CHAPTER 50 - MAKING PEACE
BELLA'S POV
"I am not happy about this…." Edward groaned, emphasising each word he spoke.
"Yeah ….I know that" I shrugged.
His topaz eye's burned into mine, making my stomach twist on the spot. I tried to remain outwardly calm.
"Still doesn't change the fact that I need to have some alone time with Evan. And I need to go to La Push to do that." I gave him a meek smile. Perhaps, I could weaken him with my candidness.
His jaw stiffened almost painfully. Okay. That did not work and I inwardly groaned.
He suddenly grabbed my wrist possessively, his long marble white fingers curled around it. He said nothing, but silently shook his head with purpose.
I resisted the urge to roll my eyes and instead, decided on frowning.
"Don't make me feel guilty." I muttered.
"I am not doing that. I am just attempting to make you understand that I do not want you going to La Push, where I can not follow" his voice was clearly tense.
"Nothing bad is going to happen to me in La Push, and you know that Edward Cullen" I berated, trying to appear confidently adamant when I really just felt like agreeing with whatever he requested of me because he was my beautiful sculpted immortal god.
My thoughts were quickly becoming incoherent.
I broke eye contact from Edward in order to pull myself together. He had very influential eyes.
"I'm safe there. So safety should not be an issue. What is the real reason you don't want me to go?" I asked trying to take the focus off me and on to Edward.
He sighed quietly. I felt him give my wrist a gentle squeeze in order for me too bring my eye's back up to his. Though he refused to release his hold.
"The fact I am forbidden to set foot on that land Bella. Any barrier keeping us apart, even that Treaty is one too many. It makes me ….." he paused and then sighed again but did not continue.
He looked like he wanted to pinch the bridge of his nose with his fingers but he resisted.
"Okay….okay." I almost whispered. Not wanting to make him feel this way.
He focused on me, eyes penetrating.
"But you know I have to do this." I told him again.
"Can it not wait until Charlie returns and you can do it when Evan is back under his care" he offered.
Meaning in Charlie's house, in my old bedroom where he could be close enough for his liking. I imagined how that might go, Edward hidden in the shadows below my old window listening to the conversation. Jacob would probably be there too. Both of them eves dropping, both standing guard.
I paused, considering it for a fraction of a second before changing my mind. Then the image of them hiding together outside, sizing each other up, glaring at each other as they waiting for us to finish. Waited to rejoin their mates.
I shook my head. No it had to be today and it had to be La Push. It would be less complicated.
"This talk has been delayed too long already. I need this. Evan needs it. Then we can go back to our own life's Edward."
He said nothing for the longest time. Just stared at me with his golden eyes. He told me it wasn't his intention to make me feel guilty, but he was succeeding immensely.
"Alright…" he eventually sighed.
I gasped quietly at my victory, letting out the breath I hadn't realised I'd been holding in.
"I only ask one thing though?" his voice very controlled. I could tell he was extremely unhappy with conceding.
"Of course." I agreed in my desperation to please him and take away his unhappiness.
"I want to drive you to the border of the road where Jacob must pick you up and drive you on to La Push himself. The same when you are to return, I will wait for you at the border."
It was my turn to furrow my brow at Edward. He was being exceptionally cautious and it was making me suspicious.
"Has Alice seen something new?" I asked quickly.
I wondered if he'd decided to keep things from me again when he promised he wouldn't.
"Alice has seen nothing new." he assured. "But I cannot help being particularly careful until she can guarantee your safety. I am being selfish I know but it is my responsibility to keep you safe and Jacob's to keep Evan safe. I would just ……." he glanced down and released his hold on my wrist and gently slipped his long cool fingers into mine and held my hand. "I would feel better that is all".
Edward sounded almost vulnerable when he confessed his anxiety.
"You are not being selfish Edward. You always put others before yourself." disagreeing.
Edward sighed again.
"I am Bella. I have an eternity with you and I refuse to give you a few private moments with your own sister. I am selfish because my fear of anything happening to you, anyone coming between us is too much to bare."
Not thinking. I leaned forward abruptly, the overwhelming urge took over and I had to kiss him. Desperately I wanted to feel his cool soft mouth against mine. I reached up too quickly balancing on the tips of my toes, aiming for his beautiful blood red lips.
Edwards breath suddenly hitched in his throat, breath he didn't need. His body went instinctively rigid, not anticipating my actions. I was barely an inch from his mouth when he released his hand from mine too fast for my mind to process and both of his strong icy hands wrapped around my upper arms tightly, trapping me. My body jolted within his grip and I gasped. His hold on me was almost painful. Physically and emotionally. Holding me back.
I frowned and felt my face fall, knowing that I was exposing the emotions I was feeling inside clearly to him. He read the expression on my features and his forehead tightened, his eyes guilty. Because he could not control his instinctive response when I ever attempted to make the first move especially when he had no anticipation of it.
"I'm sorry" I mumbled.
He barely shook his head in protest before swallowing uncomfortable. I wondered if he could feel that burning inside his throat for me. Why was I so stupid sometimes? Why was it so easy for me to forget that he was a vampire and still ached for my blood?
His jaw stiffened slightly as he concentrated for a moment and then he seemed to relax.
"It wont always be like this Bella. The time will come when you can be as bold as you please, and I can be as intense with your body as I want to be knowing I wont break my precious Bella." he whispered hoarsely.
I swallowed hard this time. And unconsciously licked my lips at his words, and his eye's followed.
Did he just say that? He can be as intense with my body as he wants to be? I felt the heat suddenly ripple down my insides before exploding between my thighs at the confession that slipped from his mouth.
That was a promise to ponder on extensively. Very, very extensively. My eyes widened as images began running through my mind, trying to imagine what intense things to my body he could do?
Studying me for a few seconds he surprised me be showing that beloved crooked smile of his.
He had successfully broken the tension and we were 'us' again.
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I had called Jacob and made the arrangements. He seemed happy with what Edward had suggested. Things were being surprisingly cordial between us all at the moment.
The drive to La Push seemed rushed. Edward sped along the country roads, the tree's flashed past my window so fast they were making me dizzy. I guessed his logic was the quicker he got me there the sooner it would be over. So I looked ahead concentrating on the road and tried to block out my peripheral vision.
"Do you know what you are going to talk about?" Edward suddenly asked curiously, glancing over at me making eye contact for a second before turning his vision back onto the road.
This had been a long time coming. The first real and honest conversation between us. It was hard to believe Evan had been in Forks for only a few weeks now, hard to imagine what it was like before she arrived and before I knew she even existed. Ironically this would be the real beginning between us both. Meeting for the first time with now charades and no secrets to hide. I wasn't sure how long I had left to be human so I wasn't willing to waste anymore time not knowing my sister the way I should before the change.
"I'm not sure…." I sighed. "I guess it will come to me when we are face to face." pondering on the thought.
"Are you worried about it?" he asked, a hint of concern in his tone.
I glanced over at him to see his golden eye's back on mine and I was conscious of the fact I preferred them on the road. Though my concerns for Edwards safe driving were just my own personal insecurities, in reality he would never have an accident and I knew that.
"No" I answered honestly. I really wasn't. I felt surprisingly calm, like I was ready. This was the right time and I foresaw no more fighting between Evan and myself. No more tension. It was a strange feeling.
Edward didn't ask anymore questions. He read my expression carefully and saw enough to satisfy himself.
Focusing ahead of me I saw the familiar outline of the Rabbit ahead sitting on the road just by the border of La Push. My stomach rolled as I remembered the scene at this very spot only yesterday. It was a memory I had no intension of mulling over. I would rather forget.
Edward brought the car up as close as he could to the invisible line in the road. The cut off point between us. Jake was already out of his car approaching us. Immediately I noticed he was alone and Evan wasn't with him. That surprised me, I'd expected her to be glued to his side or for him to not want her out of his sight for one second.
My car door opened and Edward was politely taking my hand to escort me personally to Jacob for the 'handover'.
Jacob smiled warmly as I walked towards him, I couldn't help but smile in return and felt my face light up. This was old Jake, my best friend. I felt like he was finally back now and it was the nicest feeling in the world.
"Edward…" he nodded politely at the vampire that was holding my hand tightly within his. There was no arrogance in his voice much to my relief.
"Thank you for doing this Jacob." Edward said sincerely.
Jake's chocolate eye's drifted between me and Edward before he shrugged his shoulders in a gesture that meant 'no big deal'.
"So what's the plan?" he asked Edward, and not me. He was giving Edward the last word, he seemed to know that he needed it to make himself feel better about this situation and I appreciated it immensely. It was a gesture that Jake didn't have to do but wanted to.
"I remain here. If you could escort Bella to Evan on the Reservation and then escort her back to me when they are done I would much appreciate it." Edward said respectfully. This was Jacob's territory after all.
"Take Bella to the Res, keep an eye on her and bring her back safely…..got it! She'll be fine Cullen!" Jacob assured casually.
They both stood staring at each other for a quiet moment. No tension though. More of a silent understanding between the two. I stood the entire time not saying a word. I let Edward do what he had to do in order to let me go.
I gave his hand a gentle squeeze and he glanced down at me, his eye's were surrendering. I gave him a meek smile, encouraging him to release me. He nodded, understanding. And let his cool fingers slip from mine reluctantly. He leaned in to give me a chaste kiss on the lips before taking a step back.
Jacob held out his large warm hand to me I took it and he pulled me with him gently towards his car. His hot skin sending a wave of comfort over me as we walked.
I turned my head over the back of my shoulder to look at Edward before Jacob put me in his car.
"I love you" I mouthed silently and gave him an encouraging smile.
Edward's face relaxed instantly and he smiled back.
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With Edward out of sight, Jake wasn't in as much of a hurry. He took his time driving the remaining 10 or so minutes until we reached the Reservation. He drove carefully and when I glanced over at him he grinned cheerfully at me.
"I thought Evan would have been with you?" I asked.
"Oh, .......well. Didn't see the point in her coming to the whole hand over back there. I could tell Cullen wouldn't be too happy about letting you come here like this. Doesn't like you out of his sight does he?" Jake chuckled.
"I'm sure you feel the same way about Evan." I said in defence.
"I'm not having a go at him Bella" sounding offended. "But your right, I do feel the same about Evan. And I know she's safe in La Push, even if I'm not with her."
"How's she doing? I mean, how is she really?"
"Surprisingly good. She's fine. Still nervous around the leeches though but that's because of everything that's happened up until now. The knowing there was something up with them and the not knowing what it was…" he shrugged.
"But knowing about werewolves…she's okay with that" I asked him not meaning to sound like I was being sarcastic but that's how it sounded.
He threw me a look as if to say "is that you having a go?"
"The whole Vampire and Werewolf thing. The idea of it, I guess she's accepted. The details of them, well she's taking it all in slowly." he sighed. "The guys have been filling her in on all the history of it all…of us and the tribe, she's learning everything."
"The imprinting has helped though hasn't it. The bond?" I asked curiously.
Jake swallowed a little uncomfortably. Talking about their relationship was definitely strange and considering my past with Jacob and the feelings he had for me, it was not an easy thing to do. For me it wasn't a case of I resented the fact he'd forgotten those feelings so easily and placed them upon my sister. Because I knew it was different. What he felt for her was more than I could ever imagine what he felt for me. It was pure and real and natural. It had been meant to be.
"Are you upset with me?" Jake asked suddenly, he didn't glance over at me this time. Opting to concentrate on his driving. "Upset that I imprinted on to her?" he added, his tone was sad, almost guilty.
"No!" I blurted out. "I'm not upset with you Jake. Its not like you decided one day that you would fall in love with Evan. You imprinted. I fully understand what imprinting is" I tried to assure him.
"I didn't mean it like that Bells. I meant. Are you upset that I made things so difficult for you. That I begged you to be with me and that I told you over and over that I loved you. Then it all suddenly stops and I'm now telling you I love your sister?"
His handsome russet face seemed flushed at his own words. He was self-conscious, very aware of the importance of this conversation we were now having. One both of us should have had a while ago. It wasn't an easy discussion to have but we had to have it.
I realised by coming here today to see Evan, I had unexpectedly come to see my best friend Jake too and finally smooth things over between us. By being open and honest with each other.
"I get it Jake" lifting my hand and letting it brush against his upper arm. Trying to show him the was no ill will from me. "You were my best friend and you loved me. And I loved you. It was a different kind of love. What you have with Evan is real. I know that! You belong with her and I belong with Edward".
I gave his strong arm a comforting squeeze and I could feel the heat from his skin radiating beneath my fingers.
"AM your best friend! Present tense." he told me, turning to focus on me with his warm eyes briefly. "I'll always be your best friend Bells and I will always love you too."
"Always?" I asked carefully. Knowing that when I was to be changed I would break the treaty.
His jaw clenched as he understood the meaning behind my word.
His brow furrowed in pain.
"I don't know what will happen but I ……I think I have accepted in a way that it has to happen, that he will make you like him." he swallowed heavily before continuing. "We are all tied together now. No matter what. And, that if he doesn't change you…those Leeches….those…Volturi he spoke of will kill you, try and kill us all."
The Volturi. He was using that as his excuse. If that's what he needed to hang on to then I'd let him. If it meant he would back off from some kind of retaliation on the Cullen's for turning me then I would keep my mouth shut and give him that one small thing. I was being changed to let me live on and still exist in this world, not because I loved Edward and wanted to become what he was so we could be together forever, that was my real reason. Jacob knew I loved Edward and wanted it but if he had someone else to blame then the Volturi could be the ones.
The car came to a sudden halt and Jacob turned off the engine. I glanced out the window and was shocked to see the faded red house that was his home. I hadn't even realised we'd arrived.
"Just promise me one thing Bells?" he asked turning to face me and taking my hand in his scorching one. His face seemed tormented.
"What?" I asked urgently.
"Stay the way you are for as long as you can. Don't let him change you until you have no other option. I'm not ready to say good bye and neither is Evan. You have to know your own sister before you ……before" he couldn't finish the sentence.
I felt my eye's well up at his words.
Before I die is what he could not say. Before I become something I have no idea will be. Before my heart stops beating and my body turns ice cold., my eye's glow red and I hunger uncontrollably for blood.
"I promise" I whispered. "I want to know Evan. But I don't have long Jake. I don't have years. You have to understand that." I pleaded.
"Just as long as you can. That's all I ask" he said hoarsely.
"I promise" I said again and felt a single tear roll down my cheek.
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Evan and I wandered along First Beach, side by side. The sand was soft and difficult to walk on underfoot, making us tired after a short while. Evan led me to a large bleached washed up part of tree, partially sunk into the sand and we both sat down. Glad of the rest.
After Jacob had brought Evan out of his house, where she'd been in the company of Billy. He chaperoned us both part of the way to the beach. Then made his excuses and left us alone, giving us our privacy.
Evan had been quiet the entire time, thoughtful. She seemed comfortable though, and smiled timidly at me as we'd walked.
We both stared out at the crashing waves.
"When do you think Charlie will come back?" Evan piped up, her voice breaking the silence.
"Not sure, Alice will know. As soon as she see's him returning she will give us advance warning" knowing that Evan will have to return to the Cullen house quickly in order to keep up the charade that she'd been staying with us rather than with Jacob the entire time he was gone.
"So, she can see the future. And Edward he….he reads peoples minds?" she asked, giving me a cautious look.
I could tell she was testing the waters, like she couldn't quite get over the fact that it was a free for all now. No more secrets, only the truth.
"Yes, some Vampires have gifts. Those are Alice and Edwards. But Edward doesn't read minds, he hears people's thoughts, can see memories through their current thoughts. Its not instant access he has inside their heads.." I assured her.
"Oh.." she nodded, understanding.
She tucked a strand of her dark red hair behind her ear that kept catching in the wind.
"How are you ….with everything Evan? I've been so worried about you." I blurted out. I didn't see the point in holding back any longer.
Her eye's went wide as she focused on me, her brown eye's were just like mine.
"Its weird, I should be freaking out still but I'm not now. I feel better knowing the truth, I don't feel like I'm going crazy anymore." she sighed.
I took a deep breath. A guilty breath.
"I wish I could have told you everything from the start. I know that keeping secrets was the main reason for all the tension. I put you through a lot of turmoil by not being honest. All this friction between us all. It was a barrier between us. But what I regret most of all is that it damaged 'our' relationship. It stopped us becoming close, becoming like sisters."
She listened to my words carefully.
"I am as much to blame, you don't get it do you Bella?" she asked.
I felt my brow tighten, confused by her words.
"It wasn't just the secrets, this whole other world and you trying to protect these ….these Vampires and Werewolves. I was jealous of you Bella." she snapped, surprising me.
"I resented you from the first moment I met you, actually before I even met you. As soon as my mom told me about you. I blamed you for everything. For my mom leaving Forks, for my mum not letting me know my father when I was growing up, for having everything I wanted. You had your mom, you had your dad! You had friends and a family that loved you and I had nothing. I felt like the mistake that I was. The bastard. Every time I looked at you. And I hated you for that." She hung her head putting her face in her hands.
The air was heavy from the confession and outburst.
I felt my face frown. My insides coil up and my throat tighten as studied her. My little sister. And how she really felt. My hand reached out and I placed my fingers gently on the top of her silky soft hair. I stroked it a couple of times but said nothing. I just had the overwhelming urge to comfort her.
Eventually she pulled her head up to face me again and her cheeks were stained wet from tears. She had being crying silently.
"Don't be upset Evan" I pleaded with her. I hadn't wanted to come here to upset her. I wanted to make peace with her. "All those things you felt, they are normal things to feel. I would have been the same if I had been in your shoes."
I brought my fingers to her cheeks to try and wipe away the tears.
She brought her own hand up quickly too and tried to shrug away the fact she'd been crying. Attempting to pull herself together.
"I don't like crying" she mumbled.
"Why?" I asked sadly.
"I feel ashamed to cry" she confessed weakly.
"Don't ever be ashamed to cry Evan" I told her. Bringing my hand and placing it on her back gently. I relaxed some more when I realised she didn't protest and was allowing me to comfort her.
We were quiet for a long moment.
"How's Edward?" she asked, attempting to change the subject.
"He's good….." then I sighed "Well actually, he's a little uncomfortable about me being here" I told her truthfully.
"Geez, I don't blame him I guess. I'm not exactly his favourite person after what I put you two through" she almost laughed.
"Oh no! Evan, it's not you." I said quickly shaking my head. "It's the Treaty. The fact he can't set foot on this land. He doesn't like to be apart from me. That's all it is." I tried to explain.
She gave me an unsure look like she didn't completely believe me.
"Edward is the kindest person I've ever known. He's gentle and sensitive. He'd always been alone until he met me. He loved me so much he was a Vampire who was able to fall in love with a human, the one human he wanted to kill!" I told her.
Her eye's went wide again.
"He wanted to kill you?"
I nodded.
"I know your frightened of him, that you find him intimidating. I understand that. I felt the same when I first encountered Edward. Except when he met me, he was drawn to me because he wanted my blood as much as he wanted me. He overcame that hunger and remained close to me because he fell in love with me."
"How did it happen, how did you fall in love with him and he for you?" she asked now fascinated.
"I don't know" I answered honestly. "We were drawn to each other. Meant to be with each other. Its unheard of for a Vampire to fall in love with a human but it happened. And he would never hurt me. Would never let harm come to me. He is my protecter and my lover."
I felt my eye's glaze over as I thought of my beautiful Edward. When I refocused Evan stared at me curiously.
"When you marry, he will make you like him won't he?" she asked and then she looked sad. "Does that mean you will die Bella?"
"To be with him forever. For us both to be safe, then yes, it will happen but I will still live on but like them." attempting to make her understand.
"How soon will it happen, how long will you have left? What about Charlie? What will you tell him, he doesn't know about Edward and his family, I don't understand how this will work out? You can't leave your father all alone." she was rambling now, words were rushing out her mouth and I could hear from her tone she was getting herself upset again.
"It won't happen right away but it will happen Evan. When I am changed I will have to go away for some time. But as soon as I am strong enough, as soon as I am like the Cullen's and can be around people again I will come back. Charlie will think that Edward and I are away at college or travelling. We will tell him a story, work something out. But he will not be alone. He has you Evan! And that is the only comfort I have to hang on to. You being here, you arriving like you did and becoming part of this family, meeting Jacob him imprinting it's like fate. Like it was all meant to happen this way. Can't you see that?" I told her.
Evan's face was torn. Looking like a thousand thoughts were twisting through her mind. She chewed her lip.
She glanced off to the ocean again before turning back towards me.
Then she nodded.
"Yeah…..your right. I do see that." she almost whispered.
We talked for a while after that. About our different pasts, growing up and about our mothers. Trying to learn more about each other. Evan didn't seem to want to mention me being a Vampire anymore. And neither did I to be honest.
I soon became conscious of the fact that I ought to get back to Edward. That he would still be waiting patiently at the border for me. Evan and I had said enough for one day. It's not like it was our last conversation. Just the beginning.
We decided to head back to Jake's house. I knew the way well.
"So….I had a little talk with Jake during the drive over here" I began as we walked together.
I already felt a hundred times closer to Evan than before. A bond was definitely forming between us.
"You did?" she asked surprised.
"We smoothed some things over" giving her a knowing look.
She caught on. Understanding that it was about Jake's and my past with him.
"So everything is okay between you both now" a hint of jealously in her tone.
"Yeah, it's the way it should be. Friends again" I emphasised to her. Just friends.
She smiled meekly. And nodded again.
"I am so glad you have each other. I'm glad it was you that he imprinted on" I told her truthfully.
She bit her lip as her thoughts seemed to drift to Jacob.
"I've never met anyone like him before" she confessed. "He's like my own personal bodyguard, my protector"
"I think I know that feeling. Edward's the same with me." and I rolled my eyes at her.
She laughed for the first time since we'd been together.
When the house came into sight Jake was already walking out the door, he'd obviously heard us approaching.
I grabbed Evan's hand before he reached us and held it tight.
"You know, if you want to talk about things. Things sisters discuss…" as I gestured towards the muscled russet giant slowly approaching. "Just call me. Okay?"
She smiled embarrassed and looked down. "Okay Bella." Then she squeezed my hand in return. "Thanks for today. I'm glad we finally got to talk openly. I feel much better about the future now."
And so did I.
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It was all over now. I said my goodbyes to Evan. We hugged as I departed. Jake had a strange look in his eye when we did so. I could tell he was glad to see some kind of affection finally between us.
Jake didn't waste time as if sensing my urgency to return to Edward. We raced along the road after departing the Reservation and before I knew it I was back in Edward's arms where I belonged and he was taking me home again.
He didn't ask how it went. He could tell by the look on my face that I was content.
Edward drove at a normal speed as we headed back to the Cullen's. I began to digest the conversation I'd had with Evan as I watched the mix of greens pass my window. Wondering about the change and when it would happen. How it would happen? What it would be like to be a vampire? I still felt like I knew too little of what was to be my destiny.
"Edward?" I asked quietly.
I turned slightly in my seat, focusing on his profile as he concentrated on the road.
"Hmmmm?" he inquired in response. The sound he made reminded me of the 'hmmmm's' that came from him when we were doing far more intimate things. My favourite sounds.
"There's something I've been meaning to ask you….?" I attempted, consciously pausing.
He was still focused on the road. He seemed relaxed, I let my eyes wander over his body until I was satisfied with my analysis of his posture.
"Yes Bella?" he asked again.
"I think…….No!" I stopped myself, shaking my head before continuing.
I had to get this out the way I'd practiced in my mind.
"I ……I WANT to watch you feed!".
I was sure that I made my request with confidence because this was not something that just fell into my thoughts. Ever since the day I'd followed him into the forest and happened across him feeding. Curiosity had consumed me. Part of me wanted to watch him feed again. Part of me needed to know what I was in for when I changed and this time I wanted to take the time to watch, to study exactly what occurred when you did so.
Edward slammed his foot on the brake. The car screamed wincingly making my ears ring until it skidded to an uncomfortably abrupt halt in the middle of the empty road.
My eye's grew to the size of saucers. Edwards jaw immediately went rigid, his whole profile completely changed and his own fierce eye's went incredibly wide.
I could feel my heart already pick up pace and it began the thud loudly against my chest.
He turned his head slowly towards me. His vampire eye's had darkened considerably and were incredibly tense.
I managed to resist the urge to gulp.
He looked shocked.
"What did you just ask me?" he gasped in disbelief.
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Hey everyone. I'm finally back. Sorry for the massive delay.
Just want to say a special thank you for all my reviews. And thanks to everyone who's added me on of their favourites. It makes me so happy that people like this story and want to keep reading it.
I know this chapter wasn't very smut-tastic but I had to get these conversations out the way before I could continue on with things.
I will be updating sooner rather than later….promise.
Pixie
