It's nearly sunset. The sky has clouded over, mostly.
Fred's back home.
He doesn't move for a moment, doesn't go through the front door just yet. From the top of the steps, he stares at the grand mansion in front of him. It's tempting to go in, try to rest, maybe get some water, calm down a little- but then he'll just be putting it off even more. And Heathcliff's probably running around somewhere inside. Better to just do it now.
He swallows, and taps the screen on his phone.
…
Nothing. It rings for a while, then goes to voice mail.
He still feels cold, even though there's no wind, here.
"Hey! You've reached Tadashi Hamada."
The bridge feels like years ago. But, at the same time, he's still there every time he closes his eyes, still balancing on the edge, still staring down at the waves.
"I'm just so, so sorry I missed your call, but hey, lemme make it up to you!" The voice is light, goofy, probably recorded years ago. "Leave your name and number, and we'll see if we can mend this fence. What do you say?"
Against himself, Fred grins a little.
Beep.
He tries-
He tries to-
It shouldn't be this hard, shouldn't be impossible, all he needs to do is ask him if they can talk sometime, because there's no way he can say it all over the phone, but now he can't even say anything.
A few raindrops hit his hand.
Silence is blaring out of the speaker on his phone. He tries to think of what Honey told him, but he's panicking so much that it's hard to remember.
"Hey… Tadashi, uh, listen…" He stops, pauses, breathes, stares up at the gray sky, hates that he can't stop replaying the last twenty-four hours over and over in his head, breathes again-
Fred hears a motor pulling into the driveway.
He doesn't immediately have a clear idea of who it might be, because there's no room for anything but shock and alarm, and his thoughts jump to a blind panic as he turns and- sees-
What.
No.
No, not now. He's not ready.
Tadashi isn't looking at him. He's staring down, moving the kickstand into place so the moped doesn't fall. Then he's moving to the steps. Fred still can't see his face clearly.
His mouth is dry. "T-Tadashi, man, what's- what-"
And suddenly, he can tell. Just by seeing him. Tadashi hasn't looked up yet, but it doesn't matter.
Holy shit, he knows.
Fred actually, physically steps back, nearly backs into the closed front door, and he can feel his heartbeat like a ticking clock but he can't think of what he was going to say, can't remember how to start, how to explain, how to say anything at all- because there's nothing to say, is there? There's no way out. The fear, the trepidation, the punishment he's felt bearing down on him for weeks is finally crashing down. And he'll deserve it.
"Fred."
Tadashi's at the top of the steps, and he finally looks up, and- and Fred's never seen this person before. He's never seen someone this angry, staring at him with trembling shoulders and eyes like frayed wires, about to spark and burn and kill, with rumbling darkness in his voice. He almost speaks, then chokes back whatever he was going to say, and he's still just looking at Fred, God, he's looking at him and Fred can't hold eye contact because it hurts too much, because Tadashi's eyes are cutting through, ripping away at his mind.
More rain's falling, now, and the pavement is growing darker with stains.
It stretches on, silence that's only drowned out by too-loud raindrops clattering against the ground; Fred can't say anything.
Suddenly, Tadashi speaks, in a voice so quiet it doesn't even sound like him.
"It's my brother, isn't it?"
…
Everything he ever feared, in five words and a look. He's drowning, falling, choking, and terror isn't just wrapped around him now, it's inside him, squeezing his life away, and he knows without a doubt that he doesn't deserve the chance to escape. He thought he could do this, thought he needed to do this, but- but he's not ready. He could never be ready. Because Tadashi knows, already, he definitely knows, but maybe he was holding out on some desperate hope that he was wrong, and now Fred has to bring that hope crashing down-
Tadashi is staring at him. "Well?" It's harsh, louder, like metal scraping stone.
He wants to lie.
It comes out of nowhere, and he can feel it- the voice, the pull, the draw that kept him from the truth so many other times, kept him smiling and manipulating and joking and giving half-answers until his friends stopped suspecting anything was really wrong. And the worst of it, the idea that makes his stomach drop and his mind twist in on itself, is that he can. He'll lie, and he'll spin a reason, and he'll say he doesn't know what Tadashi is talking about, and- and he'll be able to find a way out, he'll say he just offered Hiro a place to crash, he'll keep it light, and Tadashi will believe him, because they've been friends for such a long time-
No.
it'll work, just smile, think, make the joke, he'll buy it, do what you always do, just LIE
He can't. He won't.
…
Thunder rumbles.
…
Fred looks at his friend. "…Yeah," he rasps, hating himself as he says it. "It's Hiro."
Movement. Sound.
He doesn't have time to react- his back crashes against the door, and the base of his skull follows immediately- Tadashi must have darted forward, and now he has both hands grabbing the front of Fred's shirt, pressing him up and into the frame- his feet are almost off the ground- it hurts, like he's getting crushed, and one of Tadashi's fists is pressing against his collarbone, almost at his throat, almost choking him-
And when he can focus again, he can't fathom the face in front of him. Tadashi is just as rain-drenched as he is, and he's shaking, eyes wide, furious, but there's a cold power in the way he's staring him down, ready to- to- you're going to die he's gonna kill you- he looks like a hero, about to destroy the villain, someone wounded seeking revenge, because this is what he's been terrified of for nights and nights and nights, this is righteous retribution, this is a good man seeing him for what he is and bringing the filth into the light to be judged-
"Listen," Tadashi spits, cold and rough. "I'm- I'm just gonna ask you, and don't you dare lie, alright?"
He's back on the bridge, back on the cliff, and the faces are staring at him again.
"Did you-" One of Tadashi's hands pulls away, curls, forms a closed fist. "Did you do anything?" Halting, like he despises the words he's saying. "Anything at all. Ever."
He had no idea what real fear felt like.
Not before this.
Because this, right now, is everything he's ever dreaded since the first day he suspected something was wrong, what if they find out what if I do something terrible, visions and nightmares of handcuffs and locked doors and crying kids-
-news reports, men staring out of mugshots, national headlines, 'what kind of sick fuck would do that to a child'-
-and a friend, condemning him for the refuse that he is, ready to tear him apart for even thinking about that, about his brother-
-you're gonna die-
-he can't say anything can't think can't move can't breathe so scared so tired so sick of all this and Tadashi's going to kill him, they're both trembling, wounded, falling apart- and Tadashi's eyes go wider-
-because Fred isn't saying anything he's not denying it-
"GODDAMNIT!" Tadashi screams, inches from Fred's face, the shrill noise cracking through the twilight like a gunshot. "Do I need to call the fucking cops or not?!"
…
The rain's falling faster.
Suddenly, Fred understands.
He looks at his best friend, and he sees how Tadashi's shaking and furious and hurt, and he realizes that he did this. Tadashi loves his brother so freaking much, and Fred's seeing exactly what that looks like. Because he scared him. He hurt him. And none of it is a secret, now.
It hits him, it's a thunderbolt, it's cold water, it's walking into the sunlight; the voice stops, pauses, drowned out by the realization that there's nothing left. No more lies. Finally, for the first time, Tadashi is seeing him with all the bullshit stripped away.
There's nothing left to hide.
He's free.
Fred chokes on horror, but he breathes as best he can. "No," he says, and the sound is so faint and weak that he knows he didn't hear him, so he says it again. "No."
what is it you really want
Tadashi stares at him, rain in his eyes and one hand still pulled back.
maybe you want him to hit you, attack you, hurt you
He doesn't say anything.
because that's the only way any of this makes sense
And Fred can see fury rising up, shaking his fists and twisting his mouth and flooding out of his eyes.
and you think it would be right, you think you'd deserve it
"I swear, I didn't do anything."
because the lies were the only thing keeping him from killing you
…
…
…
unless
…
…
…
Tadashi lets him go.
Fred doesn't move, still standing against the door because he's pretty sure it's the only reason he's not collapsing to the ground right now, and struggles to breathe evenly as adrenaline and panic start to fade. Tadashi takes a step back, and grits his teeth, and- and it looks like he's fighting something. He closes his eyes, wipes the rain out of his face, stands still for a moment, then… looks up.
Quiet thunder sounds out, again.
Tadashi blinks, and it still looks like he's shaking. He exhales once more, and he almost seems to shrink back, like he's finally letting go of something. And the anger's not there, fully, because he looks tired. As exhausted as Fred feels. He looks- finished.
"Okay," he says, and breathes again. "Okay."
Fred almost doesn't hear it with the rain, but his head snaps up when the hum of an engine rings out. Tadashi turns, too, in time to see a car pulling into the drive. The engine dies. Someone steps out into the rain.
Honey Lemon's here, staring up at them both.
Fred almost says something, but Tadashi cuts him off. "Look, you-" He starts again, but drops his gaze. "…You need to get help. You have to."
And just for a second, it's almost like before. Sitting on a park bench, staring out at the world, earnestly sharing his story and trying to find some way of getting through to Fred, trying to help him- but it stops abruptly, and Tadashi scowls and turns back, down the steps.
Fred's standing still, watching him, thoughts locked in place. He can't understand what happened, can't make sense of Tadashi's actions, can't do anything but freeze and let the cold-warm-terrified-excited-withered-explosive feeling rush through his head and into his chest, until a single thought collides with everything else and shoves it all away.
It's over.
And Tadashi passes Honey Lemon-
-and she tries to say something to him, but he just stalks away, and she gives up and looks up at Fred, and she must be able to tell, she has to know what happened, even if she doesn't know the whole story-
Oh my God, it's over.
He's crying, sobbing, even before she reaches him- but when she finally does she looks relieved, like she was terrified he wouldn't be here, and he falls apart, falling forward and collapsing while she holds him, because-
Because-
because Hiro Hamada laughed at his jokes with a cut lip and sparks in his eyes-
because superheroes are larger-than-life, in worlds where you can fly and escape and dream-
because he's exhausted, and angry, and scared-
because Tadashi told him secrets, and Go Go forgave him, and Honey Lemon was always there, and Wasabi trusted him-
because he hurt them, all of them, he did so much wrong-
because over the last two days, he was so close to the end, in a million different ways-
because it's never really over-
because he wants to stop hating himself every moment of every day-
because-
…
because there's no one left to tell.
He's not a liar anymore.
…
He feels shattered, like he has absolutely nothing more to give, but Honey isn't letting go because she was scared, too, he can feel it; and she's whispering quickly, over and over, trying to get through to him that he did it and he's strong and even though it hurts like nothing he's ever felt before, this is something good.
…
"I mean it. This is something good."
…
The rain drenches them both, but Honey doesn't move.
…
He thought he was going to die. And she must have thought she'd be too late to stop it.
…
"Hold onto that, Fred. Please. I- I hope you can believe that."
…
He closes his eyes, and imagines the rain covering him, washing away every mistake, every lie, every fear and terror and awful decision.
But more than all that, he can feel Honey's arms holding him. Supporting him. Keeping him alive.
…He's alive, and he's not alone.
