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Dark as Rain

By Scutter

scutter1200@hotmail.com

Dedicated to Julie, for her amazing fic, Star Light.

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy 8. Someone with lots more money and a much better job than me does.

Rated R.

Chapter 51.

POV of Squall, Zell, Seifer, Zell, Squall, Selphie, Seifer.

I part my lips in response to Seifer's kiss, accepting his tongue sliding over mine, exploring his mouth as he explores mine. My hand slides down to grasp his wrist in a bone-crunching grip, but not even I can tell if it's to push him away, as my conscience is demanding I do, or to press myself harder against him, in response to the sudden fire in my groin.

And before I'm forced to make a decision, he wrestles his arm free, gripping my waist and yanking my hips hard against his. His thigh presses firmly against my erection, his arm reaching round to cup my backside. I can suddenly picture him again, taking me rough and hard against the floor, and I gasp his name, unable to stop the flex of my hips to rub back against him, harder.

Then suddenly, he stops and pulls away. "What did you just say?!"

I look back blankly, perplexed by the swift change from lustful predation to annoyed confusion in his expression.

"You called me Zell." In his absolute arrogance, he actually dares to look offended, as if he has the right to complain about my choice of lover.

Instantly, I replay the last few seconds in my mind, and realise that I did, in fact, gasp Zell's name, when I had thought Seifer's would come most naturally from my lips. I freeze in amazed surprise for a long moment. And then I laugh. A rich, husky, genuine laugh, for the first time in weeks. The laugh is mockery enough, I don't need to add any words to tell Seifer exactly what I think of him, and he growls in what is rapidly becoming genuine anger now.

And then he has me pinned up against the back of the couch, halfway bending me over backwards as he slams his mouth against mine, yanking me closer by the collar of my jacket when I don't respond quick enough for him.

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My finger hovers over Squall's doorbell, where it has been for a good two minutes while I've stared at the floor, trying to rehearse whatever the hell it is I'm supposed to say to him. The more I think about it, the less sense it makes to just turn up on his door step, demand that he spill his guts to me and leave again. I should at least have some idea of what I want to say, or where I want to go from here.

I drop my hand, and take a few steps away, then, damning my own indecision, turn back to stare at the silent, shut door again. The problem with that is I won't know what I want until I get some answers from him. I need to know how he feels - or whether he's actually capable of feeling anything for me - before I can decide if it's worth trying to put our relationship back together. And then there's the question of whether he even understands why I was so pissed off in the first place. I still maintain he should have told me about him and Seifer. So it wouldn't have been a pleasant conversation, but hell, I went to the trouble of explaining my own painful little initiation into male-male relationships... I also need to figure out how he really feels about being a shoulder for me to lean on. I've calmed down enough to realise that a lot of angry words were said that day in the SeeD lounge when we ripped each other apart, and that a lot of them had no weight behind them. But I got the impression that that one, Squall did mean. 'I'm tired of being a halfway point between any current world crisis and your traumatic childhood.'

It's a part of who I am, my past at the orphanage, with Seifer, with Garden. And yeah, I do need to lean on my boyfriend now and then, because no matter how grown up we think we are, the past has a way of coming back to bite us. And I need him to understand that sometimes he can lean on me, and sometimes we can stand on our own two feet... and sometimes, I need a little support in return.

But how the hell do I explain that to a guy who fucking invented self sufficiency?

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For an indeterminate length of time, there's relative quiet in the room, punctuated by the scuffing of boots against carpet, the shuffling of clothing against clothing, the creak of leather, an occasional moan or sigh escaping between lustful kisses. Squall's jacket has been flung over the end of the couch, my own trench coat has dropped to the floor to be kicked aside and I've finally managed to work my hand up inside Squall's t-shirt... I know exactly how he likes it, and damned if I don't put that knowledge to good use.

Without warning, Squall suddenly pushes me roughly away from him, holding me firmly at arms length. His face is flushed and he's unable to meet my eyes. "Leave, Seifer..." he demands quietly. "I love Zell."

"I'm not disputing that, Sweetheart," I reply softly, reaching up slowly, carefully, to brush silky hair out of his eyes. "Shit, the kid's been hanging over you for years," I tell him sincerely. "It's hardly a surprise you finally sat up and paid attention."

Then Squall's jaw drops, as, quick as lightning, I unzip the fly of his pants, and slip my hand inside.

"Unngh, Seifer..." I don't know if it's a moan of protest or of pleasure, but I like the sound coming from his lips, and increase the pressure of my steady strokes.

"You know you like it, baby," I whisper into his ear, as he clings onto my shoulder, his breath hot against my neck as he grabs onto my wrist again.

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Thinking logically has never been one of my strong points, and it's starting to give me a headache now. Think about this sensibly, Zell. After six months or more of being practically joined at the... well, for politeness sake, at the hip... you'd think I'd have picked up on a few clues about what he's thinking. Okay, so what clues where there?

Number one, he talks to me. Not like the conversational chatter that most people do, but when he's got something to say... or more importantly, when something's worrying him... he will actually tell me about it. Okay, one point for Squall cares about Zell.

Then again, most times that he actually opened up to me was right after we'd fucked each other's brains out. One point to Squall wants Zell for sex.

Number two, he's really patient with me. Like when Fujin first came to Garden, he spent hours talking me into giving her a chance, not just so I'd agree with him, but so I'd feel comfortable with having her around. Another point for Squall cares about Zell.

Then again... he's really patient with everyone. Even when he found out that one of his students had been using their revolver as a spit for roasting marshmallows on a camping trip, and he had to explain to them for over two hours why setting fire to something that had been endowed with paramagical properties was a really bad idea. So does that mean he still cares about me, or that he's just a really patient guy, full stop? Second point for Squall wants Zell for sex.

Okay, here's number three... He was really considerate when I decided to be bottom for the first time. Hyne knows I was scared enough without any additional pressure... but shit, that whole scenario was about sex in the first place, so I can't really count it either way...

Fuck, I am so confused!

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I've managed to get his damn hand out of my pants... but it could hardly be called progress, given the fact that I have a now-unclothed raging hard on, and he's rubbing the rough cloth of his pants against me, doing an even more effective job than his hand did. I reach down to zip myself up again, despite the discomfort it causes, and in the moment I leave his hands unattended Seifer has reached up to massage the back of my neck, knowing exactly which pressure points will have the greatest effect on me.

Hyne, enough of this...

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"Zell?" His head snaps up in surprise, like he was just caught doing something extremely naughty, and I have to giggle. Okay, so I was surprised to find him lurking about in the hallway outside Squall's door, but its hardly a hangable offence. "Hey, Zell. Am I interrupting something?" I ask playfully, eyeing up Squall's door meaningfully.

He looks at the door quickly, then away again. "No." He's looking ashamed, guilty and decidedly embarrassed. "Nah, Selphie, I was just..."

"Hey, it's okay!" I assure him quickly. Geez, the guy looks like he's about to bust an artery or something. "It's nice that you're, y'know, thinking about him and all."

"Yeah, I was kinda wondering if I should..." He scratches the back of his head awkwardly, then shakes his head. "Ah, forget it." He turns to leave, and I quickly call him back. I honestly didn't mean to make him so uncomfortable.

"Seriously, Zell, if you want to go see him, I can just vanish down the hallway." I make little running motions with my fingers, and he looks sideways at me, trying to weigh up the options.

Then, to my dismay, his shoulders slump. "Nah. I just... I don't think I'm ready for this yet." He shrugs, and tries a half-hearted little reassuring smile, then walks slowly away down the corridor.

I sigh softly watching him go, until he turns the corner at the end of the hall, and I turn and walk back the way I came to my own quarters. Poor guy. Not to mention Squall, I remind myself, and stop at the end of the hall to stare back at his doorway for a moment. I can only imagine what he's feeling right now, and it can't be any better than what Zell's going through.

Suddenly, I gasp in surprise, as Squall's door opens, and a tall, blond... oh sweet Hyne, it's Seifer... comes hurtling through the door, crashing into the wall and landing in a heap. Then, that grey coat of his flies out the door as well... followed by a very angry Lion. I back away slowly until I'm around the corner, then turn tail and walk very quickly in the opposite direction. Okay, so maybe it's better that Zell doesn't try talking to Squall right now...

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I don't even have time to voice my surprise before my back crashes hard against the hallway wall, and I land in an undignified heap on the floor. I half expect Squall to follow through with a punch or two, but instead, I look up to see my trench coat sailing through the air to land on top of me, and I snatch it from my face, scrambling to my feet as Squall comes stalking through the doorway behind it. Been a long time since I managed to get him this pissed off...

"Heck, you're further gone than I thought, if just thinking about the little tyke gets you off better than the real thing with me." Shit, sometimes I think I should just seal my own mouth shut...

"Get the fuck out of my room, and off my case, Seifer."

"Why? You gonna throw me up against a wall again?" The comments is as lascivious as I can make it, and he grabs me by the shirt collar, hurling me to the floor further down the corridor.

"Get the fuck away from me!"

I open my mouth for another sting, but close it quickly as his glare turns from black to pure murder. "Alright, alright!" I hold up my hands defensively, taking a step back for good measure. I wait for a second to make sure he's not going to rip my head off, then I reach down and pick up the trench coat and shrug into it, aiming for casual, since I don't think I could manage my usual cool, calm and collected right now. I reach down to adjust my crotch in the process of straightening my clothes, and force a smirk onto my lips when his eyes flare again with barely-restrained anger. "I get the picture," I tell him, forcing my tone to remain light, just a notch off teasing. "Party's over." The smirk drops, and I find myself unable to summon it back again as I turn and walk away, my voice surprisingly, thankfully, smooth as I call back over my shoulder, "Just wanted to be sure you know what you're doing." He doesn't reply, and I'm grateful. The lump in my throat would make any more conversation... unappealing.

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Feedback will be covered in Christmas lights! Flames will be used to stuff the turkey.

Myeerah: Okay, so Squall and Zell aren't back in the same room together yet... but they're a step in the right direction... right? The muses thank you for the treats.

faery-of-fiction: Ah, fear not. Seifer has some redeeming qualities yet. He'd have to, or Squall would have ripped his head off a long time ago...