Chapter 53

Ciel slowly woke and realized that she was lying on a soft bed. The room was almost completely engulfed in shadows but slowly her eyes adjusted to the darkness. Somehow this place seems familiar, she thought. Then with a start everything came back to her and she sat up. This is her bedroom in Sebastian's castle. How did I end up back here? she thought in alarm. To her shock, she began to speak although she had no intention of doing so.

"Everything in this room is ridiculously large" he groused. Then Sebastian's voice came from the darkness "That's because we are not used to hosting such a tiny guest here."

Ciel realized that she is reliving her past albeit as a passenger in her own body. Everything was playing out as they had before except this time her body was going through the motions and her consciousness was a silent spectator. Looking at Sebastian as they talked, she wondered how she could have been so snarky to the demon. He looked sinister and malevolent. In this realm, he had no need to hide his power and his demonic aura was overwhelming to the senses. She marveled at her own temerity, showing attitude to the demon when she was clearly at his mercy.

"There was nothing in our contract that said you may prolong my death" the young boy said.

Despite already knowing the outcome, Ciel could not help but rant at her past self You idiot! Why are you egging him on?! Even the shadows seemed to shrink in fear of Sebastian and Ciel too held her breath. Then the demon let out a loud booming laugh and Ciel could only stare. I was too frightened back then but now I just realized, Sebastian rarely laughed Ciel thought to herself sadly. Knowing his past as she did now, she cried silent tears deep in her old body for all that Sebastian suffered.

Then the scene changed and Ciel found herself in Sebastian's study. This was the day Sebastian told her about their first meeting.

Down on his knees, Sebastian confessed "Because I couldn't save you from the start! I should have returned sooner! I failed you!"

The guilt Sebastian felt clearly rang in his voice. Ciel realized this moment was when their relationship changed. When they first arrived in the netherworld, they were no longer master and servant. However Ciel was still pretty much dependent on Sebastian, just like back in the human world. The setting may be different but Sebastian still provided for all his needs and kept him safe. When the demon finally laid all his cards on the table so to speak, he acknowledged that Ciel could now be trusted with the truth. Ciel may still be young but he is no longer a child to be coddled and wrapped in cotton wool, safe from the harsh realities of the world.

The scene changed again, this time Ciel had Leinas' hands wrapped around his neck, squeezing the life out of him.

"Ive known him longer and love him more. I can't let you have him" she said while tears streamed down her face.

Watching the scene unfold, Ciel realized that she truly considered Leinas a friend. Back in the human world, the old Ciel would have considered Leinas too far beneath him. But here, being nothing more than a burden on Sebastian, Ciel and the servants were all equals.

As Ciel stared into her eyes, she thought she saw a hint of regret in them but maybe it was just wishful thinking on her part. She desperately wanted to believe that Leinas truly did not intend to betray her, that she too considered Ciel a friend. Sadly, the answer may never come to light.

Once again the scene changed and Ciel found herself in the days following Leinas' death. Her guilt and desperation to undo the recent events felt like a heavy weight in Ciel's chest, threatening to suffocate her. Then the brief flare of hope the gem gave her and her mad search for Cotho. Ciel now saw that what she did was extremely reckless. She could have poisoned herself by drinking that thing and indeed that was what Sebastian firmly believed. She watched as he held her lifeless body as if he would never let go. His lifeless eyes stared at her prone form and even after he put her down, he refused to leave her side. I'm sorry for all the pain I put you through Sebastian, she silently thought.

Then when she came back to life and Sebastian hugged her tightly to his chest, she noticed something she overlooked before. Sebastian was actually trembling. This strong and powerful demon was trembling in relief at her revival. Back then she was too engrossed in her transformation but now she realized just how much Sebastian truly cared for her. Feeling as if her heart was being squeezed inside her chest, Ciel silently mouthed You triumphed against so many impossible odds, you face death and danger without even flinching and yet you tremble in fear for my sake. Thank you Sebastian.

The next scene transported Ciel to the throne room with Gurlagh and Sebastian.

Standing in front of Ciel, Sebastian said harshly "Stop deluding yourself Ciel. Despite all the evidence before you, you persist in forgetting one simple truth. I AM A DEMON."

In the face of Sebastian's grim declaration, Ciel refused to even flinch. Back then Ciel thought that he was only saying those things because Sebastian truly believed them. But now, looking at these events with fresh eyes, Ciel had to wonder. He was protesting a little too much. Most people would try to hide the ugly truth but Sebastian was laying it all bare for the world to see. Why was he so determined to play the devil's advocate?

Admire me for having the guts to kill my own mother? You don't believe that I survived because I am just as twisted and depraved as her? I don't regret what I did maybe I even enjoyed it.

Ciel remembered his cruel words. At the time, Ciel thought that he simply could not forgive himself that's why he said such things. But now maybe there was another reason.

Author's Note: Have no fear I will finish this story, it just might take some time because there's another story arc I simply must include. Actually I have a confession to make. I already wrote at least half of the final chapter before I published this story. Back then I didn't know how I would connect the beginning and ending. Now I have some idea although it's not finished yet and there are still quite a few chapters in between that I haven't written. I just know how I want this to end. No clues or spoilers except that I will try my best not to disappoint you. Cheers.