CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT

"You are absolutely sure. I can wait if you want to just go grab a bag."

Edward was standing at our front door asking the same question over and over again for the past ten minutes.

"Yes. I'm sure. I really do need to work." I promised.

I had decided to not go with Edward to Chicago this time because even though Embry wasn't talking to me, I had elected to go ahead and work with Silver J myself. Maybe I could help be the change. Of course after the last time, Edward wasn't so easy-going with just leaving me behind.

"Bella, I'm serious; Do not come to Chicago without calling me first." He stated slow and adamant. "I am not going to be happy, do you understand me?"

"Yes. But if I call you, you have to promise to not talk me out of it."

"I won't talk you out of it but I will make arrangements to ensure your safe arrival." He assured.

I wonder what his backup plan was now that Jacob wouldn't take babysitting duties anymore. Edward had come across our little dispute I imagine when he went to discuss his upcoming trip with Jacob last night.

He came to me and asked why Jacob and I were fighting and I explained that I would not be apologizing for something I didn't do. Of course Edward asked what it is I did and so I went into a long spiel over the maturity of woman versus men. However Edward still didn't have his babysitter in place but I'm sure he has made other arrangements. I know he wouldn't ask Embry since Embry wasn't Tria Fata which I was thankful for because the last thing I needed was for Edward to find out how I had single-handedly pissed off the male population at Casa Cullen.

Did it bother me that Edward was probably scheming to find someone to look after me; yes. However, there really was nothing I could do about it. Even if I yelled and fussed until I was blue in the face, I'm afraid this would be one area in Edward's mind where he would justify lying to me just so I felt better but he would never change. Honestly who was I to argue, there were plenty of things I still tried keeping Edward in the dark over.

"Please go, I will be fine. Just be safe and call me when you get in." I kissed him on the lips and he pulled me closer.

"Please Bella, I am begging you, please be safe yourself. Please don't come out to Chicago on a whim."

Edward looked like he was ready to cry and it hit me just how stressed he was over this.

"I promise I will be safe and won't leave the state unless I notify you first."

He exhaled once more and kissed me. "I love you, Isabella Cullen. It will only be four days and I will be back. I wouldn't miss you concert in Frisco."

Yeah that was a weekend away and to say the least, there was a lot of work to be done; starting with convincing Silver J to let me perform with him.

"I love you too, Edward."

He squeezed my hand once more and then turned to leave.

The house seemed instantly empty the moment I closed the door. The girls were at school so the silence was deafening. Even though I knew that Edward hadn't even left the city let alone the state, I could already feel some sort of panic attack coming on. I had no choice but to get out of that house.

I took a ride over to Tianna's house and uninvited I welcomed myself into Sean and Veronica's home.

"May I help you?" Sean asked as he opened the door. I hadn't really talked to him since Embry's and my big blow up that day.

"I still want to work with you on the Peace Concert. I know that what happened last time was…unfortunate but I still believe in the cause so if you'll have me…I think we could come up with something inspiring."

"What does Embry think about you being here?" He asked crossing his arms.

"I don't give a shit what anyone thinks. It's my decision and…." I paused trying to find the best argument. "I just want to make a difference and I want it to be a positive experience. You are an excellent writer. I have listened to your music even if it was taboo and I know that I am a great writer too. You would be lucky to have me."

It was the first time I ever spoke with confidence about my skills but rap artists loved confidence, they sought it out. I knew if Silver J was going to take me serious I would need to show him why he should consider me.

He opened his door wider and I took the cue that I was welcomed.

In the past I usually grooved well with other artists. I would get into a studio with them and the ideas would just flow out. I think I was struggling so much because I had a lot on my mind. Between Edward leaving again, Jacob acting like a spoiled brat and Embry hating me, I was officially in an uncreative place.

"You're pushing it." Sean sighed and plopped down on the ground in his music studio. I had been in three different rap artist's homes and all three had their own professional music studio which had me seeing green.

"I'm sorry…I don't think I'm focused well." I apologized.

"Maybe…this just isn't going to work. I mean it's not your fault, I haven't been able to come up with shit either."

"I don't believe in failure. It will happen. We have time, I think we are just putting too much stress on this. I will go home and come back tomorrow. I will be better tomorrow." I vowed.

Sean gave me an incredulous look but didn't disagree with my assessment.

I didn't know where to go when I left. I didn't want to go home because the house ceased being warm for me. Since Embry and I divvied up weeks for having charge responsibilities for the girls, I knew that he would be home for them.

I decided to go to Warner Bros. and sleep in the small room between Edward's and my office. It was incredibly quiet there. A perfect place to work since I was having such difficulties focusing on the Peace Concert project however being there all alone was just plain…lonely.

I think I needed one really good cry. Maybe if I get out all my anger and pain then I could finally focus on the task at hand. I laid down on the bed and started to weep. It wasn't pretty. There may have been snot.

My phone ringing had me at a clear disadvantage to speak to anyone at the moment. I knew that one word for me would bring questions.

Then my phone rang again.

And again.

And again.

Finally I looked to see what all the fuss was about and it was Edward. I forgot that I had asked him to call me. I blew my nose and tried talking aloud a couple of times to get my voice under control so it wouldn't sound as nasally but the phone was ringing again and I thought it best to answer or I pictured Edward having a coronary over it.

"Hello."

"Jesus Christ! Why haven't you been answering your phone?"

I had to hold the phone away from my ear just to combat the loudness of Edward's voice.

"I was sleeping." I lied.

"Sleeping? Where? What's wrong?" So many questions, so little time.

"I'm tired. Can I call you back tomorrow?" I asked.

"No. Bella, what is going on? I called the house and Becky said you hadn't come home for dinner. Where are you? Where are you sleeping?"

"Stop yelling at me." I yelled back.

The phone became quiet. This time when Edward spoke, you could tell it was taking him everything he had to control it.

"I'm sorry sweetheart but you're kinda freaking me out. You're not at home. You weren't answering your phone. I've only been in Chicago for less than an hour and already there's been an incident. I asked you to be safe and smart and you tell me that you're sleeping somewhere but you're not at home. You sound horrible. I can tell you've been crying. I need you to tell me what is going on."

Already been an incident? What was he talking about? What is he going to write me up?

"Why don't you just put a homing device on me already?" I hung up the phone and turned it off before I could hear any type of rebuttal ring.

Yes, it was my week to piss off every single male within a five-mile radius. I would blame my period but it wasn't here yet. Maybe it was PMS. Like most women who go momentarily insane, we can blame nearly anything on our menstrual cycles and men took it for that before running for the hills.

How was I ever supposed to think of peace and inspiring thoughts when I had so much anger and pain flowing through me? What is wrong with people?

Jacob was upset with me for turning down a job he helped me to get even though I'm pretty sure I still had say over my own career path. I respect that he had faith in me but I didn't have faith in me and that's kind of an important thing when being the leader of a major motion picture.

He also was upset because he thought that Edward and I thought he was our employee, which I maintain that's more Edward's fault then my own. I didn't ask for Jacob to be my tail. But somehow I was being blamed.

Then there was Embry. Embry, who if he could just pull his head out of his ass for five seconds and really looked around at the world maybe he could understand the importance of the Peace Concert and the ability he had to make an actual change in the world. I had the very best intentions but now he looks at me like I consorting with the enemy.

No, I certainly wasn't in a place to write a peace song when everything in me wanted to go to war.

I got up, wiping the snot and tears unceremoniously from my face and headed toward my personal studio, the one that WMG had built for me before I took out one of their biggest former teen stars. It took me awhile to go back into that room because I felt bad that I had been given such a nice gift by the studio and then I wreaked havoc on them, even if I made sure they were compensated greatly. The only way I could go back into the studio that they had built was knowing that it was compensation for pain and suffering I endured when they pushed me in the same room as Tanya Denali in the first place.

I sat down at my piano and started to fiddle around on the keys however every song or lyric that came out of me was dark and distant. Not exactly inspiring peace but I was in a dark and distant place. Not as dark as when my father died but still not very uplifting.

"You don't need to pound so hard on those keys, you know. They aren't going to fight back." Emmett quipped.

"What are you doing here?" I asked already knowing the answer.

"I get the prize." Emmett walked in and sat down in a chair across from me. "The where in the world is Isabella Cullen? Prize." He sang like the Carmen San Diego song.

"I would be very interested to know just what exactly you get for your services. I could top it." I replied still playing on the piano.

"Doubt it." Emmett laughed. "How can you match brotherhood? There is nothing stronger."

"Plus wouldn't want to piss off the brass, they could take away everything." I remarked.

"I'm not here because I'm afraid of being stripped of my title. I don't need Tria Fata to be successful. I'm here because my best friend has gone fucking mental and is jumping on a plane to fly back here…"

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I stopped playing to face him.

"If I were you, I would suggest you call him. I have a feeling you would be the only one to talk him out of it right now. He's probably just getting to the airport and Bella, if he gets on that plane, it will cost the studio a shit ton of money to redo their schedule. Someday you'll understand what it is to have to reschedule."

I pulled out my phone with a huff. So ridiculous. The phone barely rang before he picked up.

"Where are you?"

"What, no hello? No, I'm sorry." I replied.

"Bella, I am not playing around. Where are you?"

"Just go back to your hotel. You brother in black has saved the day. I'm found to be alive." I rolled my eyes at the preposterousness of it all.

"Where are you?" he barked a little louder.

"I'm at Warner Bros. My god, I'm still in the state, hell I'm still in the same city. Calm down."

"Don't tell me to calm down. I don't appreciate being hung up on. I thought you were going to try to be better this time but I was wrong. I'm coming home."

"Don't do that. Apparently it costs lots of money to reschedule filming. Just stay there." I demanded.

"At this point, I…don't even want to do this movie. I can't handle being this far away from you not knowing what shenanigans you're getting yourself into. I can't focus…"

"Would you just stop being over-dramatic? You stay in Chicago and work on your movie and I will be fine here on my own." I cut him off.

"Bella…"

"Edward, I mean it. If you get on that plane, I will make sure that you have a much more difficult time finding me then Emmett. You're not the only one who can be over dramatic. Do not test me. I am a woman on a mission to thoroughly piss off and disappoint every single man in my life. Stay there." I threatened.

There was a long pause of silence.

"Go home with Emmett." He took another slow breath. "If there is just even one more incident…."

He didn't need to finish the threat. I got the message.

"Fine. Whatever." I shook it off.

"Good night, Isabella."

Ugh I hated when he said my name like that. I felt like a child being scolded. I hung up the phone thinking it wise to keep any sarcastic remarks to myself.

"So….what's the word humming bird?" Emmett jumped up from his seat.

"You're supposed to escort me back to my dungeon."

"You know, you're more than welcome to come and hang out at my house. Rosie will be there."

I was ready to decline but then I think Rosalie was just what I needed.

"Yeah, a girls night." Rosalie greeted us at the front door.

"What about me?" Emmett protested.

"You are not in need of a girl's night so you can go and sleep alone. I hardly ever get Bella these days." Rosalie took my hand and pulled me toward the kitchen.

"Are you hungry? I can make snacks before we go upstairs?" She offered.

I hadn't eaten since breakfast so I jumped all over that offer. She heated up cheesy dip and we had some chips and candy to take upstairs when we were though. Not exactly the most nutritious meal but it was comfort food.

"So what's going on? I could practically hear Edward from across the mansion. He didn't sound too happy." She asked.

"Same ole. Same ole." I shook my head. "I…am having issues with some…the majority of my house mates and I didn't want to go back there tonight so I thought Warner Bros. would be an acceptable alternative but then Edward called me up yelling and…I just couldn't handle it so I hung up on him. I just wanted to be left alone but that is never allowed to happen according to the Tria Fata handbook."

"Wait. Are you serious? That's in the handbook?" Rosalie asked shocked.

I had read the handbook, Rosalie couldn't have enough patience for the rhetoric language the book was written in to even get past a paragraph.

"No, Rosalie I was being facetious. It just really bugs the shit out of me that I can't even take a shit in a bathroom different from my own without having a Tria Fata person report back to Edward."

Rosalie was having trouble comprehending me. It was written all over her face.

"I really don't think they keep logs of when or where we shit, Bella."

I just stared at her.

"Oh, sorry…I'm usually much quicker but I'm not really one to just go on random excursions without Emmett knowing so I probably don't have the experience that you seem to have."

"Doesn't it bother you that if you say…turned off your phone for a day and decided to go to a spa by yourself that when you got home, Emmett and every other Guard would be in your living room running special ops to determine where you went and how to get you back. Like you can't even have a moment of peace to yourself without the national guard being informed."

"Do you always feel so…suffocated? I don't remember you really complaining about it before?"

"Sometimes. I think it's just become more prominent lately because I am having issues…Jacob said that we treat him like an employee and when I think about it. I don't treat him as such but Edward does because he always asks him to babysit me and that's just not cool."

"What happened with Jacob? Is this about Edward's birthday party?" Rosalie asked.

"It started then. He's mad at me for turning down that job that apparently he went through a lot of trouble getting me."

"Well fuck him. It is not up to Jacob Black where you put your next career foot. He needs to just get over that shit."

There's the Rosalie Hale I loved.

"Then when he is going off on me for turning the job down, he starts to go off about how Edward and I just treat him like an employee and how he was just trying to be a good friend by looking out for me but he wasn't trying to be my babysitter and how I am just so ungrateful and ambivalent to how much he cares about me."

"Yeah…" Rosalie cringed.

"Yeah…what? What's that look for?" I pushed.

"Bella…you really don't see it, do you? That boy is like head over heels in love with you."

"No, he's not. He's just trying to fulfill his duties to the Tria Fata. He still has it screwed up in his mind that he's supposed to be the "second." I have tried over and over to get him to understand that I don't need a second. He will never be a second." I practically shrieked.

"Yeah…" Rosalie cringed again.

"Now what?" I argued.

"You are so clueless." Rosalie shook her head. "You don't even realize."

"Realize? What is there to realize?" I complained.

"Bella. I'm gonna do Jacob a solid here and help him out because well you're kinda being a bitch."

My mouth dropped in shock and dismay.

"Don't get me wrong…I don't think it's your intention to be a bitch but you…are just being one without even knowing it. You tell Jacob over and over again how you don't need him to be your second and what he is hearing is how you don't want him…over and over again. He knows that he will never be with you. He knows that Bella but that doesn't mean that he's just going to stop loving you and I think all he wants is just some validation from you that you care about him."

I sat for a moment thinking about it.

"You are not going to make me feel bad about Jacob. I never said I saw him as my employee. He just….UGH!"

Yeah….she was making me feel bad about Jacob.

"How can you be so obtuse?" Rosalie shook her head.

"All right, all right. Fine I can kinda see what you're saying but that doesn't mean that he's right about the director job. I still should have a say in that."

"Whatever you say, Bella. So what other issues are you having at home?"

"Embry hates me."

"What? Never!" She replied in disbelief.

"No. He really is pissed at me. We haven't fought like this since…well anyway he's upset that I dare have the audacity to ask him to bury the hatchet with his rival Silver J for the sake of peace and teaching his daughter's a valuable lesson about forgiveness."

"Well, that is unfortunate but you also have to kinda see things from his point of view too. I mean what if in a couple of years someone asked you to do a performance with Tanya Denali; I highly doubt you would jump to it without some reserves."

"You have a very valid point however if by some god awful curse upon my house my child had become friends with her child I would try to at least consider options and I certainly wouldn't tell my child that they needed to end their friendship."

"True but you do need to realize that us women are able to take a step back and be objective where as men it usually is shoot now ask questions later meaning that it might take Embry a little more time to soul search to come to the same conclusion. Just give him some time. I have faith that in the end he will do the right thing."

Talking to Rosalie was exactly what I needed. We watched a little bit of television while sharing idle gossip but eventually she dosed off. I however was not so lucky so I joined my insomniac comrades and took to watching infomercials. It was a very long night.

In the morning I didn't even wake Rosalie up to say good-bye. I just wrote on their wipe off-board in the kitchen my thanks and headed off for home. I was in need of a cold shower to help wake me up.

The house was still quiet and it was past seven so that meant that the girls would be heading off to school now. Up the staircase I went to seek out my shower. I really needed to relax and focus so I could be productive today.

After the shower I came down to grab a cup of coffee before heading off to Sean's.

"You know in the future, I think both Embry and I would appreciate the heads up if you plan to just not come home."

Damn. I hadn't been able to get out of the house without confrontation.

"What do you care? In a week you will be out of this house and I will no longer be your problem." I snapped.

"I don't know, it just seems like the polite thing to do but I guess I was just raised with better manners."

"Fuck you, Jacob Black. If you had truly been raised with better manners than I highly doubt you would feel the need to throw tantrums at birthday parties because you didn't get your way."

I was so done being nice.

"Fuck me? Fuck you! Ever since I have come here, I have gone out of my way to be there for you. If anyone around here is famous for throwing tantrums then it's you." He spit back.

"What the fuck are you two yelling about?" Embry walked in from the garage.

"Nothing. I am so done with both of you." I could feel my body shaking trying to keep it together.

"B…"

"No. I love you both I do. But I am not about to apologize to you Jacob for turning that job down. I wasn't ready and if you really cared about me, you would have respected that. I didn't ask to marry into Tria Fata. If it was my choice, Edward would have been normal." I yelled. "You and I would have met and who knows, if you hadn't come off so arrogantly, I'm sure we would have eventually been friends without Edward's pushing but that didn't happen and I grew to love you anyways but I will never love you the way I love Edward and I'm not going to apologize for that. But you were supposed to be my friend. You were supposed to support me and understand why I turned down Two Moons. I never have seen you like an employee but I do see you as Tria Fata and because of that I don't come to you with everything because I can't trust that you won't run off and tell Edward."

I turned to Embry.

"And you! After everything that we have been through, I just expected a tad more respect from you. I know what I am asking for is the moon but you have asked me for the moon and I have done everything in my power to be a loyal friend to you. Do you even realize that when you asked me to legally adopt Savannah and Gracie that I was willing to give up my relationship with Edward if he hadn't come on board. I will never regret saying yes to you but you and I, we're supposed to be family. I honestly do trust you more than anybody because you and I have been through the worst. You have every right to hold onto your grudge with Silver J but you have absolutely no right to be upset with the choices I make. I wasn't asking you to take a Caribbean cruise with the man. I was asking for you to drop it. I have always supported both of you even when it wasn't easy but right now…I am so disappointed in how you haven't supported me."

I shook my head and grabbed my coffee leaving them. I couldn't stay in this house another minute. I was hurt. I was in pain. No longer was I pissed so I had a feeling that Silver J would be getting a completely different Bella today.


AN: Yeah! Been so long since I have posted two chapters in one week but I am really feeling a flow and have been writing like a mad woman the past couple of days and really do think that all your positive reviews have helped spur me on. I already know I'm going to hear it from a couple of you over this chapter so...bring it on! Thank you for reading!