Blah. Blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah. Nar. I need sleep... and a kick in the rear to finish writing. I want more Heroes. I do not own One Piece. Reviewer thanks go out to Zoro-san and Sakura-chan


Illicit Memories

Water Seven Arc: Are You Being Served?

"I don't see why I always get stuck doing the shopping with you," Gormal snarled. He glared at Sanji angrily as the chef examined two heads of lettuce, comparing the two meticulously. The deck hand shifted uncomfortably in the rear seat of the yagara bull cart, aware of the group of girls standing on the narrow walkway nearby twittering away at the sight of him and Sanji out grocery shopping together.

"Hey, shut the hell up, shit-traitor," Sanji said, not even looking away from the cabbages for a moment. He ended up taking both cabbages and seemed quite satisfied once he paid the vendor and forced the yagara bull forward. "You know I wouldn't be able to get that Marimo-brain out here with me even if it killed the both of us. Besides, you're on thin ice and have to behave."

"Right," Gormal pouted. He folded his arms akimbo and glared upwards at the gradually darkening sky. Scowling when some more produce was thrown his way by the chef, Gormal tried to forget that he was with Sanji and instead drifted off into memory and thought.

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"I wonder what kinds of books are for sale in this city!" Chopper exclaimed as he trotted down the sidewalk next to Robin in full-reindeer form. The archaeologist chuckled slightly and looked down at Chopper. He was quickly glancing around with excitement, attempting to take in as much information about his surroundings as possible.

"I have no idea," Robin sighed wistfully. "It does seem as if there is a festival going on. There are many interesting masks and costumes floating around."

"Robin, since there are so many people dressed up in costume, do you think it would be alright for me to change into my human form?" Chopper asked shyly.

"I don't see why not," Robin replied. Chopper giggled and trotted over behind a nearby vending cart. He emerged in his fur-covered human form, actually blending in with some of the other people wandering around on the walks and in the watery streets. He and Robin walked throughout the city pathways, contently hunting down a bookstore. Finally, Chopper found one and sure that Robin was right behind him, went inside to escape the huge slew of people on the walk, most of whom were in costume.

"Oh, that is an excellent mask," said the old lady behind the counter of the bookstore as the reindeer walked in. Chopper blushed and bowed his head.

"Thank you," he said. "Did you hear that Robin?" He glanced over his shoulder and saw that the archaeologist was not there.

"Were you traveling with someone?" the old woman asked.

"Yeah," Chopper said, scratching his head. "Ah, she probably spotted something interesting in the street. I'm sure she'll wait outside the store for me." Thinking nothing of it, he delved into the different sorts of books that the shop had in stock. Robin knew where he was, right? Nothing to worry about.

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"I think I saw Robin-chan!" Sanji exclaimed excitedly. He looked back towards the extremely bored Gormal and dropped his voice into a scolding hiss. "Didn't you see Robin-chan just now!?"

"Ka?" Gormal muttered, coming back to full awareness. He had been studying the sky, trying to gauge how fast the dark clouds were encroaching on the island. He brought his gaze down to Sanji and raised an eyebrow at the blond's irritated expression.

"You weren't paying attention, were you?"

"I was too paying attention," the deck hand shrugged, adjusting the groceries that had been dumped into his lap. "I just wasn't paying attention to whatever the hell you wanted me to pay attention to."

"Well, I thought I just saw Robin-chan," Sanji reiterated, rather irked at being so pointedly ignored and unimportant.

"I thought I saw Usopp jump off one of the buildings, but we can all dream, can't we?" Gormal laughed. Sanji could not help but to twitch a smile at the comment.

"It's a shame I cannot leave you alone, otherwise I'd go after her," Sanji sighed. He grabbed the reins for the yagara bull and clicked his tongue, sending the creature slightly forward.

"I'm not that bad you know. You just fail to give me a chance."

"...and let you turn your back on my nakama? I don't think so."

"You're an arse."

"Whatever."

"A storm's coming," Gormal said, quite randomly in Sanji's opinion.

"Really?" A puff of the cigarette was followed by a groan. "What makes you so sure?"

"Maon taught me how to read the clouds," Gormal explained. "I'm not as good as he is, or even Nami for that matter, but I can still tell that a storm's coming. The clouds are growing darker steadily and the air feels heavy. Those clouds are not very fast either. I don't think it will happen for a while."

"I think that it will come within the next few days," Sanji scoffed.

"Why do you say that?"

"People are boarding up windows and doors already," the chef pointed out. "It's expected." Sanji pointed over towards where an older man was covering a window about halfway up his building with plywood. Gormal muttered something about Maon's way being better and slumped down in his seat.

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"Oi! That guy's running off with our money!" Luffy yelled, pointing at the blond man in the yagara bull cart. He took a step forward, ready to break into a sprint, but Iceburg's hand came down on the teen's shoulder and held him back.

"Hang on," the older man said. "He will come back, whether he likes it or not."

"How do you know!?" Nami snapped angrily. "We went through a lot of trouble to get that money! Now you're practically letting that man steal it!"

"Now why would I purposely let my customers be robbed?" Iceburg laughed. "Lucky for us, it's time for a shift change, otherwise I would go after him myself, nma, that's all."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Maon asked.

"You'll see," Kalifa huffed, adjusting her eyeglasses properly. "All we have to do is wait."

"So then, while we're waiting, what sort of ship is the one you sail on?" Iceburg asked. The wary pirates glanced at him and it was finally Nami who spoke up.

"We have a caravel," she said. "It was constructed close to a year ago in the East Blue. All we want is a repair job. We don't want a new ship."

"A caravel, nma…" Iceburg pondered, his voice sounding entertained. "That is interesting. Usually only ships of a carrack class or larger are able to survive the entrance into the Grand Line. Your crew must have gotten an extremely spry ship in order to have traveled this far!"

"Carrack?" Usopp, Luffy and Maon all asked together. Nami sighed and shook her head.

"It's one of the ships that's bigger than ours, but smaller than a galleon," she explained.

"The galleon's the one that fell from the sky, right?" Luffy asked.

"Yeah, that's the one," Usopp nodded. Iceburg and Kalifa were unsure about what to say when suddenly, there was the sound of someone shouting loudly coming up the staircase.

In moments, the party guilty of the noise was revealed. The blond man who had stolen the suitcases of berri had returned, clutching a suitcase in either hand. He was loudly protesting to being pushed along by another man, complaining about being able to find his way himself. The new man was slightly taller than the blond, with slightly long, curly black hair and olive skin. A small goatee crept along his jaw line and a top hat sat casually on his head. A white bird wearing a red necktie sat on his shoulder, shouting insults at the blond man.

"You are such a disgrace!" the bird scolded. "How low can you be! It is a miracle Iceburg-san has yet to turn you out to the streets!"

"Ah, why don't you shut the hell up before I turn you into Sunday dinner!" the blond snarled. The man shoved him forward and it was then that the blond realized he was standing in front of the real owners of the money. His scowl quickly turned into an unusually meek smile, showing that he knew he was cornered.

"I'll take that, thank you!" Usopp hissed, marching up and snatching a suitcase from the thief. Maon came up besides him and took the other suitcase, nodding smugly in triumph as he handed it to the sniper.

"I would like to introduce you folks to these two," Iceburg said, stepping forward. "This is Rob Lucci and Paulie, both foremen of Dock One. Paulie is our rigging and mast expert while Lucci here is the trunnel and bolt specialist, as well as a master sawyer."

"Good afternoon. I am Rob Lucci's pigeon Hattori," said the bird sitting on the dark-haired man's shoulder. He bowed at what was presumably the waist and Lucci nodded in accordance.

"Excuse me, but how come someone like you is a foreman?" Nami asked, clutching onto the third suitcase dearly. She glared evilly at Paulie and once their eyes met, she could see the tell-tale eye shift that signaled he was observing the rest of her as well. Nami half-expected the man to smile, or even just raise his eyebrows, but instead he threw her completely off by taking a step back and cringing.

"How dare you!" he snarled, holding up his hand in order to block the view of Nami from the shoulders down. "How shameless can you be!? This is an all men's company and you go around in such clothing!"

"What…?" Nami asked, rather confused. She glanced down and tried to find what was wrong with what she wore. Finding nothing wrong with her short skirt and dark collared shirt, she turned to Kalifa and Iceburg for an answer.

"He's just like that, don't worry," Kalifa sighed, rolling her eyes. "We actually lose more female customer because of him than you'd think."

"Women these days! Why do they have to dress like such sluts!" Paulie cringed. It took only two seconds before he had to dodge a kick from Kalifa, whom he scoffed at for fighting.

"Just leave it alone!" Hattori demanded. "Kalifa-san, do not bother yourself with such trash. Leave him to us."

"Trash!?" Paulie snapped. He pulled a coil of rope from a pocket inside his jacket and threw one end towards Lucci. The end of the rope wrapped around Lucci's wrist and immediately drew taut. "You're the one who's so stuck-up he never talks to anyone!"

"You're a stupid punk!" Hattori snapped before flying off. Paulie spun on his heel and threw Lucci into the air, causing the man to fall down towards the cement ground. There was a cloud of dust that kicked up as Lucci connected with the cement.

"Why aren't you stopping them!?" Nami panicked. She stared at the dust cloud in horror.

"They usually do this sort of thing," Iceburg sighed. "Like I said, we don't hire just anyone here at Galley La." The dust cleared, revealing that Lucci had broken his fall by spearing the ground with his fingers.

"Wow! That's wicked!" Maon gasped. Wordlessly, Lucci removed himself from the ground and stood up again on his feet. Hattori flew back and landed on his shoulder.

"How disrespectful!" Hattori scoffed. Paulie made a mocking gesture and rolled his eyes.

"Nma, now that that's done and over with, how about a tour of the shipyard?" Iceburg offered happily. The pirates all raised their eyebrows and looked at the grinning older man.

"Fine," Nami smiled in return. She shoved the suitcase she was holding into Usopp's free hand and began to walk with Iceburg, Kalifa, Paulie and Lucci, Usopp, Luffy and Maon following close behind her. The two foremen walked first and each opened one of the large doors, revealing the inner workings of the shipyard.

People were everywhere. In various places there were men fussing over ropes and sails. Other parts had men hammering away at lumber, shaping it into the necessary form in order to create a ship. The in-progress crafts were of every size and shape possible. Nami, Luffy, Usopp and Maon were awestruck as they followed along behind the shipyard employees.

"Oh, wow!" Usopp gasped. "Look at all of that artillery! Maon! Let's go!" He motioned over towards a gathering of extremely large cannons of the newest model. Maon yelped in gleeful surprise and was soon off towards the cannons with Usopp.

"Those two," Nami growled. She grabbed Luffy right as he was about to walk off and join the sniper and musician. "Not you Luffy. You need to stay here with me and actually take part in this."

"Oh, Nami…" Luffy whined. The redhead glared and Luffy reluctantly stayed by her side.

"So what you wanted was a patch job and maybe some modifications?" Kalifa asked.

"Yeah!" Luffy said. "Our ship is the best! We want to keep it as long as we can!"

"That is good to hear," Iceburg smiled, petting Tyrannosaurus happily. "People who respect their ships often get many long and good years out of them. Nma! I see Kaku now!" Sure enough, Kaku walked in through the opened doors, making his way right for Iceburg, Kalifa, Paulie, Luffy and Nami, Lucci having wandered off to start his work.

"Well, I made my inspection," Kaku said.

"Yes?" Iceburg asked. The carpenter shook his head.

"There is nothing that can fix that ship."

Luffy and Nami gasped. Kalifa tisked and scribbled something down on her clipboard.

"What are you talking about?" Nami demanded. "That ship is not even a year and a half old! We plan on sailing on Merry-go for a long time!"

"I am dreadfully sorry, Miss," Kaku replied, bowing his head slightly. "Even if we patch up your ship the best we can, the chance of you reaching the next island is zero percent. You would be better off simply buying yourselves another ship, ja."

"…but I don't want another ship! Merry's just fine!" Luffy protested.

"So then, is the keel damaged?" Paulie asked. Kaku nodded reluctantly.

"The fact that they were able to make it here is a miracle. The keel was completely snapped in half and repaired with a strip of metal. Even if we do patch it with the best of our abilities, that craft will never sail again."

"Then you might want to look at our catalogue of new and used ships," Kalifa added, handing Nami a booklet. Luffy took the catalogue from Nami and held it out to Kalifa.

"We don't want a new ship," he said sternly. Paulie had opened his mouth and was about to argue when screaming cut through the air, halting the conversation in it tracks.

"Nami! Luffy! Help!"


Author's Notes

Paulie: Why!? Why couldn't it be him?!?! Gah! I would so give up my dignity and write a self-insert about him and me going to a baseball game or something. He wouldn't insult me either, 'cause I find the clothing thing just as horrific with those of the female gender. I'm in denim pants and a t-shirt ninety-five percent of the time (provided I have my way). Foosha. Why am I saying this? Who knows? I like to ramble...

Lucci: You know, I always saw him as the pretty-boy-angsty-brooding one for this whole group of people. He's just so... pretty! I never did like him though. Kind of like Sasuke from the Naruto series. Emo hurts my soul. I also think that's why I don't like Death Note. Rambling again... moving on...

Note: I am going to be using naval and wooden shipbuilding terms from now on when dealing with the shipwrights and the stuff about the ship. Think of it like how the audience doesn't get talked-down to when watching a medical drama. Same thing, essentially. I know you're not idiots, so we're good.

Title: "Are You Being Served?" is a British comedy series from the 70's, complete with its own (yet awkward) movie about a continental holiday.