have a particular story coming up that I'm very excited about.
Third, this chpater involves abuse. Like, more blatant than most of what has come before. Not graphic, but sexual abuse is mentioned and alluded to, so be prepared.
Interview
It wasn't that I didn't want Sodapop around. I did…more than anything I wanted Soda to be here when I told the cop everything…or as much as I could manage to say. I didn't know if I could say all of it. Sometimes when I thought about it, shame threatened to choke me and my throat would close up…I couldn't stand the thought of talking about all of it in front of Soda. He'd start bawling or worse, and I couldn't get through it if I knew how hard it was for him to hear it. Honestly, it wasn't fair to want Darry to stay either. It wasn't any easier for him, I knew, but he wouldn't show it. I still wouldn't be able to look at him, but he wouldn't cry or nothing probably…just sit real quiet. Maybe break something later, if that hole in the wall was anything to go by.
"Why don't you start with your first week with Richard and his family." Easy enough. I remembered it...every bit of it. It would start out easy and get real tough to talk about real fast. Already I wanted to be sick just thinking about it. "I'm just going to write down everything you say, and afterwards, you can look it over and sign it if it's all right. Does all of that sound okay?"
"You can wait if you want." Darry reminded me softly when I hesitated, his arm around my shoulders. I felt safe, at least. Darry would never let anyone hurt me. Not Richard or this cop or anyone else. He'd die first. I was as safe as I could be at the moment, so I could get it all over with and just say everything that had happened. Then maybe I'd never have to talk about it again. It was a ridiculous idea, but a comforting one.
"Yeah. That's fine." Officer Charlton nodded.
"Okay, go ahead and start whenever you're ready."
I was quiet for a moment, trying to figure out what exactly to say. So much had happened...stuff I could talk about and things I would never be able to say out loud. To anyone. Finally, I decided to just start at the beginning as he'd asked and do my best to get through it as fast as I could. "It wasn't so bad. Not at first." I told the cop, looking at his notepad rather than at him. "The other guys were fine, and Rita was okay. No one really said much to me. It was a couple of days before anything happened…I just heard him yelling a lot, but I stayed late at school, doing homework, or walked around before I had to go back to that house. The other two, Tyler and Mark, and me all shared a room. I just wanted to keep my head down so I could go home."
"Did Richard ever hit them?" The cop wondered when I was quiet for a moment.
"Yeah…just when they'd walk by or something, he slap them on the back of the head or something. Not real hard…mostly they stayed out of his way." I told him. "A few days in…I don't remember how many…four or five I guess…I went out to the porch to smoke. I'd done it before but he was never home. His wife, Tammy, didn't care. No one said I wasn't supposed to, and I went outside...I didn't smoke in the house ever." I hated that I felt like I was defending myself like this…like it really was my fault. My voice had gotten faster and faster until I had to stop to take a breath. Darry must have felt me falling apart because he reached out, rubbing my back.
He didn't say anything, but he moved a little closer to me, and the cop was looking sympathetically at me which I hated, so I dropped my eyes again, staring at his notepad again. "Do you want something to drink?" The cop offered, like it was his house or something, and I shook my head. I just wanted this to be over.
"He came outside…I didn't know what he was doing. He didn't say nothing. I was gonna apologize...I didn't know…" Shrugging, I stared down at the floor. "He grabbed the cigarette out of my hand and grabbed my arm…then he put it out on my arm." Darry jerked a little behind me but didn't stop rubbing circles on my back. I didn't dare look back at him.
"Can I see your arm?" The cop's voice was quiet and almost apologetic.
"No." The word was out before I could stop it, my arms crossed tight across my chest, and Darry's hand went to my shoulder, squeezing a little.
"Maybe later." He told the cop, his voice quiet and firm. The cop nodded.
"Of course. Go on, Ponyboy."
"I went to the social worker after that. I got some change for the bus and went the next day instead of going to school. She was in her office and I went in…I told her what he'd done. And I showed her my arm…" I swallowed hard, hating this part. Hating all of it. "She was nice. Told me not to worry…had me get in her car…" I choked a little on my words. "I thought she was gonna bring me home. I just wanted to come home…I told her I didn't need my stuff when we got closer to that house…I thought…"
Darry hugged me to his side, rubbing a hand up and down my arm. For a long time, I couldn't talk, not wanting to remember. Not wanting to relive any of it. I wanted to disconnect like I had when Richard had been hitting me in his living room, everyone else in their rooms, ignoring the slap of the belt. But I couldn't, not with Darry sitting right beside me, holding me, just like I'd wanted for so long. I was suddenly really glad Soda wasn't there. He couldn't take it.
The cop was patient, waiting until I could talk again. "She dropped me off at the house, walking me inside. I still thought she was going to bring me home…I just thought...I thought she was going to let me get my stuff. Then…she told Richard…he was in the living room. She told me I'd come to her office and that I'd accused him of hurting me. Then she left."
"She's in police custody. Even if she's released, she'll never get her job back." Officer Charlton assured me softly. I nodded, arms still crossed. "Where was Richard's wife during this?"
"She was in the kitchen. Everyone else was in their bedrooms." He nodded and Darry kept me close, still quiet. "He…he took off his belt. Pushed me against the wall and hit me with it." I hadn't told anyone this…not Johnny or Dally or anyone. I didn't want to tell him now. But they had to know. And I knew I'd have to tell Sodapop at some point, too, but I couldn't stand the thought of it. "I don't know how long or anything…a long time. I was bleeding when he stopped. He told me if I ever did anything stupid like that, he'd kill me. Then he said he'd come after Darry and Soda too." I didn't stop. I couldn't, or I didn't know if I'd be able to start again. "I went to the room I shared with Mark and Tyler and around midnight, I heard him in Rita's room. Lianne wasn't with us yet. He was…well, you know. She told you." I muttered, my ears red. "I wasn't gonna let him hurt her if I could stop it." I defended myself, even though no one had accused me. "I went in and grabbed him…pulled him off of her and punched him in the nose. I got a couple of hits in before he got a hold of me." The cop was writing furiously and I hesitated, letting him catch up.
"The next thing I remember, Rita was trying to get me off the floor…I couldn't hardly move…slept on the floor that night. Mark and Tyler didn't know. I slept in her room most nights from then on…slept at the foot of the bed on the floor and stopped him from hurting her as much as I could. It didn't always work. I tried, though. I…I tried." My voice died and I stared down at my feet.
"I know you did, kiddo," Darry told me softly. "I know…it's okay." He put both arms around me, his lips pressing against the top of my head in a gesture so surprising and that reminded me of Dad so much that I thought for a second I was going to fall apart. I managed to take a deep breath, though, pulling away and looking up at him for the first time. He wasn't crying or anything, but I knew he was real upset, his hand coming up and pushing my hair back. "Are you okay?" He asked, his eyes serious and gentle. I took a minute to think about that, not wanting to lie to him.
"Yeah. I'm okay." He nodded, sitting back but staying close as we turned back to the cop. I didn't look at him, just staring at the notepad.
"I kept smoking on the porch. It was dumb...but I didn't want to stop because of him. So I kept smoking and he kept catching me."
"Was Richard the only one that hurt you?" The cop asked.
"Yeah," I told him, glad to have an easy one to answer. "Tammy saw him do it sometimes, but she never hit me. Sometimes she told him to stop when he'd been hitting me for a while. He was the worst with me…I guess cause I kept sleeping in Rita's room. The others were better at staying out of his way." I shrugged. "It was like that until Lianne showed up." I wanted to go back to bed…just lay down under the covers and hide until I could fall asleep. But I needed to tell him about Lianne. She deserved that much. "She smarted off to him on her first day and he slapped her. Later, we were both out on the porch…she came out and found me out there. She pulled out a cigarette and lit it, and he showed up out of nowhere, grabbing for it. I got it before he could and threw it into the yard."
"What did he do?" The officer asked when it was obvious I wasn't going to go on. I was lost for a minute, remembering.
"I thought he was finally going to kill me." I admitted. "I mean, I'd kind of thought that before, but he just kept hitting me and kicking me. Lianne ran off. Don't know where. Finally, his wife came out and said something and he left me on the porch. Tyler came out and got me to our room somehow…guess he carried me. I couldn't move the next day. I heard him saying something about a hospital to Mark, but there was no way either of them could get me to a hospital." I shrugged.
"How long did it take you to recover?"
"I was able to go back to school that Monday…it happened on a Thursday. But I was peeing blood for almost a week, and I couldn't hardly stand up straight. Couldn't really eat, either. Everything made me sick. Not that they fed us much."
"Tell me more about that." Officer Charlton suggested, probably just wanting to give Darry a break. From the way he was sitting beside me, I knew he wasn't taking this real well. Soda would have lost it by then, though, so I was just grateful he was quiet.
"Tammy cooked sometimes but mostly just for Richard. We ate whatever was left over. Sometimes they'd have his friends over and we'd have more leftovers to eat. We weren't allowed to eat at the table with them, and if we got caught taking anything from the kitchen, she'd tell Richard he'd come after us. Mark and Tyler gave me money for lunch when they could afford it, so sometimes I could eat at school."
The phone rang then, startling us all, and after hesitating for a second, Darry got up to grab it. Officer Charlton moved from the recliner, giving him some privacy, and I headed into the kitchen, deciding to get a glass of water after all. I took a long drink, blinking hard. I wasn't gonna break down. I was going to tell this story and then it would be over. Leaving the glass in the sink, I went back to the sofa and sat down, arms crossed as Darry told whoever it was that he'd call them back in an hour.
"Tim Shepherd." He explained, taking a seat beside me again and putting his arm around me. I was kind of surprised. Darry was never really affectionate with me…not unless I was sick or something. At least, not since our parents and he'd gotten so busy and frustrated and tired all the time. I didn't mind it…heck, it was nice having someone touch you without hurting you. I'd almost forgotten that after Richard. It made me feel safe again.
"I made sure to sleep in their room every night after Lianne moved in." I started, wanting this to be over. "I went to a bar nearby and hid out, and by the end, smoking about made me sick. Heck, I still get sick just thinking about smoking. The last one I lit up was the day he killed her, and I didn't even want it…just did it to show him he couldn't stop me. But he did…" I trailed off, eyes hot. He'd stopped me from smoking in the end. I hated him for it. "I hid during the day, but I couldn't let him hurt Lianne and Rita. So I made sure to be back by the time they were going to bed. Mark and Tyler didn't know, I guess. He…he raped Lianne once." I admitted softly. "No one was home…she didn't talk for almost a week…it was my fault. I stayed out too late. I made sure to be back earlier from then on."
"It was not your fault," Darry broke in softly, his voice firm. "Hey." He pulled me around to face him when I didn't answer, both of us forgetting the cop for a second. "Nothing that man did was your fault, you hear me? I mean it, Pony. None of it." I knew he believed it, but I didn't know if I could. Still, I nodded so we could get on with it.
"She threatened to talk. To keep talking until someone listened. I was at the bar…hadn't gone home yet. It was a few days before the last day of school." More stuff had happened, but he'd gotten the gist. I wanted to wrap this up. "I was reading a book behind the bar. From the school library. The bartender let me stay and gave me cherry cokes sometimes. I'd read behind the bar so I wouldn't have to go home. My grades were no good by the end of the year. I knew you'd be mad…I just couldn't…" I admitted, glancing at Darry.
"Don't worry about that." He told me softly, rubbing my back. "I ain't mad, honey. We'll figure all that out later. No way you could have kept your grades up with all that going on." A weight lifted off my shoulders…it was stupid, but I'd been worried. I didn't want to let him down…not after everything.
"He drove up in a car I didn't recognize and pushed Lianne out. There was another car too...his friends were in that one. Someone else was driving. There was a hole dug…I hadn't noticed before, but…" I didn't want to say it. I didn't want to remember. "I guess they did it earlier. She was gonna get him caught so he killed her. Him and a bunch of his friends. They…they raped her and he stabbed her after." The words were sour in my mouth and for a second I thought I was going to throw up. "She screamed…but one of 'em put his hand over her mouth and…the bar…the music was too loud. No one could hear." Darry was holding me against his side again and the cop was nodding, writing down a few things before pausing. "I couldn't...I couldn't yell...I didn't get help or try to stop him..." I shook my head, still unable to believe that. "After he stabbed her...they saw me. I think I yelled or something. Then...they were going to kill me too." I didn't need to tell the rest. It was obvious from my face that they'd nearly succeeded.
For a moment the cop was quiet, writing. Then, he looked up at me, almost apologetic. "Ponyboy, you said that Richard raped both Lianne and Rita…did he ever do the same to yourself or your foster brothers?" I felt my ears get hot and my stomach rebelled. Wasn't it bad enough I'd had to tell him all the other stuff? I wanted Darry to tell him that I didn't have to answer that…that I didn't have to talk about it if I didn't want to. But my brother was silent. Scared. He'd never look at me the same after this.
"I don't know if he ever did anything to Mark or Tyler…not while I was there." I hesitated and there was a silence so thick I could hear our neighbors talking about what they were going to have for lunch. Soup, apparently. "He tried once." I admitted, staring down at the carpet, my hands shaking so hard it almost hurt. My eyes got hot and Darry held me even tighter, like that could keep me still. "He didn't…but he tried." I couldn't even say the words. My throat closed up and I had to fight not to start bawling. I didn't want to remember that. I'd show him my arms and my back if I had to but I didn't want to talk about that. "Tried to make me…I got away." Of course, I'd lied before. No way I could ever tell Sodapop or Darry what that man had tried to do…or how close he'd gotten. I couldn't tell them that I hadn't been able to keep food down for days or how I'd slept behind that bar for two nights instead of going back to stand up for Rita. It hurt. It all hurt so much.
"Okay, Ponyboy. That's all I need." The cop told me gently, and I skimmed the page he put in front of me, signing my name with a hand barely strong enough to hold the pen. He said some other stuff, talking to Darry who stood for a moment, then sat back down beside me. I was so tired…so wrung out. I felt sick and exhausted and I didn't know how I was going to keep going.
"Glory, Mom and Dad would be so proud of you." Darry's soft words startled me, and I turned to look at him, his eyes earnest and gentle on mine. "I'm so proud of you." He rested his forehead against the side of my head and I lost it.
I didn't recognize the noises coming from my mouth when I cried…it sounded more like a hurt dog than a person, but I couldn't stop it. He just held me for a long time…so long that I was getting hot, pressed up against him, but I couldn't have moved if I'd tried. He rocked me for a while, just like Mom, and promised that everything would be okay…that no matter what, he wasn't gonna let anyone hurt me anymore. I remembered all of it, the belt and his hands and the cigarettes and Rita and Lianne…I remembered a school full of strangers and feeling so scared all the time I couldn't do homework and of feeling sick, knowing how disappointed Darry was going to be. I remembered being cornered in the house, just me and Richard, and the pain in my ankle when I'd jumped off the porch…how cold it had been behind the bar in those woods where I'd slept and hid out for two nights until thoughts of Rita had driven me back to the house.
At some point he moved us to my bedroom and pulled the covers around me, laying down beside me and rubbing my back, trying to get me to calm down…I didn't think I ever could. "I wanted him to kill me," I admitted at some point, the words making him go rigid beside me. "I just wanted it to be over, Darry."
"It's over. You're okay, and it's over." He told me over and over, until finally, I wasn't crying anymore, just laying in his arms, my breath shuddering and my hands still shaking. I was too tired to fight sleep, so I let my eyes close, and the next thing I knew, someone was pushing my hair back.
It was dark outside and I blinked in confusion at the dim room, the lamp across the room giving off the only light. I forgot where I was, and it was terrifying for a second until Soda called my name quietly, making me jump. "Soda?" I asked, blinking up at him, and his silhouette nodded.
"Yeah, it's me, honey. How do you feel?"
"What…did I sleep all day?" I asked, disoriented as I glanced again at the dark window.
"Yeah. Darry said you went to sleep about an hour after that cop left." An hour…I'd cried in his arms for an hour. Honestly, I couldn't summon up the energy to feel ashamed. "The guys came by but he didn't want anyone to wake you. Said you weren't feeling good." I wondered how much Darry had told our brother…how much of my story he'd repeated to Soda and the guys. Guess it didn't matter…they were all family anyway. As long as I didn't have to talk about it anymore. "Do you feel okay now?"
"I…yeah? I think so." He stroked my hair again. "What time is it?"
"Almost nine. Are you hungry?"
"I…I don't know," I admitted, rubbing my eyes. "I…I feel weird," I told him. I hadn't dreamed at all…just closed my eyes and suddenly the day was gone.
I heard the smile in his voice when he answered. "Yeah, I bet. Sleeping all day will do that. Come on." He got an arm behind me and helped me sit up. "Everyone's gone home. Darry made burgers for dinner. Why don't you take a shower and then try to eat one." I nodded…come to think of it, I was pretty hungry. So I took his hand and stood up, swaying a little, then rubbing my eyes again. I was still groggy, but I figured a shower would help. But first, I needed to know something.
"Hey, Soda?"
"Yeah?" He asked. It helped that I couldn't quite make out his face.
"Did Darry tell you…you and the guys…everything?"
Soda hesitated for a minute. "He told them a lot of it. He told me all of it." He finally admitted, reaching out and grabbing my shoulder. I thought he was going to say something else, but he just pulled me close, arms around me, and I hugged him back, my head against his shoulder. We were the same height now, and it was so weird to be able to look him straight on.
"I'm sorry," I muttered, not sure exactly what I was sorry for. He shook his head.
"Don't ever apologize, not for this, Pony." He pulled away, hands on his shoulders, looking at me in the dim light. "You were braver than I could ever be, you know that? You did everything you could to save those girls, and you lived through stuff I couldn't even imagine. You ain't gotta apologize for any of it. I'm proud of you, Pony. So proud…"
"It wasn't enough," I whispered, not going to cry anymore, but still miserable. "I didn't save her."
"You did everything you possibly could, Pone. If you'd have done anymore, then you'd be in the ground with her, and I don't know if I could survive that." He ruffled my hair. "You're not responsible for what he did. You couldn't have saved her." I nodded, knowing he was right and hating it. "Now go take a shower and we'll have some dinner, okay?"
Giving in, I nodded. Dinner sounded good, and my stomach was growling. "Okay."
Thank you for reading!
