I floated in and out of consciousness as we rode to the nearest camp. By the time we got there I was aware of neither time or space. I only remember the firelight and the red fabric of the tent. Everything moved like it was viscous, thick watery images ebbed in and out of my concussed mind. It was sickening. A healer treated my head and wrapped my ribs but I was still in agony. I hadn't seen Solas and no one had mentioned him, even as I was coming to, there was no sign of him.

Where did he go?

"He's gone, Trixy." Varric's calming voice said beside me. I startled awake and I looked to my left to where he sat, note book in hand. "How you feeling?" He asked with a smile.

"Like I was thrown against a wall. Oh wait, I was thrown against a wall." I hissed as I tried to prop myself on my side. "How long have we been here?"

"Three days. Seeker went back to Skyhold with the Inquisitor, they couldn't wait. Duty calls and all that." He shut his notebook and put it back in his pocket.

"And you've been keeping me company, how very chivalrous of you." I chuckled and he smiled in turn but it fell quite sombre as his eyes scanned quickly across my head. In the silence that sat between us, what he had said about Solas being gone echoed in my head. "What do you mean he's gone?"

Varric rubbed his chin and slumped back in his chair. "He just left." He said.

"Left where? Did he go back to Skyhold."

Varric shook his head, "I don't think so, Nev. He got up, said he had to go and that was it. Didn't even so much as try to help." He was angry... Somewhere behind those carefully guarded eyes there was an indignity, a frustration. It wasn't often I ever saw the dwarf anything other than wryly amused and yet...

"He didn't care then." I whispered, an admission to myself, more than to Varric.

"Not from where I stood. And so what if he's gone, Trixy, you can do better than a guy who won't even help you back on your feet. What about whoever that was from the study? He was nice!" he laughed.

"He was nice." I agreed with a shy smile.

"See there you go! You don't need that baldy, good for nothing."

"He's nice but he's not Solas." I whispered.

His smile fell and he shook his head. "Did I ever tell you about Hawke and Fenris?" he said quietly.

"They were together even though they thought they hated each other."

"Sure, they got together. A romance for the ages. But one thing I don't put in my stories is the reality of that relationship. Once the sexual tension was gone, that was it. No more Fenris and Hawke. Sure, they're friends now but that took time to get them there, it took them time to trust each other again. Toxic relationships might seem exciting and passionate but when it gets down to it, they're just that. Toxic." He said with finality.

"And what has this got to do with Solas and I?" I said defensively.

He shrugged, "I dunno. I'm not judging whatever it is you two share, it could turn into something beautiful, what do I know. All I saw was that he left you bleeding on the ground. Then again..." He sighed and tilted his head to the right, "That night in the Frostbacks, I've never seen him so desperate."

I flopped back down on my cot, hissing as my ribs jarred. "He's a puzzle, I'll give him that."

"We're all puzzle's, Trixy. But we need to work ourselves out before we start trying to work out everyone else."


Within the week we were back at Skyhold, my injuries were superficial, no real damage other than another lovely scar on the side of my head. Evelyn and Leliana were beside themselves when I returned. I had to reassure them that yes, I was fine and no, I didn't need more time off. Not that there was much to do anyways. The Herald was getting ready for the ball at Halamshiral and preparations had to be made.

"According to Josephine, anyway." Evelyn sighed as she flopped back in her stone chair in the garden. We were playing a game of chess in order to keep ourselves occupied. It seemed we both got a bit stir crazy. She took a bite of a cream bun and covered her mouth, "Maker there's even talk of ordering in dresses. Dresses Nev. I haven't warn a dress since I was this height," she said, her hand a measure barely two feet from the ground.

"I take it that was also Josephine's idea." I said, taking a bit of a lemon tart.

She shook her head adamantly, "No! Leliana's! Then she went off on a whole tangent about shoes. Buckled shoes, lacy shoes, silk shoes. She even starting going on about a woman she once saw wearing glass shoes. I've never seen her like that!"

"Well, we can't very well go to a ball adorned in our raggedy armour." I chuckled. "I claim green, if we are in fact doing dresses, that is."

"Oh, I don't think so, if anyone has a green dress it's me. It'll match my mark so charmingly." She said, fluttering her eyelashes and holding up her marked hand.

"It'll be all the rage at Halamshiral, I'm sure." I laughed.

We fell into an easy laughter that buzzed around the garden. It was the first time in a while that I had felt care free.

"I think purple is your colour." She said, gesturing to me with her cream bun.

I arched my brow, not convinced.

"Yes, it'll add to your dark and mysterious, elvhen apostate look."

I chuckled easily and without willing to said something mildly stupid, "My grandmother always wore purple..."

I startled myself at the ease with which I recalled Mythal as my grandmother. What startled me more was the fondness that I felt too.

Evelyn didn't seem to realise my blunder and smiled, "She must have looked a lot like you then. I've never heard you mention your grandmother before. Is she still alive?"

I shrugged, "I don't know." That was the truth. I honestly didn't know whether Mythal was dead or alive or both. Probably both.

"You lost touch?" Evelyn prompted.

"After my mother and I were captured by the slavers... I lost contact with that part of my life..." Saying it, even in half truths made me feel lighter. I continued. "My mother and I were very close. She was kind and patient and.. everything you could wish for in a mother, really. She taught me to read and write and walk. She taught me about magic and the wonders of it."

"You're mother was a mage too?"

"And my grandmother. You might say we have a strong bloodline." I chuckled. Evelyn looked somewhat surprised.

"My grandmother was not like my mother... She was harsh, strict. One of the strongest women I'd ever met..." Out of the corner of my eye, I felt her presence. The ghost of a hand on my shoulder. "She taught me to be the person I'm meant to be. To be strong, resilient and fierce. She showed me what it is to love my people, to protect them as she protected us. I miss her..." I looked down at my hands on the table and squeezed them together, wishing that it was her hand there to touch. If my memories were indeed coming back, they were coming back stronger. Enough to remind me how much I had loved Mythal.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought this up, I didn't mean to upset you." Evelyn said. She reached over the board and pat my wrist.

I looked back to her and smiled, "It's fine. It feels good to talk about her."

Evelyn smiled and we sat in silence for a moment more before a runner hurried into the garden and whispered something in her ear. She looked shocked, "He came back?"

I tensed immediately, grasping one of my pieces at random. I dropped it immediately and felt foolish for the nerves that shot through me. Evelyn looked concerned but she looked back to the runner with a kind smile, "Let him know we will be down to greet him momentarily." She turned back to me with a wink, "Varric says to always keep them waiting."

She let the runner return the message, and we sat a moment longer in the peaceful silence of the garden. It was a calm day, slightly overcast but calm and quiet with just the slightest hint that it might rain. It left the air smelling fresh and alive. The garden was quiet too, other than the alchemist, there was no one here but Evelyn and I. Birds flitted around easily not bothered by our being there, some even twittered at our feet, eating the crumbs that we'd spilled from our cakes.

"Please don't be too angry with him." Evelyn whispered after a beat.

I guffawed, "Angry?"

"Well, aren't you?" she asked innocently.

In that maddening ocean that was my thoughts on Solas, anger hadn't really come up in a while. It was mostly unrequited feelings of adoration coupled with a strange sort of guilt. Now that she mentioned it, however, I was angry. He had left me dangling on his string for three weeks without so much as a word, he had judged me for trying to move on and just to top it off he left me injured on the battlefield, said injury dealt by the demon that he wanted to save! Why wasn't I angry? Evelyn must have noticed my shoulders slowly tense. That or the fact I hadn't spoken for several seconds.

"Maybe I should handle this one by myself." She suggested.

"Maybe you should." I nodded, trying to not let my anger get the better of me.

She disappeared sharply after that and went to deal with Solas. I tried to find whatever means I could to distract myself, until I could get him alone. That is, did I even want to get him alone? Doubt swam in my mind now, a little moment that felt like panic weighed on my heart. I didn't want to be with him in that moment. In that singular second, my life seemed to be easier without him. No more anxieties over whether or not he'd smile at me, no more wondering when he would even speak to me again. When was enough time? Was there ever going to be enough time for him to work out what he wanted? Is this what he meant? Did he want to see whether I'd wait for him? Should I have spoken to him before I slept with Maharen?

I dragged my hands over my face and rested it there. I stared at the space ahead of me listening to my doubts and fears swim in my head and I knew... None of them were true. They felt like excuses, little things I was telling myself so that it would be okay if he never spoke to me again. Then I thought about his small smiles, the quirk of his eyebrow, the way his eyes drifted off when he was deep in thought. I remembered his biting humour that he freely used, his gentle hands whenever I was injured... The kiss that we shared in the fade. Even if it was like the memory of a memory, his touch, his embrace, it felt as solid and real as the pawn I turned over in my fingers.

I sighed and looked up past the garden. The sky was still overcast but the clouds were moving across it quickly. A gust of wind rustled the previously peaceful garden and I shuddered with the chill. I set my pawn back in its place on the board and hastily left for the courtyard.


I didn't really think about what I would say or do when I saw him, all I knew was that I had to know he was there, within reach. I felt as though I burst through the main doors with enough force to rival the wind that now gusted throughout Skyhold. I stood at the top of the stone steps and let it rush around me. It whipped my hair back from my face and made my eyes water with its intensity. I let out a long breath and closed my eyes, breathing in the freshness of the wind. It stirred my spirits onward. I trotted down the steps to the training area and overlooked the wall down to the gate. I leaned on it easily, I wasn't afraid of him seeing me. Evelyn stood with him at the gateway. She looked concerned but her arms were folded as though she were displeased. I smiled, good to know she wasn't making it too easy. They spoke for a moment longer before his head turned up slightly to look at me. I didn't move immediately, I felt no need to. All I did was lift my fingers in a casual greeting and turned back to the tavern. I half expected for a delayed rush of nerves to swamp over me but they didn't. I was content... I was glad to have seen him, and glad that he saw me also. Perhaps I'd speak with him tomorrow, or the day after that or even later this evening. But for the moment, I was happy enough to have left it at that distance.

"Nevalla."

I had barely began to reach for the Tavern door when I heard him call me. Queue delayed rush of nerves. It was always his voice that did it. I've said it before and I'll say it again, the way he said my name enraptured me, like he'd cursed it. My hand tightened into a fist where it hovered at the door handle as I tried to calm its shaking. He called to me again, closer this time.

"Might I speak with you."

I turned slowly, not meeting his eyes, all previous confidence vanishing. I looked up and tried to smile, "What's on your mind?"

He cleared his throat and as was his way, he clasped his hands behind his back. "Perhaps we could walk as we talk."

I shrugged, "Where would you like to go?"

I saw the muscles in his jaw fluttered and he made no motion to move or suggest where to walk. He was embarrassed. He was just as clueless as I was in how to advance this impossible stale mate. It made my confidence swell slightly. It would be nice to have the upper hand for once.

"I believe I must have walked this castle at least... 24 times while I was recovering from the wolf attack."

The corner of his mouth quirked and he looked to the ground.

"I would not force you to walk the place for a 25th time. If a walk is out of the question might we go to some place quiet?"

"Quiet..." I sighed, "This place has been nothing but quiet for a while now, haven't you noticed?"

"It has been more relaxed."

"The Dread Wolf will find work for idle hands. That's what Mahanon always used to tell me. Come on," I said. I walked passed him and lifted two wooden spears that sat against the fence of the training ring. Solas looked confused but cautiously made his way closer.

"Need to keep our reflexes sharp, don't we?" I winked as I tossed him a spear. He caught it barely, his expression searching for the joke. I hopped over the fence and stretched my arms.

"Come on then, it'll be dark soon."

"You wish to spar?"

"Yes."

"Lavellan, I really don't think-"

"Scared I'll beat you?"

"No, I simply wished to have a conversation."

"No magic, that's the first rule."

"Nevalla..."

"No biting, no eye gouging and no hair pulling. That one goes for you, I haven't much to grab there."

He looked exasperated and arched his brow.

"You can take her Solas!" Bull cried from the Tavern, drink in hand. He winked at me and Solas merely shook his head.

"What'll it be then? A friendly sparring match? Or the painfully awkward conversation I know neither of us want to have." I leaned on my spear innocently.

He said nothing for a while after. He weighed the rod in his hands and tested it's grip before his eyes flicked back to me.

"Would you prefer that I go easy on you?" He calmly made his way into the ring, his eyes barely leaving mine.

I laughed lowly, "Solas, if there's one thing you need to know about me it's that I like it rough."

I said nothing more, but I saw a smile pull at his lips. We paced around each other in slow circles. I watched his feet, readying myself for his first strike, but he was meticulous. He gave nothing away. I took it upon myself to get the ball rolling. I struck first but he parried it easily. I hadn't expected him to be so adept with just a spear.

"No magic, remember." I said, fixing my footing.

"No magic." Solas shook his head.

I swung again and he blocked it, but this time I spun in the opposite direction, taking him off guard. He barely blocked my second swipe and nodded encouragingly. Before I had time to settle back into my stance however, he swung at me and that truly set things off. We parried each other with expert precision and the two of us moved so quickly I'm surprised the bystanders could even see what was happening. I swiped round to his side with more force than previous. He hurried to block it but lost his footing and he was thrown to the side. I lunged forward to win, but he spun again and whacked my rod. I hissed as I felt an uncomfortable vibration tremble painfully up my arm. He didn't look in the least bit concerned. In fact he looked pleased more than anything and that riled me up. I took a few steps back to compose myself and focus. I had to win this, right down to my gut I had to win this or forever have my pride tainted.

"Do you yeild?"

I shook the vibrating feeling out of my wrist, "You'll have to do a bit more than that."

He smirked and readied his spear and I lunged at him again. The fight went on for longer this time, neither of us backing down or giving a way in. In my peripheral I could almost see Varric urgently squiggling in his notebook as bystanders hedged their bets. I'd say the money was on me. I was a Dalish hunter, keen and deadly. I was more than that. I was... I was the daughter of Goddesses. I was more powerful than any of them knew and I was not going to let some hermit beat me.

With all my strength I swung my rod this way and that, barraging him from all angles. But still he blocked every one. I was more focused on fighting him than I had been on anything for a while. Every inch he moved I was there to counter him. I wondered would he ever yield.

As we fought, something like tunnel vision struck me, it threw me off and I made a few easy blunders. My mind felt thick and foggy, like it would in a dream. I kept fighting, however, and Solas hadn't seemed to notice my change. Then suddenly it stopped and the world was clear again, but in the corner of my eye, lurking on the edge on the ring I noted a very familiar silver haired figure. My eyes flicked for a second to confirm my suspicions and yes, there stood Mythal, her face heavy with disapproval.

"I thought I raised you to be above such foolishness," She said. Even over the ruckus of the fight, I could hear her with ease. "You cannot afford distractions such as these. Especially with him."

I looked at her confused, hoping she might see my question rather than force me to speak aloud.

I expected her to laugh at the situation, like she normally would laugh at my foolishness. But she looked stern, worried even. "Heed what I'm saying to you girl. No good can come of this."

I lunged forward at Solas with more force than I intended when I heard her say that. He looked slightly confused.

"You're life is not your own, it is for the people. A pursuit such as this is nothing but selfish."

"You don't get to decide that." I hissed under my breath, hoping no one would hear. I lunged at Solas again.

"I do not. But as your kin I advise you that this path you choose only leads to heartbreak."

She couldn't know that for certain. She might have been many things but she could hardly judge the future.

Solas tripped me. I had lunged and all he had to do was stick his rod out and I stumbled over foolishly. I heard the crowd grow more raucous as I scrambled quickly to my feet.

"You seem distracted," Solas said smugly.

I looked to where Mythal stood but she was no longer there. "I'm fine," I said, rolling my shoulders and readying myself again. I put what she said out of my mind. She was just acting the concerned grandmother. I was a grown woman, I didn't need her to baby me like I was some adolescent with an inane infatuation. I could handle myself. And if Solas and I crashed and burned in a blaze of glory, at least I could say that I tried. I wasn't going to stop something that might make me happy for fear I might get hurt. I was a natural gambler.

"I just didn't expect this much stamina." I sighed.

He looked bashful at my remark. "You might have to get used to it."

I arched my eyebrow, "Ma nuvenin, Solas."

We started our routine again, our attacks flying expertly against each other. It was like a practised dance, neither one of us wanting to break it for fear of exposing a weakness. But as I said, I'm a natural gambler. I took a risk, a calculated one. I stopped almost dead, and blocked Solas oncoming attack, but instead of pushing him back, I swerved underneath the rod and brought my own crashing down onto the back of his legs. He looked surprised and hit the ground with a grunt and a hiss. clutching where I'd hit him. I pointed my rod to his chin with smug satisfaction.

"Yield."

He looked up at me, his eyes dark with something I couldn't quite define. Then suddenly, he kicked my legs out from under me and I fell to the ground with a huff. Before I could scramble back to my feet, he had me pinned. His hands gripped my wrists as I struggled to get out from under him but it was no use.

"Cheat!" I panted.

He laughed easily as he sat back on his haunches, "You let your guard down."