A/N: 1. sorry this chapter is a little short:((( 2. there might be a lack of updates next week, i've got exams and (unfortunately) kinda have to focus on them /: - thanks for reading though guys!xoxo
It's not as easy as I thought it would be, sleeping alone. I have to really force myself to take the sleeping pill, knowing that there's not going to be someone protecting me. Finnick's not here to watch over me. I respect him for going back to his room. I respect him for stopping me earlier. But it's still… weird. I don't know. Maybe it's me being immature but just talking about that kind of thing makes my brain turn to jelly and my words get scrambled. It just makes me nervous.
When I do get to sleep, it doesn't surprise me when Anika appears in my room, when she sits down at the end of my bed. She's always wearing her Games outfit and it's always wet, bringing that smell of saltwater. But I've got used to it. I shouldn't get used to it, but I have.
'You got a bit cheeky today, didn't you?' She smirks at me, half laughing and she watches me.
'I don't want to talk about it, Anika.'
'Then don't. I'm in your head, remember?'
'If you're in my head then you'd know I wanted you to stop saying that.'
'You obviously did a better job of creating my image than you thought.' She says with a shrug. 'That journalist seems okay.'
'What? What's Tia got to do with anything?'
'You should probably talk to her.'
'What? Why?'
'Because she's on your side.'
'She's from the Capitol.' I say stiffly, folding my arms. Anika just looks at me, that look in her eyes that tells me she knows more than I do.
'The two aren't mutually exclusive, Annie.' Anika says sharply. 'You don't know what's in that notebook of hers.'
'And you do?'
'Just trust me. She's on your side.'
A light filters through my dreams, blinding me as I try to look past it. The light is so intense I can't look past it, I have to look through it, so everything I see is filtered with a light brighter than the sun. I see Dixon staring at me, his icy blue eyes just as lifelike as they were the last time I saw him. The day I let him drown. He grins at me, that horrible slick smirk. It still scares me. I know he's not real, I know. But he's so real at the same time. He doesn't say anything and my eyes still hurt from the pain of the light behind him. Then I hear a scream, an ear splitting scream. The light flashes in front of me and suddenly I'm submerged into darkness, my senses completely dulled from the change. I can't see anything, but I can still hear the screaming, louder than before. When my eyes adjust a little more I can make out Celeste ahead of me, I see the swish of her blonde ponytail. When she turns around she screams again, running from something behind me that I can't see or hear. But I can feel it's presence. A cold, dark sensation that smells of nothing and everything. Celeste trips herself up on loose branches and tree roots, constantly torn between looking forwards and backwards. Her face frightens me the most. Whatever she can see is scaring her more than anything she's ever seen. Her eyes are swimming with tears, her face pale and exhausted. She's still screaming through her tears.
'Please!' She cries towards the figure behind me, the darkness. The smell of everything and nothing. 'Please don't!' She backs away from something I'm unaware of, her face contorting with terror as another scream leaves her lips. She trips over another root and falls to the floor, scrambling backwards as fast as she can but it's not fast enough. 'Please! Plea-' Her screams dies on her lips as she does. A small wisp of blue and golden light leaves her body through her eyes and mouth with the sound of one last breath. The darkness engulfs me and I see nothing, the silence only as harsh as the dark.
'Annie?' I vaguely hear my name but it's not enough to scare away the darkness. 'Annie, are you okay?' A small shake manages to brush away some of the dark and it lets me open my eyes. Finnick's sitting on my bed, I can feel his hand on my shoulder. He looks worried again.
'I'm fine.' I mutter, sitting up slowly. He's still staring at me. He knows I'm not okay.
'Dreams?' He asks me. I just nod and take a glance around my room. Anika's not here. 'I'm taking you off those sleeping pills.'
'Do they make me dream?' I ask stupidly. I sound ridiculous but I'm so confused after waking up. It's never normally this difficult to adjust to reality.
'I don't know, but they make it hard for you to wake up. And I don't like that.' He sighs and pulls me towards him, his arm draped protectively around my shoulder. I let myself sink into his chest. 'I worry about you, Annie.'
'Please don't.' The second I've said it I wish I hadn't. Celeste.
'I can't help it.' He tells me quietly. 'I love you too much.'
I can't reply to that. My head's filled with images of Celeste as the darkness caught her. Too filled up with my love for Finnick. Those images collide and it's the scariest thing I've ever witnessed. My desire to get back to him got me through that arena, my desire killed those other tributes. My desire took lives.
'Annie?'
'Sorry.' I mumble, half aware that I've stopped listening to him.
'You're not well enough to do this.' He says with a deep sigh. 'It's District Two today.'
'I have to do it.'
'You're not well.' He repeats. And I know he doesn't mean that I'm ill. I'm sick, but it's in my head. That thought makes me feel physically ill. What happened to me? What was it that corrupted my head the way it did? I want my life back. I want my ordinary life back. I don't want to be the crazy, broken girl who accidently won the Hunger Games. But I am and I can't change that. I'm falling deeper and deeper into it. Finnick's trying his hardest to save me, but I don't think it will work.
I change into my dress and the same routine from all the other Districts ensues. I read from Nikita's cards, I thank them for their children, I have dinner with the mayor and the other Victors from that District. Finnick is funny and charming. Tia writes down everything she sees and hears. Nikita looks on edge. Then we do it again.
It's in District 1 that the rhythm breaks down. I get through the address of the District without a hitch. I look at Ruby's family and they won't meet my gaze. They're ashamed of what their daughter did. Dixon's family look proud of him, and they look mad at me. Not because I killed their son but because I stopped him winning his glory. Because of me he came second instead of first. They don't even seem to care that coming second means death. There is no second place.
Dinner is the problem in District 1. Cashmere and Gloss, the most recent District 1 Victors are invited to the dinner at the mayor's house. Nikita warns Finnick before we even go in there. She tells him to watch his mouth. We both know he won't listen. I'm sure Tia hopes he won't listen.
It starts when Gloss decides to ask how I am. Before now I'd not even been mentioned at all and that's the way I like it.
'So, Finnick,' Gloss starts, taking a sip of his drink. 'how's Annie doing? Proud of her?'
'Of course.' He says icily. I stare at my plate like it's the most interesting thing I've seen in my life.
'Still very much in love?' Gloss asks, that disgusting smile he does so well playing on his lips.
'Obviously.'
'It's not that obvious.' He bites back. 'I mean, come on, she's barely aware of where she is. Can she even remember who you are?'
And that's when Finnick stands up, the table shifting slightly. Gloss just smirks at him, he's doing this on purpose. Finnick's fists have clenched by his sides and he's glaring daggers at Gloss. I can feel the heat of hatred radiating from him.
'Finnick, please,' I try and tell him, gently touching his arm. He just shakes his head, not tearing his gaze away from his enemy.
'Oh, so she does remember you!'
Finnick picks up his drink, takes one sip before leaving the table, walking to the other side of the room and emptying the contents down the back of Gloss' shirt. He then drops the glass and leaves the room, slamming the door behind him. Gloss' expression has soured considerably as the red wine is seeping around the white collar of his shirt. He's grinding his teeth. He throws his napkin down on the table and leaves in the same manner Finnick did. I exchange a panic-stricken look with Nikita. Cashmere just sits there laughing to herself, her gaze focussed on me the whole time. I barely notice.
Nikita takes my hand and leads me swiftly out of the mayor's house and into the path to the train. She glances around but it's the muffled cries and the spits of insults that alert us to where Finnick is. She leads me along a path to a paved waiting area, deserted apart from Finnick and Gloss. They're throwing punches and curses with the same intensity. Finnick's lip is bloody, while Gloss is sporting a nice new bruise on his eye. But they don't show any intent of stopping.
'Finnick,' Nikita starts. 'this is ridiculous. You can't turn up at the Capitol looking like you've been in a fight!'
He doesn't appear to hear her as he throws another punch in the direction of Gloss' stomach. She tries again but I can tell he's too wrapped up in his hatred to listen. Tia's appeared behind us, scribbling furiously. Nikita rolls her eyes and takes a tentative step forwards.
'Do you want this to end up in the press?' She asks, and I feel like she's addressing both of them now. 'Do you honestly want Snow to see it?'
At that point they both seem to realise the gravity of the situation. They're still glaring at each other but at least they've stopped fighting. I don't know Gloss that well, but from here it looks like he might have some issues with Snow himself. He spits on the ground by Finnick's feet and stalks back off into the Justice Building. Finnick watches him go, his breathing heavy.
'I'm sorry.' He says eventually. 'That was stupid, I know.'
'Yes, it was.' Nikita hisses, grabbing his wrist and pulling him along the pathway towards the train station. 'We're leaving before one of you kills the other. And we need you in the Capitol tomorrow.' He shakes his wrist free and just looks at me, his eyes apologising again.
I shake my head at him. 'It's fine.'
'No, it's not.' He says quietly. 'I should have thought about it. If Snow hears about that…' He swallows and looks away. 'Well, let's just hope he doesn't.'
I glance ahead to check that everyone's a safe distance away. 'But what about Tia? She saw.' His expression darkens a little as he watches her walking ahead of us, stuffing her notepad back into her bag along with all the secrets she's picked up along the way. He runs his hand through his hair and sighs.
'I'll talk to her.' He says finally. 'What good it will do, I don't know. She's a journalist, she'll publish what she wants to, they're all the same.'
