Chapter 50
A/N: Sorry this took so long but I was having trouble figuring out what to put on "paper" so to speak. I've said it before I don't have chapters written ahead and only write as it comes to me. This chapter has been unbelievably difficult to get down just because I couldn't work through how to get to where I want this to go. Anyway, thank you all for your patience and I really do hope you like this one!
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APOV
After throwing my arms around his neck he gave me the gentlest kiss and told me that he missed me. It actually warms my heart that he feels that way about me. I have to admit that the distance between us hasn't been as difficult as I imagined it would be but it has only been two weeks and I was supposed to be going to New York this week.
I hoped that he would be here. I almost certain that he would be once he spoke with Sawyer. But I can't even fathom the depth of emotion that I feel for him. Caring about me and flying all the way across the country to be with me when I needed... well, when I needed Christian to care that much. I didn't think that I would ever be able to feel that again. Not after Christian, and definitely not with everything going on. The stress and heartache still sits just below the surface of everything that I feel. But this is different. He put me first and it's almost like a healing balm.
I know that sadness fills my eyes when I think that I won't make it. I have always wanted to see the city and the short trip that Kate and I had didn't really allow me to do that. This time I had planned on not flying home until late Sunday, so that I would have had most of the weekend to explore, hopefully with Gideon as a tour guide.
"Hey, what's wrong?" Gideon asks me. Obviously he saw the fleeting expression of sorrow flick across my face.
"It's nothing, really." I look over to him and see nothing but concern in those cobalt eyes of his.
"Don't do that sweet girl. Don't shut me out. What's wrong?" Taking my hand and giving a gentle squeeze, reassuring me that it's ok to let him in.
I just shrug my shoulders and look down at my hands, twisting them in my lap and quietly admit, "I'm glad you're here but..."
"But what, Ana?" Suddenly letting my hand go and sitting back in his chair. His eyes intense but revealing nothing of his emotions. His voice did that.
I can hear him trying to control the steel edge but the sharpness to his voice is there nonetheless. I quickly look at him and take in the change. Reaching for his hand it takes him a moment but he reluctantly takes mine in his firm grasp.
"You didn't let me finish Gideon. I was going to say, I was supposed to be able to meet you in New York. Now I've ruined that," taking a breath to finish. "I'm glad you're here. I'm glad that we're together this just isn't how I wanted it to be. I wanted to be able to get away and actually spend time with you in YOUR city this time."
I've kept eye contact with him as I explained where my head is but now I am just looking down at my lap. I don't want to be so emotional but I wanted a nice weekend away. Away from Seattle, away from the stress, and away from Christian Grey.
Suddenly, I feel the bed dip next me. Gideon has moved from the chair and is now sitting on beside to me. He folds me up in his strong muscular arms and just holds me for a moment before gently kissing my forehead. His five o'clock shadow a looks good on him but it is a bit abrasive. That thought makes me giggle and he pulls back to look at me with a look of confusion in his eyes.
I reach up and stroke his cheek, and as he leans in to my hand, gently with one finger stroking his cheek, "the rough look is nice to look at Mr. Cross but a bit scratchy." I tell him with a smirk.
Just as he's letting out that laugh of his that I love so much, the one that would make the whole room light up and smile, if there were others in the room that is, there is a knock on the door and Sawyer enters with a couple of bags from Lola on 4th Avenue. I've heard Lola is really good Mediterranean/North African inspired food made with all local ingredients.
I perked right up as Sawyer hands the bags to Gideon and as the fabulous smell reaches my nose my stomach starts rumbling. Both men turn and look at me. Sawyer with a smirk and a mischievous glint in his eye and Gideon with surprise and a chuckle.
"Someone's hungry? I'm glad you're feeling better Ana." Sawyer says before turning to Gideon, "Sullivan's here, Sir. I'm heading out for the night but if either of you need me..."
He didn't finish his statement before Gideon interrupted, "No. No thank you. You've gone above and beyond today. Thank you for everything. Enjoy your night."
They shook hands and after Sawyer left I looked over at Gideon as he was putting the food together and just took him in. Thinking once again about the similarities and differences that I find between him and Gideon. Christian would never have even thought about thanking a member of his staff, hell for that matter I've never heard him be anything but short with them. Telling them what he wants and demanding more than required. He would never thank them for doing what he considered their job but Gideon just did and not only do I find it surprising but a welcome jolt of refreshness that not every CEO hotshot is an ass.
Gideon has moved the bed table over to me with my meal on it and a smile on his face. "You were still sleeping when I got here and Sawyer informed me you haven't eaten. I took the liberty of ordering. Don't worry, nothing too heavy."
A smile on his face, I see what he sent Sawyer to get and he answers my unspoken question, "Halibut in a vegetable broth with lemon butter and roasted rainbow carrots cooked in duck fat with dates, cumin, orange and wheat berries. I didn't know how hungry you'd be but I also didn't want it to be too heavy," he tells me with a sheepish look on his face.
"It looks amazing! Thank you. And yes both nugget and I are starving."
I looks at me with amusement and shakes his head, "well we can't have that now can we? Here," he says as he hands me a fork and starts putting together his dinner on the side table next to the chair he was in earlier.
"That looks amazing too. What did you get?" I ask as I look over at his meal.
"It's just a fisherman's stew. It has scallops, shellfish, squid, spring vegetables, in a ouzo and celery broth."
We sit and eat quietly. Every now and again I look over at Gideon and see that as he's eating he's actually watching me. Each time I see so much caring in his face, an unhindered and unfettered tenderness that takes my breath away each time I see it.
As we're finished up and Gideon clean up after us, picking up the take out boxes and tossing them in the trash. Then picked me up and took me to the bathroom and gave me time to brush my teeth and quickly wash up. When I opened the door he picked me up and gently placed me back on the bed then went into the bathroom himself, with an overnight bag that I didn't know he had. I heard the shower running and nestled down in the bed. It's been an exhausting day and I hate to admit that I am more tired than I realized. Once dinner settled in my exhaustion was taking over but I wanted to wait for Gideon.
He came out of the bathroom in a pair of white cotton sleep pants sans shirt. Oh My Goodness, his chest is amazing and I can't keep my eyes off his amazing abs. He starts walking towards me, still not shaved but that causes me to smile more and leans down to me.
Gently pressing his lips to mine in one of the most tender kisses he's ever given to me and it literally takes my breath away, then he whispered, "I don't want to leave you sweet girl. I'm going to sleep on the couch if you don't mind?"
I smiled up at him, he has to know the reaction that he cause in me when he does that. Shaking my head a little because I love the fact that he already made himself comfortable, well as comfortable as one can get in a hospital, before he asked. Though I know that if I were to deny him he would fight but then he would go to a hotel. I honestly don't want that. I want him near. I want to feel the comfort that he brings to me when he's close.
I scoot over and move the bed sheet over, "No couch, with me?"
I'm looking at him and see his torn emotions. He's fighting with himself, whether he should or not. Then I see a calmness take over and he saunters over and sits down beside me.
But before getting comfortable, he moves the sheet to my hips and looking at me in the eyes take hold of the awful hospital gown and moves it up to just under my breasts. I'm a bit shocked. I didn't expect this and am wondering what he's doing.
He looks at me and laughs at my expression, kisses my nose and just says, "Don't worry sweet girl, I'm just saying goodnight to our little nugget."
Then very slowly and tenderly he leans down and kisses my still flat tummy right above my navel. He's quietly whispering against my stomach for a few minutes before I hear him say, "Good night little one. We love you out here."
There are tears in my eyes when he finally lays down. and moves the hospital gown down over me and pulls the sheet over us both. He looks at me and the worry is back in his face, "What's wrong? You ok?"
"I don't think I could be any better Mr. Cross. Thank you." I know he can hear the emotion in my voice but I can't explain to him my feelings right now. Hell I can't explain them to myself. But whatever it is that I am feeling I don't want to lose. I cherish how this man makes me feel but I'm so unbelievably scared at the same time. I reach up and kiss him on the cheek before making myself comfortable on his chest. I feel his hand moving gently, rhythmically up and down over my shoulders. One to the other and before I know it I am sound asleep.
CPOV
I need to find out how Ana's doing. After my conversation with my dad about everything that he and my mom went through before adopting I am beyond drained and exhausted. As I get in my SUV, I tell Taylor to take me to the hospital so that we can check on Ana. I see him glance back at me in the rear view mirror as we leave my parents estate and I have to say that again I see nothing but loathing in his eyes. I don't care what he thinks, he's an employee but at the same time it is kind of bothersome that he feels he can openly show that to me.
Elliot started his bull shit again about Ana and I swear if he doesn't get himself in check and soon I don't know what I'll do, but I won't have him talking about or to Ana the way that he has done today. I may not be with her, as much as I want to be, but she is still the mother of my child and that alone deserves some respect from the members of this family.
I don't think that will ever be an issue with my parents. They've only met Ana a couple of times and I could tell they like her immediately just the first time I brought her over but after today's revelation and her promising they will be a part of their grandchild's life regardless of me, well, respect was earned as well.
I however seem to have lost some respect where both my parents are involved. I don't think that I have ever seen my mother so disappointed in me in my life. And as for my dad, well we've never had a heart to heart like that before and I'm still in shock over it. He doesn't want me to give up the opportunity that he and mom wished so much they could have had and said that I will regret it.
I don't know about regretting it. I still don't want to raise a child. But I guess after our conversation I am more willing to accept that the child will be here soon. I still want Ana. More than I can even imagine. I've finally admitted that I love her but now she is a package that I'm not sure how much I want.
Running my hand through my already messy hair, I know that I am going to be spending more time in Flynn's office in the next several months preparing for this than I am at GEH which is where I should be. Fuck. I don't need this shit. I don't need to have to worry about a fucking baby. I just want MY Ana. I wished she would just let me talk to her. Work that much out then we can deal with the fact that she's going to be a mother.
Getting to the hospital, I have to turn on the charm a bit to one of the nurses to give me Ana's room number. It's late and after visiting hours but I need to check and make sure that she's ok. She's on the 8th floor, room 8110, the maternity ward. Oh fucking great, I have to go up there. Thankfully, its late and I won't run into too many pregnant about to pop women. Fuck. Making my way up to her room I notice that Sawyer is not at the door, no one is actually. Hmmm I wouldn't have thought that he would have left after the way he acted earlier tonight. But maybe its my luck that he did and she'll be awake and we can talk.
Cautiously I move to her room and open the door and what I see when I step in has me almost on my knees. Thankfully I still have a hold of the door in a white knuckled grip helping to keep me steady as I back out of the room. Gently closing the door I slide down the wall next to the closed door and start to sob at the sight I just saw.
My Ana draped across Gideon Cross' bare chest, both asleep.
Both hands in my hair, elbows resting on my knees and I start to silently sob because he's giving her something that I never will be able to.
Touch.
